This is not for me

You need to communicate all this to him, being open and honest is the only way to go, chastity is not for everyone and you should not feel pressured to do anything that is a turn off.

 

Tell him, "I am in charge and I say no to chastity devices. Do not mention them again." If he wants you in control, then he has to accept your control. Tell him it's a total turnoff. If you want to read on your own and try again in the future, fine, but he's being WAYYYY too pushy and not listening to you. Put your foot down.

 

The most important thing to say here is that you are most definitely NOT the bad guy. You are doing nothing wrong.

I don't know how much of what you've written here you've told him to his face, but you need to.

And you really need to make clear that this is something you can't and won't participate in. There's nothing wrong with you saying that. No-one has any god-given right to expect their fetish desires will be reciprocated.

It would be interesting to know why he wants chastity. For most of us, it's to allow us to focus more clearly on serving the needs of our women. Since your man is apparently ignoring your feelings that suggests a curious contradiction. Talk to him about that.

I hope things go well for you.

 

I agree entirely with the previous poster. I'd add though that your husband has perhaps had these feelings for a long time, if indeed his contradictory actions are merely an aboration and he actually is submissive. If he has been harbouring these feelings for a while and it's been only recently that his desire for chastity has come out, then I think you should ask him carefully what he really wants.

I was in a simar position, I communicated poorly and waited until my desires came out badly. You may well find that his actual desire is to be controlled by you. There could be lots of benefits to both of you in exploring an FLR (there doesn't have to be a chastity device involved) - I'd strongly recommend a blog on Tumblr called Female Led Relationship University. It helped my wife understand my needs and she has found a way to make it work for us (and now she doesnt have to do any housework). Best of luck.

 

He is so cuaght up in his own quest for chastity device he is not listening to you.
It might be a good idea to let him read this post.
Maybe if he sees he is pushing you away he will slow down and stop pushing.

 

You could have another Misstress be his chastity key holder.

 

It sounds like your marriage has turned into a mess of impasses - it's easy to get there. Perhaps chastity is his last ditch way of getting at least some kink.

I don't think he should be picking your diet for you! However, it sounds like you both need to get your lifestyles under control, after which things may be more fun in general for both of you and perhaps... just perhaps... you can meet half way with some kink that's not overwhelming, and even provides some fun things for you.

There's ways of using chastity in this situation to get things you want, while at the same time banishing it from the bedroom and minimising your actual involvement.

 

I think chastity is another complication in a relationship that is already complicated.
If you comprimise and allow chastity in any way he will see that as a green light and the start of things to come.
The suggestion of another Mistress to hold the key won't work. Its hard enough to communicsate with him when its only the two of you.

I think you have more important things to resolve.
There is no easy answer and the alcohol makes it almost impossible to talk.
I would start with the alcohol problem if you can do that the rest will be a lot easier.

 

Get a handle on the issue or it will destord the marriage. Do you have any contact for counciling

 

I'm glad that you joined in order to speak your mind about this. Perhaps your postings in this thread will be a beacon for him... As other posters have said, while chastity can help make positive changes in relationships, it is definitely not for everyone. It can certainly get a bad reputation when the idea and/or practice becomes obsessive for one partner, but that goes for pretty much anything else as well, fetish or not. That said...

I would agree with this, 100%. In a way, it's easy for all of us to say what we'd do since we're not in your situation... but the alcohol definitely sounds like a big problem. Has that been a part of your marriage from the beginning, or did it start after some type of trauma? Is this something you two have discussed?

Either way, I would highly recommend marriage counseling as well... it seems you two need to learn how to communicate again. We are here if you feel like responding and are happy to help however we can!

Best of luck to you both.

 

The extra information really changes my view. You have to sort the alcohol issue before making fundamental changes to the dynamic of your relationship.

I really hope things work out for you.

 

@MysteryMiss oooh it does sound all sad to me. Drinking lots and lots is not very good as well. but he shudnt keep saying to You what he wants all the time cos he shud let You say.

 

Wow, your husband is being incredibly unkind. He's going to force his chastity on you? Strange, since chastity is about women having control. I would laugh if it wasn't causing you so much pain.

I agree, alcohol can be devastating to a marriage. You deserve a healthy relationship where your husband listens to you. I say even if he won't do counseling, you deserve counseling for yourself. Hugs to you.

As for chastity, at this point, you can be very blunt with him:"I will not be told what to do in the bedroom, and I don't want anything to do with your dock while it's in a cage."

 

In all honesty, his chastity fetish sounds like the least of your problems.
Focus on your own issues. and prioritise. Getting sober sounds like a reasonable starting point.
Then you'll be able to clearly assess everything else.... his drinking, fetishes etc and see if being with him really is what you want for your life. Make that decision, and let everything else follow from there.
Although, frankly, it's likely out of your hands anyway. Because I'm not sure how realistic your getting sober will be from your description of your environment.

 

You are not alone. My wife also has no use for it.

 

In my opinion, the two of you will not be able to see things very clearly, make decisions which are mutually beneficial, or make beneficial decisions for yourself until the drinking problem(s) are dealt with. In my opinion, counselling is as important right now as going to the hospital after a heart attack, alone and together, even if he does not agree to participate. This will provide you (both) with time and fresh insight so you might begin to assess what is really important, and allow you (both) to decide what is worth salvaging here or not. You have shown a lot of courage to come here seeking advise and help. That is a good start. Daily open and direct communication with him is as important as your next breath of oxygen, no matter how he tries to manipulate. Say what you need to and let him make his decisions from there.

 

After being married for 17 years, it is the relationship that is the most important here. This will require open and frank communication between you and your hubby and the whole chastity thing is only a symptom and not the real underlying problem, IMHO. You just have to clear the air - with no alcohol involved.

 

I think you both need to address your alcohol challenges before you attempt any other lifestyle changes and if he is not willing to do that then perhaps you might want to consider that your relationship has turned into a habit and maybe that's the habit you need to kick first.

I may seem harsh but I think your best bet at having a future...that's any future ,,, is to be without him and without alcohol.

Might be best for him too.

 

If a man said that to me I would encourage him to buy a nice custom cage that could stay on a LONG time. I’d make him regret bringing it up.

 

Hi @MysteryMiss Sorry to hear about your situation.

As you can see, CM has a number of friendly people with some helpful advice. As you probably understand, your husband's desire to force you to participate with chastity isn't something you can really discuss with your family, friends, neighbours. So you have come to the right place to try and get some help. And as you will see from the responses above, even though none of us know you, people here do care about the individuals on the other side of the keyboard.

We understand that you aren't in a great place at the moment. So it is quite ok to use this thread to let off a bit of steam if you need to.

Hope things can start getting a bit better for you.

That is funny @Jessica Alexander - maybe add some Kali's teeth to it as well. That'll learn him.

 

This is the wrong place to ask for advice!!!! The majority of males in here are not capable of understanding you are saying NO ! to your husbands fetish. No means No . Any female here want to say differently? I would think you would all be very supportive of your sister. If you tried and you are disgusted with his fetish--Then tell him to hit the road. That is YOUR RIGHT!! She is not required to talk to anyone-friend-family-or internet strangers in here-Especially in here since you all are so darn predictable with your comments. Her decision and hers alone. The booze is another problem--but, it has nothing to do with her finding his fetish disgusting and not wanting to take partake in his fetish