How to influence my KH to lock me for longer

Wrote a longer article about it here.

 

Probably not. I suspect most men are locked in part because their keyholder is off penetration.

However, some keyholders seem to really like strapon sex ("foxing"). Apart from finding it amusing, they have complete control of size and duration, with no ejaculation.

The snag is that some women really like actual penis in vagina and will accept no substitute.

 

yes but some like tonges as well.

 

Easily depends on many thing. As other mentioned some keyholders don’t want PIV and are satisfied with oral. Some don’t like PIV because of the man’s stamina or lack there of. For those that still want penetrative sex, the strapon is an easy alternative to unlocking. Also, I’d rather fuck my wife with a strapon then not at all, so for me personally, I “enjoy” it, and since she loves having PIV, she’s not denied and can even experiment - our latest replacement is a little bigger than me on all fronts and she’s starting to really like it better than me so it accomplishes a few goals… she stays well satisfied and doesn’t have to unlock me and even makes her not feel any reason to at this stage.

Again, everyone’s dynamic is different, so what works for some may not work for all etc.

 

Agree 100%

Despise that term that Tom coined “fauxing” lol

 

The escalation path for me with my wife was:
A couple hours
Overnight
a week
a month
3 months...that turned into 5 and a half months.

Once you get past a month, you feel like you've invested so much already you kind of want to keep going....until you don't and are losing you your mind for an orgasm. Then you have one and are like...eh, should have kept going.

You can always play around within those time spaces. I think 6 weeks is a good average to keep a good cycle going. Enough to really feel the effects, but not so long as to lose hope, especially if your KH likes to keep you guessing (wonderful place to be). Unless you really want to go long like @JaySaysYes enjoys.

 

Can’t believe everyone giving you advice on how to top from the bottom…smh

 

Amazing, isn't it! Relationship communication..."hey honey, how are you doing...is everything ok?" "yes, doing great". Ok, let's see if you can do another month. Yikes...deep breath...ok

 

Enjoys isn't quite the right word

 

lol thats not what the op is doing...he is trying to get his girlfriend to do the cage time the way he wants it done NOT the way she wants it done the fact that you don't see this speaks volumes.

Lets try this... "looking for ways to influence my girlfriend to release me and give me more orgasms" Or how bout this " looking for ways to influence my girlfriend to release me more"... topping from the bottom tell her if she doesn't agree leave it at that..... it supposed to be about her not him

 

Maybe I missed that part...I read it more as "Over a year ago after a failed PIV sex session when I couldn't stay hard, I suggested chastity to her as a sex game."

I don't see anything in the original post about rules that it's only about her way. It sounded to me more like a mutual journey and experience to get both needs met and help him with erection issues.

 

Hard to disagree with this.

 

My wife had all the same concerns. All you can do is explain that it does not hurt and you love the feeling of sexual frustration and being locked up. You need to convince her of two things. The first that it is not harmful and the second that you prefer to be locked and denied than get orgasms whenever you like. My wife and I have been at this for over 40 years, 30 on the honor system and 13 locked in every major brand of cage plus custom too. It does affect me and my ability to get erect and ejaculate but that is what we are OK with.

It took three attempts to get my wife comfortable with me locking up when we were on the honor system so long. I simply told her that I cheated a few times so we needed to lock it up and the first time she let me orgasm weekly and kept asking if it hurt. Then she just ignored me sexually so I unlocked. Second time was my fault because I made it a lot of work for her. If I do this, you must do that kind of thing. The third time we had only one rule, my wife makes all rules, does not have to tell me and can change them without notice. Then it worked because my chastity was not indirectly controlling her actions.

I also acted somewhat. I showed my wife how denying me orgasms made it better for her. I begged her to massage her feet. I did more around the house telling her that I was burning off sexual energy. I made her know how much she made me horny and more obedient to her needs. Most of all I told her that I liked it best when sex was for her pleasure only and that I actually shared in her orgasms which made me feel like I had one too. Not going to lie but it took us a few years to get it right. Basically show how how much better it is for her when you are locked and denied like I did.

 

I think there’s a big difference in wanting to learn what others have had successes with and help to educate both parties in the relationship if they’re new to this. Keyholder’s have to learn just as much as the guy that’s locked up, and most women take a little longer to understand where the man is coming from (why does he want this), as well as embrace the power they have by holding the key, and getting over the guilt and other associated emotions of saying No.

So, yes in a way, there’s a bit of TFTB but when you go from vanilla into any kink there’s a learning curve. Now if the OP’s wife was already skilled a bit and not vanilla or very into BDSM, different story. Plus they have to learn those boundaries together at first, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Remember this is the “novices and newbies” forum so these folks are just trying to learn from us vets.

 

It really is this simple.

 

Quite simply, the article convinced you, so ask her to read the article, and ask her "can we please discuss it after she's read it?".

The two important things to do are...

1) Let her go at her own pace. You've been fantasising about this for months, probably years. Now you want to go 0-100 in a day and she doesn't even understand the subject yet. Neither do you, or you wouldn't be asking for advice, but can't you see, she's way behind you, have patience and give her time to catch up. If you ask her to do the marathon before she's done the half mile, she's not going to do either.

2) Make it about her. You've talked about your extended lockup, your chastity, your desires. What does she get out of this? Make it all about the benefits to her, don't tell her, do them. If you do that, and she really starts to get and understand the benefits, she's not going to want to unlock you. Ever.

 

Just explain it to her as you did in your first post here, and stop asking when you will be unlocked.

 

Once your partner sees the impact that denial has on you (greater attentiveness & emotional connectedness) and experiences the difference in you after an orgasm (the opposite), she'll want to extend the denial period until it reaches a point where the difference becomes negligible. For us, it's a month, but she's pushing it to be a bit longer at her discretion. It's taken 18 months of practicing chastity 24x7 to reach this place.