Advice on becoming a part-time pro domme?

Discussion in 'Personal ads - Looking for a keyholder or sub?' started by doux-amere, Feb 21, 2018.

  1. doux-amere
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    doux-amere Domme

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    Hi everyone. I've been involved with a male sub for the past three years. He introduced me to orgasm denial and I fell in love with it. And then I went further and got into chastity. He can't wear a device because 1) he's married and the wife doesn't know he's kinky and 2) she doesn't that he has a domme. It's a big disappointment for me. Alas, I adore the guy so what am I gonna do? Anyway, I've lurked on the forums for these last years learning more about it and admiring the level of discourse happening here.

    Now I'm faced with a problem. I work full-time at a good job with benefits, like a regular adult. I don't have much time to find other play partners or get involved with anyone else. And while I have an empty room in my house I could convert into a playspace, I don't want to impose on my (vanilla/monogamish) husband. Plus I have dogs. I don't imagine it's very fun to have someone come over for kinky playtime and be forced to listen to dogs barking or my husband doing dishes.

    So I had a thought- maybe I could charge money to play? Honestly it is my favorite thing to do and would happily invest time and money into my very own playspace if I had it, but I'm simply too maxed out with work/family/current sub/life. I thought if I could at least rent a studio and charge enough to cover that cost I'd be happy. Of course, I'd love to make enough to buy the high-end toys I've had my eye on. The ones I see in videos. I'd also love to make enough that I could work my benefits-having job only part-time. But I don't have any aspirations of being a full-time prodomme. I'm certainly not the typical prodomme I see on websites- black hair, fetish gear, hardcore mistress name. I don't need/like those signifiers. I'm confident about what I have to offer.

    And my other issue is that I want to be able to really play. I know domination services aren't supposed to involve any sexual contact, but what if I want to do it? I know myself well enough that if there is a beautiful cock in front of me, I'm going to want to touch it. I want to edge and ruin orgasms, not just watch them do it to themselves. That said, I don't want the kind of expectations that come with conventional sex work. I don't have to do any of it financially speaking, so I don't want to play with anyone I don't like. I also want to have longer-term play parners so I can really develop them as submissives.

    Any thoughts on this? Does it sound reasonable? Does it sound do-able? Any advice on how to get started?

    Thanks, guys.
     
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  2. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Active member

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    Well you did pique my interest, then my initial warning alarm went off at the note on cock touching! As someone who has at one time provided direction for a submissive who was not my husband, I may have had some insight to impart. What I will say is; touch it with a cane, touch it with a whip, but hands on may not be a good choice to make.
     
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  3. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    I see warning bells on this one too.He is really cheating on his wife, and you might be cheating on your husband unless he knows about it. And I don't think charging the sub money could solve the problem.If other aspects can be spared, why not have him rent and pay for the studio for your use? And maybe also buy for any toys you want.
     
  4. doux-amere
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    doux-amere Domme

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    Hi again! This one is a little tricky because I'm romantically involved with my sub. He is a good friend and lover. We have been together for three years. We are fluid bonded (do people still say that anymore?). I want to keep him as a sex slave, basically. I love him and love being with him. I can't imagine getting sexual satisfaction from anyone else. I just have wider interests than he does. I have many more interests to explore. I don't feel comfortable asking him to pay for anything/rent me space because I don't want that to influence our romantic relationship.

    I'm not cheating because my husband knows all about it. We have been married for 15 years and still going strong. He has a hotwife thing and would rather I see other people rather than just this one person. I've made my peace with my sub's infidelity. He is much, much older than me and his wife opted out of a sexual relationship with him years ago. She had her reasons, though unilaterally shutting down sex seems pretty shitty to me.

    Knowing him has brought me a new understanding about desire and aging. My sub has an incredibly rich fantasy life and none of the physical limitations one might imagine for someone his age. His desire hasn't diminished. He still needs physical pleasure and affection. I think about how many married men with vanilla wives are out there. No reason to end a happy, companionable marriage for some deep seated kink. Surely these guys would love to see someone like me? I'm smart, responsible, stable...I'm not going to show up at their work and ask for rent money, you know?

    About the touching thing. I don't like the illegality of my touching a sub if I feel like it. I'm not saying I would, or that it should be expected, I'm just saying I want to be in control of the session. I've got a good head on my shoulders and I don't want to be in a situation where I have to do anything for money. No topping from the bottom just because I took your money. There are already people out there who do that. I want to do something different.

    Does any of this make sense? It's been a long day for me and I feel like I'm rambling.
     
  5. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Active member

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    Looks good to me, go girl:)
     
  6. Droog
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    Droog Member

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    Maybe a local fetish club could be a good way to explore.

    Or setup a profile on fetlife with all the information presented here clearly upfront. Sounds like you don't have time to waste... even "part-time-pro" might be over-committing yourself.

    -droog
     
  7. doux-amere
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    doux-amere Domme

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    Thanks for your advice. :)
     
  8. doux-amere
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    doux-amere Domme

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    Good idea. I have a profile on Fetlife but haven't put this out there. I think I'll try that. Thanks so much!
     
  9. LadyMoon
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    Verified Female

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    Charging money and then stimulating his penis is likely to put you into the same category as an escort, in the eyes of the law. So, if you're thinking of charging, get to know what your local laws say about prostitution and where the line is drawn between legal, sexual-oriented services and illegal services. Other pro-dommes in your state/county may be able to give you some guidance as to what is viewed as OK and what crosses the line into prostitution, including in the way you advertise yourself, if you get to that point.

    So that would be my main concern for you -- staying out of trouble.

    Money can definitely change the tone of the interaction (from my observations). I feel the same as you -- that I want my attention to be something I bestow of my own free will, not another thing that a man can charge on a credit card. That said, I've also seen pro-dommes who talk about only catering to certain types of play and fetishes that they like. That there are interviews and screening beforehand that may end in rejecting a sub/client who isn't a good fit for their preferences. So, I think you could have some leeway in only picking clients who are a good match and who you WANT to play with.

    Definitely get involved in local lifestyle clubs, if you're not already. It's typically frowned upon to use these as avenues to get clients, but you'll get a chance to meet other people, see other styles of play, and have a community base to ask questions and vet play partners.

    This is becoming a novel, but... don't feel like you have to be a "hardcore," porno-style dominant ever, even if you decide to charge. Obviously, that plays into some men's fantasies, but I believe there's plenty of room for those of us who are more sensuous or playful or nurturing or friendly, or whatever. I can be dominant in leather and boots or barefoot and in yoga pants. :D
     
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  10. biman
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    biman New member

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    Yea i had a small career in Law Enforcement and am by no means an expert but if you charge and then make sexual contact you have changed that context. It might require something like what my state has a "Sexual Oriented Business License" and if it was based out of your house? I think neighbors would have some good grounds to complain about such a business in their back yard.

    I'm not judging you I'm just saying it might complicate things a little more than it would seem to change from what is a casual sexual relationship into a paid service.
     
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