Hey everyone, my fiancé and I are getting married in about a month or so. We have dabbled with chastity the last couple years while dating here and there. Chastity was my idea like most guys. My GF has been pretty supportive and played along for me. There’s little doubt that I love being locked in the cage. When I am not locked in the cage I crave it. Once I have been locked for about a week I usually sabotage myself and ask to be let out and my fiancé always unlocks me. I would 100% love for this to be a full time lifestyle for us but the biggest hurdle standing in the way of that is me. We will be trying for a baby soon so even if I am locked I know I will be let out for sex which most guys would dream about being a perfect scenario. I guess I’m seeking some advice on how to deal with those moments of weakness or thoughts that come into your head saying “why the hell do you have this stupid thing on your junk”.
Well you can’t make someone not want to cum, so I’m afraid it’s gotta be willpower. Although you are lucky enough to have another tool in your belt…a willing accomplice. If she is down to go through this with you, I bet she would be down to be what you need…a heavy hand. I suggest asking her to not let you talk your way out. “Whatever I say, don’t let me out until you want to, even if I beg. I need help testing my limits and would love your help.” That way she doesn’t feel guilty, can feel like she’s actually pleasing you by not giving in, and you get your need of denial met. You can’t be a jerk if you go this route and pout.
Well there's maybe three ways to try to overcome this? (1) Don't ask to be let out. It sounds like after about a week you're hitting that "peak of horniness" where you just gotta cum. Those happen. They'll happen every time you're in locked in a cage, and they can be really bad sometimes. I personally use like this site or Reddit or such to help get myself through those periods. They usually last about a day, then you're back to the "normal" level. (2) Get your fiancé/wife to help out. Like @Nicoftime suggested while I was typing this up (and I agree with), see if you can get her to help out. Nicoftime has a couple good suggestions. I'd say just talk to her, if she's appreciating you being locked up (or even just doing it to indulge you) then she'll probably help out. (3) Get a third party device to help out. If I recall correctly, most wisdom out there about best times to have success with making a baby is to make sure your sperm is saved up for like a week? Its been a long time since I looked into this so don't take my word for it. But ... get a KitchenTimer from Amazon or something similar and set it for the period in between you're supposed to be having fun. It might make every attempt be that much more valuable? And there's a point within a woman's cycle where she's most fertile? Maybe aim for that, be locked up when it's not happening and get the key in the KitchenTimer to help keep those times! Or, if you're just going to go for frequent attempts (quantity over quality), go for it, just lock up in between. Good luck!
I was in a situation like yours, and it was quite frustrating. You need to have just a few simple rules that mean you'll be locked up for longer periods, or more to the point, unlocked for shorter periods. For example, something like, if you're ever unlocked, at whatever time of day, then if you haven't done before, you will always get locked up again when getting dressed in the morning the next day. I turned that into a little ritual where before I sat down for breakfast, I'd present the lock to her to click shut. Another thing I did in our early days was send this text to her when she was visiting her mum one weekend - It took her by surprise, but she didn't take long to understand what it meant for her. Ever since, because I asked her not to, I have never presumed to test her by asking.
I honestly think the biggest thing that welcomes those thoughts are the first day or so after you're released (or not) to finally cum. There's nothing I want less than to be locked back up the moment after I'm finally allowed to finish. But, it's not up to me anymore. It's important that if the two of you want to make this a lifestyle, she's firm with locking you even when your post-climax brain doesn't want you to.
It took me far too long to understand why I was pressuring my KH for unlocks when I didn't really need them. It was partly actual hornyness, partly futile attempts at porn-driven fantasies, and almost always it was me wanting her to say no (even if I didn't realize it). It was a bad cycle of manipulation and mismatched expectations caused by poor communication. It's a long and strange story, but eventually I spent 100 days without unlocking or release, and we focused entirely on her pleasure. When we came out the other side she had let go of any notion that she "needed" to unlock me, she found her natural dominance, and I learned to abandon the manipulation and embrace the dominance she provides, even if it's not always what I'm into at the moment.
theres the fantasy element of chastity, where your key holder is actively involved and teases / denies you regularly and they want you to give them unlimited orgasms all the time. Then there's reality of life, things are busy, your cage barely registers on your key holders mind and days blend into each other. Some days, life is like the fantasy, others not so much. I am probably in my toughest period mentally for now, locked up (shaving exceptions) for 9 days but Mrs Sen has her monthly, so what's between my legs is not even an after thought. My hormones are building but I can't even satisfy any urge to orgasm vicariously through her. Still, keeping up the helpful husband bit and biding my time until things swing back towards the fantasy side of the chastity scale
I think I'm in pretty safe company to say, we all have this. I am a very deep well of submissive energy, and I caved. Several times. I remasculinized. I got upset over the way my Goddess was trying to understand and Incorporate the kinds of fantasies I described with chastity. This feeling in us, to submit, that never goes away. But the desire to actually do it fluctuates, I think. Don't be too hard on yourself. Try to learn from the mistakes. The feeling will be back, and yes, it will get so intense that you want to act it out. The intensity of that feeling is what varies. Good luck. M.
I sabotage myself in a completely different way ... When I get so horny and so crazy that I'll do anything for her, I write her notes explaining the ways that she can get me back to that point more easily, and how to shut down any of the tricks that I'll try to use to avoid it. Basically, the "good me" gives her the play book of how to defeat the "bad me". For the record, it works.
My Wife solved the problem for me...I begged and I still beg. But after a few years she really really saw the hormonal changes and how it affected my personality from extended denial to post-orgasm drop. And she didn't like that guy. After a while she decided to just deny me until SHE wanted me to cum, and that's a whole lot less often than I would like lmao
If you're going to start trying for a baby, let her know locking you up in between attempts should increase the chances of pregnancy. Good luck and enjoy.
Sometimes when my Wife is in the shower without me... I walk up to the glass doors, all forlorn... and sad... and gently swing my junk so my cage taps against the glass. tap tap tap tap tap tap Wife (turns, smiles, then continues washing) tap tap tap tap tap Me (sad, but also fulfilled)
As others have said, the problem is that you still have control over your own releases, so until she actually begins to enforce your chastity, you’ll always be stuck in this vicious cycle.
You crave for her to be in control. Give her the control, let her control. Give her time. And don’t whine.