What to do post sub orgasm?

@Kadira please Miss, if when You let him have a spurty and after it he goes a bit of a nuisance for You then praps You shud give him a smack and tell him off.

 

No I'm not.

 

So let me get this straight just so I understand you.

I should be beaten because I have a crash of joy chemicals from my brain?
Break out the cane because Bonobo is in a post orgasm funk. That is about the dumbest thing I have ever heard!

Honey I love you and IMO the best approach is to have a reassuring conversation about the relationship and how things are all right and you do love me.

I am all about corporal punishment but this hardly a reason to turn my ass black and blue, and quite frankly would probably do more harm to me then good.

 

oh im sorry for you then but really i was saying it to your Mistress cos She ask what to do. If you stop saying bad things you wont has to be smacked.

 

My wife has taken to sentencing me to extra time caged when I let her down like that. Last weekend she added a week, and when I failed to react immediately to an instruction five minutes later, she added another week! As chance would have it, the new date happens to be a day when she's leaving on business for a week. In all, it will have been 5 weeks in. When I pointed that out she said, "Wait and see. If you don't shape up I'll be adding more time!"

Now I'm into being caged. But 5 weeks is long, *and* I just got through 5 weeks before that! Blah or no blah, this has got me taking special care.

 

Is that working?

I hesitate to offer advice given my own issues, however it seems some form of punishment is in order for the behavior. If it's not physical, then it should be psychological. Either that or avoidance of orgasms all together. If chastity is a sex game than I think the drop is fine. If you're trying to live a d/s lifestyle, it is not.

 

Well I am not an asshole when in this state I just feel detached for a few days. So you think punishment is the way to bring someone back instead of love and reassurance. As I said earlier I am not against punishment, but why does every sub think that the only tool a Domme has in her tool box is corporal punishment?

 

That's not what I said. In fact I offered two possible solutions that don't include corporal punishment. I also said that if the goal isn't a d/s lifestyle then no action is required. However in a d/s relationship when the submissive behaves in a fashion that the dominant doesn't like, it's up the dominant to correct the errant behavior IMO. That is what the OP was asking for, suggestions to correct your behavior. Getting upset at the suggestions is ignoring the problem.

 

You are right sorry. But my question still stands why is punishment the only tool subs think a Domme has.

 

Most subs don't appreciate how hard it is to be a domme. My wife and I have talked about this and one of the things I told her is that we don't punish our kids with physical discipline. We generally take away something they like or make them do something they don't like. Taking this approach with you might work for the two of you.

For my wife and I corporal punishment is a big part of what works for us. I suspect the reason is that it requires a great deal of submission to submit to a punishment spanking. Physically there is no way she could force me as I'm bigger and stronger than her. So submitting to her punishment makes me feel submissive.

It also empowers her sense of dominance. Knowing that she controls me to this level and that I will take whatever she dishes out has fueled her growth of dominance in other areas. It's a physical manifestation of something that would otherwise be assumed to be true. It's a weekly reminder to her and me of her control and authority.

That being said she uses other methods to exert her will.

 

Great post, gets right at the heart of a submissive's mindset about discipline.

 

I don’t know we are only recently experiencing the issue. I feel the more submissive I become the worse the drop becomes. I feel like a better option over the cane/punishment is love and reassurance. Will it ultimately be what we decide works best? Who knows but I would much prefer cuddling with my Kadira then be beaten by her while in that state. I will do all I can to overcome (sub drop) I believe practice makes perfect and some love and reassurance from Kadira will be much appreciated while I work on it.[/QUOTE]

 

I have the same issue! i recage immediatly and dizzy and I discuss the next role play or we ingage in some kinky activity. I enjoy the discussions while we cuddle.... works for me! Some times she will sit on my face and make me lick her clean while she recages me. The point is you 2 have to discuss what turns each of you on and explore it! Have fun with it.

 

Many of the above comments are true. I get the blahs/blues after having an orgasm, for sure. It almost makes me think I should not ever have an orgasm again, but then after a day or two, I'm back to loving my cage, and serving every whim of my beautiful wife/KH-all in anticipation of the next incredible orgasm she allows me.

Ironically, I was unlocked last night and allowed to jerk off to an orgasm in front of my beautiful wife. As usual, (I average about one orgasm per month) I was allowed to leave the cage off till morning. I put it back on before going to work, and have felt a little down all day. We're going out of town for 10 days starting tomorrow, and she's teasing me about leaving the key at home/losing it on the road, and it's having the desired effect. I will pleasure her with my mouth/hands to the point of as many orgasms as she wants tonight.

 

jemima said: ↑
whats a blah please. Is it crying do you mean. if it is being hurt wont make it better will it.
I think Jemima that she is saying he lacks enthusiasm for chastity and obedience.

Are you serious!

Jemima has been a member for about 7 years if I recall correctly and is and has been liked and respected by many other members .... She is in a full time FLR, dresses full-time and is locked 24/7/365 and her commitment to obedience is perhaps second to only a few.

Now IF that is lack of commitment in your opinion you are at best very confused. or making a very poor joke and in either case you owe her an apology in a open to all post as was your ridiculous comment

 

With all due respect, Filltee, I think this is a case of mis-read pronouns. The "she" in pouchpantylover's post appears to be a reference to Kadira, the original poster, where the original use of "blahs' appears, not to jemima.

 

Thanks everyone for your input we talked last not and have a game plan moving forward. This open communication between us is what has allowed us to get to this point.

 

Absolutely as @Rectrix said you misread my post. I was answering Jemima's question about what the OP meant by "blah". Not commenting on Jemima. I think Jemima understood me correctly as she thanked me for the explanation. If she did not and took offense at my clarification I apologize to her. In terms of demanding apologies @filltee I'm waiting.....

 

Don't let him have any orgasms except ruined ones.

 

These have been covered, but these simple techniques can be combined & rotated to be quite an effective arsenal to minimize "blah".

1. Greatly reduce orgasm frequency. No orgasms with out the woman's permission. The guy can learn discipline and not cross the line and still have immense near-orgasm fun. We often have maybe 7 long sexual sessions over several weeks, with great joy - between one often accidental male orgasm.

2. Make most orgasms "ruined" or "minimized" with minimal stimulation once they are imminent. This feels very dominant for the submissive, and the blah is minimized.

3. Require service the next day. Simple things the woman enjoys. This can feel more shocking to the guy than when he's very horny. If he accepts the service requests, the blah will be phasing out fast as the service arouses him.

4. Can require device going back on immediately or the next morning. It feels ridiculous to the guy if he's not horny, but then magically it accelerates his transformation into his happy service oriented mode.

5. The male's honorable follow through. It's helpful if he agrees it is honorable to obey and follow through. Whatever combination the woman prefers, she should get the guy to say he understands, and agrees his honor is on the line to follow through. It may be hard, but this is how it will be. It feels submissive and honorable to agree.

In our experience, Any combination of these minimizes blah.

 

Arrrrghhh! This sounds so damned permanent. But if that's what it takes....

 

You wrote
"I think Jemima that she is saying he lacks enthusiasm for chastity and obedience."

My reaction was to that... Which appears to be very unambiguous to me.

You believing what you wrote has a different meaning alters the common perspective or interpretation that most people would hold on reading said sentence.

As for you waiting for an apology for you from me for my comments on said sentence of yours , whatever you claim your intent was... I suggest you do not hold your breath ,though by all means feel free to do so.

 

@filltee -- I continue to believe this is a misunderstanding of pronoun issue. Would @PouchPantyLover's post look different to you if he had used different or better punctuation and brackets, such as:

"I think, Jemima, that she [Kadira] is saying he [Bonobo] lacks enthusiasm for chastity and obedience."

 

pleas dont argue bout me. i wont say no more on this one.