how do I get my wife to be my Domme? We have seen this question posted time and time again. It is possible to do and our relationship is living proof of this. For us the process was quite challenging for the both of us. It required time, patience, and some serious tight rope walking on my part. My wife was as vanilla and submissive as a wife could be and she is now the dominant in our home. My experience tells me that most guys coming here are in long term relationships and have been spinning the tires for a long time with their significant others. Guys your lovers know what you want/need! The question you have to ask yourself is why is she not willing to give it to you? It took me a year of serious self reflection to find the answers to this question. In the end I realized I was not giving her what she wanted/needed. How selfish could I have been? I was yelling from the rooftops about what I wanted/needed and all the while ignoring what she wanted/needed. So for us it began by giving my wife what she wanted/needed and putting what I wanted/needed in the closet and closing the door. I became submissive but not so overtly submissive that it’s was smothering to her. I was giving in to her just enough that she felt comfortable with it and as she got more comfortable I moved the needle just a tiny bit more and she moved with me. If at anytime I felt resistance I stopped and we stayed right there until I felt she was ready to move again. Was this topping from the bottom? It’s very possible it was but this is the tight rope walk I am talking about. We are still walking this tight rope today the difference is no longer am I alone she is now fully engaged and willing to walk the rope with me. She is an active partner in our FLR and is starting to really enjoy the lifestyle. We are a full two years into the journey and only now do I feel as though we are heading down the road of a full time D/s dynamic. I realize every relationship is different and not every women will be a willing partner. I also know had I not changed how I was treating my wife we never would have gotten where we are today. Just 6 months ago my wife still felt tease and denial was mean and she had serious reservations towards it. It was so frustrating to me but I knew I could not try and change her so I let it be. Today’s she is asking why I ever need an orgasms again, and asking me about chastity devices. The road to this point was loaded with ruts and mud, but if you keep moving forward ever so carefully you may someday find some pavement too.
My experience has been similar. She has to be happy, that's the bottom line. With open and honest communication, once you've persuaded her to take one step down the road, make sure she is just as happy and ideally happier than she was before. Then and only then try to bring her one step further. The minute she feels less relaxed, less sexy, less listened to, less understood, less honored, less respected, less lucky--then you're losing ground and risk losing it all. When it's about her, it can happen.