Any advice on bringing up the topic of becoming more strict with keeping me caged. I’d love for her to have me caged 24/7 unless she wants me unlocked for her self. We’ve been playing with chastity on and off for almost a year now but never got serious/strict about keeping me caged.
Why do you want to, and what will get her to buy in to it 24/7? Does she know you want it on all the time, and why? Does she know the benefits to her? When you say on and off...How much and length of locks when you've played. What's to stop you asking if she'd like to put it back on till she next needs you, next time you are in and unlocked. Maybe she'll surprise you. If she asks why, then throw yourself at her mercy and tell the truth. For me it was that I needed help to save myself for her. She's likes that I save myself for her so that is her motivation, and still is I can be as simple as that. What makes her take me deeper is seeing the benefits of denial on me for herself.
Buy a key safe which only she has access and make a slit that you can insert key through. Lock back up as soon as she is finished with it and put the key back where it goes. She will get used to knowing that you are supposed to be locked and only she has the means to unlock you. Problem solved!
That’s pretty much what we do now except she doesn’t really “require” I lock back up so more often than not it’s about a week before I’m feeling horny enough to self lock and put the key in the lock box for the cycle to continue.
I love to feeling of her having all the control so that’s why I want her to make it mandatory 24/7. for the most part I believe she knows I want it. She definitely knows I’d like for her to be more strict with it. I can’t say if she knows all the benefits for her but she does say she likes me attitude more when I’m locked. And here recently I’ve been putting in a great deal of effort ( or more the cage puts me in the mood to) be more flirty/ playful with her and compliment her and pamper her. usually 2/3 weeks locked 24/7 then really just left to self lock in a few days to a week when I feel horny enough too again and place the key in her lock box. Occasionally I’d be left out for a month or so.
I hadn't thought about this...why wouldn't you wear it 24x7? And mandatory...or else how does it work? Or at least for a few days/weekend at a time. What is the dynamic between wearing it occasionally? I guess there could be single session play, weekend play, and longer term. When we started, we defaulted to "as long as possible", a day, then a day + overnight. That worked, then a week, then I said I was good and it's her call. Now she does what she wants. Prior to wearing a cage, we did honor method orgasm control and found it takes a good week until things (I) get really fun and charged up for her. The first week is an emotional roller coaster recovering from the drop and getting my head back into it. Then by day 7 that happy floaty feeling kicks in and things get more 'interesting'.
This is obviously your fantasy, not hers, so don't make her do more work than she has to. If you've been unlocked for play, lock yourself up immediately afterwards and put the key in the box. In my experience, you need to show her how she will benefit from this, and you do that by self-locking for a while.
Maybe start with locking up without her telling you to, then asking if she's okay with it. Basically, asking her permission for it to become the norm, and showing her that you want her to expect you to be caged all the time, without pressuring her into it, by just doing it.
When we started, we each defined what we wanted to get out of trying chastity. Improved communication, more [varied] intimacy, her to gain self confidence in expressing what she wants and taking charge. Me improving communication and expressing my desires, etc. What's the value proposition and what will be gained. You could also think about how to quantify that...what does success look like? Then, as was mentioned in your other instance of this thread, establish a clear list of rules, like: You being clear about your feelings, desires, needs and wants Her being clear about being supportive to you on this journey Then for the day to day expectations and mechanics of it all, adapt something like: https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/rules.htm such as She will hold the keys and not make them available to you After unlocking (by her), and end of playtime, you will, by default, lock back up (unless she requests otherwise) You will not ask for release and there will be no discussion about chastity unless she brings it up You can make suggestions of things to do, but she decides what will be done and when (no guarantees that any specific activity will ever be done if she doesn't like it) She will decide when you are released, allowed sex, and allowed ejaculation. You will try this dynamic for a week, a month, a quarter. You will have weekly check-in periods (and maybe release if you both want that on a schedule). Chastity play will not intrude into her daily life and will not restrict her own sexual satsfaction Before trying chastity, we started with Devotional Sex (http://www.devotionalsex.com), the basic foundation/commitments being: Devotional Sex is when HE commits to: K1: having far fewer ejaculations than he used to, and letting her (or their agreed Spell) decide when he does so, K2: taking primary responsibility for keeping his erotic energy under control, K3: fulfilling all her sexual and sensual wishes (within what he is willing to do), and K4: openly and honestly communicating with her on all aspects of this lifestyle, whilst SHE commits to: P1: using the control he has given her to enhance HER sexual, sensual and intimate life, P2: enhance HIS sexual and intimate life so that he is equally happy, P3: always respect his arousal and to use his erotic energy to enhance the relationship, and P4: not having him ejaculate at most Sessions. Which is very compatible with chastity. And makes chastity more of a mutual/caring thing than FemDom or FLR dynamic. If you have an open discussion about it, define what you both want to explore/get out of it, and set some rules, it can run better, with her knowing what to do, what you're looking for, think about what she gets and can do, and expectations are set so no one is left guessing or let down. For her, there's not much obligation or downtime and the dynamic just runs in the background. The rules should be simple and open enough that she can try things (small tweaks as she desires) and see how they affect you and what she prefers. She may ultimately prefer no cage, or she may really get into it.