Chastity relationship maker or breaker.

That is how I feel. Bummed that he must wear a device to focus in me. But I am also pRome to insecurities.

 

Chastity or orgasm control has always been a part of my relationship with my wife. Since our first time together, well before we were married, I've never had an orgasm before she did. It only took a few years before I was asking her if I was allowed to orgasm during our sexual encounters, and not long after that she smiled and said no. Things progressed steadily from there.

We laugh now, because although it took years after our first time for us to really acknowledge the power dynamic in our relationship, our first time together had her standing over me, ordering me to undress her before she held me down and rode me to orgasm.

It's always been there. It could be no other way.

 

Ours has been up and down (no pun intended). From the outset of our relationship years ago, I was always more into "teasing" than she was...her approach to sexual gratification is much more direct and immediate than mine. It took years for me to stumble on tease/denial/chastity as an expression of my desire to build my "passion". When I did, it was not receive passionately by her...she saw it saw it as my withdrawal of interest versus the intent of expression of more focus/interest in her pleasure. It took some time, but eventually she recognized that she gets more of what she wants, not less and I'm completely satisfied/happy (a concern early on) despite misconceptions that boys cannot be happy if not having an orgasm.

It has in the end, resulted in a more open relationship, where my less overt tendencies are overcome by my built "passion", leading to more pleasure for her and for myself. We act like when we were 20, me giving and her receiving gratification everywhere we can. As someone else said, we are sexting/teasing/playing with each other like we haven't in years, and loving it.

 

My wife is not dominant, we use chastity to maintain me not to masturbate, and a good boy. It is a help for me. I am glad she is not severe, I am not sure I could bear weeks without sex.

 

Having done TTTWD with three partners I can hoestly say there is no predicting the outcome of introducing it to the relationship.
First time it was just an excuse to not have sex and helped accelerate our mutual need for a divorce.
Second time was wonderful I have mentioned aspects of that relationship many times on here and I will alwyas strive to have have something as wonderful again though undoubtedly different.
Third time we tried it we split for other mutual friendly reasons before she could fully embrace the the lifestyle and not just see it as a personal kink of mine.

Chastity play lifestyle whatever you want to call it . TTTWD can or may enhance an otherwise good relationship, it may rekindle some good aspects of an otherwise good relationship.

I'll put money on it not being able to revive or save a relationship that has already reached the point where the best next step is goodbye. The same has been said by many other writers and some of them actually is a position where their comments are respected.

 

At the present it more of an enhancer for us than a maker.

I think however it can be a good way to find out if your relationship has what it takes or not, if it suvives the honest conversation required to engage in this.

 

I agree that its an enhancer rather than a maker. I introduced my wife to my chastity fantasies about a year ago and initially she agreed to try it for me. She is prone to insecurities and was a bit freaked out by the fact that I had a device locked on my cock and didn't get into it, so I we stopped playing after a couple of lock ups.

We started talking about chastity again about a month ago and all of a sudden she started to get what it was all about.

We both enjoy a bit of kinky play and she knows I love bondage in the bedroom.

The key breakthrough came after I printed off Thumpers blog posts 'why in the hell' and 'keyholding 101' for her and she realised that firstly she was the one in control and secondly that wearing the device was ticking the box for my bondage kink in a big way.

I have also begun to consider her needs above mine and have tried hard not to top from the bottom which I feel has made a difference this time around.

Since then Ive been locked for a week initially and currently for 10 days and we have felt closer and more intimate than we have for years.

 

If you introduced her to TTTWD and from a prior experienced perspective, initially you wil probably find yourself topping from the bottom.
I've found that handing over the keys helps reduce that and it really helps her to take control when whilst you are doing something she enjoys you tell her something on the lines of... I know I've been topping from the bottom a little up to now, but you have proved you don't need me to do that anymore so please don't let me and only unlock me when you want to. Then if the opportunity is there help her have an orgasm or three... that nearly always helps.

 

Stupid question from non native... What is TTTWD?

 

Absolutely not stupid. Google seems to think it has to do with "Walking Dead", which I know is off the mark. Another way to explain FLR?

 

Someone explained it last week as "That thing that we do"; a sort of umbrella term that says it all without any details.

 

[Too late to edit]... TTWD (only two Ts): "The things we do," a common euphemism associated with BDSM.

 

Thanks!

 

TTTWD

This Thing That We Do ................. not ........... these things we do

similar though
Specific to the site you use it on
All encompassing Covers pretty much everything and omits little if anything, save so much explanation

 

Oh, I'm so sorry! I'll delete my account immediately!

 

You are right it has made a big difference having her lock the keys in a combination key safe, we both know that I wont be able to 'accidentally' find them.

I also agree that the more orgasms I give her the more she is getting into it. We both woke up early and horny this morning and she allowed me to lick her pussy to orgasm, I nearly came in my cage myself. She said she would let me out of the cage later for a tease, but when the time came a couple of hours later she said I would have to wait a little longer with a wry smile on her face knowing that the anticipation of this will drive me crazy.

The confusion comes when she teases me out of the cage and then asks me if I want to orgasm - I am so horny I know an orgasm would be amazing, but at the same time I crave denial...what do I say??

 

Locking me up has put a wonderful smile on her face. She is radiating

 

the walking dead am zombies. eeeeeeeeek

 

hells teeth no need for that I'm just pointing out the difference.. no biggie please don't take it the wrong way its unnecessary.

 

The sarcastic eye-rolling indicates I wasn't taking it seriously at all.

 

Cool.. sorry never know what to make of those emoticon things..even when I can make them out

 

Yesterday we decided to draft a contract.

In doing so we will also address some minor areas of friction. Not that they are huge, but why not use this opportunity to do some small adjustments.

In this way we want to ensure it enhances our relation beyond the male chastity kink.

 

It is often overlooked and solves so many potential issues if you do have a contract or not to have a scheduled penalty free review date. Then if something is niggling knowing that it can be discussed and when can prevent what may appear to be (or actually be) whingeing. This is especially useful if done over a short period if something has been recently changed in a big way. The details I leave to your imaginations.

 

Wise... I have suggested the following:
"This contract will be reviewed, revised and updated at 3, 6 and 12 months after signature. There after it is to be considdered permanent."
At these reviews I may bring up suggestions for discussion but she utimately decides.