Kink or orientation?

kink is using a feather
perversion is using the whole chicken
lifestyle would presumably be being a chicken

In reality kink lifestyle perversion drive need obsession passing interest mild curiosity .. all mean different things to different people and does anyone have the right to draw lines for others or apply labels.. I don'y think so.

I am glad I have reached a point in my life where I can almost no longer really care what others think of me and my lifestyle.

I only retain my online anonymity to protect my younger relations and my employment status .. sad but true

 

Slightly personal, but shows the difference in my opinion. CM became my safe space to share my real life, so here it is.

I freed my sub from my dom, my lead, my expectations and my future goals this year. I need to be a strong powerful woman on my own terms, and a man only functions to compliment that for me not make it real for me.

He admitted all his life needs is a computer. Was shown through spite that really nothing I did made any difference, and that was the kink factor VS orientation shown to me clear as day.

Heartbroken but weight off chest no longer dealing with his life's inaction, nor my feelings of disappointment or replacement by unhealthy porn/asmr/fantasy habits-or his desperate for attention online life he wanted to blend me with, instead of moving forward from to follow my lead into real life.

Some may settle for kink, but as this is my personality and my real life I can't switch it off or pretend to play a game.
I'm a femdom because that's who I am, not because that's a persona I play in sheets or online for egotistical gratification.

 

I lost my first marriage because my ex-wife couldn't connect with me on the D/s level. And that caused our intimacy to shrivel and then later the whole relationship.

When this stuff is built into you, you have to be with someone who is the same.

I hope you find exactly what you are looking for. Your posts are thoughtful and well written and I have enjoyed getting to know you in this forum.

 

100% it's an orientation. I've known i was "different" for my entire life. It wasn't until my teens that i realized what kink was, and then through years of trial and error i came to understand exactly what i am.

I am 100% a submissive who was born that way

 

Femdom doesn't mean, that the Dom is a instrument to fulfil the subs fantasy.
If subs don't understand this, they are no subs but don't realise this.

 

it is not easy to dont go from willing to serve to top from the bottom...i agree. Than there is the Domme to discipline such behaviours Miss

 

When it comes to D/s, I think its always about "orientation". Perhaps the chastity element is "lifestyle". At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what label we put on it, its about self realisation and owning it.

 

Yeah. For me it's definitely not a game. There was a time when it was more of a thing i did, but after having the whole part of it brought to the surface it cannot be put back in the box.

I'll be looking for or needing this for the rest of my life. Probably half the reason i'm having such a rough time at the moment

 

For me it's certainly more of a kink, not an orientation. I mean I can't change that I am wired to be attracted to all genders (pansexual) but I can be in a great relationship without kink.
However I got to say that my current relationship ticks all the boxes, and when it does kink is definitely included. But it's not required, while attraction and things in common are required for me.

 

I thought it was a kink I might indulge in but recent events indicate I may have been wrong.

A lot of my non-sexual interests (including work) have to do with power and dominance...

 

I agree, it’s a orientation, not just a kink.

 

I think that a female lead relationship would be an orientation for most, if not all, participants. If a man is in charge of the relationship, as seems to have been a default assumption through much of U.S. history - at least - that's not considered a kink. Why does it become a kink just because a woman is in charge?

There are certainly people who insist that the trappings of kink are necessary to support the relationship, and at that point I think they're looking for a discreet lifestyle 24/7 D/s relationship under the guise of FLR ... which doesn't require the kink trappings.

There are always dilettantes who will view FLR as just another kink. I think it's a matter of both perception and intention.

 

I guess I still struggle with the comparison to homosexuality. Within the orientation of gay there are a broad spectrums of lifestyles ranging from vanilla to quite kinky. They are all of a certain same orientation, but engage in different lifestyles. Usually people fall somewhere in a spectrum of lifestyles as opposed to being lumped into specific boxes. For example my submissiveness is exclusively towards my wife. I don't bow down to females as a group. I'm also quite dominant in my work environment. This range of behaviors illustrates choices which I don't believe is true of the gay/straight dynamic. Some people are one, some the other and a few both. Whatever they are though isn't really a choice. Probably just splitting hairs on the term "orientation".

 

Ok, here's another example, using that analogy: Personally, I would say I'm straight-submissive. However, since beginning chastity my wife has started taking me with her strap on, and I have come to really enjoy it. She (we) laugh about turning me gay, but if I was being f#%ked by a real cock, how much difference would there be? So should I really say I'm Bi-submissive? I've never actually been with a man in any way, so is that really correct? That's why I think it's purely semantics.