Newbie Struggles with Wife as Keyholder Dynamic

Sounds like she doesn't want you locked around the kids.

 

Sounds a lot like you need to find a way to turn her thinking around. She doesn’t have to be malicious, rather to understand that her denial is a sign of kindness.

You also need to think about what you are doing that is making this situation pressured. She doesn’t need time for tease and denial, it can take seconds and last days. Just a mention of your predicament will suffice.
She doesn’t need to do anything other than hold the keys.

As a very minimum approach you could simply ask for orgasm denial. There is absolutely no change to anything you are doing, with the understanding that sexual interactions do not end in your climax. That alone will allow her to see the positive aspects of this lifestyle and build her own version of what that is.

 

My opinion is this… you’re annoying her. It’s nothing new, I know you’re excited about this new lifestyle and there’s a lot of changes for the two of you. But realistically you’re probably annoying her because you’ve become more needy for her to give you attention and she may be feeling pressure from you like she’s doing something wrong. The locked and forgotten feeling is you being hyper focused on your locked cock having never experienced anything like this before. You’re thinking about your dick 24/7 and she isn’t so you feel like it’s been longer than usual since she’s played with you. So it makes you feel a little insecure and forgotten about but these are the feelings that are important to control. You say your wife would only want sex 2-3 times a month if left up to her yet you’ll have sex 2-3 times a week if you’re not locked. Maybe you’re pushing her into sex (not saying she doesn’t want it) and she’s doing it more for you than herself even if she enjoys it. Perhaps her wanting sex only a few times a month is her preference although she still wants to feel and be chased by you. That is very much how my wife is, she loves the sexual flirtation and attention she constantly gets but doesn’t necessarily want to unlock me or have me touch her in a sexual way other than a butt squeeze or something of the like.

The point I’m getting at is that if you really want her to become more dominant and assume more control then you really need to figure out how to be on the same page as her and go at her pace. Know that you’ve let go control and you’re along for her ride. She’s still discovering her domme side and it’s not easy for anyone to instantly switch their mindset into domme mode when they’re not familiar or comfortable with behaving like that. It’s awkward for her and there is a lot of pressure on her to perform because she’s trying to make you happy as well as live a regular day to day life with a family. My wife and I have been living a chastity/FLR lifestyle for 8 years and she told me just recently that the last 2 years she’s actually felt the most comfortable in her role and really embracing it now. You need to show your wife you have self control and not complain to her about what you’re not getting from her. You should be eager to help with those chores but don’t point it out to her every time you do a chore, tell by physically doing it and let her see. She’s probably not happy to do all the chores but maybe she thinks you’re seeking to much validation from her for helping her with things that she does on a daily basis and doesn’t get thanked for. So she’s rather do them herself then think she needs to thank you for helping out.

My point is that if you really want the chastity lifestyle in your marriage you need to be prepared to do it on her terms and at her pace. You may only have sex or be played with 2-3 times a month based on her wants and you have to be okay with that. This is constantly changing for us but on average my wife only wants sex 2-3 times a month and it’s not because it’s boring or no good. We have very hot incredible sex in many forms but it doesn’t happen often. It’s more about the quality versus the quantity as my wife puts it. I really had to wrap my head around that, I am a very sexual person, it was hard for me to not have the kind of physicality I craved from her but it’s how at the moment she wants things.

You really have to get in the mindset of doing it her way and let go of what you want. Doesn’t mean that what you want isn’t important, it just means you need to be patient and allow your wife to get into a spot where she feels more comfortable and confident with her role. When that happens she will open up more to your wants and needs. Then one day you’ll be shocked at the progress and how far along your chastity marriage has come. It’s up to you to help get her in the right head space to domme and up to you to behave accordingly to help keep her there.

 

Dude there is a big learning curve and I only say what I say because I’ve been there and done that. I’ve made so many mistakes along the way I wish I would’ve been smarter about . But the longer we do this the more I learn about myself as well as my wife. It’s been a great adventure together and I majorly gotta hand it to my wife for putting up with my dumbass and allowing me to learn from my mistakes. Just apologize to your wife and let her know you want to try harder if she’ll allow you another chance at this. Sounds like she was enjoying it to some degree.

 

I think she was completely right! You are not ready to be trained.

If training was her and your goal, you failed. Failed at the bare minimum. When you are ready to fully submit to her needs and desires, ask her if you could resume and ensure her of your new found attitude adjustment.

I’ve read about this a lot. Wives do not want to be babysitting genitals or grown men. They will take charge of a key and sex, but having another person in the house to check on or correct daily is not fun for them.

No one is perfect, but if it’s still new, and you are bugging her and not behaving as you had promised…how is it going to be when this is old hat and barely a blip on the kinky scale. I’ll tell ya, it will be aggravating for her, and no fun for you either.

Get your submissive mind right, commit, and follow through.

 

We spend quite a lot of time just chilling with her not having to worry about my expectations. They are there, it's just that to be submissive is to just enjoy what we're doing in the moment. Nights like this we could be friends, flatmates or whatever. Even then we'll usually have a night time oral session for her before we sleep. The kinky playtime always comes around I just have to wait. Seems like you're getting a hard time on here. I like what I've got which is a domme who is relaxed in her position, feels no need to perform. She needed time and space to get there. I just want you to get into the same kind of position if that's what you want. You should also be prepared to get chastity and nothing else for a fortnight or so as I find I really need that time for the hormones to charge up so I am horny and kind of emotional in a classically feminine way, sort of feeling emotionally needy but not acting needy, just being 100% present in the relationship if that makes sense. It's a wonderful and multifaceted thing this chastity lifestyle and well worth pursuing. I wish you well.

 

I love your comment here that “wives do not want to be babysitting the genitals of grown men.”

I’ve come to accept this. My wife likes me being chaste. She has zero interest in the hardware.

Just like finishing some house chores without having to be threatened with a spanking, putting on your device and wearing it without being told ISN’T being “forgotten”. It is simply being a loving husband.

I hope this helps Marcus, too.

 

a lot of Ladys am fed up of men that keep wanting them do things to them when they am locked up in a cage and that is why the Ladys get fed up. they shud just do what they am telled to do and then praps the Ladys will be more happy with them.

 

My wife is new as well, I find myself forgotten sometimes.
She has moments of brilliance in chastity and then nothing for some time

 

It sounds like you had some good intentions with exploring male chastity, but unfortunately it didn't work out the way you had hoped. It's understandable that your wife/keyholder may not have been able to fully embrace the femdom mindset or have the time to devote to tease and denial.

If she ever decides to re-engage chastity play with you, it might be helpful to have a candid conversation about both of your expectations and limitations. You could try to find a balance between what you want to achieve with male chastity and what your wife is comfortable with. It's important to remember that communication and trust are key in any type of power exchange dynamic.

You could also consider exploring other ways to achieve your goals, such as couples therapy or personal self-improvement work. Remember that male chastity is just one tool in the toolbox, and there are many other ways to improve yourself and your relationship with your wife.

 

It sound like the best thing is to sit down and have a drink to relax and then talk things through. And to go from there.