hi all, I have been in around in the BDSM scene for a while. Not that this means that I have a lot of contacts. I have had explorations both in BDSM organisations, BDSM summercamps, pro Dommes and a personal relationship. As you become older, we learn and our personal interest tend to change/shift. I have always had a strong urge for pain and did not consider myself a slave. Also I had a very early interest in boots. Not on me though. I have never been for crossdressing, sissies. I have though seen it more or less all. Or at least I think I have seen so many things. Having my own limits of course but also respecting the way others have their own interest/fetish and the way they perceive themselves. I am married (some people might have already noticed this from other posts) and the situation is that we started out as a Top/bottom. At present there is no activities between us. We tried to spice things a bit up visiting pro Dommes together. Covid came a long and interrupted. This however doesn't mean that my sexual urges have come to a standstill. Yes I watch femdom porn, I listen to femdom hypnotism files, I participate in websites like these, I am trying sexscripts to have an interactive flow. All of it is not at the level of personal interaction and feels like 'cheating' of a kind. Now about my excitement is that I am interested in chastity (though having had bad experiences with the cages we had) but with the intention that someone is in control. Most perfect would be that it is in my personal relationship. This would make everything so much easier. No relying on any extra contacts, remote or less remote. Also knowing how I would be on any time of day. So why mention concerns. Here the other day I was ill. I really felt awful and anything sexual was not on my mind. It was the last thing. Now if I had been chastized I would have felt worse. I would have requested to be not caged in case. As I have not had any long term experience I don't know how this would work. The remote holder could be difficult to contact making it difficult to release a cage if necessary (I am aware of spare keys etc). Being ill was really saying to me, do you want this? Right now I think it is hard to answer. foxsub
The whole chastity journey is a unique experience and they all seem to have their peaks and valleys. Many times, we all have our doubts and without some sort of leadership in the relationship, we tend to lose our way. We have found that communicating with out partner is the best key to succeed!
It's not so much a case of how chastity works, but of how your relationship works. If you were the one that normally puts the garbage out, but you were ill, would she still expect you to put the garbage out? If she was ill, would you expect your sex life (whatever that consists of) to continue as normal while she was ill? Of course, real life gets in the way sometimes, but temporary suspensions to sexual activities including chastity because of illness are something that you both should see eye to eye on. This sort of thing is also what an emergency key is for. Have one secured with a numbered tag, If you have a genuine reason to remove your device then use it, there's no need to make a difficult situation worse unless that's what you really want. If you both care about what the other feels and thinks, then discuss it, but if you can't agree what is appropriate and what isn't during illness or other non-normal situations, then it's not your chastity that you need to work on.
If you have a comfortable, well fitting, cage, it shouldn't matter if you get sick. Sure, any normal play, T&D, etc would likely be suspended, but why would the cage itself need to be removed? Once you're at the level where wearing it feels natural, you probably won't even think about it.
Communication is key. I am also saying this. It is difficult in reality in my own relationship. Let's see what happens in the next weeks.
It is like you say. Both and communication. And yes we need work. On more that just chastity. And yes I know about emergency keys. Safety first.
Finding a comfortable, well fitting cage is a journey in itself. So far the experiences we have had were not good. CB200, CB3000, some chinese things. But that is for another area. I am learning. And yes I understand what you mean that if it is comfortable enough that it is just part of you, then it doesn't matter. But at that time I really felt very awful and not in chastity questions how it would be.