How important were your fetishes when searching for a wife/partner?

I was very open with my wife when we started dating. For the first couple weeks I kinda tested the waters then one nite on the phone I told her about everything. I hadn’t discovered chastity yet but had a few piercings wore panties and buttplugs. She was a little shocked at first but came around pretty quick. After all the usual questions and me sending a few pics she was on board. The part that shocked her the most was when I told her I was plugged and wearing a thong the day we met. She had only had sex once before we met so it was a whole different world to her. 6 months later I gave her a vch piercing and introduced her to wearing a plug. She worked her way into wearing 24/7 for about a month. She went to a friends house one afternoon and ended up showing off her plug and vch. I wish I could have seen the look on her friends face.

 

When I was a young man I was very ashamed of my submissive desires. I didn't speak about them at all with anyone. I was lucky enough to meet and marry a wonderful woman who I've been with for more than 40 years. My kinkiness is finally out in the open and my shame pretty much gone. My wife is just slightly on board; she accepts my chastity and plays with me in it a little. Not as much as I want, but it's okay.

If, God forbid, she passed away and I was in the head space of finding another woman I'd hope to find one with many of my wife's fine qualities as well as an appreciation for and a love of kink. That wouldn't be the first thing on my list to talk about but I would certainly talk about my sexual interests (shamelessly) and see how she reacted.

 

We started dating 39 years ago. I was 19, she was 16 and still in high school. We were married 3 weeks after she graduated.

I didn’t know I had any kinks at the time. We worked on capability and relationship.

If I had known of my future kinks and revealed them then, I would have scared her off and probably her parents would have had me arrested.

 

Mine were that she be dominant and control me. I am lucky in that she is not very dominant to the outside world but is behind closed doors. I wish she were more so!

 

When i begin know my partner (not anymore, divorced) long time ago, about i was 25 years old, we was not at sexual things, that was also my intention, help here mostly at ones with wash dishes.
Later we decide at marriage, and after 4 years, she wonder if should do children with here, i take long time before we did, i was me not so sexual, and after any 4 years a new children, one boy and one girl, love my children and also my divorced wife.

So for me it was not the sexual or fetishes.

For now i am also into be submissive in front of my Goddess, and into service and what i can help with.

That is my sincerly honest answere.

 

Finding someone 100% compatible is hard anyway.I met and dated sexy vanilla men, who just happened to find My kinks a turn on.
I don't think a hardened fetishist would suit Me.I like a break from BDSM related things.I am mainly a FLR type of Woman.
Im not into living with a full on fetishist.
A gimp would not suit Me.

 

I was very very lucky that my madam and I had a lot of the same fetishes before we even met, and once we were open and starting talking about them and began our bdsm lifestyle the ones she didn’t know about I introduced to her and she loved them to. I think the biggest one that turned me on was when I got madam to wear her first zentai suit.
She just went quiet, and I was touching and caressing her all over, just feeling her wrapped in the skintight shiny Lycra, I asked her if she liked it and she just nodded and lay there, I got her to pose for some photos, tied her up in a few positions, and then released her and undid the zip and slipped the hood of her head.
She said it was an amazing experience, once she had caught sight of her faceless form in the mirror, she felt totally free and at ease.
Sorry rambled on a bit there!

 

"Anyway, my question is for married members of the site, when you were looking for a partner, were your fetishes high on your list of priorities?"

Wow. So many responses to your question so fast. Let me add my 2 cents. Married 27 years this November. Pre-"Internet" but I knew I was submissive and enjoyed being tied up. Hadn't hear about chastity yet ... not for maybe 5 or 6 years after marriage.

But my fetish wasnt high on the list of things I was looking for in a wife. It also wasnt low. It just wasnt a go/no go factor more than just being sexually attracted to her and vice versa.

Ironically, what was important was that I find and marry a skier. I was skiing since I was 3. Love cold weather and wanted to maximize winter by skiing often and wanted to have a wife who skied and would raise an family of skiers with me. Needless to say, I found a great woman who never skier and was willing to try. On our first "ski date" she dislocated her knee, and that's when I learned that she wasnt "built" for skiing (literally, knee dislocations happen to her for the most trivial things). But did I drop her? No. Despite what I always believed being with her was more "right" than any one aspect of my life or plans for life.

So I think had I known about chasity then, it wouldnt have made a difference one way or another alone, like skiing didnt, in deciding where things would lead.

Obviously it all worked out. Even though she never skied again, she did spend a lot of time on ski trips and reading in the lodge as i taught our kids to ski. It was the sacrifice she made for us to be together.

Life, marriage, isnt a set of all or nothing decisions. It's all a balance. Best answer I have for you is to prioritize finding someone you want to strike a balance with. You never know what choices, like to be in chastity or be a key holderx the future may bring. Find someone you're attracted to who you want to make all of life's tough life decisions with. That's the person to be with. The rest will fall naturally in place.

 

When I met Miss A she had no knowledge or experience of FLR or male chastity. I mentioned once in passing that I had for a long time fantasised about being in a submissive relationship with a woman, Miss A researched the topic, and told me she liked what she had read and that she was ready to to take a more dominant role.

Over the last 6 years we have evolved and deepened our relationship, and that process continues.

 

I am pretty sure I would have ended the relationship if my wife wouldn't be into dominant kinky play. When we stopped playing kinky games when we had a kid, it almost costed us a relationship. Now we play again, and we have happier marriage.

 

We met and started dating, had a healthy, fun, and active sexual relationship. I was recently divorced and had never shared my true self with anyone. Since that approach hadn’t worked in keeping a partner I thought I would try opening myself up.

So after 2 months I had decided that she knew me well enough to know whether she wanted to give it a try, but haven’t been with me so long where it felt like I led her on. It was important for me to let her know the real me, and not some mask I put on. How could I possibly be serious about a new relationship when I am not even letting her know me.

 

Her being open minded was more important than any fetish. I knew she was different. I didn't know how our interests would fit together. She liked drag shows and exhibitionism, which weren't exactly kinks to me (I like CD), but I didn't think she would reject me over kinks. She liked swingers clubs, which scared me a little. These days, she likes the idea of cuckolding, which we have explored, but defying stereotypes, she pushes that more than me (usually).

A lot of people are worried about being rejected by a partner. I can be more worried about a "meh" response to things that are deeply personal.

All and all, I am lucky we play together.

 

Totally disagree.
You are who you are in life and you should pursue what makes you feel good. I've met way too many people who have lived a sad life because their partner didn't share their kinks, which were so paramount for them.
It is important for a lot of us and if you switch it on and off, out of respect, you'll end up living a lifelong lie.

a bit off topic maybe but not too much: @L-u-c-y : ever thought about removing the title Mistress? it could help stopping to receive unwanted messages and proposals, especially if you're no mistress and have no kinks, as you say.
So why use the title?
It can be considered misappropriation by professional ladies, besides sending men a false message. Just saying.

 

oh, if I had to think people read dictionaries' definitions, I would not be reading such bullshit about the title I chose for myself. I say this as the linguist I am: dictionaries don't really mirror the way words are used nowadays and especially in the English language, of which you're native, not me.
Truth is, if you use the title Mistress in BDSM contexts and websites don't expect to be considered as ANY of the definitions you copied above but the way kinksters use that word.

psst: do you know lifestyle mistresses also exist as opposed to pro ones? Go tell a lifestyle mistress that she has misappropriated the term. And when you do, don't forget to share with me their answer!

 

I wasn't expecting a suggestion from you as much as you could not expect me to follow it - after all, I have never complained about misuse of my title.

Maybe just LUCY is not enough for somebody who's already very well known in the community? I find it weird but less weird than using mistress when you're not but the closest thing to it.

On top, it looks to me that you have left out some of the definitions of the Merriam-Webster dictionary you used. Among those:
- a woman considered especially notable for something
- a woman who has achieved mastery in some field
(and these are to me the most fulfilling definitions as a woman)
- a woman other than his wife with whom a married man has a continuing sexual relationship
- an often professional dominatrix

As you can see, the dictionary doesn't include wife of a chastity device user or FLR leader as a definition for mistress.

 

I still don't read "wife of a chastity device user" or "FLR leader" - it says "house" not "relationship" and for that matters, it could simply be a single mother governing her household and children - or even a school, otherwise why the term Headmistress?

----
I am admittedly a kinkster, like most people practising chastity and like quite a good amount of Mansion's members (as you can learn from the feed above), whether you like it or not.
Fetlife is a place for fetishists )so why else the name?) and BDDSSM uses fetishes for any of the letters of that acronym.
You're the one trying so hard to take the fetish nature out of chastity but if you could be more relaxed about it, you could actually see things for what they are. Relax, Mistress.

 

PLEASE show me were and I'll shut the f*** up forever.

 

You don't have to be into BDSM at all to enjoy the pleasure and benefits of chastity - though, most do.
I refrain from giving my personal opinion of the second sentence above.

"Mistress is the feminine word for master" - REALLY? Thanks for pointing that out!
But I still don't see how Mistress means "head of the relationship" when semantics doesn't really fail so much in the real world, being a branch of linguistic and logic - it's science, not an opinion.

But I'm done insisting here, howling at the moon is actually more useful and constructive than this convo.
Good luck with your quest, Mistress!