I started looking into chastity last year having come across it whilst surfing some favourite porn sites. I started self imposed periods of chastity where I would masturbate but not allow myself to cum, for periods up to seven days. The idea of my wife locking me in a cage started to grow on me and to cut a long story short, I confessed all about my feelings and my masturbation habit early in January. My wife was initially freaked out but intrigued by the idea that I could become more attentive to her needs if I was denied orgasms. She agreed to give it a try, initially using the honour system. We agreed a gradual progression, 14 days, 21 days, 28 days, 6weeks, 2 months and then 3 months but my wife has the ultimate say. The only firm rule is that the next period always has to be longer than the last. After a week I floated the idea of a cage. She wasn't convinced but I said I didn't think I would get anywhere near a month let alone 3 using the honour system, so we agreed to give a CB6000s a try. After some teething troubles and a switch to an Attica steel cage I am now locked most of the time and my wife holds the keys. The rules are fairly simple, I am locked whilst at home and if away overnight with work but released each morning if I'm working locally, on the understanding that the cage goes back on as soon as I'm back at home. Each night my wife decides if I'm unlocked and if anything happens, but more of that in a later post. As to the chastity targets, my first run was 17 days. The buzz when I had to ask my wife for permission to cum was amazing. As we started again she casually asked me to remind her what the next target was. I replied 21 days, which prompted her to say 'I don't think that's long enough, do you'. My heart nearly melted. Until then I hadn't been sure if she was really getting into this or was just humouring me. As she made that comment, it sunk in what a wonderful woman I have married. We are now at 23 days and no sign of that second orgasm of 2016 just yet.
The biggest reservation my wife had when we started this was the amount of time it would take out of our lives. We have kids and busy time consuming jobs so time at home as a couple is at a premium. It's a reflection of how amazing this woman is that after the initial shock of me raising the subject of chastity, she has got her head around me being caged and the improvement it has already made to her life, but worries about the practicalities. I have tried to reassure her that everything that happens sexually from now is entirely in her control, but she is still worried thst I will be disappointed if I don't have regular tease sessions. To try and make it easier for her we have settled on a nighttime routine. She has the choice of either unlocking me, telling me I'm locked for the night or rolling a dice. Depending on her mood, the rule may be that 3 numbers allow an unlock and 3 leave me locked. That may vary though - 5 of the 6 could mean locked and 1 unlock. Then, even if I'm lucky with the dice, she still chooses whether there is tease or not afterwards.
We are six days into the new regime. To put this in context, it was already 21 days since my last orgasm when we started this and that must be the longest period I can ever remember. Day 1: locked, KH choice Day 2: rolled dice. Odd unlock, even locked. Lost Day 3: locked, KH choice Day 4: unlocked, KH choice. There followed an hour of tease ending in KH orgasm. The most intense night yet since we started this journey. Day 5: locked, KH choice. Day 6: unlocked, KH choice but no tease. As we went to sleep my KH reminded me we have nothing to get up for tomorrow, we can have a lie in. This morning I awoke unlocked with those words in my ears but other than cuddling for half an hour, she didn't touch me. After i brought her a cup of tea, she whispered 'lets see what tonight brings' I really wasn't expecting mind games quite like this, but as the strap line says - be careful what you wish for.
Bit of a pain taking it on and off all the time, ok if it works but I can see it becoming bit of a chore especially for your partner. Only a suggestion but I would look at metal devices which allow for cleaning and I'd go for long term 24/7 wear.
Day 28 of chastity was Valentine's Day. We parked the kids with grandparents and shared a nice lunch just the two of us, then did something we haven't done for years and went to bed during the day. We had each bought the other a sex toy gift (without the other knowing). My gift to my KH was a vibrating egg, hers to me was a male masturbator, which she soon made clear was only for her to use on me. She then threw down a challenge by saying the reviews had said most people using it had cum really quickly. She then asked what my target was. I replied 28 days. The egg was put in place and then she lubed up my cock and started with the masturbator. Now i love a challenge so I was determined to last as long as I could. After a few minutes and many groans of pleasure she said 'I bet you won't want to be inside me again after this will you'. I said that I would and that nothing could replace that feeling. She said good, get inside me then and removed the masturbator. We then spent some blissful time with me inside an the egg working on her from the outside until I couldn't carry on without cummig. Whilst all this was going on, she asked if I really wanted to cum and pointed out that to cum on day 28 meant only 27 days chaste, which meant I hadn't met my target. I reluctantly agreed, thinking that if nothing else it meant another session the following day. She then said that maybe 31 was a better target. After I had withdrawn my cock we inserted the egg and I stroked her lips until she reached her orgasm. We lay together for a while and then reluctantly returned to family life. My reward that night was to be locked and I have been locked ever since - she hasn't even suggested an unlock. Last night also saw our first disagreement since we started down this road, a silly argument over how to handle one of the kids behaving badly. As she turned the light off and turned away from me her final words were 'lets see how you behave tomorrow'. Maybe my reservations about whether my wife would take to this were all misplaced. What I do know is that she is more into mind game tease than I had ever thought possible.
You must be going crazy wondering when??!! By my count, depending on what time zone you're in, today makes 31 days. Good luck, and BEHAVE!!!!
I was unlocked on the evening of day 31 and my wife starting playing with my cock. She then said that day 31 meant I would only have made it 30 days so we had best wait until tomorrow. I slept unlocked and the following morning she started stroking my cock. At this point i should just mention that our chosen method of birth control is to use condoms, which will help put what follows into context. My wife then spent the next 20 minutes or so edging me, both by hand and PIV. Whilst all this was going on she started talking about whether I would prefer to cum inside her or with her stroking me. I said inside her and she then asked whether I'd like to cum now using a condom or wait until the right time of the month that I could cum inside her unprotected. My mind was all over the place - I'd effectively been given permission to cum but knew that deep down she wanted me to go longer. Not losing sight of the ultimate goal for us, which is to get to periods of 3 months in chastity, I agreed to wait and asked her how long that was likely to be. I had an idea it meant around 2 weeks and she confirmed it would be 10-14 days. And so the session ended. So I'm now 33 days chaste, which must be the longest I have gone without an orgasm since I was in my teens. It makes every opportunity for me to touch and hug my wife special though and whilst it is difficult an frustrating at times to not be in control of my orgasms, those new feelings that are developing whenever I am close to her or touching her far outweigh the frustration.
jml00, your chastity story is working out pretty good so far! Lucky you. My partner is far less enthused. I'm taking it slow and being patient with her. Got any tips about how to communicate about chastity? What did you find were the best things to talk about to get her into the idea? I saw above you talked about being more attentive to her needs. Was that just sexually or more generally?
Hi @itsnolongermine happy to help if i can. When i decided to tell my wife, I wanted to give her something to read before we discussed chastity in any detail. I found this article: http://secretchastityhusband.blogspot.com/2010/08/male-chastity-pleasure-and-devotion.html This perfectly described our situation pre chastity. I would masturbate regularly, cum and then not give my wife any time or attention. I felt I was becoming addicted to the cycle, to the extent I would find reasons to sleep in our spare room (early start next day etc) so that I could masturbate. For us, chastity isn't about the sex, it's breaking that cycle so that I want to spend more time with my wife. Once she had read the article she took to the idea pretty quickly. Her initial reaction was to be freaked out but the article helped her to understand what was possible if it worked and the idea of me being more caring and attentive appealed to her. So the comment about being attentive isn't related to the sex it's little things like paying more attention to what she talks about, regularly offering to help out with things I would previously have only done occasionally (washing up, putting bin out etc) making time for lots of hugs and stuff like that. I've commented before that I am really lucky to have a wife so open minded. My biggest concern when I started this was that my wife has a very low sex drive and I was worried that she would just not engage. She is still concerned that my regular state of arousal means tatt I expect her to be doing things all the time and I consciously remind her that's not the case and that she calls the shots in terms of when we do things. It helps that we've now got a cage I can wear for extended periods as she knows she has control. She told me a while back that she loves the feel of my cage touching her at night because it reminds her that she has that control. She compared it to pre-chastity when she would feel my hard on against her and know that I wanted sex, whether she did or not. And the concern about her sex drive was probably misplaced. We started this in the first week of January, since when I've cum once and her count is up to 8. Compared to where we were with irregular sex, that's probably a big improvement for her. A couple of days ago she came whilst I was locked up, which was a first for us. She felt no pressure at having to do anything to me and spent half an hour slowly raaching her climax, telling me what she wanted me to do along the way. That's something else she's never done before in 20+ years of marriage. Not sure if any of that helps, but for us chastity is giving us what we wanted from it which is a closer, more loving relationship.
Wow, thanks so much for your post, and the links. Hopefully I can find a way to gently talk it through with my partner. Your insights will really help in any case. I'll let you'll know how I get along, but I'm taking it super slow...
@jml00 Your description of how your Wife has taken to your chastity and improved her ability to accept orgasms without feeling the pressure to reciprocate is remarkably similar to my own. I started for different reasons but I have seen a similar increase in how more relaxed my Wife has become. She is much happier letting me pleasure her while I am wearing my device than otherwise so the vast majority of her orgasms occur whilst I am in my Holy Trainer. That way she removes any guilt she felt early on when I didn't get to have an orgasm. That statement would probably come across as incredibly selfish to someone reading this who doesn't fully understand the improvements chastity can bring a marriage. As far as I am concerned the situation is perfect, I get way more attention now than I did before simply because my Wife knows that if she gets passionate with me it doesn't have to lead to sex. It turns out my Wife was always wanting to get intimate with me but not necessarily end up having sex, so the worry that I would sulk if I wasn't allowed to stopped her instigating a lot of intimate contact. That worry has gone, now she gets to start as much as she likes and stop it when she likes. My Wife has a sex drive lower than mine, but since we started my chastity her desires have increased a lot. I have been keeping a count of our orgasms this year and putting them in my Signature. As I am writing this it stands at 16 for her and 1 for me, with 31 days since my last. It would have been higher for her but real life stuff has got in the way several times. For instance her back is playing up at the moment so she has not been in the mood. That doesn't mean the other type of intimacy has stopped though. I keep reminding myself it isn't just about the sex.
Interesting comments @Jasmic68. Over what period of time has this change in your wife's behaviour taken place? We are very much at the start of our journey and whilst I have noticed some early changes (notably the mind games), my wife's desire to initiate intimacy and the frequency of contact have yet to change much, certainly in the bedroom.The Valentine's Day episode I recounted earlier was a notable exception. In the dark days before chastity, my wife would probably orgasm through PIV once a month, never initiated by her. I suspect this is what fuelled my masturbation as my sex drive has always been higher. I have been keeping count since we started chastity and she has had 8 orgasms, roughly one a week, which is an improvement on once a month. Most have been initiated by me though. I am still longing for the day she leaves me locked and tells me to do something to her. If chastity for us means that once a week she cums and I get teased then I will take that. The benefits I have already experienced will make it a small price to pay. If I can expect her sex drive to increase over time, then we both win.
I am a bit embarrassed by my answer to your question, @jml00, about how long a period the change in my wife has taken. That is because when we first started the chastity led element to our relationship I was getting very fed up about how long it was taking for anything interesting to happen. I started wearing a device at the beginning of October, but it wasn't until 12 November when I got my Holy Trainer that things really started to get going. So in actual fact it has taken just three months. At the time it felt like we were moving at a snails pace but now, looking back, I can see things were actually changing really fast. The shortest period of denial I have experienced in that time is five weeks, the longest six. My Wife doesn't mess around! I said I wanted her to control my orgasms so she has, very efficiently. My Wife usually has a few orgasms a week, never more than one a day. We have talked about trying to get her to have more than one in a session, but she isn't particularly interested in that. In fact we recently managed to get her to three consecutive days with orgasms for the first time in our 28 year relationship. I am super proud of that, and I know it would have never happened before chastity.
A strange week. I was teased last Sunday and edged to the point where I asked for permission to cum. My wife said no, removed all stimulation and told me to lock myself up again. On Tuesday night I was given the choice as to whether I slept unlocked, but on the strict instruction there was to be no sexual contact at all. I chose to be unlocked, partly because deep down I guess I was hoping it was the start of another mindgame, but nothing happened and I was locked thd next morning. Since then I have remained locked. The nightly decision as to unlock or rolling the dice hasn't even been on the radar, though we have had commitments this week that have meant it has been a week of late nights. I'm not sure if it is that, my wife's low sex drive or her settling into longer periods of lock up. What I did find strange was my reaction to the Tuesday night unlock. With hindsight, if given that choice again I think I would opt to stay locked, as there is an acceptance that is driven by the feel of the cage. Without it, the freedom almost suggests something might happen. Today is day 41 since my last orgasm. A record by some margin. We spent a leisurely half an hour in bed this morning with me gently stroking my wife's pussy until she let herself go over the edge. Then we hugged, she patted my cage and the day started. As I lay with her, I felt that had she talked about further extending this period of lock up, I would have agreed to anything.