Recent convo with my wife

It's just the exchange of power

 

Define cheating. If you mean playing away, then no it isn't going to save your relationship. However, I was a chronic masturbator. I made my wife sore often by lasting too long. And my dick wasn't very sensitive, so anytime she did play it was an effort. Denial pumps chemicals into my brain that make me more open and loving. Look on www.evolvingyourman.com
There are lots of articles about the science behind it all.

I would say try it. What is the longest you have gone without coming?

 

She does not use chastity for punishment. Because to do so (in her opinion) punishes her also. She wants to feel free to have sex with me any time and in any manner she wishes. She also grants orgasms as a random reinforcement for good behavior. Knowing that my cooperation in ALL she requires of me is the only path to these extra random orgasms heavily influences my behavior and cooperation in performing tasks. Sometimes, to reinforce that connection she will use a “spinning wheel” app on her phone as a reminder of that connection. Daily during these periods she will handcuff me at some point and spin the wheel for me. It is programmed to “reward” me 33% of the time. Of course the method and the quality of the orgasm can very at her whim. The other impactful part of this process is the sympathy she expresses for me when the spin doesn’t go my way. Also, if I’m not given an opportunity for a spin, I’m left to figure out how I’ve fallen short of her expectations and will desperately work on “fixing” anything and everything until some number of days later, I find myself handcuffed awaiting the results of a spin. When she wants to take a break from the “spin” protocol she simply hand cuffs me and grants me an orgasm. Then I’m not privy for a while, as to how “random” the process is. If after a while she feels I’ve lost track of the connection between my cooperation and her reward system the “spin app” reappears for a while. We do have a punishment dynamic but those punishments do not negatively impact her or for that manner inconvenience her. But they are either a very painful or otherwise very impactful reminder that I’ve stepped out of line.

 

For us, it was because I had a problem with masturbation. This was resulting in a one-sided love life. She gets 100% of my sexual energy.

As time has gone on, power dynamics have started to come into play.

 

She doesn’t explain what you are being punished for or for how long the punishment will last? If it’s for a punishment, it’s unproductive to not explain why you are being punished.

 

Maybe it is more about establishing arbitrary "control" at that point than punishment or denial? Our practice of chastity goes up and down, but when my Wife is game it seems like the "control" is most appealing to her (she gets to decide, etc., is more important than what I might be experiencing at a given moment from denial).

 

Started as a sex toy for me, something where I was feeling constant pressure on my penis, like it was being continually held.

As I read up more, I was fantasising about her becoming a sex craved vixen, demanding oral and orgasms constantly. Life does not equal fantasy and we settled back to more normal routines.

I wasn't a chronic masturbator, 1-3 times a week, but after 20+ years of marriage, even with the introduction of toys for us both, sex was still very penis focussed.

I would say for now, chastity is allowing her the freedom to choose whether or not she wants my penis. Her orgasm(s) always come first, she will usually decide the day before if she wants me unlocked. So far, unlock = orgasm, but that may or may not change as we evolve.

 

I understand where every one is coming from and their own reasons for enjoying chastity.
However ours is again another totally different reason.
We enjoy chastity devices and cock rings as we both love the look and feel of them.

 

Initially, it was all about me and my kinks. That, and my complete and utter failure to be able to control my masturbation and porn addiction.

Over the years, there have been periods over 1 full year with no actual touching on Her penis. She loves the control and thrives under the circumstances. I've gotten to a point where I crave to see Her enjoy the power (almost) more than the possibility of an orgasm.

 

We enjoy the look and feel sometimes too. We've been at this, on or off, for 25+ years and some times different parts of it jump out.

 

Masturbating! Self-gratification! Submission! Penis punishment! Erection/ejaculation is bad for the male! Oral orgasm from males is mandatory, penile penetration is secondary!

 

Your speaking for yourself of course…

 

1) as said above by NZSenator "I would say for now, chastity is allowing her the freedom to choose whether or not she wants my penis. Her orgasm(s) always come first, she will usually decide the day before if she wants me unlocked. So far, unlock = orgasm, but that may or may not change as we evolve."

2) I like the idea of look and feel of it as described by Lovemetal
3) Simply for yourself, shared by her - as a symbol of your commitment to her. It's a mental choice by you over whether or not you "cheat". Honoring that commitment is where the real fun and challenge exists.
4) Along with #3, the feeling of that symbol, physically and emotionally that you are hers and chose to prioritize her needs and pleasure over yours...which at the same time also gives you pleasure.

It totally does not have to be about punishment or preventing cheating.

Maybe share with her the dynamics of Devotional sex http://www.devotionalsex.com, which better describe what I'm thinking about. You're committing to prioritize her pleasure and happiness, while she is also committing to improving yours through living the lifestyle.

 

Chronic masturbator/ porn consumer, various mental issues as well.
I brought chastity into our bedroom 7 years ago and things were good but not great, we didn’t really understand the positive effects of the dynamic. Medical and work issues happened, mental health became a critical issue, play tapered off and died out 5 years ago. Earlier this year I had a mental crash and it took several months to be functional again. When I was primarily recovered, I had some long heartfelt conversations with my wife. End result is that “We” are at our best when I am caged, and the effects are apparent across the spectrum of my health and our relationship. With that in mind we are moving to something that will probably be just short of permanent denial.

This all started as fantasy for me, but resolved deeper issues in our relationship and my psyche.

 

mine was definately masturbation and porn. I am caged almost all the time now and since i can only feel metal or plastic down there i have severely curtailed the porn as well

 

For us it’s because madam wants as much control of me as possible, It’s the submission and the Act of being in 24/7 bondage for her.

 

I actually introduced this in our relationship because I was afraid he'd cheat on me. I never exactly got my pick of the guys. Just the opposite, husband always had women falling all over him. Besides that, he's a lot younger than me. I was real insecure about realtionships in general and about him especially. I'd been cheated on by guys before, too.

It was something I started when we were still early on as girlfriend and boyfriend. If I had to work late and he was going out, I was afraid he'd get a few too many in him and get dragged home by some hussy. The first thing I tried was asking him to wear a really lacy pair of my panties under his jeans. I figured if she took off his pants and saw those, she'd freak out and kick him out. I didn't consider the possibility he could take them off in the bathroom before he went home with her. He didn't like wearing panties when he went out with his friends. I tell best friend everything. If you get her mind going, she goes looking into things.

She found chastity cages and showed them to me. I showed them to husband (then boyfriend). He assured me he'd stay faithful but did agree to let me put one on him for my peace of mind. It just became a routine after that. If I'm working late and he's going out, I just lock him up because it's what we do. By now, of cours,e I do trust him but it's become a routine for us.

Of course, I later discovered the disciplonary uses of chastity as well as its value for masturbation control.

 

thats not easy to keep your man from prying eyes and hands from hawking women out there.. and your man is willingly submissive to you and kept himself locked? You are wielding such power over him.. that is so sexy… do you keep him denied for long..?