Me, myself and her

At the time of this post I had my current cage cut down so the diameter didn’t change. The newest (and smallest) cage is brand new, my wife ordered it as a “surprise” and it is also the same diameter. When I initially measured for my first cage I left a little extra room to avoid any issues with edema. I used their sizing rings and chose the one that would easily go on the thickest part of me so I was never trying to stuff myself in. With my current cage although it’s definitely not long enough the girth still fits, but barely. If you’re already really tight now you might need a little extra room going smaller. Maybe try compressing yourself down to the length you’re considering and do a diameter measurement? Then you’d know for sure if you’d need a new cage or could just do an adjustment.

 

Not nosey at all. We do enjoy it from time to time but it's a rare part of our sex life and usually I'm the one tying her up. Now that I'm thinking about it I don't know why she didn't include it. It could be that leaving me physically able to get up but having to sit there and take it is a mental part of the punishment, she didn't want or need me restrained or even something as simple as she didn't think about it. It's not unheard of for her to expand on ideas as time goes on so if it is something she thinks about and wants to add in she eventually will. I'm certainly not going to ask her though, she gets enough ideas without my help.

 

I don't think a full on FLR would work for either of us. We are very different people from the roles we play around chastity. She doesn't have any interest in being in charge of our marriage and I am not the type of person to fall into a secondary role full time. Part of the fun is we get to be different people for a little while. She's not naturally dominant and I am far from submissive and those are traits I don't think we could, or would want to, change. It's not who we really are and not what we found attractive in one another in the first place. Outside of that chastity is enjoyable for us because it's separate and different from our "real" lives. We spend most of our life in a traditional marriage with traditional roles so when the time comes it's exciting and different, like putting on a costume. She has always said the big draw for her is the feeling that she is caging a beast and she means that both literally and figuratively, the penis and the man. I am not the type of person to be controlled, honestly I can be a little arrogant and obstinate. However I am also a man of my word so when I promised my wife I would let her take the reigns with chastity she knows I'd hold myself to that no matter what, so long as it doesn't overstep our agreed upon limits. And I do whether I like it or not. But if things started to spread outside of the bedroom there would be no challenge for me or feeling of accomplishment for her. It would just become our normal life. I obviously don't know what the future holds but for the moment I do know we both are happy getting to live two very different, and separate, lives together.

 

Round Two


This past weekend was the second of the monthly punishments I’m now receiving. The day started exactly the way she had decided; we were having a lazy morning coffee, my calendar alert popped up and I told her it was the chosen day, she said “thanks for reminding me” and we went back to having a normal day. She didn’t mention it again. No teasing, no veiled comments. I even forgot about it most of the day and when it did creep into my mind there was obviously apprehension but also some hope. Maybe she’s not saying anything because she forgot, or better yet she changed her mind and decided it really wasn’t something she’s interested in doing.

After dinner I was finishing up with the dishes and my wife went upstairs to change into some pajamas. By this time I had completely forgotten about anything to do with punishment. We had already talked about pouring a drink after dinner and settling down to watch some tv and relax. I walked up to the bedroom to get changed myself and immediately noticed one of our folding chairs in the middle of the room, and asked her if she needed help reaching something (I’ve got quite a few inches on her). She said “that’s not for me, that’s for you.” I gave her a puzzled look and she said “I don’t want my chair associated with punishment. When you see it I don’t want it to remind you of that, I want it to remind you of giving me pleasure and orgasms. And a folding chair is much less comfortable to sit in and this isn’t supposed to be comfortable for you, is it?” She had remembered and was still committed. Very committed. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I said the first thing that came to my mind. “But what about our plan to have a drink and watch a show?” It was stupid but all I could blurt out. She replied “I’m still going to have a drink and relax. You’re going to sit in that chair until I tell you otherwise.”

The cadence was similar the first time. She had me strip completely naked and held the dildo in place for me. This time she made me lube the dildo myself though as promised (less work for her). I did notice she was holding it backwards and mentioned it. She said “I know. I thought if it’s like this it’ll put pressure on your prostate so maybe you’ll come out of it fuller than when you went in and it’ll add to the challenge for the next month.” I scoffed at the smirk on her face and she called me over to begin. Once the tip was in she stood back and waited until I was all the way down which took a little longer this time. I think actually knowing what I was about to experience made me tense up more than the first time and it didn’t make the process any easier. She again asked if I was just uncomfortable or in real pain, I said very uncomfortable and without a response she walked away and left the room, locking the door behind her.

The folding chair definitely added to the punishment. It was hard and lacked armrests so I couldn’t find a comfortable position at all. This required me to constantly shift my weight which in turn made it impossible to get forget about the discomfort in my ass. It ramped up the torture considerably. The rotation of the dildo, so that the bend in it was pointing towards my prostate instead of away from it, had an almost instantaneous effect. I started leaking pretty much immediately. There obviously was some kind of stimulation going on but without any sexual component I wasn’t aware of it, just the after effects building up on my cage and the chair. It was odd to see the constant dripping without actually feeling any arousal, those things usually always go hand in hand. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there (she had placed the chair in a such way that I couldn’t see the clock) but I could make out sounds in the house, and like the last time I felt some jealousy around her freedom to move about and enjoy herself while I was stuck enduring the predicament I was in. It was incredibly boring and having no distractions meant all my focus was on my discomfort. Unlike the first time where I think there was a bit of shock at the whole situation this time I was fully aware of what I would be feeling, and as time went on it only got worse. I’m really hating this punishment. I suppose that’s the whole point.

Finally after an eternity she came upstairs. She walked over, inspected my cage and said “wow, I didn’t think it would work so well, that’s quite a puddle. How are you feeling?” I chuckled and said fine except for some reason my ass was killing me. She said “I bet. It’s supposed to. You can get up now. Clean everything up and put it away and then come downstairs and we’ll talk.” She left the room and I pulled the dildo out (by this time the lube had worn off slightly so it was a slow process), cleaned up and packed everything away then threw on my clothes and walked downstairs. She was waiting at the kitchen table with a drink she made for me and said “sit and we’ll chat for a minute.” I ignored the smug grin as she watched me try to sit down. As soon as I was as comfortable I asked “so how long was that?” and she answered flatly “that was one hour.” I knew it was a long time but hearing it was that long was eye opening. I commented that I must have been worse this time than the last and she said “no, you were actually a little better. Still lots of room for improvement but better. I told you before the first time I went very easy on you. This time it was the full punishment.” I asked her if I can get any feedback on what it was that got me an hour and she replied “no. This is for you to learn, not for me to teach. Whether you’re up there for 15 minutes or three hours has zero effect on me, just on you. So you’re the one who has to figure out how to get less time.” Direct and to the point. At the end of the day she doesn’t care how long I’m punished for. She gets to mete out what she feels is appropriate for a months worth of behavior without any effort on her part or disruption to her day. It really is perfect for her.

She then said “pick your next day and then let’s go sit on the couch. It’ll be more comfortable for your butt and I really want to cuddle with my husband.” That’s something I really appreciate about my wife. She can be a no nonsense keyholder but when it’s done it’s back to normal. It’s never drawn out longer than needed. I took my lumps and served my time and she wasn’t going to rub it in my face. Even her tone changed. There’s a good chance I won’t hear about it again until next month. We spent the final hours of our night cuddling and talking, not about chastity but about the rest of the life we live. It was a nice way to end it.

I was sore for a couple days, even more than last time due to the length of time I had, but I knew that would eventually go away. My main focus now is on getting my time down to that 15 minute minimum. It sucks that I can’t get it down to zero at the moment but who knows, maybe one day I’ll get to the point where she finds punishment unnecessary. I’m sure that’s her goal as well as mine since she’s not doing it because she’s a sadist or wants to hurt me. If that was the case she’d probably sit there the entire time and watch me squirm, instead she distances herself from it completely. She just wants me to do better and this is the way that works best for her. I’m going to try to do a better job. Really, really hard. My goal is to get to the point where this is not a permanent part of our dynamic, just a vague memory.

 

Something tells me I’ll have quite a long time to try to achieve my goal. Even if I don’t at least I know I’m entertaining. Lol

 

I’ve been a bit busy over the past month or so and have tried to update this multiple times but always got sidetracked, and by the time I got back to it there was some new insight or experience so I’ve just added to it. I’ve avoided reading it back as I’m sure it’s a jumble of different thoughts but honestly I don’t feel like rewriting the whole thing and it’s cathartic getting it out there. These journal entries are my outlet.

Soon it will have been two years since we started and I recently passed nine months without a real orgasm and also nine months being ruined only while caged. As much as the lack of an orgasm is tough pill to swallow not getting to cum while hard is a wholly different kind of denial, one that I find to be even more challenging. I’ve never enjoyed ruined orgasms themselves but the lead up to one was usually pleasurable at least. To be stroked, licked or fucked until that moment was wonderful. Had I known those days were numbered I’d have probably made an effort to enjoy them for what they were.

Now when I’m ruined it’s not because I’ve earned it or my wife wants to give me some relief. It’s simply a matter of increasing my stamina for the next time she wants sex so I can last as long as she wants. A tool for her, not me. As she says it’s simply for utility. To that end it’s done in as much of clinical, pleasure-free way as she can make it. I stand while she sits, a vibrator is used on my cage and when I’m close she stops so I only dribble out. She repeats until I’m empty then has me clean everything up. No foreplay, no build up, no pleasure. Just get it done and move on. As my wife said “I’m ruining the entire experience, start to finish. Not just the orgasm.” She has learned to do just that. Masterfully. I still get some relief from the fullness but it’s fleeting and as for the rest, it’s as if nothing happened at all. It’s strange how simple changes can drastically alter whether or not I get anything out of it.

I’ll admit I’ve attempted once or twice to nudge her in another direction. At this point I’m not even chasing an orgasm, I simply would love to be hard when I cum even if it’s ruined. Low hanging fruit I guess. Plus to be honest I thought by now she’d have let it slide at least once as my wife isn’t much for planning, she tends to be more in the moment. I figured in the throes of passion she’d change her mind or feel bad enough just once that she’d allow it either for herself or as a treat.

Recently I saw an opportunity and took it. We were in the midst of having sex and I was starting to slow down after about 10 or 15 minutes to avoid going too far. My wife noticed my restraint and said “running out of steam? Guess I’m going to have to ruin you soon.” I took the opening and said why not now. She immediately said “I do miss that feeling. It’s been forever since you’ve cum in my pussy or mouth.” Her tone and body language told me she was suddenly more aroused thinking about it so I went for it. “You make the rules so if you want it you can have it.” She thought for a moment and I actually let myself get excited that I’d get a pass this time. “You’re right, I do. And I already made the rules that you don’t cum when you’re hard and the only mouth it goes in is yours. So I’ll have to do without. See the sacrifices I’m making for this?”

She chuckled at the end but there was a hint of honesty to it. She has always enjoyed the feel and taste of me and has talked about missing it on multiple occasions so I don’t doubt that is the case. Unfortunately for me she is willing to give up those things in order to keep this dynamic going the way she feels is best. Honestly I can’t blame her, the pros she enjoys vastly outweigh any of the cons. Needless to say she had me continue, albeit slowly and carefully, until she was satisfied and I was not allowed to cum. It was worth a try though.

Monthly punishments haven’t gone away either. I had my third one and went into it feeling optimistic that it would be short, maybe not the 15 minute minimum but certainly less than the hour I previously had. There was some personal stuff I was dealing with so I was definitely less pushy or argumentative for a good chunk of the prior month. I was wrong and ended up in the chair for two long and incredibly agonizing hours. When I was done I told her that I thought my behavior had improved, that I was less aggressive and was confused as to the length of time. She partially agreed. “You were a lot less aggressive but not because you were trying to do better. You were preoccupied and became unavailable to me for a couple of weeks. As your wife I get it and when you’re dealing with stuff I’ll always support you and I did. I gave you your space. As your keyholder though I can’t let you be unavailable. Our bedroom is a safe place and you can’t bring the outside world in there with us. I’m not saying you can’t have a bad day or even a week but if you do and that causes me to lose out then there has to be consequences in this part of our lives. Those worlds are separate with separate rules which is how I need it to be, and you’ve got to figure out how to navigate that.” Tough love it would seem and a clear delineation between her two roles in my life and mine in hers.

It’s such a conflicting sense of emotions these days. On one hand I’m, for lack of a better term, proud of my wife. To watch her take an idea like chastity and make it her own is admirable. When she gets into it it’s also incredibly attractive. The strength in an otherwise gentle woman is such an exciting contrast. I also really love watching her enjoy herself and being part of that experience and I get to do that all the time now. On the other hand sometimes it can be overwhelming. The denial, the loss of something that I had become accustomed to having on my terms my entire life is not always easy. I’m still me and still get to be who I am in our married life so tempering my personality in the bedroom is challenging.

In truth going just off of personalities our dynamic should be reversed. I’ve always been more dominant and while I wouldn’t call my wife submissive she likes to be a traditional wife and lets me take the lead. When we step into that metaphorical bedroom though that’s not the way it is and we’re both learning how to go against our nature. It’s been a slow process with lots of lessons learned. Obviously it’s easier for her in the sense that there isn’t much she has to sacrifice to do so but I do understand that she’s having to put work into maintaining her role in all this just like I am. I would imagine an ineffectual keyholder can ruin things just as easily as an uncooperative locked person (or whatever it is we’re called). There’s definitely a cadence to this whole thing that keeps us both happy and satisfied. Well, mostly her and occasionally me.

Chastity is a relationship and just like any other there’s a lot of work, communication and trial and error involved in getting it to work. When I look back at where we started in comparison to now it doesn’t seem possible. A shitty cage worn on occasion for a wife who had zero clue as to how to handle it to an almost permanent custom cage worn in a world where punishments and extreme denial exists, all governed by that same woman. It’s been a journey for sure but in the grand scheme of things I feel it’s really just starting.

I do ask myself on occasion why I’m doing this. It rarely creeps up as I’ve become accustomed to living this way now, but when things get tough to handle or I find myself doing things I don’t particularly want to (punishment, cleanup) I admittedly do take stock of my situation. A recent thread I replied to had me thinking as to the reason why I stay the course. Sure habit is part of it but there’s more to it. I stated I am not forced but compelled. Whether it’s called keeping to my word, CNC or fear of the unknown it’s ultimately the same general idea and I think the best answer. I promised to follow my wife’s lead in this no matter what, some hard limits aside. It compels me to allow her to do, or not do, whatever she chooses no matter what I may want. While I know I can stop whenever I want I don’t want to chance any potential changes to what is a mostly satisfying sex life. I also know that it would bother me intensely to go back on my word.

So I continue mostly enjoying myself, sometimes not, for as long as my wife decides to carry on. It could be another month, another year or for the rest of our lives. Only she knows. I’ll bitch and moan and certainly second guess my participation from time to time but I went into this knowing that it wouldn’t be easy. I didn’t know what to expect but I imagined, and read about, the best and worst case scenarios and I think I’m somewhere right in the middle. Sure things could be better but they could also be worse. More importantly while we’re both not equally satisfied or “free”, we’re both happy. Maybe in different ways or for different reasons but happy all the same.