I have been into chastity for a long time. I've read many stories or captions and it gets me hot and worked up quite a lot. But when doing a reality check, the picture that gets painted about chastity doesn't resemble reality even close. At least for me. In stories or captions, guys get hornier and hornier, the longer they are prevented to have an orgasm. They get rock hard the second the girl starts playing with the cock. They even get a hardon when seeing the girls in short skirts and tight tops on the street. Their need rises and rises until they are a begging mess. With me, that is different. Of course, the desire to have an orgasm again rises and sub mode sets in. Thoughts tend to stray into a more sexual direction the longer I am abstinent. But this feeling of "I need to cum or I'll explode" never really comes in "normal life". This only happens during playtime. I am on the honor system currently (reasons...) so my package is freely available. It is quite hot here at the moment, so I am sleeping naked. When my GF reaches over to playfully touch and caress my nether regions, it never immediately springs to life and is rock hard. Girls are nice to look at, but their sight doesn't heighten my need to cum or makes my cock hard. I really like the need depicted in stories or captions. But I never get into such a state. How is that for you guys? Similar or is fantasy and reality more similar with you?
Sounds pretty normal to me! I know we are all different, but at the end real life goes on and chastity is just a part of it! Keeps me interested but I'm not obsessed with coming or likely to spring to attention as soon as I'm unlocked! As for seeing sexy ladies making me hard, well I'm of an age where I'm old enough to be the father of anyone in their 40's or younger! Mind you there are indeed many sexy women well over that age! But I'm a married man and have no wish to "try the fruit from a different tree!" I can guarantee it wouldn't taste half as sweet as Mrs Chaste!
Fortunately it’s not a 24/7 experience. I think if I was that preoccupied I would have trouble going to work. For me it’s like the tide, it ebbs and flows, the only constant is it’s unchanging. I get pretty worked up at the one to two week mark, pretty frazzled at the three week mark, at 4 weeks I plateau. I try to touch her and please her every chance I get. Acceptance settles in and practical matters push forward. Like am I getting an irritation, I would sure like to have an erection, I bet I need to groom in the spots I can’t get to, and I wonder when she plans on letting me out. Sessions of pleasing her or watching her please herself make me super charged, but after a bit I settle down and I’m back to just plain horny. I spend a lot of time on cm, tumblr, and write on my blog. Crazy ideas pop in and out of my head. It’s not this constant always horny and ready to cum, that is pretty much only when I’m pleasi her or being sexual around her, when that is over I kind of share her post orgasm calm and move on until I’m thinking about it again. That’s me anyway. Sometimes it’s terribly difficult to deal with, and most of the time it’s just a contraption that prevents erections.
That is why I stay away from porn like the plague. Porn creates unrealistic expectations, based on a fantasy world where people (especially women) do things that are not real. Women in porn are always super horny, super wet, have orgasms almost immediately from penetration, etc. Watch enough of that stuff and you start to think that’s the way things ought to be and your partner is inadequate. It’s the same with chastity. I have looked at a few of the tumblr sites with chastity captions, and while they can be very stimulating, I found that they are just another form of porn even if the images are just fully clothed women. Captions of women who are constantly thinking about chastity, always insatiable for orgasms, and on and on. Which is why I stay away from those sites. They just get you worked up. Some on here might argue that I’m just a prude, and that porn is just harmless fun. But I have found that it creates more problems than it solves, and choose to stay away from it.
Interesting point you make there, concerning porn, @Shepherdsflock! At first, I did lock myself up, lacking a GF who was willing to participate, and it was fun. I would be reading stories, watching porn, keeping myself on edge with it most days and the cage prevented me to act on it. I liked the feeling of "wanting more" but "not being able to get more". Now, I have a GF. She was quite hesitant when I first told her about my kinks but she offered to give some of them a try. Amongst them was chastity play. So we have a deal that I may not play with myself without her and obviously not be allowed to cum without her permission. She usually keeps me from cumming for some time, sometimes a week, sometimes more, most was 4 months until now. I am happy to have her, we are a perfect match in most things and I am thrilled that she sees about my kinks even if she not really shares them. But with her, chastity is different from "self-locking and porn" before. What I really liked about chastity is the feeling of wanting to cum but not being able to. This feeling of desire for me only comes from stimulation of some kind, be it visual (stories, images, porn) or physical (getting played with by my GF). My GF is strictly against porn. For her, it is a dealbreaker as in she sees it as cheating if I would watch porn (I don't understand why that is and tried to talk with her about it, but she not even wants to do that. For her, NOT watching porn is natural and only perverts do otherwise). This leaves me our playtime as stimulation. Depending on her mood and circumstances, we are intimate about 1-2 times per week. I would prefer more, but she makes the rules about that and it is ok. Outside of the bedroom, there is not much teasing or anything, no flashing boobies, no sexy underwear, etc. For her, sex is sex and it belongs to the bedroom. But that leaves me with 5-6 days without much of a stimulus for desire. On those days, being chaste without a device is "easy" and "uninteresting". While I was wearing the cage, on these days, it was more of a hassle since for it to become "sexual", there was someting missing and so it was just a "thing" that got on my nerves, like a plastered finger or something. Currently I feel that I am missing something I got, when porn was still in the picture to keep me aroused most of the time and I'd like to get it back, even if I don't know how exactly. It is not "an image" I took from porn but "the feeling" I got through it, if you know what I mean.
Yes, I know what you mean. And I really didn’t appreciate how bad the addiction to stimulation was until my wife pushed for very long chastity durations. With regular porn viewing, even if you’re not stimulating yourself physically through masturbation, you are stimulating your brain and activating hormones and endorphins that are related to sexual arousal and activity. What I found was that if I viewed even a small amount of pornographic material, even those “wholesome” fully clothed tumblr captions, I had a hard time concentrating and staying focused on tasks throughout the day. When I made myself stay away from that stuff, I found it much easier to focus and be productive. At first I missed the stimulation and felt a bit agitated, kind of like a junkie needing a fix. But over the first few weeks that began to fade and I found that being chaste without the distraction of porn helped me be more productive and focused than I ever had been. Case in point: I am in capital equipment sales. High dollar equipment that is usually purchased by larger companies (mostly aerospace and automotive). In the five months prior to stopping all porn viewing, I was averaging about $125,000 in sales per month at a 7% commission rate. Grossing about $8750 per month. That seemed quite good to me. Until I quit porn. The month I quit porn, I had over $400,000 in sales, with a gross commission of just over $29,000. For a single month. And it has stayed around there ever since, fluctuating about +\-$50,000 sales month by month. I couldn’t believe the difference. In addition to the productivity gain, my wife noticed I wasn’t as “needy” and constantly after her every minute of the day. This she liked, because she found my constant attention overbearing and annoying. I’m not saying that everyone who drops porn is going to have a huge difference in their life like I did, but I will guarantee that you would see some positive differences.
Porn is extremely addictive and destructive. It is really no different then any other drug some people can manage it just fine others need to just abstain 100 percent of the time.
I think I fall into the category that needs to abstain. I was a “casual user”. Once a day, maybe, I would jump on a bookmarked tumblr site for few minutes and look at the latest captions. But it was the lasting effects on my mind that was the problem. Even a few minutes of looking would cloud my mind for the whole day. I even have to be careful on chastity mansion. Too much of this place, especially if the topics get too graphic, and I need to stay away for a couple of days.
I try to make my fantasies a reality, and my dominant wife goes along with most of it, but she also has some hard limits she will not cross.
I am in chastity with a participating wife, it does not consume our lives nor do I constantly think about "exploding", it wavers and there truly are days where nothing is going on, no urges, no constant erections. I do have rules to follow but that does not necessarily mean that My Love is constantly participating so there is really nothing to arouse me. When My Love does actively participate by allowing Herself to achieve orgasm, or giving me long edging sessions, or assigning me chores, etc.. whatever She chooses, those are the times that I do get excited, however that is why I have a cage so that My Love knows there is not much I can do but wait around She decides to participate again. As far as porn goes, I'm not a big time porn addict, I do enjoy tumblr and the watching the odd sex scene, but I can do without it. What truly gets me going is pleasing My Love regardless if it's sexual or just a great conversation. Chastity is not my life, it just adds to it
Great topic. Naturally, stories are stories for a reason. In real life, things are often pinching, or you're at work and need to focus on some reports, or you're at home and cooking dinner, or one of you has a cold, etc. After almost 20 years of playing with it, it's still exciting, but not "bursting at the seams" like it was back when we started. There's a low-level simmer.
Fantasy is just that. It has little basis in reality. You sound perfectly normal to me, and your experience sounds like that of many on here. Enjoy the ride.
In fantasy we can cover vast distances quickly, and often end up places where our spouses cannot reach. As long as you can warp back at the end, it's harmless fun. In reality the value of our other half resides, as does the realities of warmth, sustenance and shelter. The reality of true reflective love and emotional bonds that frame our lives. The challenge is in finding ways to explore fantasy both individually and together that result in real growth. --- boy, if I'd just listen to those words and heed them!