Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

@IB-Chaste you are very naughty. I definitely won't be naming any sexual contraption after Laura's partner! Sal

 

Another long post I'm afraid. As ever, it's a way for me to get my own thoughts straight.

So, this weekend we had our second talk (supported by a little questionnaire I wrote!) about the things he likes and fantasises about. The first one was not long after he'd come - he'd just been caged for a couple of days. For the second talk he was about as frustrated as he can get ('TFD' or totally effing desperate). And @Open2njoy, I completely get your point about fantasies not necessarily being things that happen, or even that we would want to happen, in real life. My Pete asked whether in return I would share mine, which I did. We had both discussions lying on the bed, with my hand on his cage, which I like and so does he.

Here are some of the things I've learned:

• Articulating fantasies was a lot more difficult for both of us that we'd expected. It wasn't to do with embarrassment or anything, but just being able to remember them and put them into words, while being able to distinguish the things we enjoy in real life from the things that are just fun dreams (eg my desire to be pampered in a 'harem' of beautiful men, haha)
• Having a questionnaire as a prompt really helped. Thank you for that suggestion.
• Even though it wasn't easy, we both enjoyed the discussions. I always knew he would find it arousing to do this but I hadn't realised quite how much I would enjoy it too.

• Most things that he voiced were similar in both discussions. A common theme was where he was naked or exposed and I still had clothes on. There were quite a few fantasies about being inspected or examined by me, or by other women (or both) or by me and a man (surprise!). (I mentioned (with a grin, would you believe) that he could have had more of the two-women inspection fantasy in real life if he hadn't overstepped with Laura). He mentioned size several times. I had thought that he would dream about being huge and pinning me (or some other floosie) to the floor but actually his thoughts were about being small rather than very big. He said that when I had suggested to him recently, pretty much in passing, that he might need a slightly smaller cage, because I've noticed it doesn't quite reach the end of the cage sometimes, his stomach had flipped.
  
• In one of these fantasies, he described being examined and discussed, and watched while he went soft. That was another theme - having his erections controlled in some way, or being asked to play with himself while being watched, without being able to come of course. (That's another thing we've been doing to get him TFD, either using a little numbing cream, or only allowing him to use one finger etc). There were several fantasies about being tied or incapacitated.. I'm glad to say that he still has the usual and ubiquitous male fantasy of watching me with another woman (or two women!). And he mentioned tying me and using his tongue or toys in various ways. There were quite a few fantasies about having his balls on a leash of some sort, which wasn't much of a surprise, and several about ruined orgasms (I hate that phrase), which I hadn't predicted. This made me think...
  
• Now to the differences in his fantasies between when he's recently come and when he's TFD. There's definitely a difference of emphasis. It's quite subtle but definitely there. The more desperate he is, the more his naughty thoughts seem to involve me. I hadn't expected that at all. I would have thought that the more desperate he becomes, the less concerned about me he'd be. He reminded me that this was about fantasies and not necessarily about real life (he had that scene with Laura when he was TFD).
  
• One definite contrast was that when he's TFD, there's less talk about entering me himself and more talk about satisfying me with a dildo (fantasising about doing so outdoors or surreptitiously in public) or in other ways. He mentioned size more as well, wanting me to feel 'properly filled'. I don't want him hung up about size, but this didn't feel like the time to bring him back to earth with assurances about his own dimensions. I did that later. He also mentioned wearing a strap-on to enter me and maybe some of my friends at the same time (that's a good one, haha!) He said that when he'd worn Dora (dildo, 'the explorer') and I had 'worshipped' it, and took it into my mouth) in place of the real thing (which was flapping about unattended at the time) that had been one of the most erotic things he'd ever had done to him.
  
• Another contrast was that when he's TFD he's somewhat more anally focused. Again, a surprise. He mentioned being penetrated in different scenarios, several involving me using a strap-on, which is something we haven't quite managed yet. In one quite simple fantasy I apparently took the Aneros out of my handbag in a restaurant asked him to go to the loo and 'pop it in for me'.
• I mentioned to him that when he's come recently, like in the days before our project, he enjoys my boobs but is sexually quite focused on my bum - I could always sense his eyes on me if I was standing at the sink or if I bent to pick something up. But the more desperate he is, the more he seems to focus a bit more on my boobs and a bit less on my bum. I said it was a bit like having a teenager around, and he said, 'that's exactly it'. But he also said that because I wear the key there, he associates the two. He also told me about some key fantasies. In real life, the chain is long enough to keep it pretty well hidden but he told me about fantasies he's had of being out with my female friends and them spotting it and cottoning on.
  
• We (finally!) talked about a few of my fantasies. There's the old chestnut I've mentioned before - where I take him to a shop where lots of men are being fitted with cages by assistants, just like mums with their kids buying shoes. Another scenario I've imagined, which I find very erotic, is where I am not only able to make him hard when I want but also to make him soft on command. After the incident with Laura, I fantasised about walking in on him where he's standing, hard, in front of someone else and he goes instantly limp on my command. I've also thought about him not being able to get hard at all unless I'm present - without the cage, I mean. I think this is connected to my real-life enjoyment of having trained him to come so quickly and on command the first time he's inside me when he's been caged for a while. In the occasional unkind moment, I imagine him trying to have sex with someone else, failing and being rejected by the witch, whoever she is!
  
• I didn't tell him (I didn't want to worry him) that I have fantasised a couple of times about submitting utterly to someone else, while MyPete watches. It's absolutely not what I want to do in real life but one's mind wanders into dark places sometimes.

One general point that was very clear in both discussions is that MyPete really values surrendering sexual decision taking to me and it makes me feel great having that feeling of control. Phew! When he's recently come, he finds it difficult not to feel responsibility (and some anxiety) for his 'performance' (eg how quickly he comes if he's inside me, whether he can make me come that way etc). I was surprised to discover that when he's TFD, he's much less concerned about his performance, or taking charge, and more able just to let me lead and take responsibility for his responses. (To 'forget himself' as he put it) That wasn't what I was expecting.

Yesterday he told me he was desperate and begged quite a bit. I do love him being desperate and the sexually charged atmosphere it creates. I also find that it's impossible not to be excited myself when what we're doing has such an effect on him. But I've also mentioned to him that sometimes it's a bit one-sided and that, although no extreme adjustment is needed, I'd like him to put just a little more effort into thinking creatively about things that I might like and that he might be rewarded as a result! He wasn't the slightest bit defensive, and immediately agreed to try. He mentioned that three (yikes!) 'Vixskins' are on their way but wondered whether perhaps I might need some release right then and there. That's indeed exactly what I needed but instead of unlocking him, which is what he expected, I just gave him the little signal and he immediately obliged, although he did complain quite a bit.

I only had to ask him once to slow down. It reminded me that that when we first met, I spent a long time gradually learning what felt good for him when I held or stroked or took it in my mouth in different ways. I asked him to give me lots of feedback, either in words or whimpers of delight. But until the chastity project, we'd never done the same thing in reverse, with me consciously giving him loads of feedback to help him learn. And another thing; mouths and tongues need exercise, and the muscles change with exercise. I only thought about this a few months ago when a musician friend mentioned it. So, while I do feel I'm missing out on having 'ordinary' penetrative sex as much as I used to, other ways of being satisfied have become much more special. That's been another surprise.

Sorry to rabbit on.

Sal.

 

Interesting thought, thank you, but probably not for us. Best that it stays as my little fantasy! Sal

 

@SlaveBoy73 I love the phrase 'another rooster in the proverbial hen-house'. That's not one I've heard before and it made me laugh. I appreciate the ideas, but I think this is a no-go area for us - I fear it would be playing with fire, even as an 'imaginary scenario'. ( I expect that someone will now gently remind me about all the things I said were off-limits a year ago but are now part of our lives!)

Sal

 

One thing I forgot to mention was that we both have fantasies involving that part of him becoming ours and not just his. One of mine was discovering that I wake up one day and find that it's actually part of me (yes, yes, I know - not a fantasy that will happen in real life, at least I fervently hope not!) His were a bit more practical but on the same theme - things like needing permission to touch himself (which is essentially how things are at the moment), or being in situations where he needed to ask my permission, such as for a medical exam.
I'm not sure about the fantasies but I do really like the idea of part of him being ours and not 'his' and have been trying to train us both to feel that way. I think it's easier for him to think that way because of the cage being a constant reminder that he isn't in control of it. But I keep forgetting and lapsing back into thinking of it as 'his'. So any training tips for me would be gratefully received! Maybe I need to repeat 'ours not his' as a mantra! Some months ago, Laura suggested that I occasionally uncage him when he needs to pee and stand behind him holding it to direct the flow before locking him up again. Something we've never done and I'm not sure I really like the idea, but I can see that it would reinforce the feeling of it being co-owned. All other tips welcome.

Sal

 

A large and disturbingly heavy parcel arrived for My Pete today. I'm pretty sure I know what's in it and I've been feeling rather jittery. He's not back until late but I sent him a pic of the box and another of the key on my necklace, just to keep him on his toes. <evil grin> Sal

 

I texted him this evening with a pic of the box that arrived and he told me to open it. Goodness me. Four of them. Three in an curiously lifelike and surprisingly hefty material - in different sizes. One quite small and slim, one very similar to My Pete's and one which is alarmingly bigger even than Dora (the explorer). There's a fourth in a lighter, more Dora like material in a nice pink colour, smooth and with no pretensions about looking lifelike. I'm afraid my reaction to holding the three Vixskin ones wasn't very positive. They're just too lifelike. The animators who I sometimes work with have a phrase they use for cartoon figures that are almost real but not quite - they call them 'creepy valley'. That's how I felt about these. The pink one makes me laugh. Dora does too. But these are almost medical. I'm not sure I can bring myself to admit this to My Pete who obviously researched them and is excited about using them one way or another. Maybe it's because I opened the box on my own, which is a bit weird in this context. Now I feel a bit under-confident again - this is the kind of thing I feel I should be leading on and instead he's ordered them and I'm wondering about hurting his feelings.

I know he's extremely frustrated at the moment. Time for a big talk and a release for him which will make up for my reaction.

Sal

 

It was all a bit ambiguous but I had it in my head from things he's said that the thinner one (I'm calling it Little Bear) would be for me to use on him and the bigger one (Daddy Bear) he intends to use on me. The mid size one (can I really call it Mummy Bear?) looks pretty much the same size as he is so I expect that's for him to use on me, but I don't really know. Apart from the creepy feeling, Daddy Bear looks large enough to be pretty uncomfortable, quite apart from making me wonder about what's going through his mind. Gentlemen, bigger is not always better! As for the slim pink one, it could be anyone's guess. They're all designed to go into a harness as far as I can tell - although he's the engineer, not me!

Every so often during this project, I have felt 'oh no, what on earth am I doing?' and tonight is one of those times. I have a feeling he'll be back too late tonight to talk about it - not that it'll be a huge problem between us. And he meant well. Mind you, I just saw the price!

Sal