Seems most of us are into chastity for similar yet varied reasons. In the short time I’ve been reviewing statements and thoughts. I’d like to share mine, I have a rather sexless marriage that I desperately wish to salvage, all the typical issues from a long term marriage are present. Over time, these cracks have turned into chasms. It’s my hope chastity can provide a bridge to enlightenment and change. It appears in many cases, the woman becomes more entitled and aware of her own sexual being. It’s this byproduct I’m hoping for. Much has and can be said about the kink nature of chastity, that’s where my vantage point is stationed. As far back as I can remember, that’s the very concept that revs my engine, stirs my creativity and connects me to my inner sexual self - kink. However, that is not my wife spirit animal! Hers is rather confusing to me. She’s somewhat an asexual person. Over the years, I’ve attempted to understand her more, but mostly it comes down to this “I don’t have sexual feelings”. PIV sex has been relegated to the dust bin of memory. For the past 11 years, we’ve not engaged in such. Mostly she will provide me with the freedom to surf porn and occasionally shares her favor of beginning manual stimulation. The final stretch is always up to me. When the somewhat shared masturbation moments started to become routine, my kink took over and I injected options. Would she mind feeding my affluents to me upon completion? She seemed game. At first it was hand fed, but she really didn’t like that. It’s always been a turn on for me to know the woman is being excited by what ever activity is participating in. So, I suggested a shot glass. Viola, it seemed to be the trigger for us. She could participate and not be burdened with the physical contact of the goo. I could indulge my kink. A true win/win. I identify as a submissive person. I’m forever willing to provide everything from household duties, to personal favors. All without the promise of sexual release. Although, it’s clear in my mind, I’m hoping for the hope of sexual release. Yet, its not a predetermined condition of my willingness to submit. As with most things in life. Eating one dish for too long, ideas and options come to mind. In comes the idea of chastity. After months of thought, more months of research trolling sites like this. Its gotten in my mind it may help my unique situation and help my wife gain a foothold in her sexual awakening. I’m fully aware, it may not, but at this point, trying something and failing is better than not trying anything. We learn more from failure. Do I have fears? Heck yes! Most notably being locked up and forgotten. No excitement, no attention, no playing, no nothing. It’s this reason I will not be providing both sets of keys. I’ll be keeping one set for me in the event of that becoming true. However, if that does not happen, I’ll be happy to give both sets and fully accept the results. Not sure if any play games using chastity as the game board. Oh, I’ve read such, but it’s so new to me, I’m unsure if those stories are akin to Playboy or Penthouse Forums. Only written for the titillation of the reader. My kinky mind has come up with this. At times of not being locked up - be encouraged to masturbate as frequently as possible. All results of climax to be individually stored in a baggie and frozen. During lock-up, anytime she desires a climax, one will be provided. For every climax she gets, I get one for me. One of the frozen “spermcycles”. Anytime she wants to reward me with a successful behavior, she gives me a climax, you got it, a “spermcycle”. I’m hoping this will be an enjoyable game for both her and me. I’d be interested to know more about other peoples journey. Input as to the goal or folly of my hopes, will be equally beneficial. Thank you for the safe space to share such a personal journey. BTW: still in the closet with owning a chastity device. Scared to share, but will!
Chastity is a dangerous game to play with an asexual key holder… You need her to actually buy into it. As in, properly sit down and talk it through explaining everything. It’s best not to be pushy with any rules of any type - they’re more likely to put her off! If she is asexual she’s also not likely to get excited about it so you have to sell it on something… but also maybe delicately appeal to her that it’s a compromise to keep you happy with the minimum of effort from herself.
one usually compares a male in chastity as one who is compliant and willing to put his wife's pleasure above his own. The flip side is the wife being more attentive to the husband as well. My wife is more of a sensual being with me in a cage compared to when I roamed free. She loves the tease, sitting in my lap and feeling my cage against her. When I was free, we loved each other and played our bdsm games or fooled around every Saturday evening. Since I have been caged, she will pull me to the hot tub several times a week and tease me. During the summer, our weekends are outside the pool with her naked and me caged. I do get released for some really great sex, but the time in-between is us paying attention to the other. There is the flogging, punishments, milkings, and pegging, but they are at a much more intense level.
Interesting read. It sounds to my untrained ears as though you and your wife have enough in common sexually that this might work - the fact that she is willing to start you off and has been willing to feed you discharge after the fact rather suggests that she cares about you and your needs. Will chastity do more? Hard to say, it seems she's in the climax game mainly for your benefit (no bad thing) rather than her own. i guess, just be aware of that and do what you can. i wish the pair of you all the best and good luck!
Thank you for your input and suggestions, I've been memorizing them and fully reflecting on the input. Great input - Andomoman, Thomas Gangman and Consensus! The varied perspectives and input you each shared has been valuable for my ongoing thought process, many, many thanks and appreciation. At times like this, it reminds me of being scared of the dark. Many times it's my own imagination that'll spin me in directions not necessarily accurate. I've begun the conversation, however, not really in the direction I had hoped. Once I asked to start, the conversation went immediately into relationship issues, each cascading into a direction 180 deg away from this topic. Assuming all things need a good foundation, I thought it would be best to not push a new agenda item and allow the momentum of the topics to have freedom. The conversation will happen, my fears are still there, thank you for the input. Much more to reflect on and hopefully this will be Brough into the light of day very soon!
The conversation took a great turn yesterday. After the first initial conversation took a more relationship centered priority, I thought it best to avoid the kink of chastity and focus on the basics of our relationship for the near future discussions. Although, chastity did come up, it was not the focus in our longer and deeper discussion, nor will it be in near future conversations. Happy to note, the cracks of our relationship seem fixable, she’s as willing as I am, and I’m more hopeful that some of the chasms will at the very least have a bridge built over them. As for the kinks, I know this site is more focused on such, so I’ won’t bore y’all with the actual personal issues or their fixes. You’ll be as please as I to know, chastity was well received, not that it’ll be a 100% certainty, but it does seem possible. I took the time and expressed how we both have needs, hers is less sexual centered whereas mine is more kink centered. Logically, I understand a relationship is built on a mutual joining of personalities, each focusing on the other while also not abandoning oneself. So, yes, the topic of kink did surface. She seems to understand and the topic is open for further discussion. As of now, she knows and has approved of me ordering a chastity device, what’s still in the closet is that I actually have it. I’ll keep that in reserve until we get a bit further down the topic list and the healing begins to take hold. Words cannot express how grateful I am to this site, the members and freedom to express such secret and delicate truths such as my kinks and how they manifest in my relationship. There is no other place short of the psychiatrist couch to get so many kind, knowledgeable and willing individuals to provide life lessons than those I’ve encountered here! Thank you ALL! I’ll keep coming back to both inform of progress and read the roadmap so many have carefully outlined.
Many of us started in a similar place, even with less buy in than you are getting. Selling the value is key, and proving your intentions are not about kink for yourself. I think you are in a pretty good spot for early on.
You like meat. You really like meat, and you want to enjoy meat with your significant other, but the problem is that she is a vegetarian. Putting the vegetarian in charge of the picnic is unlikely to result in more meat for you. I don't know the answer because I have a similar situation. Just beware of what you are trying to do. You may be putting the cart before the horse. Somehow you need to get her more interested in sex. Maybe it can happen through chastity, but it's likely to take a long time before meat's back on the menu.
I have sent a few articles to my wife from www.evolveyourman.com. It is the least kinky, but aimed at a more female audience, place to learn about FLR and chastity. Keep putting her first, ease back on your kink, and give her plenty of time to process.
@Jah Rubbings - the link you provided seems damaged as it takes me to some rather odd places. I'd strongly suggest nobody click on it. First click took me to a job board, second click said I have to update my virus protection- that last click reminded me of one of those scam sites.
Sorry about that. Not sure how that happened. Nevertheless. www dot Evolve your man dot com Is brilliant. Just search Google and ignore the dodgy link
@jay Rubbings. On second attempt typing in the link, it's still giving an odd result. Now I'm suspecting it might be on my end as I use a VPN. Not sure, but maybe it's due to that. If anybody else attempts the link or typing in the URL and it works, please post.
Update: The conversation has been happening on an accelerated basis. Rather pleased by this as the relationship seems to have growth potential in hopeful directions. Both to increase our bond and allow a greater awareness of my kink based needs. Chastity and kinks have been brought and have been included in the overall discussion. Not as priority points, just giving them light and awareness as our discussions progress. Reason for doing so is to outline the differences in our needs and expectations. To be clear, relationship is first, the issues of kink are much further down the list. However, it seems to come down to this: both chastity and kink are not off the table. Actually, I don’t know for sure, but she’s been exhibiting more willingness to command requests. Can this be a byproduct of my bringing it up? Who knows? This isn't the first time it's been brought up. Not wanting to jinx matters, I simply complete her requests with no reference to my quickly tightening zipper . Is this a precursor or indication of the future? Fingers crossed, but not too tightly as more line items to cross off prior to the addition of a more transparent kink. For now, I’ll keep agreeing to her requests, welcoming the conversation of relationship topics to take priority, and hope the rest will follow, namely chastity and kink. Again, a very sincere thank you to all who have provided input and to the all the members for your stories of similar issues that has given me so much help and understanding.
Conversation is really beginning to flow. If communication is key to most things, then we’re going in a great direction. Of late, she’s been issuing (out of the blue) commands and requests in a rather unique and new way. I asked about that and she said, “isn’t that what you like?” Well, yes, of course! However, before more could be discussed, life got in the way and it wasn’t fully flushed out into a better understanding. Trying to stay out of my little brain as our conversations need to be mostly focused on relationship issues, or do they? Funny as that sounds, it appears as the relationship gets focus, it seems her comfort in this new, more commanding arena is becoming more engaged. These are all good things; I’ve gotten more hope from the past few weeks than I’ve had for years. Not sure what the catalyst has been for her, but I can’t help but feel it’s been the more often relationship conversations and topics. I’m feeling the chastity topic, though a regular on the topic list, still needs to stay in the background. Fear of undermining our relationship progress could be hampered by its pursuit. Especially since she’s been flexing more of her assertive self. If she goes in a more assertive arena, it would be best to come from her, more organically, than being pushed by me. Thanks to all for your ongoing support and encouragement.
I am no professional here but what I see happening is you are listening to her and her concerns. Because she loves you she is responding. She sees you trying to bring the caring and love back into the relationship that had been slipping away. She is making it a two way street. It may take longer and more patience than you would like but if you keep doing what you are doing I think you will end up in a place where both of your needs are satisfied.
I’ve always felt love was a covenant that created a most unique reality where nothing else mattered. The covenant is of committed trust, desires, wishes, and rules between two. The relationship somewhat becomes an island from the outside world, protected with the bond of love, trust and commitment. We all carry a façade projected to the world as our armor to hide behind, and fight from. Strength and vulnerability seem as much protected from as it is conveyed to others when it suits our need. When the relationship bond is true, the loss of fear to show your honest self, inside that bond is liberating. When the relationship bond is not true, honesty seems as difficult as letting the world see our flaws. Yet, without committing to the covenant what is a relationship? So, when does one awaken to the realities of its breakdown? Assuming most see hope as a truth, yet hopes reality is rater distasteful when applied to a partner who breaks the covenant. It’s easy to get fooled by words when they are taken at greater strength than the actions being displayed. Words camouflage through deception and the true agenda gets lost only to be revealed by actions over time. Why do I share this dribble with so many unknown people? Simply because in my life, I’ve never came across so many honest people willing to share their most secret self with a group of so many unknowns. I’m at a crossroad where doubt has filtered in and fear is taking hold. Fear of the unknown, of the rough road ahead. I imagine, we’d all want a safe landing when a fall is eminent, gentle hands to guide us, soften the eventual bottom of our failure. Reality is, I’m on my own, I have to take the hits and keep going forward hoping for the light to reveal itself at the end of what can be a very long tunnel. Thank you to all of those in this group, the simple fact that I can spew my thoughts is helpful.