Choice to make, need youre advise

Can you offer any explanation of why she made the offer of: locked until OCT v. not being locked?

In the rational kink world -- this is just psychological fantasy play to put you in sub conflict, which can be fun for a dominant. In other words, she's not being serious, but she's playing with her authority.

But this offer taken straight up -- is hard to process, especially given that your relationship isn't one of full-time belt/device wear.

I am curious how others would interpret the motive behind this offer.

Dominants who don't understand and work within the limits of their subs are stupid / abusive. It seems kind of sexy on the surface and as fantasy play, but in practice this kind of power-play doesn't work.

Taken at face value -- I see her motive as: "I don't want you in the belt."

 

Sounds like sanity prevailed!

 

My question to you would be how important a part of you this whole chastity and BDSM side is? I don't know your back story, so please forgive me if I'm missing things.

However, it sounds as though you have started a relationship embracing kinky activities and this is very much part of your DNA. Now, on the brink of marriage, you are being asked to give it all up without any indication if it will be a part of future married life. Have you thought deeply about what is behind this, or what it means for you in the long term?

Remember, advertising standards don't apply to relationships or marriage. I just worry for you that you wake up on the other side and all bets are off.

Like I say, I may be missing crucial back story, but it worries me that you may end up in a different place from you expect.

 

Exactly. On some level it has to be part of Her sexual hardwiring to make it work, which it clearly is not. This needs to be a far deeper conversation as your need to be a sub is never ever going to go away.

As an aside, what would happen if you said "I choose neither! No belt AND no sex!" Wait, that would be most vanilla marriages...

 

You two will be just fine!
Throughout our marriage BDSM play has been in the background, but not always in the forefront due to life, kids, family, work, stress, illness and operations, and on and on.
Lately I am under strict orders to not masturbate. Also my wife is beating my butt really hard lately. She allows PIV after bringing her to multiple Os then she gives me a short window to cum then I have to withdraw unsatisfied. During the day she outlines the strife I will endure in the evening and allows me to kneel and suckle.
what I am saying to you is that you two have your lifetimes to play. Right now have intercourse and dwell within each other’s body, mind, and become one spiritually.
Have fun!
SS

 

You might need to talk to her a bit more and find out what she wants. Just by the nature of the ultimatum I think she's hoping choice one is so bad that you'll choose number two, and you may need to make her life easier to cope with these changes.

 

Tough choice, as others have said, I would try talking to your wife again.

 

Glad that you got that decision sorted out, but it really wasn't a decision. She pretty much gave you an ultimatum which isn't a very loving thing to do in my opinion because there was no compromise. She said take this terrible option or take this glittering option that I want you to take...There was no middle ground. It was a NO-gotiation. If you serve her as a slave, I kinda understand it because the difference between slaves and subs, to my knowledge, is that the will of slave doesn't matter whereas the sub has some say. If that's the case here, that's fine, do you I guess, but if it's not, I just feel like I gotta say that the phrase "you pick your battles" means "I willingly submit to losing here." (That's just my understanding of that particular issue from slave vs. sub, I could be wrong, I mean look at my avatar).

If this is an important issue for you, then there likely needs to be a lot more discussion to come to a reasonable solution where both parties are happy. You said you'd talk again about chastity with her in September? Can you keep that topic away from your lips and mind for that long? It's January after all and if she doesn't want you talking about it, does it also mean she doesn't want you here (as in this website)? Are you willing to give up chastity possibly forever? I'm not saying you should have taken choice 1 because being ignored sucks and being ignored in chastity sucks worse.

Your earlier reply, by the apparent tone of it (and I may be reading into something that isn't there), seems like you're trying to be brave and stuff it, but you can't stuff feelings forever and it's gonna come out and often when they do, they come out at the people you love the most and want the least to hurt. If I'm wrong or out of line here, I apologize in advance because I don't want to offend. At the same time, I think the reality of how you feel and validity of those feelings needs to be understood and acknowledged by your wife.

You're not asking permission to feel something. If you feel it, you feel it. It doesn't mean that the emotion you felt was right or wrong, necessarily, it just means it happened and possibly for a reason. What that reason is makes all the difference because it leads to understanding of why you feel a certain way. It can be a joy to explore why you feel something with someone else who loves you and is willing to hear you and not just be heard.

That all stated, I hope that the decision you made was with the confidence and understanding that this issue likely isn't done. It's just been tabled until September...where you'll probably get another ultimatum disguised as a choice because it worked the first time and I hope I'm wrong about that too.

 

Maybe going without a cage will give you both the opportunity to explore other things that you would have not even considered before and you will be happy for it. Staying caged and ignored until October might lead to resentment and anger. Always remember, when she is happy and content, it will be passed on to you in return. What does she want? Is the million dollar question.