Addressing the concerns of a vanilla wife.

Thank you for the information. My wife is going through this right now. Slowly, she is finding it to be easier, but saying no after I have been given permission to please her first, is hard for her.
We keep the household dynamics pretty much the way they always have been. With me being the manly, decisive man outside the bedroom. Once the bedroom door closes, I am her toy to do with as she pleases. She is getting more comfortable telling me no and what she wants. With time, it is just going to get better.
Thank you again for the post. Helpful and reassuring, from a wife's point of veiw.

 

I'm glad you acknowledged it is an assumption because that is not my experience. There are a variety of marriage and relationship dynamics, some are male led, some are female led, and many are egalitarian. I don't know which is the majority but based on my general experience in US culture I would say most are egalitarian.

 

I didn’t really elaborate on that but it was somewhat of a joke. We have a culture here that the men are in charge, but the reality is that women are much more influential than given credit, and half of the men aren’t smart enough to see it.

Men brag about their “man cave” failing to see that they got all of their junk crammed into one room of the house, with little to no input on the rest. Not exactly great negotiation. As far as sex goes…women are still the gatekeepers.

It reminds me of a Father’s Day card I saw once. On the front was a badge that said “I’m the boss”, inside it said “you can give this back to mom tomorrow”.

It might be subtle and not as loud as a flr, but I think many families know who’s influencing who.