Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

I see couple of other people have wondered the same thing. I am not at all sure about this but I have a feeling it's because we didn't just decide to unlock him and carry on as usual. Instead, we were fairly explicit with each other that in the first of our experimental fortnights we both expected him to 'take the lead' and actively do what he wanted. We talked about it this morning (after I'd locked him up... bliss) and he said he'd felt it hard to distinguish between what he wanted to do, and what he felt was expected of him. (Like being with a teenager, haha). But it's not all his 'fault' - I think I didn't really know how to be either. I kept wanting to lead and kept having to stop myself and I think we wound each other up a bit... Anyway, we both felt relieved this morning when we popped the cage back on. People, eh. We're so complicated!
Sal

 

This morning, after a three week break, we locked him again. Alovely long shower together and I shaved where the ring goes. I sat on the side of the bath while he got the ring on and managed eventually to wrangle himself into the cage, holding it togther so I could lock it. He was obviously excited, which I found a huge turn-on. We had the longest, and best kiss in three weeks and I've been feeling happy and buzzy all day. We just texted each other and I know he's feeling the same. Phew! Sal

 

I think you're right, but we've both decided that it needs to be an active decision rather than just 'default-mode'. I have to say we're both pretty relieved today that we're getting back on an even keel again. It was nice just snuggling in bed this morning. He said he didn't feel any pressure and I felt in control enough that I didn't feel frustrated or annoyed - well, maybe a little bit frustrated but we can do something about that later. Grin. Sal.

 

That's so sweet of you to write. Thank you for the compliment. I've seen Kate at the gym occasionally but she usually comes with a friend, so starting any conversation about keyholding hasn't been possible. Also, even when I've run into her on her own, I didn't get a feeling she wanted to talk much and frankly, I'm ambivalent too as we'reboth quite secretive about the whole chastity thing. I never wear the key very obviously as I don't wear low cut tops very much but perhaps I'll let her see it more obviously at some point.

As for Laura, I hadn't spoken to her for a while - nothing bad but we have one of those frienships where we see each other a whole lot and talk every few days, and then drop out of sight for a while. We've arranged to meet later this week nd then we're getting together at the weekend with a load of pals, so I'm looing forward to finding out how things have been going.

I think men worry if they're small much more than women do, except that being small often undermines men's confidence and enjoyment, and women notice that a lot. The feeling of being filled and stretched a little is definitely very nice but so is the pube-on-pube grindy motion fom which most women (I think!) can come. But if I'm worrying about whether my partner is worrying about whether he's giving me what I want, then all that thinking stops me from letting go. And one area where the smallies have the advantage is oral sex. Being able to take a man fully, totally, into your mouth and feel him grow there without gagging as he bumps your throat, is a rare and joyful treat. Remember that!

Sal

 

The recent three weekes while MyPete was uncaged turned out to be not much fun for either of us. Fortunately, it hasn't taken long to get back to 'normal' - whatever that is! He's only been locked for a few days but he's already pleasingly frustrated and I'm feeling in control again. Last night I unlocked him and we had a shower together. Afterwards I asked him to go and 'sit in the chair', which is our code for him dangling
his legs over the arms and waiting to be measured. I made him wait, gradually going soft, while I got dressed. Taking the break has made everything extra squirmy and exciting for both of us. He hinted that he'd like to come, but didn't argue when I just said no and we popped him back in his cage.

I'm now in two minds about the third leg of our experiment which is supposedly due to start in just a bit more than a week. I think we might leave it a bit longer so we can settle down. He's got an intense period of work coming too, which should finish towards the end of April, so we might leave 'Sal becomes mega-domme' until then.

I'm looking forward to a proper night out with Laura tomorrow and then a load of us are getting together at the weekend, so it'll be interesting to see how things are going with her Paul.

Sal

 

Saw Laura last week for a proper chat. She was happy and certainly on form. A couple of G&Ts and ahem, a bottle of wine might have been something to do with it. Things seem to have settled down with Her Paul and she said chastity had helped a lot - especially since they'd found a cage which seemed to fit and not chafe. She said she was taking the lead sexually but that wasn't the main thing that had improved - it was the way he didn't always have to be in charge any more, or have the last word, or go in for long bouts of mansplaining, or all the other things that she said go along with 'small-man syndrome'. Although she said there were a whole lot of 'no-go-areas' (anal, strap-ons, etc) she said that didn't bother her - what mattered was that she felt she was being taken seriously and that he'd stopped looking at porn. Or at least, he claims he has stopped - 'at least he can't masturbate all the time'. She said they're much more of a team now. I asked her whether she minded the way her sexual dominance obviously spills over into the rest of their lives and she said that on the contrary, that#'s what she enjoys and she says he does too.

She knows that MyPete and I want my leadership to be sexual rather than anything else but I mentioned to her our two week experiment coming up. I told her how the initial three weeks, with him being effectively asked to take the lead hadn't really been much fun for either of us. We're back on an even keel at the moment, with him deliciously frustrated (and me feeling a bit frustrated too, truth be told). I said I'm looking forward to me pushing the domme boat out a bit to see how we both react but admitted feeling very nervous. I said I was worried about doing anything we might regret afterwards. Laura said I seem to worry quite a lot. And that led on to a whole hour of therapy... After that, she asked me to list his 'triggers'. I said something along the lines of, 'size, performance, anything anal, anything public (although that would be a step too far for us both), licking up his come...'. I've honestly never seen Laura laugh so hard - I thought that wine was going to come out of her nose. When she calmed down, she said that was the most unoriginal list she'd ever heard but 'all men are walking cliches'.

We dreamed up a load of scenarios and things I could try - gradually ramping things up so it would be easy to back off if either of us didn't like it. She had some clever ideas. I said I was really uncomfortable with the small-penis humiliation thing (he's average and perfectly lovely in that department) but that he'd mentioned it a few times. She said that if he's honestly average, he'll absolutely know it because he'll have looked up tables and googled the subject to death. So what I'd be doing is play-acting with us both in-the-know, which might be exciting but hardly likely to be damaging. She suggested that if I was still worried then I could always ask him to wear a sheath and measure that (or ask him to measure it), without any comment at all, or ask him to measure Dora or Big Bear (the dildos, although we don't use the 'dildo' word, because it's horrid). She mentioned again that Her Paul really is small but he's become kind of proud of it and loves the attention she give. She said she calls it cute, or sweet and she is never, ever cruel (although I think he wants that) and she said, as she's told me before, that she likes him being that size - she feels it reinforces her leadership and also makes oral on him 'so much nicer!'. She said that pre-chastity, when they were making love once, she had said 'are you in?', and immediately regretted it. What a brilliant line! She said I could try that on MyPete and that because he knows he's not tiny, he'll feel humiliated but know it's a game.

She asked me if I'd ever made MyPete stand in front of me and play with himself. Yes, lots of times. And had I allowed him to come that way? Yes, occasionally. Had I thought of having him come on a mirror and then lick it? Yuk, yuk, no!!! (I said that was beyond the boundary for both of us). She told me to think about what would happen if I just put a mirror flat on the table and asked him to lick it. Just a clean mirror. That's so clever. I realised that Laura is still streets ahead of me!

She had several other ideas I had never thought of. Nothing gross, nothing cruel but just devious and incredibly assertive and powerful-feeling. I wrote down a whole list, some of which will require a little homework beforehand. We shall see...

We talked about her work for a while and the contrast between her and MyPete. She has a stressful responsible job but loves being in command. He has a stressful responsible job and can't wait to give up the lead, at least sexually. She and I both want to take the lead although she wants to extend that into a lot of their lives, whereas I don't. Her Paul seems to be happier now too, which has made her happier, which has made him happier etc. In the middle of all this, she mentioned that they'd both love it if I just came and watched HerPaul being measured, as she did a few times with me and MyPete. I found myself saying 'I'll think about it' (which is like saying 'yes', really) but it was the wine talking and I don't think she heard me.

Woke up with a headache! On Saturday night a load of us went out - Laura and HerPaul were there. HerPaul was huge fun - he just seems so much nicer than he used to be - not so pompous and pontificating and much more solicitous. And none of that making-fun-of-the-women English pub talk. Mind you, I might just have been looking for it. He has such a great sense of humour, which seems to have been disguised all these years. At one point I said I was so pleased that he and Laura seemed so happy. He said, 'it wasn't the contraption, you know, but the mindset that comes with it'. I asked if he was wearing it now and he said that was like asking a woman her age. Cheeky sod.

MyPete meanwhile had a good stretch and nice long supervised airing yesterday before we tucked him back away. The little tap on his head worked its usual wonders but I had to ask him to slow down several times. I forgive him as it's been a while.

Sal

 

Excuse this long post, but what a brilliant weekend! MyPete’s gone out for the evening so I can catch up with the journal. I had thought that we were going to have to delay the third ‘Sal-becomes-mega-domme’ phase of our experiment as MyPete was going to have a stressful week before things calm down for a while. As it was, it was last week that was hard work but the next few weeks will be a lot easier, so we started the third phase yesterday. We called it Close Encounter of the Third Kind, haha.

Laura was very supportive when we had our heart-to-heart last week. She gave me three bits of advice. One, allow myself to be creative. Two, don’t be over-sensitive about hurting his feelings, especially on the size thing – if he’s Mr. Average, he will absolutely know that, and since it’s what he asked for, I can try scenarios that play on size without it causing long-term problems – just don’t be needlessly cruel because that’s just not me. Being dommeish is NOT the same as being cruel – at least not for us. And three, she gave me a bit of a lecture on her theory of the dommeish things that are most effective and really make someone squirm – in a good way. She said that I should try to introduce things that are not off-limits in themselves but will make him fill in the blanks and imagine something far scarier. She said there’s not necessarily any need to carry through those very scary things – just thinking about them – and he will think about them – is enough to dominate. She said the more he needs to try to work out what’s going on, the more effective it’ll be wen he realises. <evil grin>.

On Friday evening he and I talked about the next couple of weeks. The idea is to test our limits. I’m responsible. He can refuse, of course, at any time but that’s not to be done lightly. He said he already felt excited but a bit scared. I didn’t tell him that I felt the same way – I just said, “Good”. I did tell him though, how much I’d thought about and planned for these few weeks, which I’d found exciting in itself.

We were lying around on the sofa in our his and hers dressing gowns (‘bath-robe’ in the US?) after a shower together and I asked him to fetch the smallest cage. I know he finds the smallest one (it’s very small) quite difficult (mentally, rather than physically) but I felt I needed to assert myself at the start. He started to argue and I just asked him to stand up. I gently and lovingly and as teasingly as possible removed his dressing gown. I asked him to kneel on the sofa, facing the back, knees well apart with his chin on the back of the sofa. Lovely, exposed, vulnerable – as I’ve said before a laughably poor and piece of biological design. Slightly awkwardly, I unlocked him from behind. It was about ten days since he last came and he was hard almost immediately. I did my thing where I just hold him by the balls. It’s our way of me saying, ‘I’m in charge’. I asked him how he felt and he said, ‘subdued’. I told him I like that. I asked him if he trusted me and he said he did. I asked him how he thought I might feel when he started to argue with me about which cage he should wear. He didn’t say anything. I told him it makes me feel disappointed and not trusted to know what would be best. Long silence. I asked him to talk me through how he had felt during our experimental ‘him-in-charge’ phase a few weeks ago. He said it hadn’t been his finest hour. I asked him to talk me through in detail how he had played with himself in bed the night when I had gone out and returned to find the wet patch. I made him talk me through what he had been watching, what he fantasised about, how it felt. And then, holding his balls a bit tighter (not enough to hurt) I asked him how he felt now and he said ‘sorry, and humiliated’. I didn’t say anything but just held on for another 5 minutes or so, occasionally gripping him by the wrist with the other hand (there was a reason for that!). Then I asked him to ‘run along and fetch the tiny cage’. No argument, he looked forlorn but I could tell only too easily (!) that he was also very excited.

Once he was all neatly locked away, I gave him a long kiss – me on top of course – and said that he had done well remembering and describing that orgasm. I said it was good that he remembered it so well because that memory would have to last a long time until the next time he might be able to make himself come. (Not being in control of when he can be hard is one of the most powerful parts of the chastity experience for him, and me.) And I said that these two extra-dommeish weeks might not be enough…

As planned, on Saturday we went into London for lunch at our favourite place in Soho. A few months ago we went through a phase of getting him waxed every month and then stopped. I had told him during the week that I’d booked another session for him on Saturday, with the same guy he’d seen previously and he’d been surprisingly ok about it. Little did he know what was in store! I explained that, like last time, I wanted him waxed everywhere underneath his underwear, so that without clothes, the line of where the waxing started would be really obvious. I unlocked him and we headed into town. While we were in the car to the station, his hand strayed to his cage-free area and I had to give him a stern taking to.

It was a lovely day in town. Everyone in a good mood in the first sunny warm weekend in ages. We wandered around the shops for a bit until it was time for his appointment. He said he’d meet me in Foyle’s (a nearby bookshop) once he was finished. I told him that I would be coming with him for his appointment. I could tell he was about to argue but I just gripped him by the wrist just as I had done earlier and stared him down. He immediately got the message. If the waxing guy was surprised at seeing both of us turn up, he didn’t show it. He said that it was actually quite common. He said to MyPete that it had been a while since he’d seen him and he asked if he wanted the ‘usual’. I gently put my hand on MyPete’s shoulder and answered for him. It came so easily and so naturally, I could have shouted with glee. I told the guy what we wanted and there we were discussing MyPete’s pubes as if I was buying a loaf of bread. I sat and watched and thought how humiliating and embarrassing it would be for me if the tables were turned. At one point I asked MyPete how he was doing and he was completely silent.

We had a lovely flirty lunch. When he got up to go to the loo, I went with him and surprised him by passing him the ring and cage (the ‘normal’ sized one) and slipping furtively into the cubicle to lock him. Back at the table I asked him how he was feeling. He said there was a lot going on. I said ‘Good’.

We had dessert at the patisserie nearby – plenty of choice in gay London! We ordered coffees. I ordered some multi-layered thing and before MyPete could say anything I said, ‘He’ll have an éclair – and he won’t need a fork’. It was a cartoon moment, with him gradually realizing that I had just ordered for him and what the éclair signified in his present state. Just as he was going to take his first bite I asked him to think about me wearing a strap-on nd him taking it into his mouth. His face was a picture. I gave him a little peck on the cheek.

Back at home I followed up in lots of little ways – asking him to do bits and pieces in the kitchen while wearing a lot less than me. We watched an old Ealing comedy and he sat on a cushion on the floor while I had the sofa. By the end of the evening, he was trailing around after me and couldn’t take his eyes off my chest, which is a sure sign of desperation. He changes from being bum-fixated to being boob-fixated the more desperate he is. Such an open book!

In bed we had a long kiss. I could tell he wanted so much more. In truth so did I but I just told him it was time to go to sleep.

This morning, while we were having tea in bed, he said that when I’d asked him to talk me through all the detail about him playing with himself, he’d found that very difficult. And that when he was being waxed, he had looked over to me at one point and started to get hard, which he’d found extremely difficult. And the whole éclair scene, including ordering for him had been confusing and exciting. He was wearing t-shirt and boxers and I asked him to take everything off and wait while I fetched something. I got my big hand mirror, went to the kitchen and put a swirl of yoghurt on it. I came back to the bedroom with it and said that for the next two weeks I wanted him to promise me he wouldn’t argue with any suggestions I make, unless it’s a flat refusal in which case we just go back to normal. If I ask him to wear the shortie, or the micro, for example he’ll do it without question. He kind of grudgingly agreed. I said, ‘this will help you to remember’ and put the mirror on the chair by the dressing table. He looked confused and I told him it was just a little yoghurt. Gradually dawning realisation! Again, a cartoon moment as I watched it suddenly click. He said ‘oh no!’ I just said that I thought he knew what I wanted him to do. And a moment later he was on his knees, licking it up. Laura’s idea, and incredibly effective. The mirror just amplifies everything and forced him to see himself, adding to the power of the moment I guess. But obviously in the back of his mind was what I might ask him to do the next time, which he would find unspeakably difficult and would probably flat refuse. But the clever thing about this was that it was only yoghurt but completely amplified my power and reduced his.

What I most wanted at that moment, to be honest, was to have ordinary, fulfilling (‘full and filling haha) sex but it just didn’t feel like the right moment in what was going on. I thought about Dora and Big Bear but decided on those for another day and settled for a tap on his head – the signal he knows so well. It felt nice but I had to keep asking him to slow down which slightly took me out of the moment. A little corrective training needed perhaps. <evil grin>

Sorry to witter on, but it’s been a rather special weekend. No wonder he needed to go to the pub tonight!

Sal