First time poster, long time lurker. The back story... I have a close female friend that I disclosed my chastity desires to and she accepted my request for her to act as my key holder. We drew up an agreement and I began wearing a chastity device on a schedule. She scheduled my orgasms and assigned punishments and rewards as she felt was needed. It was fun for us both but I had a panic attack (relating to my job) and upset her in the process. That happened about 3 months ago and while we have remained close friends, she chose to take an indefinite break from acting as my key holder. Recently, it has felt like we may be getting closer to resuming our chastity agreement which I have looked forward to. And that brings us to yesterday. My job was eliminated and I suddenly find myself thrust into the world of unemployment and looking for work. Now I'm faced with a decision of whether I should ask my key holder to return or if I should just let it be until she brings it up again. She knows I want it to resume, even if I don't bring it up. So now I turn to this community to help influence the decision. The pros - I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands and chastity would help prevent me from needlessly masturbating. The cons - Chastity won't serve as any type of motivation to be productive during my unemployed time. I will be doing the vast majority, if not all, of the household chores and several home improvement projects. I'm going away for the weekend and will check back in on the results come Monday. I also have tentative plans to meet up with Goddess for lunch next week and will share these results with her in person then.
my thoughts are that if she knows you want to resume then maybe just leave it be for now. Pressuring her will not help. If its been a while since you had that conversation maybe send her a nice little gift with a reminder.
That's a really tough question to answer without knowing so much more about your situation and the people involved. I'm a big believer in communication, but also in not overloading someone with it. Pick the time, place and method you think is the most effective and broach the idea. If she's going to be the key holder she needs to call the shots, so be prepared to except whatever outcome you come up with.
i would think the direct approach. 1. admit what you did wrong with no excuses. make it clear you take full responsibility. 2. ask her what she would require of you to resume where you left off. 3. be prepared for total rejection. 4. either way you get on with your life.
I don't want to vote as it seems way to trivial in a time like this. You have so much going on. I feel you should re-kindle your friendship.....just be friends....put all your efforts into getting another job then when you have one and things can get back into a routine....bring it up in conversation. If she brings it up first then just go with the flow!
Following up. I had lunch with Goddess on Thursday and she agreed to resume acting as my key holder. Our situation is unique in that she and I are not intimately involved and we are both married to others. Our partners do not know about our chastity game or that I'm wearing a chastity device. Goddess has just agreed to act as my key holder and determines how and when I'm allowed to orgasm. Thanks to everyone that participated. Also, y'all really only think about one thing around here. Not one person commented on me losing my job. (s'all good though)
I have historically been the initiator sexually in our relationship and now this is just another part of the fun. ;-)
You had a panic attack, no doubt brought on by anxiety. Before embarking on anything, you need to feel comfortable getting to the root cause of that. You are now in a high stress situation with no idea if that will happen again, potentially spoiling the relationship for good. Find it in you to sort out your anxiety.
That's a good point. But the source of the anxiety was that I felt that my position was in jeopardy of being eliminated. I guess the bigger question is, is anxiety really a problem if it turns out that you were ultimately right? The anxiety was situational and isolated to the one incident.
Anxiety is an involuntary response to danger. Panic attacks are the vent that the body uses to protect itself, basically 'fight or flight'. So the question you may want to pose to yourself is; do I recognise what triggers my anxiety and am i sure how I shall react? In your back story, your reaction almost destroyed your relationship. You are now in a stressful position again, and you're considering asking for a resumption of a precious trust relationship! Your call hunny, but in my world you need to consider your brain before your balls! (please accept this is friendly tone)
Goddess and I remained friends through it all and continued to communicate with one another. I overreacted and she overreacted in turn. I think we both learned something important as a result.
Friendship and communication are the most important things right now. Continue to show Goddess you are worth the trust element before dropping the KH on her. We girls need time to assimilate whether you want to be trusted buddies or you're just desperate for your kink to be fed. If she's worth it, be patient and let the KH thing blend in naturally. The frustration of waiting will do you good.
Her decision to stop acting as my key holder was basically a punishment she used in reaction to me panicking about my situation at work. We're back in a good spot now and she's resumed acting as my key holder. Since then, I found myself in a lose/lose situation where my wife wanted to have sex that Goddess hadn't approved. This is extremely rare but it just so happened to occur within the first week of Goddess resuming acting as my key holder. I chose to have sex with my wife and as a result, Goddess is not allowing me to orgasm at all this week. I think she may have a change of heart on this one but I'm not going to be pressing matters so we'll see what happens. I'm happy she's back and if this is what it takes to appease her, I'll gladly do it. Besides, I know that it could have been much much worse for me.
So your wife doesn't know about your keyholder or your cage and hasn't seen you fully naked in how long?
Ok so I get the whole covert from your partner thing, basically you have a kink and you're not able to share it with your wife. In my experience, this is unsustainable and for someone who is prone to anxiety, inevitably will end up in some conflict over this in time. I'not saying stop, but just recognise where you are and be able to identify when things come into conflict, you are going to need a good coping strategy. And cards on the table hun... you didn't really need our advice, you had already decided to jump straight in. There is an air of less genuine intent here and don't want to sound mean. But not open to your partner and already cheating on your Goddess! you need some time in your own head to figure out where this is going. Chastity is a commitment to yourself and those you are intimate with.
Everyone knows their own relationship best, but I know in my relationships, having a 3rd party being that intimate with me would be an act of infidelity. I understand that no physical contact will happen, but there are many forms of cheating, and to me this is one of them. Can you imagine, just for a moment, how you would feel if you found out your wife had been secretly talking with another man, talking about sex, orgasms, masterbation, and even playing a sexual game controlling when she would be intimate with you? Now think what she would think about your relationship with your kh. In my opinion, anything you couldn’t do in front of your wife is cheating on her. That is how a lot of these things start. Oh she’s just an old friend catching up on facebook, now we are using messenger to chat but no big deal since we are friends, we are talking about intimate things but hey we actually never touch each other....wanna meet up for a drink? I don’t mean to preach, and I am certain you are an adult, just wanted to throw it out there that it’s a slippery slope, and that although your wife isn’t into this like you would want, adding someone that is could have dire consequences.
In the original post, I wanted to reach out to the community to see how like-minded individuals would view my scenario. Yes @Mandynjack I knew how *I* felt on it. I knew that while I loved my job, I wasn't completely crushed by the news that I was losing it. I dealt with the emotions involved very well and have moved on accordingly. But I wondered how Goddess might relate the timing of my request since I had just lost my job. This is why I posted the two 'yes' options in the poll. One option was 'now's the time' and the other option was 'give it a little time first'. I needed to do a little survey of the community and it was helpful. As for the concerns about my anxiety, I don't have regularly occurring anxiety. Quite the opposite actually. Things often times need to reach a critical mass level before I get all that concerned. I'm quite easy going in general. But as I stated before, my suspicions were raised in September and I let it get the best of me. Turns out, I lost my job in December so the concerns were accurate and warranted. The way I reacted however, was not. That's the lesson that I've learned here. @Nicoftime I'm aware of what's happening here and what it seems like 'on paper'. Goddess and I appreciate the attention we get from one another but we also both very much love our respective partners as well. This is a bit of an outlet for the two of us and nothing more.