So me and my boy have been working out FLR for a couple of months now, and it feels like it’s going really well for both of us. We have a system in place, and we’re developing it as we go; I’d love to hear about your dynamics, and how they work? So we’re best friends and partners who have been together 4.5 years. We live together with my 8yo, both work full time. We’ve always enjoyed kink and D/S in bed, and had one previous attempt at chastity that massively didn’t work, as I don’t think boy was ready, and I’m not certain I was either. Our previous dynamic was pretty much 50/50 on housework, cooking etc, I did all the management of the household stuff, kept track of everything, tried to help boy manage his stuff... it worked ok. We rowed sometimes because I’d be tired- working longer hours than him, looking after my boy, and I’d either get cranky because I’d feel he wasn’t pulling his weight, or not sat anything and it’d just make me miserable. With our new dynamic, we’ve been working mostly on the honour system, caged in the days and moving towards being caged at night while we find the right cage. I still do housework and cooking and things, but a bit less, and I’m more likely to put my feet up and relax while my boy handles things than previously. Also if I want something doing I just tell him, and he does it, which takes a whole load of stress off, and has reduced domestic friction endlessly. In bed, it’s 100% up to me; when, how, who comes. He wouldn’t dream of touching himself without permission. So we’re a regular couple, but I’m in charge and sex is entirely on my terms. We also have “Dog days” where he’s more of a pampered pet. Long walks, maybe fewer jobs, maybe a greater chance of play/coming, lots of fuss and petting, nice dinner made for him, lots of time for hobbies- still no touching without permission, I’m still in charge. We have king days- this is full submission, my word is law, I can demand pampering, jobs done, anything I desire. This isn’t a huge leap from regular days- I think it just means we’d be more formal, he’d be quieter and take less initiative, I’d do less/no jobs. Then we have partner days, where we drop the sub/Dom stuff and are just equal friends and partners (except still no touching or play without consent) thee will be non-sexual days where we just interact without FLR if one of us needs a break. We haven’t had one yet. So: 1) what is your domestic dynamic with chores and day to day life? 2) what is a treat or fuss like when you are spoiled by your KH? Or when you KHs spoil their pets? 3) what would you do for your KH on a “King Day” what kind of things would you do to spoil her, and how would this be different from your normal routine?
What a great question. Since my man and I are fairly new to this, I don't have anything to add that would be useful, but I'm definitely looking forward to seeing some responses! One of the things that I was wondering was how non-sexual days would work with this. As much as I love this play/lifestyle, I value the platonic stuff as much, if not more (He's pretty darn awesome and fun to hang out with!). I wouldn't wanna feel like our partnership was limited by having to add a power element or sexual stuff to everything we do. I'm guessing it will naturally work itself out over time, but would love to hear about different dynamics you all enjoy with your partners.
Thanks! I find him more cuddly and affectionate than ever, and really keen to hang out and just be near me. We’ve become a little bit obsessed with each other these last two months, it’s quite sweet. Also, I find I can relax loads better being able to just tell him we’re tidying *before* we go out, or before we sit down, which means I’m loads less stressed and we have more fun together. The only thing is that we both really enjoy when I let him come, but the. He’s always a little bit moodier and less playful for a day or so after... I’ve told him he better learn to cover it, or I’ll just keep him locked!
This is very common with locked chaste men, generally referred to as sub-drop. You'll find several threads here about it and ideas of what to do about it.
We both work. I do all the laundry, make the bed every day and change it every week, and am responsible for the dishes (although she chips in); she does all the cooking (because she's good at it and likes to), and I do almost all of the grocery shopping. I have two weekend days set aside each month for house-cleaning, which includes all the vacuuming and all the bathroom cleaning. She'll make elegant or unusual meals for me; of course, I'll do all the cleaning. Our favorite pampering, pretty core to our dynamic, are long romantic baths for her where I'll kneel aside the tub cleaning and rubbing her with sugar scrub and oils, shave her legs, wash her hair, etc. This is usually followed by oral worship sessions for her multiple pleasures.
That sounds like a lovely balance, very similar to our own- with the exception that my boy would get very very sad without a lot of (non-sexual) physical fuss and attention, so his pampering always starts with fuss, back scratches, stroking... justvinagine you wanted a large animal to know you were pleased with it- that. Thank you for responding, I love hearing how others find that working path.
Yes! I’ve seen it mentioned. It’s really fascinating how pronounced it is. He’s so much sweeter and softer now he’s caged, I can’t quite tell if moody him is the old one, or worse because of the sub-drop. Either way, we’ll be working on it. I mainly need to get past the pleading and big sad eyes of day 1/2... it’s hard saying no when he’s being good.
Day 1 sucks, I hate it. Enough that sometimes I don't want Day 0 to happen. Actually, IMHO, the best thing you can do is quickly and firmly lock him back up and make him serve you in some way, give him a chore, perhaps even discipline him (maintenance) -- anything that restores his submissive position. Remind him that you have given him the highest of all gifts and he needs to be grateful.
Thank you, that was really useful. My boy is quite prone to emotional fluctuations; he gets bad anxiety with a hangover for example, really stressy when he has low blood sugar. I think the balance of all the happy chemicals in his brain really affect him as they work themselves out. So I started with your idea of maintainence discipline, combined it with a new crop I bought two days ago (he said he’d hate to be whipped with it, but was happy to have it for chastisement if he was bad), and which a small trial run with that night proved to him that the reason people like being whipped is all the free happy-brain-chemicals it gives out when done right. Long story short- I tied him up, striped his arse, put his collar on, wrapped him in a nice blanket and made him a hot cup of chamomile tea. He’s happy as Larry. Thank you
We have a different way of dealing with sub drop. Back in the cage and viagra for two days. She'll also get out the crop and a couple sessions with that, and I'm right back where I should be.