Semen Retention, aka. orgasm denial. Clearly a big part of chastity, but not always. I'm five weeks into chastity, meaning, no jerking off, orgasms only with my wife when she wants them, and a bunch of other non-sexual like things. I'm actually 1 week into no orgasm. The traditional kind that occurs with ejaculation. Some folks here end up in orgasm denial as a kind of submissive thing to their KH. And the inverse of that, having orgasms as a means to pleasure their KH. I'm one week into no orgasm unintentionally. Just so happens. Probably would have had one over the weekend by my wife wasn't feeling 100%, so it never happened. Here it is, over a week, and I feel great. Of course I have an urge to have my boy let out to play and of course my boy is really my wife/KH's toy/property not mine so she can do with it what she wants, when she wants. But, still, in our relationship, I have some influence. I'm wondering if I should try to resist ejaculating and if so, for how long? My wife and I do not have a dom/sub relationship. If I don't cum, it won't be because she is denying me my orgasm (although I'd be cool with that). It'll more be because we've mutually agreed it's good to hold off. There's really two sides to the question: a) is this worth it for the KH? Is there anything in it for her (of course there's the very compliant spouse). But she loves PIV. And she likes me to finish. There's some other post somewhere here where I talk about that some. The conclusion of that discussion for me is it's really up to her. I'm her toy and should allow myself to be used as such. This question is a bit different than that. Are there benefits to her that she will see? With a guy, I think there are benefits. I'm one week in and I'm more attentive, more loving, more focused, more in tune with my body. It's like a good drug. I don't think women have the same impacts. In fact, my sense is it works the opposite. If she goes too long without, she'll get moody, impatient. Although she enjoys oral, it is not a substitute for PIV for her. Obviously, I'm looking at this as something that benefits me. Are there benefits for her. b) Assuming there are benefits to the guy, for how long? I've searched the web and the folks who have written mostly talk about it in a positive light with no limit. 2 weeks is better than 1. 1 month is better than 2 weeks, etc. But few really go for longer than a month or two. So, if we were to choose to do this, is a month a good time? It is Locktober after all. I generally don't like New Years Resolutions and the like so I wasn't going to do anything for Loctober, but maybe that's a good bookend to this. If I were to do that, what would that be like? Would I enjoy it or would it be a big chore? There might be a c) question too. Is my wife going to think this is just too weird. I know, no one here can answer that. For one, I might really be weird. For two, no one knows how tolerant she is to new weird things. I guess I don't really know either. I do feel she'll do what I want. Which isn't typically the KH way. But if I tell her we can fool around, do everything we ever do, but when it comes to me cumming, I'm going to pause, she'll go along with it. I end up in kind of that "topping from the bottom" situation. So, just wondering man. is it worth it to not cum for a while? Will we both benefit or just me?
I think you answered your own question here: Is it worth it? Yes! She wants to make you happy. Is she going to miss the unlimited access to your penis? In my experience. Yes. On the flip side, is she going to miss the unwanted attention that your penis brings? No. They’ll be ups and downs on it all. Sometimes she’ll think it’s weird. Sometimes she will want it to end. Sometimes she’ll enjoy it. Sometimes she’ll be overly deviant just because of it. Female hormone cycles are so much different to a man’s. Boy are you in for a ride! If I could give you one piece of advice (and to my self two years ago): unsubscribe to this fantasy that is chastity. It won’t drive you wild 24/7. Sometimes it will just be ‘blah’. Don’t expect your partner to want to climax everyday just because you can’t. Enjoy the in between times. Treasure the good moments, but accept they’re a culmination of the effort you put in without climax. Do what feels right. Locktober, personal records, ruined orgasms, prostate stimulation, milking. This only matters if it’s important to your partner. If that’s what she enjoys in the moment. Don’t expect some ritual every time you’re released. You know what. It might take 20 seconds… she did it for you, be happy she did. She’s also been denied a lot of elements of your typical marriage. Will it benefit just you? Or will your wife feel it too? She’ll feel it. She might not even recognise it at first. Your lock ups will gradually decline, you’ll probably feel neglected, but this is her overcoming the normality of your previous life. Eventually, like you, she will come to realise the more important aspects of happiness. None of which revolves around your primal instincts lingering in your manhood. merit: that’s way more than one piece of advice edit: I meant to say ‘edit’ not ‘merit’
I think I have a reasonable idea. It's a bit of a trial run, special experience kind of thing. Our anniversary is October 15. Little less than two weeks from now. I'm already a week in with no ejaculation. I'll talk to her tonight about my hope to not ejaculate till our anniversary. True that after 3 weeks, it might not be a very long night, but it's more about making the moment a bit special. Really, I could do that. Candles around the garden tub, nice music, long sensual massages. Nice bottle of champagne, nice dinner. Full courtship mode. In the meantime, until that night, I'll do anything she wants. We can still have sex. Hopefully we will. I just won't finish (assuming I have even just a little bit of control). After our anniversary, we can chat about how it went. Decide if we want to hold back again or if it's too difficult for one or the other of us.
Why are you doing it? You don't need to tell us, but nnowing the why is really powerful, especially when you are being honest.
Kind of to understand how I feel. I'd say it's an extension of not jerking off, not looking at porn, service to my wife. Takes it another step. I used to cum every day. Until about 5 weeks ago that is. The difference between how I felt then, and how I feel now is significant. I am happier. Way happier. I used to think I gave my wife plenty of my attention. I give her many multiples more attention than I used to. I help her more in many ways. If just not jerking off makes that big a difference, what would not ejaculating do? I've been reading stuff online "Multi-Orgasmic Male", Gentleman Guide to Karezza", and random blogs. All talk of the benefits. I'm curious. I guess that's the why?
I think you've already explained it pretty well in a few different ways. You made reference to a drug - yes totally. This is a bio hack. Did you run into info the roles of dopamine, oxytocin and prolactin approaching and after the male orgasm? The orgasm is the ultimate reward with a surge of dopamine and oxytocin, but it is also followed by dose of prolactin which puts the brake on your boner, takes away interest in sex and wipes away the dopamine, resetting the male for his next conquest. So by not having an orgasm, it's exactly as you described. At times, I look at at my wife of 20 years as when we met and were dating. As the male courts, dopamine and oxytocin rise and rise until reset by an orgasm. So I think you totally nailed it - this is biohacking our hormones. I've been doing this off / on for 10 years or so. At first, I just got sucked and couldn't explain it. When I learned of the hormones, it just jumped out at me how natural and how normal of a kink this is. I kind of think most guys need to lay off jerking off a bit - not great for the male or the relationship. What is in it for your wife? - she gets to be your drug. I'm not sure you said it exactly the way I've thought about it, but after I learned of the hormones work in the male, it kind of became clear to me that I've kind of turned my wife into my drug - I tell her that. I also wondered if she could somehow feel what I am feeling when I am on cloud 9 but that it isn't possible for a woman to hack her way into feeling the exact same euphoria that we go through. We can relate to other things like hunger, or thirst, but they just aren't wired the way we are. I think the cool thing is they certainly enjoy what it turns into for them; our euphoria is coming up with ways give them euphoria anyway we can. Benefit to going longer? Well, you already found that it only takes few days to put you on edge and a week you start getting into everything more and more; help, intimacy, massages, oral, toys whatever you can do so you can put your hands on her. What I've only noticed in recent iterations is that my male brain loves the idea of a challenge and going further and pushing how long I go (recently did 5 weeks ... many previous 3 weeks prior). However as I go from 2x, 5x, 10x times more horny, my wife isn't wired the same way. Like every 100 yards I move, she'll move a yard. So anyway, I get it, that is part of the deal that we are to be frustrated - it's built into the kink. But I find as time goes on, as I get more ramped up, I also get a bit more fragile and it isn't hard to get my feelings hurt. I now tell my wife, "hey, I'm losing some altitude" and we get back on track but it has also ended in me snapping in anger and taking a break from chastity. So long story short, if we go longer, I personally need to maintain some level activity; I want way more, but like zero activity for more than 3 or 4 days and I'll crash ... I just need to do a better job communicating how I'm doing. I'm speaking from my experiences with my wife. Many women jump into the drivers seat and step on the gas, but it's been a lot of baby steps for her. Very sexy baby steps though ; ). If your wife can tease you and keep you all hot and bothered you can push things further and further; maybe she'll be up for pushing you more and more and have fun with it knowing that it might heighten some of your kinks that she doesn't love, but jumps right on them because she wants to push you. I hope this was helpful. Sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun. Keep us posted.
Just a quick update for this. I did talk to my wife about retention till our Anniversary. She agreed. Even thought it was a good idea! That's great, I guess. It's only 11 days from now, so shouldn't be too hard, looking forward to it, but also, a bit apprehensive. Good stuff.
You are a week away from your anniversary ... how are things going? I guess going beyond your anniversary, what are you thinking things will be like going forward? Is she into the idea of being your drug of choice? and driving you wild thereafter?
Well, I didn't make it past last night. I am, after all, her toy and she had a need for it. Ended up only 11 days but it was a great ride, a great release, and I'm hooked. I wish she really enjoyed other pleasures. I don't see how I can go for a month or more without impacting her. I've given her options. Oral, strap-on, even extra-curricular. She's not into any of them. She likes PIV with her toy. Could be worse. She could hate PIV with her toy. There also is another really good side affect. It used to be that I'd get pissed if I didn't get to cum often enough. Now I'm disappointed if I do get to cum. There's also another benefit. I have to clean her up after. That's worth cumming for right there.
Awesome man - must have felt awesome Ok ... she wants PIV, you had mentioned she likes when you orgasm I think. Could she deal with PIV without you orgasming or not all the time? And I guess putting a blind eye to chastity, now that you both have a better appreciation and understanding why it might be good for the guy to hold off on orgasms ... how often would she want you to orgasm? If she is insatiable for PIV, I would hope not every time you have PIV ... so from there, what do you do? I would assume having PIV and not having an orgasm. From there, isn't it just an understanding how often right? And why not have chastity in the background ... you're locked up in chastity the rest of the time pressing your boundaries and becoming a better version of yourself in many ways beyond the kink / sex stuff. Of course, wanting to worship her / make her happy every step of the way. If you guys are on board with PIV and you not coming ... you are well in alignment with long term chastity. Long term meaning going more than a week ... nothing super crazy. But from there you guys can tweak each other if you go longer. I guess, long story short, I don't see why you can't both have what you're interested in ... doesn't need to be all or nothing. Keep us posted!
True! Couldn't you use a little desensitizing spray and a condom to keep from cumming or from cumming too quickly?
Yep ... you could do that with an extended performance condom which has lidocaine in it ... or you could just get the spray version of lidocaine ... can you can spray down your cock and put in something like this ... $18 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BPC9X3Q3?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details I wanted my wife to be a size queen but she didn't like strap-ons or the first few extenders I tried ... too big ... to hard. I'm like ... ah, yeah, wasn't expecting that as a complaint. Sigh, I digress. The above though is soft so just as hard as you and doesn't do a lot to embellish size. Has remote control vibrators at the head and on the clit. I spray myself with some gold bond lidocaine spray and it has worked pretty well. I call it my stunt cock or stunt-double cock ; ) I hope that helps
Thanks, the suggestions are good ones. The issue is this hangup, is my hangup. My wife doesn't care. She doesn't care if I fuck her and cum in 5 seconds. She wants my cock inside her and she'll take it whether its for a short period of time or a long period of time. This makes no sense to me. But I'm a guy. I'm like, you don't want a big one? You don't want a steel pipe that can fuck you for an hour? You don't want a guy that cums in you and floods the bedroom with his cum? That makes no sense. I'm like, "Of course you want that". But she doesn't. And she happens to like sex. So, yeah, I don't understand it. Really. I guess the problem is in my mind. I've got some issue that makes me feel inadequate. (definitely my ex's fault...kidding). Just a humorous aside to the lidocane. I had bought some, used it generously, and lost all feeling what so ever. Couldn't even get hard. Numbed my wifes mouth too. Fortunately didn't last for long. But that's the other thing about using it. Even using it, doesn't last longer than 5-10 minutes. Sleeves would be great. Bought one years ago. She wants flesh. Bought strap-ons. Nope, not flesh. The only thing she's supportive of is Viagra, because she does like it hard. The real solution I believe is Tao techniques. They take time to master. I'm trying. So far, I've extended our sessions by about 5 seconds by breathing. That's said jokingly, but it's true too. Using breathing exercises, I was able to postpone the inevitable. I could feel the urge subside. But only for a moment. Then it came right back and broke free. It did seem though with enough practice, I could maybe last for a half hour to an hour. But I need practice. (you hear in the background, "Hey Hon, I need to practice my breathing. I need your help.....")
Right right man ... so now, I think you're coming full circle back to just fundamentals of seamen retention - they go hand in hand with tantric sex and karezza. I am so so novice, but want to learn more here, I know there is a lot to it and it takes a lot of practice, but at the end of the day tantric sex is just you being in her with no orgasm. You can still be locked up almost all the time and have tantric sex with no orgasm for the male. Purist tantric folks would not be a fan of the woman orgasming, but there are different views within tantric sex. At the end of the day, the male has a drop after orgasm and the female doesn't so if you're on a chastity website considering tantric sex, it's a safe bet you're cool with allowing the woman to have an orgasm ; ). So yeah I go down on my wife a couple times a week typically. Before I go down on her, I ask her if she wants me locked or unlocked. If unlocked, I'm going in her after but no orgasm. Since she has become comfortable with the above extender, if I unlocked I ask if she wants me or the toy as well. Again though, her being ok with an extender is new territory for me ... only used it like 3 times. So yeah, I want to revisit my wife's initial reaction to strap ons and extenders - not a fan. Not at all. It sounds like you experienced the exact same thing with your wife. With that said, my non size queen wife was totally cool with the $18 toy from above, vibration stuff or not, I'd say give it a chance. First time, I was still fighting not coming even though I had been numbed. The next 2 times though were magical for me. I totally stayed hard, but felt like my cock had been shot with nonvaccine and I could go and go. So next is for her to consider what she wants more of. The problem I need to work through is that by the time I'm putting the extender on and taking things next level, she's just gone through 15-20 minutes of oral followed by 1 or 2 different toys that put her over the edge more than once. Me in her naked at that point is my poor mans attempt at tantric sex. My cock is so lost on what to do at first after unlocking and having it go through all that foreplay, but after a few strokes I go in like 3/4 hard ... get in her and move back and forth just a bit and my cock turns into a rod. I don't move - I can't. I just hold my wife as her hands move around my body. She is already somewhat lost and I'm just trying to breath normal even though I'm not moving, after minutes of that I can actually start to move a little and every now and then somehow I can go for a little bit, but I typically have to withdrawal after a little bit. Then there is the stunt cock route which she is warming up to. Same situation only I can more easily move into the "hey I want to fuck the shit out of you" zone and she takes a little but I can see she just wants to be slow and hold each other after all of that activity. Both are magical ... next up, I've challenged my wife to consider that she now has a cock she likes while an extender is on it and how long do you really want to go etc. We could have a whole lot of fun doing a handful of positions we didn't do that much of or hadn't tired. So figure out the blend of oral / toys that would still leave her wanting a handful of nice PIV situations etc. Anyway, I guess I've been all over the place here, I think my point to take away is that I don't think your paths need to be mutually exclusive ... you've got the right idea on seamen retention and the benefits ... sounds like you guys have healthy communication so you can just figure out all of these different options we're going back and forth on. So ... what is you're plan ... whare you at? What has your wife said about this as the thread has gone on? It sounded like she was anti chastity / seamen retention but may have changed thoughts? She wants PIV and there are ways to accomplish that ... what are the sticking points on locking you up and just letting her become your drug of choice? I guess, outside of PIV ... is she ok with basking in your attention whatever that is? For me, that's what keeps me going ... foot / body massages ... going down on her a couple times a week etc etc. Is she ok just receiving or is that weird for her? Cheers!
It depends which hat I'm wearing. The selfish me hat says, go for retention and hope it works out with her. The "new improved me" says, figure out then do what she wants. And I'd say I know where she's at. She's actually great with chastity. She sees the benefit. She probably will not want me to ever get unlocked for more than play. Retention she's ok with too, as long as I can do PIV until she's satisfied. Before chastity, I sometimes could last longer than she could. And she had no problem saying, enough. Let's get back to this tomorrow. So if I could master Karezza, "Sexual Kung Fu", Tao, "The multi-orgasmic male", she'd be fine. More than fine. I'd be her hero. She's ok with me being locked up. Not 100% supportive but 100% understanding. She thinks the look of a cage is a bit like bondage. But we're past those growing pains. I'm locked up, she has the keys, and she sees the benefits very clearly. She just likes sex and doesn't want it to interfere. She also is not kinky so she's not going to play domme/denial games. They'd be fun, but I don't need them. She is my drug of choice. And she's legal too! If you learn anything good about the Karezza etc. techniques, or if you discovered a good way of being successful, message me. I'll do the same. Ultimately I need practice, but practice and chastity seem contradictory. In this one book I'm reading, "Multi-Orgasmic Male", it keeps talking about practicing on yourself. I want to scream at the book. "Yes!!!!, I want to practice on myself. But I'm locked up in a cage!!". I'm locked for about 5 more months. I figure then I can practice for as long and as often as I want.