Hi I’ve had BDSM relationships in the past, involving chastity and using authority/obedience without need of a chastity device - I could not deceive a mistress, what would be the point? Then the relationship would be just fantasy and not real in my opinion. Currently I have a female friend, I’ve confessed that I have a sexual/romantic crush on her but understand it’s not mutual and never will be. She says it’s sweet and fine by her. She knows I’m submissive/masochistic but she is not interested in being a strict mistress. The dynamic is subtle: I give her gifts and complements, she gently mocks me for being such a submissive pet. I would like to make a vow of chastity to her. I’d guess she must realise I’d be likely to masturbate about her, but that’s not something we’d talk about. Any ideas how I could convey to her that I’d like her blessing to remain in a state of permanent aching for her, without using blatant reference to anything sexual? It must remain a platonic friendship with an unspoken subtext.
Welcome to our community. I hope you get some helpful suggestions for your situation. It does sound like you walk a fine line with her, so taking it toward chastity play will be difficult. Is she even aware of chastity devices? Do you envision her keeping keys for you, or will this be only in your head? Good luck and enjoy.
Hi thanks for your thoughts. My hope would be that she’d give her implicit blessing to me promising to be chaste. Having at first been reluctant to accept gifts from me, she became ok with it once I explained I was kinky and got a kick out of being submissive/grovelling. Her reluctance came from feeling she might be obligated to me - but now she accepts that letting me spoil her is actually doing me a favour! My dream would be a “friendzone” relationship in which she knows I’m in a permanent state of frustrated desire, and finds that amusing. I don’t feel the need of a chastity device, my promise would be enough. Obviously if she wanted me to wear one I would, but I can’t see that happening.
dedicated service to a woman can provoke many positive changes in her. She is starting to see how you are a positive influence in her life. My advice would be to buy a cage and get used to it. After a time i'd be willing to bet you'll find your self in the chastity friendzone. Why not? it will only enhance your service to her, which she already enjoys. Wash her car, clean her house, mow her grass. Enhance your service and watch her change!
hello @Muppet and welcome to here and i hope you like it here as well. please i wud just try and be good and ask Her if you can do some housework for Her and then after a bit when you know her better and She know you then you migt just say bout chastity and what cages am for and things. and a lot of cages are only teeny and dont cost lots and lots.
Just now there was a very promising exchange. I asked her for a selfie as she’d mentioned she was wearing shorts. She refused. I said oh well at least I can imagine them as really skimpy. I was worried she might take offence but she messaged back “definitely imagine that lol” I replied “thank you for giving me permission Miss” and got another lol in response.
I'd be as open and honest with her as possible. You might not want to scare her off, but at the same time, it sounds like she has already accepted a certain level of power exchange within the relationship. Get a chastity device and get used to it, as another poster stated. At some point, you could ask if she'd be willing to do you the favor of holding onto the key. Tell her it's to a chastity device, and that she's free to know as little or as much about it as possible. As a trial, suggest that she hold onto for some short period (a week or two) and if she chooses at that point, give it back or keep it. Let her realize that it's not going to negatively impact the relationship you currently have. And that you'll still be a wonderful friend to her regardless of her decision. You might be surprised.
Ok that does sound like a good way to go. I’d need to go for a truly secure option with piercing and quality lock for permanent wear, as it’s quite possible I’ll never see that key again! I’ve had stretched piercings before, that takes a while to heal, so it’s a long term project. What sort of device is best for no going back?
This is like a car, not your eternal resting place. Find something that works well for where you are in life right now. Drive it around for a bit, see how it feels. If you get to a point where you both think it should be permanent (or you cede that decision to Her), then it should be an opportunity for Her to enjoy that moment. And to be completely honest, there's absolutely no perfect chastity device, regardless of literary porn to the contrary. If you try hard enough, you can get off. Take it slow, enjoy the ride. I got a PA piercing shortly before my first marriage. I took about 6 weeks to heal well enough to "hang a cage on". Unfortunately, my ex, who enjoyed the chastity for short periods when we were apart while dating, had zero interest in long term, 24/7 chastity. Instead, she chose to deny me chastity as an emotional weapon in a very unhealthy and very short marriage.
Sometimes I have thought the best option might be just get a simple steel tube, kept in place by a good quality padlock through a stretched ampulang piercing (the one that goes all the way through the glans). That way my penis would be entirely useless.
i would think a pa pierccing would be much easier, and believe me they are effective. The point is to ready yourself for this woman or the next Ms. Rene Lane has plenty of suggestions to ready yourself. Prior planning prevents piss poor performance eh?
I do already have a PA and it has been used by previous owners for bondage or the attachment of a leash. The reason I am minded to get the more drastic piercing is that I can imagine getting desperate enough to cut the PA open to escape - for example if my friend one day decided to break off our relationship entirely but keep or dispose of the key.
Maybe she fears being obligated to you since you have been showering her with gifts and yet expect nothing in return other than venturing into your proposed bdsm lifestyle.. you can allay her fears with a simple contract or at least a written pledge, of your commitment, your intention and expectation and relieve her of any undertakings if the relationship turns sour.. she might be confident enough to move deeper beyond casual.. if your intention is romatic and sexual, you may have to venture slowly in exposing your kinks and desire. She might be taken aback with your sudden outpour of material gifts and expectation to play along… having said that.. i think she will be committed.. women are simply irresistible in wielding some power, chastity and submission from their men.
My intention isn’t romantic or sexual at all! I would just like her to become relaxed about treating me as an inferior eunuch.
At this point, all I’m really looking for is a form of words which will allow me to let her know I promise not to masturbate, without having to be explicit…. a polite euphemism, but nevertheless clear.
I’ve thought about saying: “you know that thing boys do to relieve excitement? I promise never to do that, as an expression of my devotion.”
Fantastic news! She has said I must remain chaste and frustrated permanently - and I’m not even allowed to ASK for my release. She seems to find this extremely amusing. As for me, it’s scary, but also a dream come true.