Hello fellow kinksters both locked up and holding keys! Keeper of the Bear here. We first dove into chastity in December 2015 with little information, we kept it up a week and it went pretty well, well enough to try again but I have concerns and questions this time. My husband is normally a Dom/Master to me but we are both switches deep down. With that being said he has a powerful, dominant personality. He's also generally a crab 24/7. So my concern is this, he has a will to give me over power and submit to me but he does nothing but "top from the bottom." Which totally kills my confidence because I take that personally asthough I am not doing well enough taking control so he has to. He wants this of me and I don't mind doing it, I'm just not confident in it or myself just yet. On another note, he has given me an amazing letter expressing his desire to submit and be locked up. He wants me to "break him." He wants me to prove myself as in control. The only way I know how to do that is to give him impact play, to bring him to bruises and welts. And I'm confident I can do that, I just don't think he knows what he can handle. I just need advise on breaking his habit of topping and how to be more confident as a key holder. Any friendly advise is welcome!
Dear Ms., Communication is ALWAYS the answer. Ask him if he is REALLY sincere in his letter and tell him that if he says yes the topping from the bottom WILL stop because you will find a way to FULLY break him. That said I suggest chastity alone will work once you come thru a break in period to ensure he can really wear 24/7. Once that happens you can even handcuff him if the device comes off for cleaning and you're concerned he might take matters into his own hands. Let me know if this sounds workable or if you have more questions. s
Use the word No firmly every time he starts to top from the bottom. If he is aware that you know he is topping from the bottom then that might stop him. Also if he suggests something then that thing does not happen, even if it was something that you might like. Let him know that if he comes up with an idea it just won't happen. Also start with absolutely no release or any teasing at all whatsoever for at least a week. That way a forget and leave punishment will have been experienced and he knows that will happen again if he goes too far. It will also give his dopamine and oxytocin levels time to develop to higher than normal amounts making him more likely to be submissive happily. Finally he has to know who is boss. If he truly wants to submit then this stops being a game. It has to be real. Get him to call you a suitable name at all times, even in public. Give him some simple tasks to do daily that if he does not complete then he will not get any of the fun stuff until he does complete them. Opening doors, cleaning toilets, making the bed, whatever.
I would think locking him down and teasing him to the edge over and over with no relief will eventually break him.
As you are both switches and enjoy both submitting and domming, then you must accept that it will never be quite the same as a dedicated dom/sub relationship.
Mistress B and All, We are both switches, however I believe my Queen wishes only to release me at times to use her roughly not really giving up control again. However, I am not positive on that and if she does she will need advise on breaking me in... while I do deeply wish to submit fully I have been her Master for over 4 years so it will be hard for me to not revert back to old thought processes of a Master. Further, I get rather aggressive when I have not cum/orgasm after a day or two. I have suggested that regular milking might calm that until I have adjusted, but I rather not influence my Queen in how I am to be broken in. Hope everyone has as kinky and fun of a weekend as we plan too -BearStrange
Update: Last night through early this morning my Queen worked me over with some impact toys for over an hour then caged her cock even though we discussed release prior to being caged. I am amazed out how quick she has taken charge, I have not had an orgasm or release since the 17th and now will be kept in my cage for at least 7 days or as long as she deems appropriate to break me in. Seems like me trying to dictate how I was initially caged to be broken in this time was unsuccessful :spank:. I wonder what tonight will entail and I am excited to see her Dominant side this time as I have asked her not to give up control again... she has also led on to a few things that would indicate she is far more Dominant than I initially ever thought
The biggest threat my Mistress has is that She will never participate in play ever again. No more chastity devices, no more keys, no more teasing. It should be enough to deter the strongest willed locked up sub. My all means take a time out to discuss what you both want from it and move forward. As one who frequently tops from the bottom it can be easy to tell your Mistress what you want to do or how you want her to act. In my case it is usually to prompt her to be stricter, more dominant - its still very much a learning game for us. Now She learning to say "NO!" a lot more as well as dish out a punishment. DB