Comeing out to my wife this weekend

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by ChasteBr, Jan 21, 2010.

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  1. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    For at least 3 years, I have known that I want to be in Chastity for my wife. I own a CB 2000 and a Birdlocked. I wear them all the time, and I have never had the courage to talk to my wife about it.

    I joined this forum yesterday, and I have been reading it pretty much non-stop. When I read the members post it seems to me that there are so many people that are so happy with their signifcant other. I really want that for me and my wife.

    So last night I sent her this letter. I am currently out of town on business, so I sent a scanned, signed copy to her email. It doesnt confess my need for chastity, but it kind of introduces the idea.

    I guess it doesnt matter since she already had the letter. Shes a smart girl, and I think she will put 2 and 2 together. Hell, she might even buy a chastity device before I get home. But its as honest as I can be with her. The really hard part will be when I get home on Friday night, and I have to explain to her what I mean by "I will need her help with that".

    THanks for any comments you might have.

    -Brian
     
  2. lockednloaded
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    lockednloaded Senior Member

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    Firstly, well done for having the courage to write such and open and honest letter to your Wife.

    Secondly, well done for coming here and having the courage to post it here!

    We've all been there and I can't receommend the following book enough: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Male-Chastity-Keyholders-Lucy-Fairbourne/dp/1905605145

    It is a fantastically well written book, that puts everything in clear, understandable terms without ever making it sound or feel "kinky", "dirty" or "seedy".

    This site will also give you all the help, support and advice you need (I found/find it invaluable), so just post and you'll find we're all here!

    Wecome to the madhouse!
     
  3. Keptforher
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    Keptforher Member

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    I agree and congrats
     
  4. Goddess Jen
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    Goddess Jen Expert in tease and denial

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    Awww...reading that was like getting a peek into your soul. Very nice. Welcome, my dear. I think you're going to fit in here just fine.

    Now, get rid of that blue box for your avatar and put up something that's more you. K?

    Take care :)
     
  5. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Goddess Jen,
    Rest assured, that as soon as I have talked to my wife about this, I will be much more open with pictures of me. Who knows.. if things go well tomorrow, maybe I will just beg her PM you... :)

    -Brian
     
  6. paulsavin1701
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    paulsavin1701 Chaste In Berkshire

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    A massive welcome from me and what an admirable introducion to yourself.

    I felt very much the same as you. I'm really new to the "out" chastity thing.

    Although my wife and I have had a lovely and very healthy sex life since we were married 10 years ago, I had loved the CB idea since before I even met her. I love my wife so much and so much wanted her to know that I was willing to give her key "keys" to my ultimate pleasure.

    I was worried for years about telling her my "wish for chastity" and eventually (for Christmas 2009) I bought such a device and showed it to her. She was very upset that I had
    1) gone behind her back buying a CB6000
    2) not talked about it with her
    However she was, surprisingly, touched and very excited by it (after more in-depth conversation) even though this was moving us towards quite a different "tack" to how our bedroom antics had been before.

    The most important thing in the world is that although I am naturally [a little] submissive, I am still a real man. My wife knows that I will do anything she wants me to (and doesn't want me to) to make her happy. If that means wearing the device between "adventures", or during "adventures", all the time or not at all, I will be happy to do so.

    I wish you BOTH well, I very much hope that she understands your letter and isn't intimidated by your new found wish to declare your undying love.
     
  7. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    THank you for your nice reply. I think my number 1 priority when we talk is to let her know that its OK if she is not interested, and that I love her regardlessly, and I do love her very much. But I also hope that even if this isnt the right kink for us, it will be an eye opener, and help us to find the right one.
     
  8. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Brian,

    I hope your wife receives your note in the spirit of love that it was sent. Best of luck to you!

    mikecb
     
  9. HerProperty
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    HerProperty Explorer

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    Good luck and thumbs up that everything goes well!
     
  10. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Well.. She read the letter, she had a really hard day, and even when I talked to her on email and on the phone she wouldnt talk to me about it. Then tonight, as she was going to sleep, she said that the letter was really deep, that she wanted to talk to me about it, but that she didnt have the energy. She told me that she really liked the letter, and than she said thank you...

    Needless to say I gauged this as a positive response. It took everything in me not to just say.. "hey.. wanna lock me up in chastity for the rest of our life".. but I didnt feel it was the right moment ;)

    -Brian
     
  11. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Good move! lol
    mikecb
     
  12. Goddess Jen
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    Goddess Jen Expert in tease and denial

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    :manga_champers: OK, it might be early, but I think this huge step in the right direction!! Keep us posted, Brian :)
     
  13. Chastemale42
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    Chastemale42 Junior Member

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    keep the faith

    I whole-heartedly agree with an earlier poster in recommending the book, Male chastity A Keyholder's guide. I gave the same book to my wife after springing enforced chastity on her. She liked it, understood it, and read twice, taking notes. I wish you the best of luck and hope your wife is as cool as mine.
     
  14. Keptforher
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    Keptforher Member

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    Thanks for the advice
     
  15. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Hey... Thanks for the advice from everyone.

    LockedandLoaded and Keptforher... thanks for the recommendation, I am ordering the book tonight.

    I am not sure if I am going to write much more on this, because I would like to keep this particular conversation with my wife very private. It was probably one of the most honest conversations that we have ever had.

    She was not freaked out by what I said, she was an incredible listener, and very thoughtful and insightful.

    Then she told me that I could masterbate tonight (I purposefully have not touched my dick in over a week). And then she taunted me a bit about me letting her bss her around.

    I may end up living the motto above "careful what you wish for"...

    Oh yeah.. we are definetly trying this.

    I am just about as happy, as I can possibly be right now.

    -Brian
     
  16. locked4her
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    locked4her Member

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    My wife was very much the same though I openly came out with the whole chastity idea, I didn't force it on her but she actually came round to it after about 3 months once she realised the benefits. Take it slow, don't push her and be honest, she will better understand what it is you want and not feel pressured.

    Good luck
     
  17. lockednloaded
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    lockednloaded Senior Member

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    How are you getting on Brian? :)
     
  18. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Well, it’s been an interesting week so far. After our conversation on Friday I would say that my wife was a bit apprehensive. We talked about it, and I told her that I had already purchased a bird locked (a fact that she didn’t mind at all). She definitely agreed to try it because she loves me, and even though it seemed a little weird for her, she wanted us to be happy.

    The weekend was really busy (lots of social engagements), so it wasn’t like we had much time for any exploration of our new arrangement (in addition the "peg"/locking hole for the bird lock had broken after just one week of wear, and they are sending me a few free replacements, and replacement straps"). However I kept myself locked up, and refused to masturbate until her and I talked about it some more.

    On Sunday night we had a long conversation about it as we lay in bed. I had sent her certain web pages (tickleberry and some of Mistress Sara's articles on Friday night), and she had not had the chance to read them. She was also very sore because or social activities on Saturday had included some serious physical exertion. I offered her a massage, some heat pads, anything she wanted, and she said that she didn’t want a massage because she was too tired and sore for sex.

    So... I had another conversation with her about chastity. I was kind of nervous the first time around and I am sure she was a bit shocked. So I explained to her, that the act of me giving her a massage had nothing to do with sex. It could end that way if she wanted it to. But for me it would be an incredible turn on just to rub her naked body, and try to make her feel better. The tease of seeing her completely naked and rubbing her legs, but not being allowed to lick her, or make love to her, would be a huge turn on to me, and that tease is part of what makes it so appealing to me.

    Her Response: "Wow... I really need to read those web pages you sent me.. sorry I haven’t done that already" (on a side note I also order the Keyholders guide book, it should be here tomorrow).

    So we talked some more, and she told me that I was a really good hubbie this week, and that I had taken care of the kids while she laid around all day, and was really sore (along with just about everything else around the house. I really don’t mind doing this, as she was clearly in pain). When we were done talking she said come here, and as I got close she gave me a really deep sexy kiss. Now in the past I was not a huge "kissing" fan, but after just two days in chastity this felt INCREDIBLE. It was electric. I was raging against the bird lock immediately. She then patted me on the cage (which she was surprised to find out I had on since she still hadn’t seen it) and said goodnight (the girls picks up on things fast).

    She still hasn’t seen the bird locked, which I think is good, because I don’t want her to see it, until she can lock it up. Regardless, I can see how something like this can really bring back the romance of a relationship. I mean I have always loved my wife, and I miss her when we are away, but this is different. Just cuddling with her, and touching her arm has taken on whole new meaning.

    The fact that she was willing to try this also showed me how much she loves me. The fact that she seems to be embracing it just a bit at a time, shows me that I have likely chosen the exactly right partner for this game of life.

    -Brian
     
  19. locked4her
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    locked4her Member

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    I'm glad it is going well for you, I think that once the partner actually begins to understand what chastity is about they come round to the idea a lot quicker, my wife read the Tickleberry site when they first started giving advice and there is even more on there now. A good start to what I am sure will be an interesting year.
     
  20. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Clearly it would be rediculous for me to expect her to be a tease and denial machine on the first day, but I am starting to wonder about her. I mean she is showing a much more dominant side, or maybe I am just now noticing it. Whatever it is, I like it...

    -Brian
     
  21. Goddess Jen
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    Goddess Jen Expert in tease and denial

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    I'm so glad to hear how well things are progressing for you. Please keep us posted on updates. Ooooo...you should start a journal in the Vault!! Or start blogging. Either way, it would be a good place to get your thoughts and ideas out.

    Happy chastity, Brian!!!
     
  22. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    I am definetly the blogging type, and I will definetly be a participant going forward. Finding this board and reading it is really the best support I could have in actually talking to my wife about this. So thank you.

    More importantly I was insanely jealous of what Miss Jen and her husband have, and I WANT IT TO (which also served as quite good motivation). So in a way thank you to Miss Jen, and her submissive husband.

    By the way, I was reading some of his strings, especially the posting about heartache.. I totally agree with him.. well said.

    -Brian
     
  23. Goddess Jen
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    Goddess Jen Expert in tease and denial

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    It's really sweet of you to say that, but really...nothing to be jealous of.

    We have our moments, trust me. But what we do do really well is talk. We talk about anything and everything. It's super important in any marriage, but doubly in this "lifestyle".

    So, keep up the great communication you have started. Only good things can come from it :)

    Take care, Brian!!
     
  24. Ctrl
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    Ctrl Junior Member

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    Hey,

    this really seems to be going into a great direction.

    Thanks for sharing!
     
  25. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    So... its been 6 days since i told her. She starting very interested, but we have been very busy, and traveling a lot. What I am wondering most is... I sent her the following links (and I bought "a keyholders guide" which didnt come before we left on our trip... darn you Amazon). Anyway, she hasnt looked at any of them, and allthough we have been busy, in the evening we are just sitting there, and she is surfing the web and reading other things online.

    I have asked her from time to time if she has read them (the links) and she always says that she forgot, and was too busy.... Should I ask her to sit down and read them with me?

    I am being very careful not to put too much pressure on her. I want her to enjoy this, but I am worried that she is going off my words alone. I think if she read more about it she might understand it more. Lets be honest I was a bit nervous when I explained it to her, so I am sure I was not as articulate as I wish I was.
     
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