Complete abstinance

Discussion in 'Member fiction' started by thekeyholderwife, Mar 17, 2015.

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  1. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #26 thekeyholderwife, Mar 21, 2015
    I will keep you all informed. It isn't all easy. We are a normal husband and wife for all intent and purposes but when I want his submission and he promises it, believe I will hold him to that. And as all ways there will be some comprimises, but hopefully very few will have to come from my side. My most important responsibility is to protect my relationship with him.
     
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  2. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #27 thekeyholderwife, Mar 21, 2015
    I obviously want him to adore me. But more than that I don't want games. I love reality. This is what I want in this relationship and he told me that it was mine for the taking. Not that it isn't hard for him, I know it is. But the point of all this is to see how true he is to his promise of being totally submissive to me. It is my job to know how he is doing and to gently but firmly guide him in fulfilling his promise to me.
     
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  3. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #28 thekeyholderwife, Mar 21, 2015
    I get it, but some are attacking me.
     
  4. Jay.
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    Jay. Active member

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    #29 Jay., Mar 21, 2015

    That's life on a forum. Good luck.


    Jay.
     
  5. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    #30 SubVerity, Mar 21, 2015
    No. I don't think there should be any attacking. Not here. Comment, disagreement, but not attacking. We should be able to behave like responsible adults here. We ARE adults aren't we?
     
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  6. Jay.
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    Jay. Active member

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    #31 Jay., Mar 21, 2015

    Indeed. The thread should probably be closed.

    Jay.
     
  7. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    #32 SubVerity, Mar 21, 2015
    Oh, I'm not so sure I agree. It should be reserved for when there really are pitchforks and flaming brands out, which incidentally, there should never be.
     
  8. kellysbitch
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    kellysbitch Long term member

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    #33 kellysbitch, Mar 22, 2015
    You most definitely should hold your husband to his promises. After all he also agreed to them.
    In our relationship I may voice my concerns but ultimately my wife decides if there is to be compromise. The reason we started this journey into chastity was to try to fix our broken marriage and that is my responsibility. I will not fail.
     
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  9. allaboutHer
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    allaboutHer Long term member

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    #34 allaboutHer, Mar 22, 2015
    Hello.
    This all sounds very similar to my situation which I started for us over 11 years ago because I wanted to rekindle the fire and eroticism of the sexlife we had befoe it was destroyed by the emotionally destructive fertility treatments and clinical approach to sex needed to conceive our first child. Thankfully we got the child we wanted, but it RUINED our sexlife. Long story short, I found out about chastity devices, orgasm denial etc purchased a device and came in with these great expectations of major kink with contracts, regular teasing and denial, ritualistic milkings etc., etc.. I had a plan about how IT should be. Of course I figured she would jump at reading about all of the benefits, BUT...with all due respect from a male point of view, she is a woman, and I should have known that NO strong willed woman will EVER do or give a man what they want, the way thcup.want...and so we embarked upon 7+ years of stops and starts with chastity...I wanted it the way I read about in all of the books I got for her (which I took back and threw away in anger and disappointment) and she wanted it the way SHE wanted it. We had some bitter quarrels and our sexlife continued to lag and founder. We both knew we liked the concept and we found ourselves wanting to try again as we embarked upon conceiving another child through the fertility clinic again. The device came out and I pledged to her that we would do this HER way from now on. We found the exercise of conception actually a bit enjoyable this time as I became nothing more than a stud or sperm donor unlocked to produce my seed when needed...unlocked before heading to the clinic wearing pantyhose or thigh highs provided by her to go produce my seed carrying a pair of her sexy day worn panties in a little silk bag for me to inhale their sweet aroma while mastutbating into the sample cup. Our restart began here. This is where it became "allaboutHer". Rubbing her swollen, aching feet and back daily during her pregnancy, keeping her toes and feet looking perfect...and me locked with nothing in return except for the privelage of touching her and serving her...and it has pretty much stayed that way ever since. She now happily wears a key charm around her neck and has embraced this. It is not what I planned or expected. I never expected only 2 orgasms in the last 3 years. I did not expect to be sleeping in pantyhose and night shirts 2-3 nights a week. I did not expect to be a supplement to a vibrator and I did not expect to find myself craving my anal plug harness while we " have sex" (pubic bone to pubic bone grinding like lesbians where she has quaking orgasms and I hold her closely and merely leak and clench on the plug harnessed inside me). It is all very different than I planned....but SHE is happy, and that makes ME happy. So anyway, sorry to be so wordy, but I can sense you want what you want from your man and if he is game like I became, I say go for it. Good luck and welcome!

    allaboutHer
     
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  10. guodor
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    guodor Chastity FAN!

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    #35 guodor, Mar 22, 2015
    Beautifully put!
     
  11. Veronika
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    Veronika Member

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    #36 Veronika, Mar 31, 2015
    Interesting reading. I would add my few cents into discussion.

    I have been with my boy together more than 3 years now. We are both young (24 and 23) and we are still not married although we live together. I keep him denied from the beginning of our relationship. He had started to wear chastity device few months later and last two years he is locked 24/7. I have never allowed sex with me nor any masturbation. He is technically still virgin. I know it may sounds odd to someone. But it doesn't mean I ignore him. It doesn't mean I do not share intimacy with him. Quite contrary. I think it deepens our relationship. Even if there is no sex in the narrow sense of word there is a lot of intimacy, love and passion.

    A btw I want to keep his virginity till our wedding night and it would be first time I will allow him experience orgasm with me.
     
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  12. Astarte
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    Astarte Active member

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    #37 Astarte, Mar 31, 2015
    Funny thread to read as I would opt for the complete different path.
    For my part I like arousing and denying him way to much to consider some "reset". Why should you want to have a reset anyway as having fantasies on his own (and indulging in them) must not result in beeing pushy ? If you don't want a certain behaviour in a specific situation don't avaoid that situation but change the behaviour in question as you wouldn't want to avoid such situations forever. It's really easy as you just need one thing: consistency. Reinvorce positive behaviour and punish unwanted. Plain and simple conditioning at it's best. ;-)
     
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  13. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #38 thekeyholderwife, Mar 31, 2015
    Thanks for the reply. There will be plenty of arousing him and denying him after this reset. I want it and that is what matters. The rest of what you are saying I agree with. There are other underlying issues that I am working through as part of the reason for the reset.
     
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  14. Locked126
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    Locked126 Locked: Lori 8c

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    #39 Locked126, Oct 24, 2015
    I like how you said compromise however on the flip side of that same token you want to protect your relationship. I wish more wifes and keyholders would be like you so strict but so loving.

    I look at yours and your hubby pictures I can tell you guys are happy.
     
  15. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    #40 Joroincharge, Oct 24, 2015
    All this thread i ideal. Whole point is that the focus has to be that it's now not want he wants out of it but what you want out of it.
    As he said he wanted you to take control this has to go with the territory. If you want complete abstinence for him, then you are entitled to get it.
    And he needs the mindset to accept it. And anything else you decide for that matter.
     
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  16. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #41 thekeyholderwife, Nov 3, 2015
    True but only as it relates to sex. I am his wife and we generally have a normal relationship. I don't boss him around and in matters that are not related to sex, he is very much the man in the house.
     
  17. pokekey
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    pokekey Long term member

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    #42 pokekey, Nov 4, 2015
    Interesting thread. It really does touch on the question of who's game is being played and what does submission look like. Different for every couple I'm sure.
    My partner and I are playing with this. I want her to become more dominate and choose what she wants. But I also don't want her to move too far away from my tease/denial fantasies. I think it is really about compatibility. ALL couples face the issue of working out sexual compatibility. It must work for both partners.
    So I enjoy reading couples who are emphasizing submission and think: how would that work for me? How submissive can I become?
     
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  18. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    #43 Joroincharge, Nov 4, 2015
    Important thing is what works for you. If this does, then it ain't broke, so don't fix it!
     
  19. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    #44 loyalhack, Nov 4, 2015
    Keyholderwife,

    Thanks for sharing this- especially as it's about what you both want from your relationship, and how you want chastity to help you both achieve that..

    My question was about how the reset will work - how will you and he know when he has revised his attitude to the extent you are willing to allow him sexual pleasure with you? Is it a general sense or stopping specific behaviours?

    Also, I wondered how you will feel able to express your desires, clearly from what you say you are an affectionate and communicative couple - I wondered whether having to deny him so strictly felt like a denial for you too, and whether he was aware of the sacrifice you were making to improve the relationship?
     
  20. eusebius
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    eusebius Member

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    #45 eusebius, Nov 4, 2015
    This is how we roll too. We're otherwise an ordinary couple (with kids) - it's just that she decides when and how and how much to have sex. This is not that different from any other married couple, really :). It's just that I'm in a semi-permanent state of horniness all the time with no relief, which keeps me grounded, happy to please and reminded of how much I love her. Which would otherwise be easy to forget during the busy years.
     
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  21. tiny_tim
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    tiny_tim Proudly Chaste

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    #46 tiny_tim, Nov 4, 2015
    This thread has been reborn and it's been quite a while since you said the "reset" was temporary. What is your current status with him are you still in complete abstinence even seeing or touching you sexually?

    FWIW for me, chastity and denial would not be worth giving up being intimate in other ways with my partner. In that way, I am more in agreement with Astarte earlier in the thread. A reset should only be temporary and to correct specific bad behaviors. Having said that, seeing the photos on her profile, I would probably agree to anything @thekeyholderwife wanted me to agree to.
     
  22. tena
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    tena Active member

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    #47 tena, Nov 5, 2015
    hi,what kind of belt are you wearing?
     
  23. eusebius
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    eusebius Member

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    #48 eusebius, Nov 5, 2015
    That would be a Neosteel Arch (Ignore my avatar image. I wanted something prettier than me :)
     
  24. thekeyholderwife
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    thekeyholderwife Active member

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    #49 thekeyholderwife, Nov 10, 2015
    The reason for the reset will remain a private matter. How it worked was I wanted him to know just how serious and committed to this lifestyle I was and the reward for maintaining his submission towards me. Though he was not given advanced notice of a reward nor of what reward he would be given. He stayed the course and got something many men only could dream of. It wasn't about stopping a particular behavior but rather reinforcing one, submission to me through chastity.

    I express my desires quite directly to him. He knows what I want and if he doesn't, I tell him. As far as whether I feel denied from time to time, I do. But for me it is quite easy to work through. When I want to have him but he is locked and I have determined that he will remain so for a period of time, I stay true to my commitment with myself. He doesn't ever have privilege to that information. We use a strapon quite often for intercourse and for the most part, I love it and am totally satisfied with that option. On occasion though, I just want the real thing. So it is more self denial than his denial because I am denying myself what I want to maintain an agreement I made with myself. Hope that answers your question.
     
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  25. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    #50 loyalhack, Nov 10, 2015
    Thank you for that thoughtful and considered answer - it shows how much you have thought about what is best for you both, and also why he can believe you put the relationship first, even when it is hard for him in the short term (ahem!)
     
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