This is not for me

Sorry to hear about all the challenges you have mentioned in this thread. It must be hard being trapped in a hole with with so many tricky hurdles to face.

Hopefully you can get your partner to open his eyes and see all the problems you're surrounded by. If you are going to make it out together you will need to rediscover each others support and respect. He is going to need to learn to open up or the road ahead will become more challenging for you both.

Sadly you may be forced to make even tougher choices if he continues to walk his path blind. If you can prepare yourself to make those choices as soon as possible then I believe it will give you a better chance of finding the happiness you're after and deserve.

Sounds like it is unlikely he will change without a massive push. Is he willing to risk losing you? If yes then it sounds like you may have already lost him. If no then there is a slim chance he will fight to make things work for you both.

Maybe you can find out if he is happy, how does he currently see your relationship and what he would change between you? Also what does he want from life?

Keep things simple and maybe you can establish if your still on the same page or close enough to make things work.

Hopefully you can find something to help you build some positivity or you will continue to sink into trouble. It shouldn't be about aggressive negotiations but should highlight if you can still work together.

If you fall into a negative spiral you will only fall back to drinking and making things more complicated.

 

As already pointed chastity it is the last of your problems, one of you will have the lift the gas because is more than obvious that as it is rigtn now it will not end well, i cant offer any options because i never been in something like that but if i were there i will try to make a deal, both of you will do a sacrifice, if i read well both of you drinks too much so start there, both together as a couple will drink with responsability from now on, both has the support of each other, if you want to go to him, the same is it is him who wants

It doesnt has to be that, pick the sacrifice you think he needs and he will pick yours if you want, if both make a sacrifice it will be an improvement and will be better for the marriage because both will give up something and it can continues until the situation is a nice one, then if you want you may play hers kinks

I am sorry that you has to be living that, i hope you solve it as quick as you can, best of wishes

 

What was it about him that you found originally that made you want to get married to him? In the very beginning.

 

Tell him not to bring up chastity again until he has a cage he can wear that is secured by a piercing. THEN make him regret being an ass. You can add time every time he gets drunk.

 

This is not for me
Him wanting to be locked is the problem. She has no interest in chastity in fact it creeps her out.
So chastity will never be the answer to the problem.

There are thing far more important than chastity to be addressed.
Chastity is her problem it won't be any part of her solution.

 

My point is that he is being such an ass, why would she want to be intimate with him? Use his fetish to either break him to her will or run him off.

 

if she has the fortitude t teach him a lesson. this surly would do it.
a custom made device will fit well enough, and lead times on them will be enough for a PA to heal.
tell him he will stop drinking before the device arrives and if he does drink, argue with her, or any other probems that are being caused by him, will add to his time.

i can only imagine the mental trauma a PA secured device that has a security screw with a custom driver bit would cause a newbie. keep the keys out of the house somewhere safe.

but again the OP made it clear she has 0 interest in all this so that is off the table. however it COULD be used as a great way to break her husband of his bad habits or get him to drop chastity all together as he will find out its not all fun and games for the male.

 

Sorry to read that he is treating you like that, if it is any help control do not come from strength but from inner strength.
try it, and I think you have the ability to take control and tell what you want and what you need from him and also forget male chastity for at least until you are ready. You are not his play thing.
you know you deserve respect.

 

Well, sometimes it's best just to leave and face the unknown.. Jump into to the abyss and see yourself what you can find.
You have been married a long time and neither of you deserves to live with being unsatisfied and unhappy..
Let him have an opportunity to find a girlfriend that wants to lock him up, and let yourself fall in love in a new dominant man..
Because it sounds to me like you two are growing apart both spiritually and physically.

Alot of couples gets better life's just as friends and co-workers regarding to the children.

<3

 

My wife is not really in too and she refuse first the horrible device.

We move to a FLR category and then she found that having the power of sex, to have orgasm for her first then exclusively is something that she can't loose now.

The cage come back time to time as a toy or a reward after love, when she has been very satisfied of me. Most of the time I am uncaged and at her disposition for when she wants and what she wants.

Let time to appreciate and discover your power.

 

That sounds familiar... I hated the idea of keeping him in chastity at first. Though for me it was because I didn't want him acting horny and needy all the time. I like a manly man so to speak so the whole idea of chastity just sounded like the exact opposite of what I found attractive.

Yep, I've been there too. it took us along time and a lot of arguments and tears before we figured out how to work it into our relationship in a way that we both found enjoyable.

My theory on this is that my husband was brainwashed into the obsession by all the porn and erotic stories online about chastity. All I know for sure is that he was determined to do anything he could to get me interested in it. Lots of conversations... lots of read this babe, and lots and lots of headaches.

I couldn't figure out how to get him to stop going on about it. So we tried it, and tried it and tried it.

I think one of the things that my husband believed the most about chastity was that it would improve the intimacy in our relationship. Sadly at the time we were terrible at communication and all I heard was that he wants me to do sexy stuff to him all the time. I'm sure each individual is different and your husband may be like many others and his big reason is that he wants you to dominate him. For us though that wasn't really the case. He just wanted a much better sex life and he believed chastity would provide that somehow.

In the end it did improve our sex life and it also helped teach us how to communicate about our sexual desires better. So I really don't have any experience in the just tell me no department. That strategy was a total failure for me. My husband is a very determined individual and he usually gets his way once he has his mind set.

I'm sure that sounds bad considering we are on a sight devoted to men submitting to women but I usually like a determined man. It only becomes an issue when we want different things. If I say no he changes his approach. It seems like every reason I can think of he's already come up with 5 better reasons to just do what he wants.

So I'm sorry to say I can't be of any help saying no to a man obsessed with changing your mind about chastity. We've been married 14 years and for the last year or so we've been on the journey into chastity. I started out kicking and screaming but over time I've started to really enjoy it.

The short version of it is that eventually I stopped trying to get him to drop it and started trying to make his chastity something I didn't mind. That was basically my first goal. I didn't want to be annoyed about it 24/7. So I laid down some ground rules and little by little it went from something I felt like would totally make him a turn off into something really sexy.

My advice is if you can't tell him no, then join him. But use all the determination he has to make chastity play apart of your lIves as a tool to get him to start doing the things that you want to do. Both inside and out of the bedroom. It's difficult to explain but at first I also just wanted a normal sex life. It wasn't until saying no a bazillion times didn't work that I finally did some soul searching and started thinking of things that I wanted. I discovered I wanted him to do a lot of things that he really didn't see coming. Like for example I wanted him to start taking dry to me during sex and get really good at it. I wanted him to be a demanding loving.... as long as I was in the mood. Lots of things like that not to mention all the little stuff. I basically took everything he thought chastity was going to be and turned it upside down then shook it vigorously for good measure. We started doing it my way and we both started loving it.

At heart I'm a people pleaser and it hurts a lot when I feel like I'm getting run over and forced into something. Like I'll never get another moments peace if I don't try it. So I tride it. If you'd like to hear about how I use chastity in my relationship feel free to start a conversation with me. I'm probably giving you the exact opposite advice of everyone here but one thing about chastity is that it can be whatever you want it to be. He's already got this huge fantasy built up in his mind of what it's going to be like and if he's at all like my hubs he's doing his best to fit you into that box in his mind labeled Keyholder.

So yeah if you can't say no compromise just remember that if he wants this so badly you've already got a lot of bargain power. You might be surprised what he will do for you if you start treating chastity as your tool instead of his fantasy. But it's not going to be easy. Especially at first and maybe even more difficult considering all the background you've provided.

I wish you the best of luck and just wanted to let you know you aren't alone when it comes to having chastity play forced on you. I'm usually around if you'd like to vent. =)

 

Nicely said @Sarah8

 

I'd imagine this being a very common situation. I've seen countless posts from guys wanting help getting their wives involved in chastity and I usually feel like they go about it the wrong way. At least they would be if it was me they were trying to convince.

Thanks! I'm pretty terrible at writing, but I find it very therapeutic. Writing helps me discover things about myself, vent when I'm frustrated, and arrange my thoughts. I write a lot of things that never get sent because it's just a way to help me figure out what I want to say or how I feel about something. Alot of times I'll start off all angry and by the time I've vented it out and read over it I'll realize I feel differently or will have come up with an unexpected solution to my problem.

One issue my husband had was that he was in love with the fantasy of chastity that he'd created in his mind. When it came to chastity in real life he was just as new an inexperienced with it as I was. He just didn't realize it and became frustrated that it wasn't workin out like he expected it to. To him chastity was going to be a huge part of our lives. I was all of a sudden going to start wearing leather and spend my free time thinking of sexy way to tease and arouse him. He didn't just want to be locked and have me making all the decisions about his cock. He wanted me to actively try to make him want to get out and orgasm. I was also supposed to find the whole thing incredibly sexy and start wanting him to go down on me all the time.

He was a bit miffed to say the least when I tossed his keys in the bottom of my purse and went on with life as usual. See neither of us really knew how it would work into our lives. We both had very different ideas about how it would go and we didn't communicate about it well at all when we even bothered to try. For one we weren't used to talking about our sexual desires so openly and two we didn't know how chastity would actually work. His ideas about it scared me and put me on the defensive so I was so concerned about how to avoid the situation I didn't even take time to consider how I wanted to use chastity.

It was really a case of the blind leading the blind. That was made even more complicated because he was trying to teach me how to lead him and I wasn't willing to go first so to speak.

Then you've got to stop trying to play chastity his way and slowly discover how you can bring it into your sex life in a way that pleases you while at the same time teaching him what chastity is really about. Which is whatever you say it is.

He's read all this stuff online about how chastity is "supposed" to work. Most of it probably involves you taking control and keeping him locked for crazy lengths of time. He's probably begged you for this and then frustrated and confused you when the very next morning he wakes up with a painful erection and starts asking to be unlocked.

Could it get any more confusing than that? Probably. Especially once he's been locked down for a while and really starts to experience sexual frustration. He's going to be on an emotional roller-coaster trying to learn how to cope with a whorl wind of emotions he's not used to dealing with. Yep guess who's the lucky girl who gets to come home from work and deal with it? Lol

Seriously though it isn't so bad once you get through the growing pains and start to learn about all the good things it has to offer. The key to getting there in my opinion is for you to make a counsious effort to discover ways in which his chastity is fun and enjoyable for you, and then teach him how it's going to work in your lives.

You both will enjoy it a lot more if you are discovering what chastity is going to be in your lives together. If all his ideas and suggestions haven't sounded appealing to you then maybe it's time you try being his teacher and showing him how you want to play.

You might be surprised at what kind of aggressive lover he turns into once he isn't masturbating all the time and realizes his only chance to release depends on how well he pleases you. One thing I learned from chastity is that my hubs gets really turned on when I bluntly tell him what I want sexually.

Maybe your first step should be to get the house cleaned up, have a nice romantic dinner, watch a movie of your choice, and then enjoy a long night of rough sex, hair pulling, and maybe a few spanks for good measure.

I think a good starting point would be to send him a text today while he's at work and tell him you are going to try an experiment with chastity and if it goes well you might try it again. Say that you expect a big kiss and hug as soon as you see each other at the end of the day when you both get home. After the hug give his cock a little caress and squeeze and tell him to go shave and lock it down.

Tonight before you go to bed tell him you'd like to feel his cage throb against your ass while he gives you a shoulder and back massage. Then during the massage talk to him about what you find sexy in a lover. Let him know you expect him to plan something very special for you this weekend.

Then each day until Saturday or Sunday or when ever you get in the mood make sure you have your kiss and hug each day and then come up with something he can do for you in exchange for a little stimulation. Maybe you would like him to clean up the kitchen before you cook. While he's cleaning ask him to bring you a beer or something then say you'd like to inspect his cage. Actually inspect it and give him a little fondle for a minute or two. Ask if he's sore or if it doesn't look clean comment on it. When he starts trying to get hard say something about how tight it's getting in there. Then send him back to finish cleaning.

Think of it as your cock. If he says it's sore massage some lotion into his balls and around that ring before bed. If it smells funky tell him to go clean. At the end of the day you will have spent 5 minutes getting him aroused two or three times in exchange for being able to walk into a clean kitchen to start cooking.

Maybe you like having your feet massaged. Caress his cage with one foot while he rubs the other. Maybe you just had a stressful day and you don't feel like doing anything except sitting around and relaxing. let him know you are taking a break tonight and don't want to hear anything about his chastity. If he's good and leaves you alone maybe unlock him and stroke him a while when you get in the mood.

It's really not that difficult to figure out what he wants. If his cock is hard he wants me to touch it. If it isn't hard he wants me to make it hard lol. The tricky part is discovering what you want and finding the desire and time to motivate him into giving it to you. If he's the type that wants to talk about it sex and chastity 24/7 make a rule that he isn't allowed to mention his chastity unless you bring it up. If he can't wear the cage overnight let him sleep without it sometimes or give him permission to unlock it in the mornings. Whenever you encounter something you don't like take a moment to consider how his desire to be aroused could be used to change the situation into one you are happy with.

For example if you need gas in your car but didn't feel like stoping on your way home and now that you think about it you could also use a few things from the store what could you do to motivate him into making all those problems go away?

Maybe there is an event that neither of you really want to go to but you've got to anyways and you'd prefer not to have to listen to him going on about all the reasons you really don't have to go... could you think of something you could do for him that would motivate him into making the event a fun experience?

I've discovered my husband will do just about anything as happily as can be if I say something like "Honey, would you mind moving that huge pile of bolders to the other side of the yard? I know you just finished putting them there but I really link I liked them better back where they were before. Please.... if you do I'll unlock you tonight for a little stretch. I'm sure you'd really love having me massage that cock for 10 minutes or so. No cumming though Honey it's only going to be a stretch."

Chastity doesn't have to change either of you into different people. So when it's time for the special evening that he's planned for you have him unlock as soon as he gets home. Then after its over talk about the whole experience together. Discuss any things you both didn't like or really enjoyed and honestly tell him the things you liked or didn't like about his special evening. Teach him how to be your perfect lover.

I'm happy to help. Just take it slow and whenever he does something you don't like place a hand on your remote control device and let him know you don't like it. You'll both need a lot of time and experience to discover what works for you. Maybe start off playing every other week and just have him lock up 3 or 4 days before you think you'll want some loving and see where it goes from there. Over time you might start to really enjoy it.

Let us know if you want more advice on how to move forward. There are plenty of experienced people here willing to help support you.

 

As a thought ....

It might be worth mentioning that a lot of people don't realise or are even surprised to learn that for a lot of people after getting into chastity play not a lot changes very much or very quickly

As has been said some where before in SJ's 'Be Careful What You Wish For' I believe

Before chastity . . Chop wood carry water
During Chastity . . Chop wood carry water

It is the guys that usually have the hardest time with early transition. The device is there most or all of the time and is a constant reminder on average guys also think about sex in some form many times a day..so its no wonder some of them get a bit obsessed at least for a while. What a lot of them don't seem to get is that for their partners this is just one more little detail in their otherwise busy multitasking day.

The enterprising male will find ways to relieve their partners of the everyday tedious stuff. Once they are both home in the evening or weekends if he ensures she has little or nothing to do then it is possible she will have more time to think about TTTWD if she so wishes. She will also be a little less tired perhaps even relaxed and who knows what that could mean or lead to.