im sure many have encountered this, however my wife/KH and I have noticed that once we started a family, kids took priority and our hobbies and fetishes took a back seat. as they should. to an extent at least. im curious to know what others have done to keep the spark alive. what i find toughest is free time is now saved for catching up on rest, cleaning, etc etc, all else is placed on the back burner. any words of encouragement or advice on how to keep the chastity spark alive?
True that. But we still want to make an effort. It doesn't have to be anything major and elaborate - even if you're cleaning you can still talk and play (provided the kids are out of the earshot). When the kids are younger and go to bed earlier it's easier to find the time for a quick cuddle. Older kids are able to entertain themselves and can spend quality time with their friends or online - and the same quick cuddle can happen. I work crazy hours so my husband and I have to plan these moments well in advance. We decided to have a day a month to ourselves (our child is old enough to come home from school by themselves), having lunch together or going on a day trip. I have to put these into my calendar a few weeks before the event and hold onto those for dear life. But then it's something really special to look forward to. And catching up on rest can include a foot rub or a cuddle while watching tv. It's easy to forget each other when focusing on the kids, work, etc. but then at some point the stark reality of drifting apart stares you in the face and you are forced to look for solutions. A bit of a truism but still very accurate - where there's a will there's a way.
That's one thing I like about chastity. If I'm caged and locked, even daily chores are sort of a tease and denial play. Since one of the goals of wearing a cage is denying your base urges, that can happen as you tend to your family and wife. Later, alone in bed, the two of you can get more hands on. Good luck and enjoy.
For us we were very lucky for many years. I own my business and my office is built on to the side of our house. For close to a decade my wife worked for my company part-time. Although I spend much of my time at my construction sites or at meetings, it was easy several times a week to find alone time while the kids were off at school and we would walk next door from office to house. Last June she was hired full time in her chosen (pre-kid) field and now works a 45 minute drive from home. Now it seems we are never alone. Or at best we get that rare night where both kids go away on sleep overs. Our play time is mainly limited to nights before bed, but that tends to be quick, quiet and subdued compared to some of our daytime romps. I like @Abstraction advice, but haven't had much luck initiating this myself. I guess the best advice I can offer is seize the moments when they arrive.
I am about 10 years ahead of you and I will say in regards to alone time in the bedroom it doesn't get easier. It changes in terms of what is required of you, but it's still pretty all consuming. That being said I wouldn't trade the experience of being a dad for anything in the world. You have many awesome (and not so awesome) experiences ahead of you. Good luck with both your original question and everything else that comes with being a dad and husband.
any free time you get, take advantage of it. Even if it is only 30 minutes here and there. That’s what my wife and I do. Plenty of time to rest when you’re dead.
Absolutely. When we had a child, I realised just how much 'free' time I could have if I put my mind to it. You'd be amazed how much can be done while the kid is taking a nap.
Throw everything you have into your kid time. It happens once, and it goes by faster than you might imagine. Get a stack of books, and read to them. Ditch the phone. Yet, finding time for mom and dad to remember why they were attracted to each other is important too. Grandparents are a great asset if they are local. Otherwise, you have to make your together time as you can. For chastity, simple comments, light conversation, double entandres, caresses, a tug here and there, might keep your energy and love alive. Send her flowers for no reason. Make dinner. Do bath time. Give her a night off. This is your opportunity to really show her how much you love her and want to make her happy. No kidding. It is a hell of a lot of work. But, it will make an impression. And, you will love the time YOU spend with your kids. Love and live this moment.
some fantastic advice. thanks everyone. it really will be a time for me to step up and help(i already am, but its a good reminder to not have "off days")
I think couples do need off time. You do too. You work hard. As much as you need together time, I think it is important to make sure you each have individual time as well. If you feel you need it. You were individuals before you met. You are a couple now, but you are still individuals. I think it is important to respect that, and make accommodations for it. Time off individually, recharges, and generates new experiences and stories that help keep the relationship fresh and interesting.
Having individual time is very important - it allows us to recharge and have a break in our own space, doing our own thing. It's not 'off time' as such; it's a chance to spend time with ourselves. Then spending time with others doesn't feel like a chore.