Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

A few little updates.

I'm on lates today - just back from the gym. Saw Katie there - the woman with the key that she wears around her ankle. I plucked up courage and said something about us both being key-ladies. She asked what mine was for and I froze for a moment and just said, "valuables". She said, "Same here". It was friendly but neither of us wanted to say any more and we just moved on to talk about the quality of the cafe, and that was that.

My Pete and I were on the London Underground the other day. There were huge posters advertising EMLA cream - aimed at people who are having travel vaccinations and want to avoid the scratch of a needle. But it did make us laugh! He mentioned that having to wear a glove while applying it detracted from the experience. I said that maybe we should try one of those sheath/extender things. He asked whether I'd enjoy the extra size, (he's so predictable!) or lasting longer. I told him (truthfully) that I hadn't really thought about it but I just thought it might be a bit of fun and another way for to control that part of him. I said I thought he should order one. He looked like a frightened rabbit - an aroused and excited frightened rabbit. I'd be grateful for any tips on using a sheath thing - does he go into it while he's hard, or does it stop him getting hard? There seem to be different sorts!

We had a good talk the other night about the project. It's been more than a year now. Basically, we both really like it. We asked each other about the best and worst things about it. For me, the best thing is the feeling of control and I really like the responsibility although it's sometimes scary. I also like that he's more deliciously hormonal than he used to be, more focused on me sexually, which I find flattering and a turn-on. And oral sex is on a completely different plane from a year ago. He's learned what I enjoy and I could swear that he's grown new muscles in his mouth and tongue, and I've probably learned better how to respond as well.

The worst thing for me is still that I miss having him inside me as much as we used to. The toys are a lot of fun and help, much, much more than I thought they would, but I still miss that. And sometimes the responsibility gets too much, especially when I forget to keep him teased and he gets annoyed.

He said that the best thing for him was relinquishing control, not having to be responssible and being constantly excited about me (I blush!!). The worst things were having disturbed sleep (i suggested we put him in the marginally smaller cage at night-time), and having to find a stall to have a pee (welcome to my world). He said that occasionally, having given up the sexual lead, he worried about it spilling over into the rest of our lives, but that didn't seem to be happening too much, except when I've pegged him, when he said it takes him a day or so stop agreeing with me all the time! We talked about that for a bit - neither of us wants him to be submissive in our everyday lives but I joked that I should remember to 'bugger him senseless' just before we go shopping for my next birthday treat!

I asked if there had been any other surprises. He said it amazed him that he'd got so used to the cage that he wanted to be in it. And he said, "I love you, and I love having my sexuality in your hands". Of course he added the goofy grin. That made me completely melt. Off with his cage, and him inside. He came immediately I told him to (the feeling of power when that happens is something else) and then a much longer session later in the day.

It feels like it's going well at the moment. And I just got a (small) promotion at work. Happy Sal.

Sal

 

A couple of other things that I forgot...

Another huge surprise for us both was just how much fun it was for him, while he was caged, to wear a strap-on, which I treated as if it was the real thing. The brain really does play strange tricks. With just candlelight he said that watching me, he could have sworn that I had him in my mouth. A year ago, the whole idea would have been appalling to me - yuck, yuck, yuck - and yet it turned out to be a great big turn-on for us both. That was a major surprise.

The other thing that happened is that after he watched me with the monstrous Daddy Bear (now just called 'Big Bear', he's mentioned it a couple of times and has wanted to use it on me (in me, I guess) by hand, as it were. I don't know why, but I said no - that along with the key, I thought this was something only I should be able to touch. It was a really odd moment. Both of us felt it was exciting but couldn't explain why. Occasionally since then, I've taken it out of the drawer and held it for a moment, knowing he's watching me. He has a similar reaction to when he sees me touching the key - total concentration - fixation, really.

We are strange creatures.

Sal

 

Just looking back over this. This might be one of the most important things I've learned over the last year. It's easy enough to understand and to read, but I have only recently taken it on board, so to speak. Not having that anatomy myself, it's not the easiest thing to imagine, viscerally, I mean. An important little bit of sex education... Sal

 

First time was here, not that long ago. It was very moving for both of us, although I felt I was having to use muscles I never thought I had, or use existing ones in ways they weren't used to! We used Little Bear again in the same way a couple of weeks later, trying a couple of different angles and positions. We learned that a. there's no such thing as too much lube, b. me 'giving' and him 'receiving' was a squirmy mindfuck for both of us and c. it's the only thing we've done in this project that really seemed to spill over into the rest of our lives - he seemed (and said he felt), 'submissive' for a day or two afterwards. No idea if that's just popular cultural conditioning or what, but it was definitely a thing. It felt like something we wouldn't, or perhaps shouldn't, do very often.

Sal

 

Thank you for such kind words.

I had wondered about a caption with me in the picture but I'd be so worried about it being discovered by guests or turning up in the wrong place. Mind you, maybe I could find some clever wording that would only make sense to him, like, "we fit together like lock and key" or somesuch. Sal

 

I've been thinking about your post, @ManInSteelUK, and I think you (and others too) are right about him wanting to test the boundaries. Yesterday afternoon he arrived home slightly the worse for drink. While his guard was down I asked him, as others have suggested here, whether perhaps he kept deliberately pushing buttons in the hope that he might have some 'funishment'. Frankly, we both know this to be the case and enjoy playing the game but I wanted to hear it and he finally admitted it. I asked him just how much 'funishment' he thought he could bear before it turns from fun into something else and he said that he honestly didn't know. I don't think either of us does. It felt like a lovely, close conversation and we had a long kiss. One thing led to another and about an hour later, I decided to let him out, joking that it was 'for good behaviour'.

Except, I should have been wary of the alcohol and should have read the cocky signs. One moment we were kissing and cuddling and I was lying back thinking about being gently taken and commanding him to come, with the anticipation of a second deliciously slow bout later. The next moment he was kneeling astride my chest pinning my arms (ouch!) For a second I enjoyed the feeling of his power, although I felt out of control, but then he took himself in his hand, which is a total, absolute no-no unless I've asked him to, or at least given my permission. I asked him to stop and he ignored me and almost immediately came - on me. Some on my face and in my hair. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I screamed at him to get off and get a towel and I think he was shocked at the scale of my reaction. I told him that even if we hadn't had our project, I didn't want to be cast in a porn movie, at least not as a nasty surprise and in a way that humiliated and hurt me. Then I remembered our earlier conversation and just said something on the lines of 'if this is his way of testing boundaries, then two can play at that game'. I looked at him and realised this was exactly what he'd goaded me into. He asked me what would happen next. At that point, I had no idea. I just said, "you'll know when it happens".

I went off to have a long shower. By the time I'd finished, I surprised myself by not being very annoyed but pretty certain that I needed to do something. I texted Laura and we're going to meet on Wednesday. My Pete asked me if I was upset. I told the truth that for some reason, I wasn't, but assuming he wants to continue with the project, that there would have to be consequences. And since then I've been all sweetness and light, while I can tell he's like a kid knowing something scary is about to happen.

Sal

 

Thank you @Rectrix @Jay Sub @BavarianWoman. I think the caning just isn't me, or isn't us - I don't know. I do know that I don't have to rush though - my lack of reaction at the moment is clearly worrying him! He went off to work today asking me if everything is alright. He looked confused and concerned when I reassured him that it was! <evil grin> Laura tomorrow, and a plan, I hope. Feeling nervous about the whole thing but sort of excited too. Sal