Hi I am Jay and I've been a lurker here for a while. I am together with my wife for quite over 10 years now and this year we started exploring the kinkier side of life. I brought the subject up but I am taking slow approach without (hopefully) "topping from the bottom". We have some FLR/femdom scenarios with massages, foot-rubs and pleasing her. Nothing 24/7 but I feel she is more and more comfortable with taking charge in intimate situations and it blows my mind (in a good way). I decided to finally join here because I managed to mention chastity in very casual way and that I'd like to try it. She took it better then I thought and was very curious about it, how it looks, etc. Anyway here is a loose question along with my introduction: what should I consider for a next step? Up to this point everything was going smooth, approach "less is more" was perfect and going slow without overwhelming her with my fethises to let her discover what is in it for her. But now I am kind of lost. Regarding chastity itself I have zero experience, I know a bit but it's all theory. I decided some time that I will do it only with her fully on board and I am totally not decided if chastity will be just a toy or some longer term play (that will be probably also up to her). Anyway great finally being here, I can't wait to meet and talk with you Take care
Welcome! It sounds like you're taking the right approach for you and your wife. If she is on board, I'd recommend purchasing an inexpensive device to "play" with first, and then make a decision from there how far you want to go. There are many recommendations in the Devices section of the forum. If she's already on board with some kinkiness, it should be a fairly easy path forward for you. Good luck!
A device could be fun, but you can also just experiment with orgasm denial and control right now. I would ask...when you mentioned chastity and she asked questions, what parts of it did *she* seem most interested in? Perhaps you can find out what parts of it intrigue her and pursue that. So, have you tried edging and tease & denial types of play with her? For me, I think these are good ways to start experiment with her saying "no" and controlling when (and if) you orgasm. You can also turn over that power to her during intercourse -- tell her that you'll let her know before you reach the point of inevitability, and it's up to her whether you get to finish. Hope you enjoy the exploration!
Sounds like an idea. At least I will try to research those cheaper devices just to start with. I am (like probably a lot of guys here) such gadget nerd and I set my eyes on the new Holy Trainer (price is no big deal, what bothers me is that you get only one set and you have to buy more if something is not right) but I feel like I should give her a way to be involved in device selection. I imagine I will do most of the work anyway but maybe some design / colour / whatever will look more appealing to her than the others? She was mostly interested about how it looks and works and what she's supposed to do with it. I described it and said that she likes teasing me so she could just do what she does. I bet the health and safety will be her next concern but I intend to play it slow (if I will come from me). I have no doubts it's my thing right now and she loves to make me cum. I think you are right in meanwhile we could try more T&D stuff although she already knows I find it hot when we stop after she got what hers without me getting mine, we do it rarely. The communication idea and me telling her that I won't orgasm without permission might be good start. That way initiative is on my side but it won't make her remember and guess what I might want. Thanks for that
From our own experience it'll take her some time to figure out if this is some scheme that just benefits your own kinky thoughts. Even the thought of any aspect of what they see as BDSM is a big hurdle mentally for many. My wife tolerates it more the less I mention it as she slowly sees how serious I am to please her to the point I'd give it all up if she asks. She hasn't yet so there's some reason she hasn't done so. My advice is to not be pushy and let her imagination be intrigued also. Good luck!
I decided to go for it and I ordered 2 cheap metal devices (2 because of the sizing uncertainties). And I told my wife about it as plainly as I could (and kept it short). I think she is still intrigued, she find it funny that I ordered 2 I guess we will see how it goes. But I feel everything is much easier after this initial conversations. Kind of excited I finally did that and it's in the open. Feels good.