Best way to intorduce my somewhat vanilla wife to FLR

'Around Her Finger' is a good book.

 

It really can be a natural process. Chastity play is a good start and signals the power exchange. Tell her what you want, encourage her, and if the shoe fits she will run with it.

 

I tried that a few times but my wife is submissive and does not want to be in charge. The one time I told her that she was in charge, she was crying and scared. Realistically the person best able to lead the marriage should lead it regardless of gender. In our case I am vastly more qualified to lead our marriage and it would be detrimental to our marriage of 44 years to make my wife lead it. What you want is a common fantasy among men. I include myself but sometimes you need to get a reality check. So far it has worked out that she is in charge of our sex life but she is so easy to lead if I wanted to. She loves me and does not want to boss me around or place me in a submissive role outside of sex. I tried but no go so I do not try anymore.

My suggestion is to take baby steps. Like spanking can lead to paddling and then caning, etc.. I have done just about all the well known fetishes and some that few heard of. I have been successful in gradually getting my wife or our girlfriend into the fetish by doing it a little at a time over a long period.

 

That's the problem with giving control...they might not want the same thing as you. It is fairly common for us to go overboard, tell their partner that they have complete control, then tell them what you want them to make you do.

I suggest starting with really giving up control. Do what she wants, and communicate what turns you both on. She can start to act and enjoy being the controlling mistress you desire, or she can ignore your desires. Either way, she's not doing anything she doesn't want to do, and you've given her control you desperately need to let go of.

If she never wants to ask you for footrubs and oral...well I guess she doesn't want footrubs and oral. Her being in charge sometimes isn't all domme stuff, it's complying with her wishes and making her happy.

My kh was very weirded out by the kh title. To be honest she only agreed because I was open and honest about what I wanted and she liked me enough to give it a whirl. After some time and me being more attentive she started to like it more and more.

At some point she realized that she was always trying to please others in her relationships and never had anyone really want to please her. She was always somewhat controlling, but if it's not in a FLR, it just ends up being nagging and driving people away. She found she likes me in submissive mode, and she has developed many activities that help keep me there.

She even found some that really turn her on that she never knew about. Turns out, she gets super turned on by paddling/spankings. She has grown to really enjoy and not feel embarrassed by getting herself off in front of me, or using toys. And she has lost all feelings of guilt about denying me orgasms. If she thinks I need one she will let me have one, if she thinks it's for the best that I don't, she doesn't.

She's not a super aggressive "get on your knees bitch" kind of mistress, and I don't think she ever will be. She is still very much in control of me, except for some limits I have set.

My advice, give her the keys, communicate your desires, realize that your desires may never happen, let go and trust her.

Good luck

 

We don't really do FLR, so maybe I'm the wrong person to comment. But it all depends what you can experiment with and discover works for both of you. My wife sometimes loves to cane me, and sometimes not. Sometimes is dying to give me chores, yet often wants me to be independent. Sometimes enjoys me being very submissive, often wants me to behave more as an equal, even if I'm locked up.

 

My biggest piece of advice is to take it slowly. Resist trying to take it from 0 to 70mph right away. I noticed that your post is full of two words - "I want".
Make sure you are giving her what "she wants" and gradually encourage toward the FLR/chastity relationship that you desire. My wife has become more comfortable and interested in FLR/Chastity over YEARS and I would have scared her and put our relationship at risk if I tried to implement all of the things "I want" in a short time. If she loves you, she will also want to please you (including your wants) but it takes time for a largely vanilla wife to become comfortable with this.

Don't be discouraged though! just be patient. Early this morning I was getting work done in my home office. My wife called me up to the bedroom after she had taken a shower and asked me to rub her feet, legs and arms with moisturizing lotion (a ritual that we both enjoy regularly). She then simply announced that she would like me to give her pleasure with my fingers/tongue/vibrator as she laid back on the bed. Of course, I was happy to! After a nice orgasm, she thanked me and we kissed and held each other with my erection pressing out of my underwear against her. She held my member with her hand and then told me that she had to get to a meeting and to go put on my JB. She came in to the closet to close the lock and we kissed passionately. Now I'm locked, she's gone and who knows what the next few days will bring. This is something she would have never been comfortable with a few years ago! I love it and I love her. She loves the intimacy and knows that keeping me in the JB and withholding my orgasm is actually enjoyable for me.

You are likely to be more successful if you take your time and make sure you are focusing on her and the intimacy between you more than the "I want"

 

Really, this.

It's not reasonable to expect someone to go from vanilla to domme at the drop of a hat. Personally i wouldn't want to be in a full blown FLR.

 

I agree with @Chastitysub1964
For my wife and I, it started with chastity. I mentioned FLR to her once I knew we both liked Chastity and she declined my idea.
Ironically the further along we got into chastity she unknowingly started us on a path down the FLR road and now we are in a FLR. It's not hardcore but she certainly calls all the shots inside and outside the bedroom.

 

Not the most experienced advice as its early days for me but one of the things I liked very quickly was how my boyfriend wanted to take cleaning and washing tasks off my hands. The instant benefit for me was clear and without strings. He does those things for me because he is the submissive and thinks a woman should have that time to relax or do more important things. I love watching him clean away as I attend to higher matters.

If you want an 'flr' perhaps start simply with baby steps like the cleaning. It's not all kinky games and spanking. You should be put to work and made to sweat.

 

If its sustainable in the relationship, by all means, do it. Keep in mind that you do have to continue to make it interesting for him. What I mean by this is that you have to let him know that he has not been parked (forgotten) and that you recognize his effort (sacrifice) to keep his end of your agreement. While performing his duties this need be nothing more than a whisper in his ear (of how much you appreciate him / how sexy you think he is / how it makes you think of doing things to him), a pat on his butt, pinch his nipple, grab him from behind and grind on him, etc.. This is part of the tease. Its a promise of greater things to come if only he can persevere. It doesn't take much effort or time but needs to be done once or twice a day - maybe more if you are approaching a long period of chastity. This will keep him going and not thinking that you are taking advantage in an unfair way. When you have more time, you get into the more physical teases.

I get the sense that many KH partners feel, or have felt, that a lot of effort is needed to sustain the dynamic. Your mileage may vary but, generally speaking, lets say 3 of 4 weeks it only takes minutes a day to fuel the fire and keep you at the forefront of his thoughts. Not much effort for the result of increased attention, intimacy, and effort to be of service to you.

 

I think we're meant to be giving ideas to the OP rather then directing them at me...

 

Was just replying to your comment

 

You'll soon come realize that there's no greater motivation for a man in keeping a woman happy as earning an orgasm after a long period of denial.