Complicated start

What a weekend. Did that just actually happen?

We went swimming this afternoon and my Wife never asked me if I wanted to be released. She had sort of mentioned locking me up for a month and did not elaborate when I asked her what she meant. I therefore swam with my Holy Trainer on and decided to have a shower at home instead.

We were in the gym both Thursday night and Saturday afternoon, so after twenty odd laps of a 25 meter pool we were both tired. I offered to wash her hair for her and she agreed to let me. While we were in the shower she asked me if I was ok after the swimming or whether I thought that I needed to be released. I told her that I wasn't having any issues and it was up to her. She looked pleased and said that I could remain locked up then.

As I was allowed out last Thursday I will know she is serious if I am still locked up on Wednesday. This will be the longest I have remained in the Holy Trainer in one lockup session. One of the reasons this is possible is I started a body cleanse on the 4th Jan. One of the things I have been doing is drinking 8 300ml glasses of water a day, along with two 300ml shakes for breakfast and lunch. It has made my urine incredibly weak, meaning no build up of smell in the cage. I will just continue drinking the same amount of water from now on.

She also teased me again in the shower, though I swear I cannot remember what she was doing. My head floated away, unable to concentrate. I think it started with her cleaning and then rubbing my ass, and then shooting my ass with the shower rose turned to a high power jet of water. After that all I remember is her giggling while I slid down her body as my legs collapsed underneath me.

I gave her a body massage but she would not let me touch her ass or pussy. I was allowed to look, just not touch. My penis swelled below my cage again, standing inches above my abdomen, as I lay on the bed next to her once I had finished giving her a massage. She used a cold cloth to make it go down, this worked to a certain degree. Then I made the mistake of looking at her and brushing my hands across her face, telling her I loved her dearly. Boing! Up went my penis again. All I did was touch her face!

This is another one of those times where I have to admit all the worry of last week was ridiculous and over nothing.

 

When I say 'up went my penis' I obviously mean only the bit underneath the Holy Trainer. I will have to get her to take a picture of it next time it happens.

@LadyBlaze My Wife liked the idea of the communication book. I have written in it first and left it in her bed. She asked me to write down some of my fantasies. I described to her one fantasy that is long standing, of seeing her have sex with another man, or even two. This fantasy has waned somewhat since joining the Mansion.

The other fantasy was of never being able to see or touch my penis ever again. If I needed cleaning I would be tied down, masked and numbing cream applied so I would not feel my chastity device being removed or my penis being cleaned. I don't know what she will make of them!

 

@LadyBlaze

You have quite literally just taken my breath away. My hands are shaking with what you just wrote ringing in my mind.

I was going to PM you, but I have decided it is better to answer your points openly. My Wife might read this, and I hope she does.

I asked my Wife if I could modify my penis, showed her pictures of what I wanted to do and got her permission. I then never gave her a chance to stop what I was doing when I had a chance to allow it to heal, to return almost to its normal state. If she had been given that chance early enough then I would not have hurt her the way I did. She still cannot bring herself to touch my penis, and I can feel her discomfort whenever it is out of my device.

My decision to try chastity was primarily to remove my penis from the equation and to give her the chance to either come to terms with what I did or, alternatively, to not have to. The feelings we are getting for each other now totally eclipse that feeling of remorse and pain, and even challenge how close we were during the best of times.

I do not want to go as far as having a penectomy or castration, but the thought of permanently locking away my penis would be good for her, and through that good for me. I am well aware of the psychological implications of this, but this is a thing I am more than willing to do. It is just lucky that the thought of permanent denial is compatible with my own psyche, that the thought of this really turns me on. The feeling of being sexually charged through denial and the state of bliss I reach when I bring her to orgasm is beyond anything I ever experienced having my own orgasm. If I have come to this point through the wrong reason at least I can move forward for the right one.

I have made it clear to my Wife that my pleasure comes through hers, so if I was ever denied access to that it would be a step too far. She is more receptive to my attempts now than I could have hoped for, so I do not think it will ever come to that.

My Penis will be out of sight, but never out of mind. The device always reminds me it is there though I cannot feel it. The nature of my device also means that I and my Wife cannot see it, and I am happy with that.

 

Not at all, @LadyBlaze - I need to confront these feelings and I appreciate the fact that you have paid attention in that much detail to what I have written. It means a lot.

 

My Wife took me to work with her today as she was out of her office at a meeting. The idea was to leave me in a coffee shop for a few hours then we could have lunch together. Unfortunately her meeting ran on for three hours longer than expected. I was so pleased when she came into the cafe, not annoyed at all. It struck me that is a big change in my attitude. I sort of looked inside myself while she was apologizing and realized that there was not even an ounce of annoyance at being made to wait so long. She was really pleased when I told her as she was very apologetic.

I was also very pleased as the meeting was a good 45 minute drive from our house, so I also got to be her chauffeur for the day.

While I was in the cafe I thought a lot about what has been happening to us recently. I mean that, US, not ME. My Wife has had to go through some changes as well, and it is important for me to remember that. The cafe had. Free wifi but unfortunately the Mansion was blocked. So I wrote this...

Is this a game?
What have I started!?

This use of chastity is no longer, for me, a game. It is fun, beyond anything I could have expected, but it isn't a game anymore. It is real.

I wear the Holy Trainer almost completely 24/7. So far this year I have slept in it every single night. I have only been released a few times to wash, and then I have only been out of it for an hour or two. The longest I have been out was on a Sunday where I was released to go swimming. My Wife has now decided that I am to swim with it on and shower when I get home.

My legs are smooth and hairless. My Wife removed all of the hair initially with Veet, and then after several days with an epilator. I now keep them smooth myself with an epilator. I wear leggings as much as I can rather than trousers. Somehow my Wife has managed to make it a fantasy of mine to get some skirts to wear with them. Once my Son leaves home (if he manages to get into University) my fantasy is to wear a skirt whenever I am at home.

I have not had an orgasm this year. It is quite possible that I have had my last ever orgasm, about five weeks ago. This depends on how serious my Wife was when she declared that I don't need them any more. I explained to her how I feel sexually charged when I am denied for more than a few weeks and how this feeling dissipated the last time she let me cum. At the moment she can tease me incredibly easily and she is only just getting started. Her solution, to permanently deny me orgasms, will be completely up to her. She might have just been messing with my head, applying mental teasing, but I will not know.

The idea that I may never cum again leaves me stunned, breathless and very turned on. I thought that permanent denial would mean I never had hope of a release and that I would become disaffected and fed up with the idea of chastity. Nothing could be further from the truth, at least not so far, although that is only a few days. It hits me at any moment, unbidden. Playing a game on my iPad, bam, never going to cum again. Doing the washing up, bam, never going to cum again. Walking the dog, bam, never going to cum again.

My Wife teases me when we are in the shower together. She has actually managed to make me collapse in a heap on the floor of the cubicle. My legs were unable to take my weight. My penis, kept in its Holy Trainer cage, unable to become erect is isolated from me, I am almost unable to feel it. Instead the area below the penis, the area normally under the abdomen, becomes erect and engorged. It stands out from my body by a good few inches. If this happened when I was released I would have an erect penis that was at least 9" long, with a ridiculous girth. It took my wife both hands to be able to encircle the mound. No wonder I was incredulous and she could not stop laughing.
Talking of laughing, I cannot ever remember my Wife laughing and giggling quite as much as she does while she teases me. It is both painful in that at the same time my engorged penis is straining to be free of its Holy cage and wonderful, as it gladdens my heart she is so happy.

The one sadness is that through my own activities my Wife no longer touches my penis, not for any reason. I do not know if this is permanent, but it has been like that since September. Her reaction to my modification of my glans was one of disgust, revulsion. Chastity was my response to her reaction as I realized it would give her the power she needed to take control. My Wife was the one who decided we would get the opaque, black version of the Holy Trainer, so she would not have to look at my glans. She has also chosen the Looker 2 as my next device for the same reason.

The interesting thing is that while she has not touched my penis, she has started paying much more attention to my bottom, especially in the shower. She has had me almost to the point of passing out in the shower, rubbing me between my buttocks, almost sliding a finger inside me. I am not sure if she wants to, I hope so, the feelings are incredible. Then she turns the water jet to power wash and turns it on my ass. There is a sweet spot that she occasionally hits, my legs almost give way each time and I have to hang on to the top of the shower cubicle to remain standing.

At times I have my doubts. My biggest fear is my Wife will become bored and not want to do this any more. I hope not. I never want to go back to how normal everything was before. Why would I? This is far, far better. I am getting attention from her that I crave and I am being given the opportunity to pleasure her on her own terms. She is the one who gets to say yes or no.

 

Thank you @Caged Wolf it is crazy isn't it, it's only two months since I joined the Mansion and the distance my Wife and I have come is amazing. What is mind blowing is that I feel like we are moving at a snails pace but the truth is actually very far from that. Only last week I was grumpy and unhappy. Now I am at the opposite end of the scale, happy and excited about the future and willing to follow my Wife's lead again.

 

I am on a chastity inspired diet at the moment (I lost another 0.8 kg since Thursday! Well happy!) So no beer for me yet. And it's Neckarmüller by the way

Tübingen is almost six hours from where I live. I drove past that area last January on my way to a skiing holiday in Oberstdorf. (One of the best things about living in Germany is being able to drive to a ski area like that.)

 

I decided to change my avatar. My original avatar was a picture of Attica, chosen as it was the name of the metal device I had worn just before I joined the Mansion. I have changed it as my life has changed so much in the short time I have been here, just a few days over two months. One of the things I would never have believed is that I would now actively want to wear a dress but, as it brings my Wife so much pleasure, I do so happily and wish I could do it more.

My new avatar is a picture I took of myself in our shoe rack mirrors, wearing the dress my Wife bought for me before Christmas. I have lost a decent amount of weight since January 4 (5.5kg, which is just over 12 pounds, just under a stone.) so the dress fits me so much better than when I got it.

Chastity is totally the reason I have lost so much weight when for years I either could not be bothered to even try or was not mentally strong enough to make the changes to my lifestyle I needed to. I have applied the same mental attitude I use to control my urges, to wear my chastity device, to the weight loss. I have totally modified my diet without following any faddy diets. If I have a coffee it is freshly ground, black with no sugar. I only eat bread at the weekends. I have porridge with a spoon of honey for breakfast and a protein shake with some frozen berries for lunch. I have not had a single biscuit, chocolate bar, packet of crisps or cake, no beer or spirits in the time since I started this. I have drunk a minimum of 2 litres of water a day. I usually only have green tea which has a quarter of the caffeine that a cup of coffee has. In the evenings I have a sensible meal but I do not calorie count or worry about what I am eating. I make healthy choices, that is all.

This might sound boring but I am loving the results so much I am going to continue. My Wife set me an initial goal of getting down to 100kg, which I am just over a kg away from. Then I need to get down to 90kg before trying to get down as close as I can to 85kg. I already feel more alive than I have done in years. The last time I was 85kg, just over 13 stone or 187 pounds I was about 20, 21 years old. It would feel good to look like I did then again.

I will definitely post a before and after picture if I manage to do it.

 

The best thing that happens with these journals is you do not feel so isolated. The problems each of us go through are shared and experienced by many others. I know it helps me hugely writing this stuff down and reading about other peoples experiences. I actually prefer the journals where people do open up abut their issues, if it all sounds too good to be true, that someone is living the ultimate fantasy life, I usually think it probably is fantasy!

 

@allaboutHer Sorry about the delay in responding, I really appreciate your thoughts.

I didn't think you meant that we were truly pathetic, or that you were being mean to me. I just think that what we are doing lifts us up out of that bracket. It is interesting isn't it, if a man is pushed into this sort of arrangement against his will he would be seen as being pathetic, but we choose to live this way instead. I am sure that many of my friends would never understand if I tried to explain why not being allowed an orgasm is so good, heck, half the time I don't understand!

I wish that my Wife would open up the way that yours has. I wouldn't minid it if she decided I had to wear clothes like you have been, at least it would show a bit more involvement. Her way is to just let things move along at their own pace which as I have written before drives me batty. The confusing thing is that when I then look back and review where we get to we have made huge leaps forward. That doesn't make any sense! We spend weeks doing nothing and then somehow we end up deciding to instigate permanent denial! How did that happen!?

On another note I wish my Wife did get orgasms through her own efforts. I am married to one of the women of the world who do not masturbate. I have no idea why, I fear it is all linked to the same reason she cannot open up and discuss her sexual fantasies and desires.

 

Not much to write about in terms of what has happened so far this week. After the momentous weekend we have just carried on with our lives. Stars have not fallen from the sky, I haven't won the lottery, my Wife still goes to work and I still walk the dog. My Wife has not been in the mood to allow me to pleasure her but she has been in the mood for foot massages and face masks (both applied by me) and lots of cuddles. This would appear to be a common occurrence when we hand over the key to our good lady wives or mistresses. It does get difficult at times but I am honestly trying hard to readjust my thinking that this is truly what she wants.

A few things of note have happened though.

If you are hopeless at cunnilingus buy the book She Comes First. It will lead you through the ways you can arouse your female partner with your tongue. If however you are passingly good at it, if like me your success rate is pretty high, do not under any circumstances buy the book. It provides a pretty prescriptive routine that it tells you to follow. The one thing it completely forgets is that the female participant might want things to go at her own pace. I tried to follow the instructions last night and my Wife gave up and asked me why was I not doing it the way I usually do. She didn't like me putting my hand under her bottom the way the book tells you have to, and she didn't like having her legs as close together as the book said either. The pace the book suggested was way off the mark too.

One of the things the book tells you to do is to stop and press the flat of your tongue against her vulva. This did absolutely nothing for my Wife and is probably the main reason she didn't get a good orgasm. And, as we all know, we get our own pleasure through the pleasure of our partners, so her disappointment was nothing in comparison to my own. To give her credit she did ensure me she had enjoyed it and insisted on cuddling me to make me feel better.

What was really disappointing was I have been trying to get my Wife to have two orgasms close to each other for the first time in her life. For one of the first times ever in 25 years I was unable to give her one decent orgasm with my tongue. If I had bought the book in paperback it would now be in the recycling bin. Unfortunately I bought it on Kindle. I might have to see if I can return it...

Another thing that has happened is I am now up to seven days locked permanently in my Holy Trainer. I realise this is but a whisper in the breeze for many of you who wear steel cages or belts, but us plastic jobby wearers have cleanliness issues to deal with. Before this my longest period of lock up was 5 days, and the smell was considerable. What has changed to allow this longer term lock up is I started drinking several litres of water a day. It means my wee is considerable in volume and very dilute. Along with this I have learnt how to adjust my shower head to power jet and point it inside the tip of my cage, with my penis withdrawn a bit, giving the inside a good blast of h=warm soapy water.

As with everything I do not know how long my Wife wants me to wear my device without a removal but if we can make it longer between removals it should get easier to be calm when she is not asking me to pleasure her.