My wife loves to have me locked up in chastity so I can’t play with myself or cheat on her. I never have cheated on her and never would. Been over three weeks now since last unlock for piv. Due to some pain she has it doesn’t ever seem on her mind although she wears the key around her neck. I have mentioned to her about teasing me periodically which doesn’t happen. However I think it seems that she is waiting on me to initate everything. I love being locked up and haven’t gotten to the point of it driving me crazy not being able to get an erection or orgasm. I know it will. I don’t want to seem like I am topping from the bottom though by being the one to initiate. Should I though?
I wouldn't try to initiate anything right now. Some women don't have the urge as much as we do. My wife never really initiates sex, but since she has locked me up she has started too. Only twice since she locked me up two weeks ago. With no release for me but she has had some great organisms with me massaging and playing with her. I think that most women, I could be wrong, enjoy that more than the penetration. Let me know if I'm wrong ladies. You definitely do NOT want to top from the bottom. That's the point of being locked up she decides if and when you get release, IF at all. The best thing you can do is serve her and pay attention to all her needs. That's what I have learned, mainly from all the wonderful people here on this site. It's not about you and your needs JUST HERS. Hope this is helpful to you. Keep everyone updated on how things are going. Good luck
You definitely should! Although like Giles said doing things that get her turned on is before and or during her teasing you is a major part of getting her into teasing you regularly. I don't know what sort of dynamic your relationship has. So take this with a grain of salt but unless she's already into femdom and you two have talked about your being her submissive then she probably has no clue what topping from the bottom even means. If she was anything like me when we started chastity play she is probably just trying out your chastity game to make you happy. That being said there is a huge difference in her wanting to make you happy by wearing a necklace and deciding when you can orgasm and her turning into a cocktease or edging you every night. If you want to get her into teasing you need to make it fun for her. Put some thought into it and ask her questions to come up with ways she will enjoy the hell out of it. The first thing you should ask yourself and if you don't know go ask her is what turns her on? What does she find sexy in a man. Does she have any fantasies that you could act out? I'm amazed at how many guys don't know the answers to questions like that. If you do that know find out. Then suduce her and make her beg for it. Maybe she wants you to spend the evening teasing her before going into the bedroom? Maybe she's like me and find masculine men being demanding very sexy. You won't know until you ask. Whatever gets her wet probably isn't you going up to her and saying something to the effect of will you tease me... Takes what Giles said and plan a sensual evening for her then during your sexy time when her legs are shaking and she's totally horney with her mind fully on sex then ask or maybe even demand what you'd like her to do. From my experience horney women don't say no lol. As an example if it were me you were trying to convince you would come home from work, kiss me passionately, grab my ass, and say something like "Damn Babe I'm about to bust out of this cage if you don't take it off right now and put my cock in your mouth" I'd say something like No you brute you're staying locked as long as I want! Then you'd pick me up and drag me into the bedroom. You'd say that you weren't asking and now I'm getting a spanking for talking back. Then I'd say Put me down! You're not spanking me right now.... Then after you teasing me for a while and a little spanking I'd take your cage off and tease you so hard you'd be begging to cum. But I'd say no and lock you back up like the bad girl I am and cum on your face.. =)
Some don't some do. Why not find out? Maybe she just needs to right motivation. I think in a lot of relationships the guy usually initiates sex. If that's been the routine in your relationship she's probably not accustomed to taking charge and she probably isn't even thinking about sex if you aren't suducing her and getting her turned on and in the mood. I like both but being teased is awesome. I have to disagree with this. Maybe it's spot on for your situation idk. There isn't one way to play the chastity game though. Make your own rules. Chances are if you haven't talked to her about teasing you then you probably haven't talked to her about setting up a dom/sub style of play. She may not get turned on by that at all. I'd actually be willing to bet the majority of women would find a man with a firm hand a lot more arousing than a man slave. It's all personal preference though. So make your own rules. Talk to her and find out what she likes and then together create your chastity game in a way that's satisfying for both of you. There isn't a rule book for chastity or a way it's supposed to work. I think you and your wife owe it to yourselves to create your own game from scratch.
There was an interesting thread just recently about the chaste being the initiators of sex and how it feels wrong to us at least for me. Suggestion offered in a polite tone is not topping from the bottom that is just good communication. If you constantly pester your mistress to do something then I consider that topping from the bottom. Anyway a lot of the women who answered on that thread said they still liked when their guy would try to initiate sex. The bulk of us guys agree it feel odd to initiate being locked up especially in sub mode. I have found that my mistress likes me to try to initiate but gets a kick out of shutting me down or leading me on and messing with my head. So yes, she likes me to initiate but that doesn't mean I'm going to get anything. She simply likes me to initiate for her own amusement.
My kh has no problem initiating, but also has no problem with me trying as well. The answer might be no, but as long as I’m not being a whiny baby about it and just letting her know how much I want her all is good.
I am teased multiple times a day, I almost always initiate the tease sessions and my wife likes it that way. My tease sessions consist of a lick and a rub...the lick gets me very horny and the rub takes me to the edge. She likes to keep me horny all the time, so when she does allow me to cum (which she also likes), it's only a ruined orgasm. I'd say, go ahead and initiate the tease sessions, just make sure she gets the most enjoyment out of it.
I have found that topping from the bottom had a bad effect on our relationship. Now, whenever I feel neglected,I just make a sincere attempt to serve Her in extra special, unexpected ways. She knows that something is up, but since I'm neither whining now outright begging/suggesting anything, She responds accordingly. It may not be in the exact way I would like, but sometimes it is ever better than I could have dreamed. Communication is key - mostly verbal, but sometimes nonverbal communications has a very positive effect.
My wife is VERY sensitive to any attempt by me to top from the bottom. "By saying that you are trying to manipulate me and I don't like it." is a phrase I have heard more than once. Granted, I was not making a request, but hinting at what I would like, but the message was clear. She is going to decide!
There is topping fromthe bottom to get what you want... There is topping from the bottom to improve things for you both. The first is just a big NO for me and I don't think most keyholders would appreciate it. The second I have done. I have done it with people who were new to the game. At first with their knowledge until they appeared to have got a handle of their own on it and then sometimes later on without their knowledge ..as guidance. The latter I have always coughed up to later. Maybe I did not need to admit it and once or twice most would say I would have been wiser to keep it to myself. But I have to tell them. My partners honesty in a relationship is everything to me and I feel as strong a need reciprocate.
A fundamental no-no in my female-controlled marriage is topping from the bottom. At the beginning I volunteered to be caged, cuckolded and tattooed. While my wife appreciated the gesture, she turned me down flat. Her priority was to emasculate me from the inside out and then feminize me the same way. Nothing else matters to her. Since I am forbidden ever to have PIV sex again, she may well eventually cuck me, as our contract makes graphically specific. But it will be her option, and she has notified my friends that it is a distinct possibility that they will be recruited as bulls. The essence of the marriage is that she runs things and I do as she says. Period. Forever.
Constantly asking for or worse telling her what you want is topping from the bottom. Having periodic, spaced out conversations about what you both like and dislike about your chastity experience is good communication. Telling her how dominants are supposed to act is topping from the bottom. Informing her of things she does that have a positive/negative impact on you is good communication.
We don't do teasing, it would be just be for me and I wouldn't feel comfortable about it in the relationship we have (to each their own though!). If I'm feeling neglected I might kneel at her feet and put my head on her lap hoping that she'll stroke my head, any touch from Mistress is divine. Verbalising is a strict no no. It just pisses her off. When I kneel at her feet she knows how I feel, I don't need to speak. And that's not to say that I haven't been a whining bitch in the past...I've just learned over the years.