So in the last few weeks there have been ups and downs in the relationship regarding chastity. Lately my key holder has been doing everything to not have me locked. I've tried to communicate that anytime she wants me unlocked it is her choice. That I also feel that I am also better in all facets of our relationship when I'm locked. She agrees but I keep feeling she wants all the good things from chastity without the chastity. Always keep communicating and taking it slow. Anyone else get this feeling from their wonderful key holders?
No. We are matched well and we understand each other, and we are playing the same game. Instead of thinking about your needs try thinking about her needs. So what if she doesn't want to use the cage and wants all of the good things. Can't you do that for her?
For sure I can think of her needs. I acknowledge that I have a desire to be locked. I am also aware that I suggested the cage a while back because when I'm in it my desire to connect with her on several levels including physical is significantly increased. When I was not locked I would sit and watch sports on TV and go down that rabbit hole of a good part of the day not invested in the relationship. While locked I am reminded physically about the relationship all the time. I will still watch sports but now I dust, clean, and do laundry. If she said no more cage I would agree. It's just a great tool for me to be reminded of doing things that are great for relationships.
When thinking about it, swap cage and chastity with crack cocaine and crystal meth, and you'll clearly see that it's unhealthy to rely on it for the benefits you describe. Why can't you be that nice guy without a sex toy attached to you? I know the above is not what anyone wants to hear, but until you fix yourself then adding sex games into the mix is just a distraction from a deeper problem.
Jay got his point, but it is something you hear regulary in this forum: "I need got get locked to be more attentive" etc. If you really were that way, you would be on the same coginitive level as a dog. Congratulations ! Apart from that there are 2 basic rules that many people sem to forget: 1. If your partner is not into kink, (s)he is not into kink ! And there is only a chance that you might be able to change it. Playing the unruely child - always calling "but i want this and that" will not work for sure 2. If there are problems in a relationship kink (usually) is not the solution !In the contrary - many kinks require a very solid relationship to build on.
I ask myself this question all the time: Why can't I be a decent husband without having my cock locked up in a metal prison? I have not yet found the answer. I'm not sure that I ever will, but I'll keep trying.
Anyone here who claims they’re exactly the same guy with or without the cage on is lying. We all know the hormones affected by not having orgasms, and what they do. Now could he be chaste without the cage, sure, if he has incredible self control. I know I could, but it absolutely wouldn’t be as much fun either and takes away from feeling my Wife’s power over me. We’ve been married for 32 years, since we were 18, have four grown children together, have always communicated and supported each other in everything. She would tell you just how much I shower her with attention, always have done housework, always did more with our kids than any man she’s seen….and yet when I’m locked, the level of all attention goes up more. So you guys saying this guy must be weak or a bad husband or a piece of shit guy because he enjoys the way he is when he’s locked is a little odd. This whole forum is full of posts about how much better males are when denied access to their penis and all of sudden that’s not true here?? Lol If I were you Big E, I’d talk to your Wife and see exactly what she doesn’t like about keeping you locked (as someone else posted), and see if there’s a compromise to be had. Maybe she keeps you locked for a couple weeks and then you’re free a week or two and you agree to stay chaste for her without the cage. Maybe there’s a way for you both to get what you need and still have some fun. We used to take a week break every month or two, eventually my Wife realized her life was easier and better off keeping me locked all the time, and once she knew I was truly ok with being locked unless she wanted access, our lives changed and this became our lifestyle all the time. I’m sure as long as you both communicate honestly about it, you’ll end up exactly where you’re supposed to be with chastity and will both have fun with it. Good luck
If you know anything at all, you'll know that no one is the exact same person from moment to moment, from person to person, from interaction to interacton. The cage is no different. If I put you in a suit, or in overalls, and sent you to the shop to buy whiskey then you'd be a different version of you due to your attire. Cages don't stop orgasms. You'd need to define "chaste" for this discussion but I can not jerk off without a cage, I can go long periods without having an orgasm, and I don't class myself as having invcredible self-control. I'd say I have average self-control since I am not a candy chasing dopamine addicted child So if it is no weakness or lack of attentiveness, why do you require a cage for the attention to go up more? I think you are confusing things. I agree, men that are horny are more attentive because they are horny, and locking away our dicks so we can't comfortably relieve the horny feelings will generally increase our attentiveness. However, you are weak if you can't keep your hands off your favourite plaything without needing a locking sex toy, and you are weak if you can't go a month or two without orgasming. That's the truth. I love being caged, but I don't need to be caged to prevent me from jerking off or to encourage me to treat my GF like someone I love and respect. Honesty is a useful tool, especially if we use it to explore ourselves. I love being caged because I love being horny, and being horny is a massive motivator in my life as it seems to increase my energy levels like a mushroom in supermario, which means I get a LOT of work done (physical, mental, and creative). Maybe it's because I have gone so long without an orgasm that I feel this way. A great many men on this forum use chastity to coerce their partners to "force them to eat cum" or "force them to wear women's clothes" or "force them to cum through anal". I think it is dishonest. They should instead just confess they want to eat cum, wear women's clothes or be butt fucked. Why the theatre? Anywway, that's today's TedTalk from me
I don’t disagree with any of the points you’ve made, it’s just the way things were going for this guys post were making it sound like this guy better get into marriage counseling immediately because he wrote a small paragraph about wishing his wife would lock him up for longer periods and she didn’t really want that, and him asking if other people here had a similar issue.
I wager she thinks wearing a device is unmanly, she likely sees this as a sign of weakness, which I suppose it is. Are you better in the relationship because of submissive feeling due to the cage or that the cage prevents mastubating? If its the latter, find her weak spot, perhaps cookies. Get a bunch and make them always available, offer them often, when she helps herself ask her to demonstrate self control, then offer her another. Ask her to give it 3 months, this is what I did with my wife. She finally admitted I'm better when I dont masturbate, but I have to manage the key. Perhaps not as sexy as we would like but with this situation your partner might be able to take this smaller step
Plenty of discussions on this site about KH reluctance, and penis holder desires to be locked up. It's really pretty par. It's not that a guy is weak, although maybe we are. I'm not weak yet when it comes to jerking off, I am. It's not much different than saying, ok, today I'm determined not to eat. Maybe you'll make it for a while. Eventually you will eat. Because you have a need to eat. The need will win out. Guys are built to need to cum. It's how our species procreate. If we didn't feel a need to cum, we'd probably just be a glimmer in some amoeba's eyes. I've found the only way I can depend on myself not jerking off is to lock it up. Otherwise, I might go 3-4 days and do great. Just one moment of weakness and the temptation will be too much. I've resigned myself to it. Call me weak if you need to. But I'm not too proud to admit that if it's my mind vs my cock, my cock wins every time. It might take a while for her to understand. Perhaps she never will. But the benefit is real. There are articles everywhere that discuss it. There have been biological studies of what chastity does to a guy. There are chemical/hormonal changes as a result. There are psychological studies. Men are happier locked. This is all true. Yes, there's a side of it that's kinky, part of a submission in a BDSM relationship. I think there is a part of that that I feel too. But it is not what is motivating it and kink is not the primary benefit. Bottom line, be patient. Maybe show her some of the articles. Maybe really communicate your reasons. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.
My wife barely participates in me being caged, which I am most of the time. The key is right there on the counter in the bathroom, available for me use whenever I want. She also has a much lower libido than me and is seldom, not never but seldom, interested in sex. She likes me to be interested and sexually energized when the mood hits her. Fair enough, but if I'm not in the cage I will masturbate. Not right away but I will. So I wear the cage to keep myself charged. I should also mention that I'm kind of old and it takes me a long time to recharge. This afternoon the signs were pointing to a sexual encounter and I took the cage off. By the way, I'm perfectly happy to have sex with her while in my cage. Maybe even happier. But she was saying she wanted to give PIV a chance. So I was uncaged but her sexual energy dissipated. I began to ache in frustration; it has been a very long time since I've had an orgasm. I know that wearing the cage would damp down my ache so I put it right back on. Sure enough, my urgent "need" for an orgasm went away. I'd still like to cum but my feeling of need is once again manageable. That's what my titanium cage does for me.
Thanks for the comments. To answer some questions. It's not weakness. I see it as a tool to improve my relationship. The same way we use a watch to tell time and keep us on a schedule. The cage keeps me on reminded to do the things that keep the relationship healthy and strong. Doing things around the house that I know need to be done before she even asks. Going out of my way to do the special things like detailing her car and give loving touches as we pass by each other. Without the cage I still want to do those things but I don't always give it all my attention due to all the distractions in life. Like a constant gentle reminder the cage helps me focus on the important things in life like my girlfriend.
I understand what you are saying. The relationship has been very strong for years before introducing chastity. Even without chastity it will be healthy and loving. What I am trying to communicate is the following. Before we had smart devices and electronic calendar/schedules in the palm of our hands we used to have to write it all down in a planner or calendar that did not have all the notifications and alerts to help us keep on schedule. I believe that using chastity is very much like using smart devices to keep reminded to focus even better on my relationship.
I agree with you here. It's not that we can't be nice guys without a cage. Of course we can. But can we use help? Can't speak for anyone else, but I KNOW I need help to be a nice guy. Not all the time, mind you. Sometimes I'm a really nice guy for no reason at all! (I know, what a shock). But sometimes I'm in a funk. Sometimes I'm distracted. Sometimes I'm sad. And when I am, I'm not really nice. I may not be mean as a result, but not the nice loving guy my wife wants, loves, and married. Some guys do prozac, some guys do chastity, some guys resort to road rage at the traffic light. Sure, some guys can do Zen, and for them, great. I'd like to get to know you sometime. In my book, of the prozac, chastity, road-rage, I'll take chastity. So should your wife.
That is a good point. I've had several talks with her to understand how she thinks and feels about chastity in our relationship. She is concerned about the device posing health issues. Another concern is if there was an emergency medical issue and the ER doctors would see the cage. I've shared with her content to show that a lot of guys are locked without any harmful health issues. In addition I carry a backup key in a sealed envelope in my wallet for any emergency situations. I have also purchased the book locked in love which does a nice good explaining a healthy aspect of chastity.
I find that I can clean up 100% while locked. I use Q-tips and actually I probably am cleaner than if I washed normally. And with respect to peeing, well, I sit while peeing now. And I squirt myself clean with a water bottle when finished. Definitely cleaner than a few shakes at the urinal. True if I'm camping with the guys and everyone pees standing by the tree, I end up the odd man out. I can and have peed standing while caged. Not the best, but I can, and I just am sure to extra clean the cage that night. I'm locked without getting out for any reason 24x7 for a week at a time. I come out once a week to play. I take that opportunity to shower without the cage. I find there is no hygine issue at all. This was a concern for my wife and she now agrees there is no issue. With respect to the medical issue. Sure, maybe. But if I'm rushed to the hospital, the last thing I'll worry about is that the nurses may see me in a cage. Besides, I'm sure they've seen it all. It's also not like these cages are made out of super tough kevlar with a lock from Fort Knox. I don't need an emergency key (although I do have one in a remote controlled lock box). If for some reason, I have to get out, it will take a total of 5 seconds to break the lock. Both these issues were my wife's. After 6 weeks in the cage, she understands completely and has no issue. She still thinks it's a little weird, but she also has seen a huge change in me. And she is able to connect it to the chastity cage (not jerking off, and the mental gymnastics a guy does when he accepts that his cock is not his). It's really not rocket science. We know that if you take a male dog and get him fixed, he becomes a sweeter dog. A chastity cage is such a better option than castration. Just saying.
That is a good point. I asked my girlfriend about her perception of me being caged and if it was unmanly. She said that was not the issue and she feels safe and protected by me. I'll try the cookie suggestion and see how that goes. Thanks for the suggestion.
I've read enough of @true42 's posts to think I can answer that for him, but I won't. But, for me, the answer is "Yes, I am weak".
Thank you for sharing this perception. I’ve always tried to be helpful attentive and caring through our 23 year relationship. Sometimes she feels like I follow her around like a lost pup but I’m gone best part of the week and just enjoy being with her when I’m home. We both wanted to try this out years ago and didn’t but I brought it up again and she was really excited and purchased one almost immediately. Had to cancel it till we did some measurements but that’s besides the point. We have a great marriage and our communication is also. The chastity has only made things more exciting and fun when we had a great sexual relationship to start with. Trying to fix something that’s broken isn’t always an easy task.
There's just something about knowing that I'm locked and she holds the leverage ... it does something to the brain.