Hi all, My queen and I are 4 months into an FLR with me in full time chastity.The whole chasity and FLR was my idea and she is doing really well and enjoying the benefits and the control. Am I topping from the bottom when I recommend to my queen books to read ??? I've just read "Femdom for nice girls" as my queen has instructed me to forward useful texts to assist understanding in this world. I felt this book is a nice gentle introduction... FYI Trying to be self aware .I have recently pulled back from talking about chasity or sex unless its requested . I'm trying to pull back my needy side which seems to take hold after about 2 weeks of lockup... Thanks all for this forum has been amazing source of advice and support ....
No, it's not topping from the bottom to do as she asked. I wouldn't necessarily say that suggesting things to read is TFTB even if she doesn't ask, especially at first when you are both trying to figure it out. Once she tells you to stop, then you should stop.
Show and verbalize respect for her time, and thoughts, and you should be fine. Also, use respectful language when expressing feelings. That's healthy, not topping from the bottom. For instance, that might look something like "I read a book that I found compelling. When would be a good time for us to have a chat about the things I found interesting?" Or how about: "I know your time is valuable and I understand you put a lot of effort into juggling all your priorities the best you can. I acknowledge and support what you choose to spend time doing. I would like you to know that it would make me happy if we could discuss some of what I really like about this book once you read it." (Obviously, if none of the respect for her is demonstrably there, she is far less likely to value how you feel and go out of her way to do something that makes you happy.) Neither, however, is topping from the bottom. It's just honest communication.
I think "yes and no". You've found something that resonates with you and would like her to behave the same way, so you first brought up chastity and now have asked her to read a book to steer things in the direction you'd like. There's nothing wrong with asking for what you want, but maybe asking for what you want directly would be a more direct path than asking her to read a book to figure out what you want. She enjoys going along with what you want, so it seems like you both win. In that sense, she's in charge because she could have said "no" to what you want and that would have been the end of it.
In my opinion, topping from the bottom involves manipulating the relationship in some form to meet the sole needs of the bottom. You were fulfilling a request which includes your opinion. It is probably a worthy opinion, if you are basing it on your unique knowledge of her needs. I commend you for being sensitive to this subject. However, I think that the term “topping from the bottom” has become so toxic, it can prevent valuable communication about needs, wants, and fears from happening. It might be worth a discussion with your Queen to determine if she feels you were fulfilling her request or were out of line.
Not at all. I wrote a fairly lengthy post about it on FetLife when I was introducing a previous play partner to BDSM/FemDom. https://fetlife.com/groups/42/posts/20204803 It's such a misused phrase and has done a lot more harm than good, IMO. The ill usage of it by one of my first play partners fucked me up for quite a bit.