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Chastity without worrying about everyone else?

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by Thatguyontheinternet, Sep 12, 2017.

  1. I think it would be great if more people spent more time talking honestly about themselves, openly sharing their actual experiences and experiments, and candidly (and bravely) reflecing on what those experiences meant to them, and how they felt during them - and what they learned about themselves in the process.

    But instead of contributing earnestly and sharing their own true life experiences in a way that adds value to the forum, certain prolific members choose to spend their time and influence flooding the forum with thread after thread about how they think other people could or should cater their participation to best appeal to yet another group of people.

    See the problem with this pattern? It’s a whole lot of posting about other people. Presuming to know, for instance, what this apparently massive and highly sought after group of “vanilla” observers may or may not want to see, or be scared off by, etc., and then presuming to tell everyone else how they could and should be worrying about that too. All without ever seeming to contribute anything of insight or depth that might actually show an observer how chastity fits into your own life, in a way that may be relatable to theirs.

    If were one of these “vanilla” passers by, I do truly believe I would be more putt-off by the constant (and terribly boring and repetitive) threads about how best to attract them than I would by reading entries containing topics that I’m not into. I see the difference between the growing collection of those threads and the “how do I get my wife to participate in chastity” threads as more or less semantic, and nearly as manipulative. You’re just trying to manipulate how everyone else presents themselves in order to better manipulate them.

    And at the end of the day you’ve done nothing but deter members from posting honestly about themselves for fear of thinly veiled ridicule.

    Sharing genuinely and openly, and in a way that shows that you’re a real person and not just some (insert fetish here) crazed caricature will do more to present the many possibilities of this lifestyle to the unacquainted than 1000 threads talking about how to best to do so. And doing so has the added benefit of not being so bloody boring and redundant.


    —————————————

    An example of this (not coincidentally drawn from my actual experience first arriving at the mansion):

    @Dufty@Dufty shared a thread in such a way as I describe, and it was his thread that made me stay when Thatgirl first showed me CM two years or so ago. Many, many elements of his experience were WAY outside of my personal comfort zone, but I didn’t care, because I could tell those details weren’t the point. His thread included, for example, entries chronicling experiences with cuckolding, and “forced” bi-sexuality, but his posts weren’t about cuckolding or forced bi. They were about him, and what was going on inside his head, and those were simply two among many experiences that he recounted while expressing himself. The distinction there means a lot, and the result was a very human and relatable piece of story telling, even if certain individual topics weren’t palatable (to me).

    Contrast that thread and others like it with threads shallowly and narrowly focused on and about a specific fetish (which tend to be unnecessarily graphic, and tell you nothing about the author other than that they REALLY love (fill in the fetish), and the difference should be plain as day. Realty is almost never so off-putting.
     
    Dufty, Qveik, Roy_UK and 9 others like this.
  2. Lol, I thought I responded but it landed on kink shaming one...oh well, but was directed at your thread.

    We are on the same page. I don't really get excited on half the stuff that I read, but an honest and open look at someone else's journey is always a good read.
     
    Roy_UK and manintyres like this.
  3. I love reading other people's journeys and seeing them grow .
    Wish there were more of them .
    When and if I find my owner ,and she if she allows it of course , I will share mine .
     
    Joan.t and Mash2214 like this.
  4. I hope that you find that special person in your life very soon.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  5. I completely agree. I keep thinking about all of this in the context of asking my wife to have a look in here. So far I haven't had time or perhaps the eloquence to explain why I haven't. My wife has a old book somewhere called The Sectet Garden (or something like that) and it's all about real people's fantasies,
    written by then. It's the only thing close to pornorgaphy she has ever been interested in.
     
  6. Omg I wore the pages off that book!!!!

    It was very strange how some women's fantasies were nondescript like handsome man, in a meadow, etc. Then others were absolutely over the top perverted. I'll let u guess which ones I preferred lol.
     
  7. I have to say that my life has changed in ways that really can't be seen by me. I never really thought chastity would not do that much to make me different. Life takes so many turns that can get lost in all the directions that we are pulled in. Recently my wife told me that it is time to go to the next level. I didn't understand completely. Truthfully we went from 8 days to 21 and counting. She told me that she never thought I would stand for that, yet I never said a word. I have changed in ways that only she can see. I have never been so content to please her, and not myself to really see how I have changed. Truth is better then fiction because we can we relate to it. Real people, real stories, real comfort knowing that we are not alone with how we feel about those we adore so dearly. I told my wife there is nowhere I would rather be that at her feet. And she now knows I mean it. You want honest here it is!
     
  8. Mistress B
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    Don't you get bored reading the same kind of thing over and over again ??
     
    Joan.t likes this.
  9. Before I arrived at CM , for accident not for looking after, I could never imagined that many men and women could engage in practices like the ones described in many threads, my experience had been extremely vanilla regarding to sex.
    But reading a lot, reflecting about all I have read here, brought to me a new insight of all the possibilities that a relationship can develop, all my old ideas of what is right and what isn't has changed.
    Reading superficially one can view in many stories humiliation, deprivement of self-esteem and such. But in my view, summing up all I have learned here, there is much more going on here, a search for freedom in its many forms.
    A sub, owned by his/hers Mistress/Master is developing a renewed sense of belonging, apart from all that society has inculcated us, we can call this FREEDOM, because that's what being free is all about, choosing your fate.
    Summing it all, for me people here in CM are more free than anybody else in our hypocritical society.
    Many threads can be repetitive and in a certain way manipulative ( topping from the bottom?) but all have its worthy, everyone has the right to express thenselves, no post is worthless.
    There is many more to say, but my poor command of english doesn't allow me to express better.
    Sorry, but it's just my humble opinion, and I love to be here.
     
    slave_m, Roy_UK, JiL and 3 others like this.
  10. Can there ever be chastity without worrying about everyone else? I agree with what you're saying, but I live with worry. Maybe not about everyone else and certainly not anyone on CM. I worry most about my kids. I lock the bathroom door when I shower so I don't have to answer the dreaded "what's that?" question. I worry about rough housing with them and the accidental hit that reveals solid steel where their should be soft yielding flesh.

    I worry about where I'm going to pee whenever I leave the house. Have you ever used the blue room? (AKA jobsite chemical toilet). Not a place you want to sit and pee in. (Oh great pouchpantylover is talking about pee again) I worry if the bar the guys want to stop off in has doors and how to explain sitting down to pee for the third time.

    I worry that if you don't use it, you lose it. The next time I get unlocked there's going to be a non-functional wet noodle. Or that one of my night time erections that hurt so damn much is actually doing some damage. (Can I say damn? Or should I say d**n?)

    I worry that the people who work for me and follow my lead and instructions are going to find out I have a cage on my (edited for content) and suddenly walk off the job.

    I realize this isn't the specific worry you were commenting on @Thatguyontheinternet@Thatguyontheinternet however I am sharing my real life experience, so it kind of counts as being on topic. ;)
     
    Roy_UK, JiL and Mash2214 like this.
  11. I find that while no two people’s actual experiences, and reflections on the significance of those experiences, are alike, many fantasies are essentially the same thing, and yes, can be boring.

    I guess I’m just more interested in what you did and how you felt about it than anything else. These are the posts that can help me work out what’s in my head.

    But between fantasy pretending to be real, and countless posts about attracting “vanilla” women to a lifestyle they are by definition not interested in, it seems that actually sharing of personal stories for the enrichment of the site has gotten more rare is all.
     
  12. Kind of...the word game has been going in circles for along time. Vinny once put it that this is one kink that there really isn't much to report on...horny, caged, repeat. I would have to agree, it's all not new material or activities.

    The individual journey we each go through isn't always exciting or new, and reading others journeys and sharing our own is a great escape. Many key holders do not think about their dynamic quite as much as the locked, so I can see why some women would be like "what ...that topic again?!" The truth is, it is on our mind quite a bit, and this place is a way to interact about a subject matter that consumes most of our waking thoughts.
     
    manintyres and JiL like this.
  13. Surely, the threads and posts I follow and reply to the most are those folks who I know are on a real life, down to earth honest journey. And yes, sometimes it's their fantasy actually becoming reality, and that usually is a unique experience for each person in some way every time. Not just another sleepy read. I like to feel and see how those experiences may be similar or different to my own, and how I can learn and grow from them. Sometimes their experiences excite me, and other times they scare me. Every so often, I may notice something really inappropriate or in poor taste, but we have the right to pass over that and move on to something better. This site evolves, same as its members.
     
    manintyres likes this.
  14. If all you are reading are posts after posts about how locked up someone is, about how long it is since they last orgasmed, about how many multiple orgasms their partner had when they serviced them this morning, how their incredible Wife locked their penis up one day and the very next day was throwing away all of their male underwear and insisting they wear panties from now on, then yes, reading it does get boring, repetitive.

    However If it is mixed up with an honest description of the changes chastity brings to a relationship, the things going on your head, the problems you are having and how you overcame them, then no, it never gets boring. In fact I crave such information. It makes me sad that some prominent members post very little of their private experiences. Maybe they feel they have nothing new to add, forgetting that newer members are always wanting to be reassured that long term chastity relationships do exist.

    I also want to read about the fun you have all had, it has given me lots of ideas of things to do with Elle. It is how we discovered how good the lovehoney Wand massager is, how incredible a Yoni massage is. I want to hear about how you tried to transition to an FLR and how it went, what the issues were.

    So, you want to know how to encourage more vanilla women to the site? Start by telling the truth, being honest, level headed and not in your face explicit about everything you get up to.

    It has occurred to me that not only should we be wondering why more Vanilla women are not joining to find out about chastity, but also asking why don't we have more professional dommes posting here? The women who make a living dealing with people who have chastity as a fantasy rather than a lifestyle. Or are they here but I'm just not reading their posts? They don't have to be here looking for clients, their experience and insights into the male psyche could be of invaluable help to women like my Wife. Elle has already threatened to take me to a pro Domme as she realise how she needs to be shown how far she can push me.
     
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  15. Mistress B
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    I'm not complaining and if male members find pleasure in reporting their trials and tribulations then fine. It's just than when you have read several over the years, they tend to be rather similar.
     
    Joan.t likes this.
  16. Without worrying about everyone else.....

    I must admit being out and open about being locked up at the bike rallies make up my favorite days of my life. Sometimes it The look you get and seeing some people left speechless. Getting to visit with vanilla couples of the benefits of being locked is rewarding as you can imagine.
    In reality we are still learning as we go. My wife absolutely loves the plan of keeping me completely locked for months at a time without unlocking for any reason. I also love knowing eventually experience exactly what that is like.
    We have also discussed, okay she informed me, she has 2 other goals to achieve.1 we will eventually get to where I only orgasm twice a year and that will last forever. 2 there will be one year that I won't orgasm within that calendar at all.
    We purchased a time lock safe a whole back with intentions of using it eventually. As I was typing this I just got informed that she is going to start using that safe. The keys are getting locked away even out of her control until my birthday(end of January). In case of emergency I do have hand tools that can safely cut the lock.
    We have tried extended lock ups before. She gives in out of pity and allows me to make a mess, leaving us both feeling guilty and let down that we didn't make her goals yet again.
    Seems like things are changing. Damn I love knowing now that she is ready to strictly focus on her orgasms and no longer concerned about her bitch making a mess.
     
    bethanise and Coolhandluke like this.
  17.  
  18. Thi
    This a real life reply to the problems of a chastity male. I am completely in accord to his experience.
     
  19. I so agree with this thread. I brought up the chastity subject with my wife who had never shared a fantasy with anyone I believe. She took it as a whim and said she'd think about it. Then a couple of months later said she had read someplace about the subject and saw it wasn't just a kink fantasy. so she said let's have a go at it. I was elated when she said yes let's try. After I got my first device I probably expected more but she thought it was hot. Then when she was the receiver of all the attention with no worries that she had to please me, well she was in! Now the plus side of the story beyond my being happy was she has now shared for the first time some of her fantasies. No not cuckolding or FLR but things she has wanted to do. Mild by some but going naked under her clothes. having sex outdoors. Trying some light bondage and spanking (which really made her hot). So for me this has been great. The pressure was lifted in her secret fantasies and she is much more open. I have asked if she has wanted to try some other things and she has accepted some and denied some but this is 100 times better for us as a couple. She and I both feel there are less secrets and are much more open about just about everything. We stay away from others telling us "how to" as this was not what we wanted. Thanks for starting the thread!