Chastity during an argument

I can't resist. I recently bought a new Alfa Romeo. For some reason, they panic button on the key fob has a tendency to be accidentally pressed when the fob is in my pocket and I'm getting in or out of the car. The alarm goes off, the horn starts honking, lights flashing... If anyone is around, I shrug as I turn the alarm off and say "Eh, it's Italian. it's excitable."

 

I think a common - and likely sensible - bit of advice would be for the woman to tell the man to take the cage off, that she's not interested in playing if he's going to be a jerk.

Early in the chastity dynamic anyway. Maybe late too?

 

Well, it depends on the couple and the relationship they have. If being locked is primarily for "play", then wanting to remove the cage during periods of marital tension is understandable; when there is no chance of play, then it's just some plastic or metal hanging off one's tonker, and it feels silly.

For us, my being locked has evolved into a situation in which my wife has decided "that's just how things are", so if I removed the cage after some disagreement, it would break something in our relationship. We have come to a really good place in our marriage and neither of us would want that to happen, so we both treat my being locked as the normal or natural thing. An argument is not enough for either of us to break something that has become fundamental.

 

tangential of nothing that serious: yesterday had a petty argument with wife where should babys car safety seat be stored in top shelf of the dressing room or down by the table where she perfers it. I was face palming at her on complaining difficulties of stepping on a chair to reach it from up there. She looked at me and dangled the keys and said "remember I am right", I responed with "is that a good argument?" And she answered smiling with "it is the best argument.". The safety seat now sits down by the table just as she prefers.

 

In the beginning, when it's all new and you associate being caged with "play", then it does feel stupid to be wearing something when you're not in a playful mood.

I remember a time, maybe ten or so years ago when I had a really bad flu - things coming out of both ends, fever, etc. I was in bed for a week, it was that bad. I was caged the entire time and neither my wife nor I even thought about it. After I was recovered, it suddenly dawned on her that she could have unlocked me. I told her that I was so sick that it didn't even matter. After that, she never gave it a second thought.

 

I used to suffer from long term illnesses - mostly cured now- but they left me feeling fatigued, tired and just not into anything. The cage was on and next thing was I had done 101 days without noticing. So what's all the fuss about?

A

 

This is probably the more important part, worth stopping and thinking about. If you're committed to her, make sure she knows that you're committed. One way is to give her the necessary tools to deal with those arguments in a way that helps her resolve the arguments, even if that means giving her all the leverage in those situations.

Did you tell her? If not, why not?

It's not so much about whether you did or didn't do something; the acid that is potentially eating away at things is the dishonesty. (I am projecting here: I was dishonest with my wife for close to a decade. Dishonesty is a caustic poison. Get rid of the poison, even if doing so seems to put you at a disadvantage.)

 

I was once told you have two ears,two eyes and one mouth. Maybe we should talk less and look and listen more. It helps when your having that fight. Myself I like the dangling of the key around her neck. Kind of puts things in perspective and takes your mind off what upsets you. We fight but don’t humiliate anywhere in private or public. We try look at each other and see how we can help. As far as counseling goes you might want to give chastity a break……. I’m just saying

 

I use that a lot - you've got two ears and one mouth, use them in that proportion.

A

 

@ManInSteelUK It's not just about being honest. It's also about being totally transparent... not hiding anything!

 

This has been a really good thread, should be a sticky for sure. Lots of good advice and life examples here.

 

If we dose have argument it dont last very long cos im telled to be quiet and shut up.

 

This is exactly how it should be handled. Then review the topic later on, when everyone has calmed down a bit.
Doesn't the L in FLR stands for leading? And sometimes in a discussion after arguments have been exchanged it's not possible to find a solution because there might be different views, believes, preferences. Then of course she has absolutely every right to end the fight and being a sub means that you're submissive when you don't like to be.
To take the cage of just because you have a fight sounds pretty childish to me.

Feathers.sub

 

This topic inspired me, so I created a series of Chastity Captions on my bdsmlr blog about disagreements when the couple has a chastity/FLR dynamic. They're on the fantasy side, and not a guide or anything, just some fun. They'll come out once a day, if anyone is interested. https://chastitycaptionsforfun.bdsmlr.com/

 

Chastity is real life for both of us, when we have rowed in the past my Madam would offer me my key back, But I knew if I actually accepted it then it would all be over.!

 

What is this microblogging service Website?
Feels scary if it is impossible to follow and read the "Terms" and "Privacy" page without login.
Doesn't look like something I would put any trust in. Who is the owner of this site?
https://www.whois.com/whois/bdsmlr.com
Doesn't bring up anything from value.

Feathers.sub

 

It was developed after Apple announced the were going to crackdown on porn Tumblrs.

 

So far as being deferential, I have a boss at work but that doesn’t always mean I agree or avoid argument. The power and the roles aren’t the same, but there is still push back.

I am hearing a lot - it depends on whether you decided you want to be in this for the long haul. If you do that, you can’t always expect it to be fun every day. But you sometimes find there are little bumps to get over.

I am stressed at work by the way. Sometimes a little kink feels like a fun reprieve. Other days, I’m just not that into it.

the last time we had intercourse was in a hotel on Easter. We decided this would put a little gas in our tank for a few months. It mostly has worked. We have been physically intimate more often despite the stress. She has been much more open to pleasuring herself in front of me, or receiving my advances. Not everyday can be like that.

 

Assume there's no privacy and use it accordingly.

 

Ad I posted elsewhere. We used the advice given to us by a long time BDSM couple. Their advice t married couples was to leave your fetish in the bedroom. If you want to play outside the bedroom then have a definite signal that you now want to leave normal married life to play your fetish. In our case my wife tells me to put on my collar and that means no more alpha until our play session is over at which time we are once again a normal married couple not playing any games. We are in our 70's and have been into alternate sex lives for over 50 years. Our system of defined play times worked as we were told it would. I am alpha and in bed I am very sexually submissive but once playtime is over, I once again am head of household and carry on as usual until my wife tells me to collar up again.

Trying to live a fetish sex life 24/7 only works in porn, not real life. Even very submissive slaves rarely stay with their mistress longer than a few years. Not many men are that submissive. Looks great in porn where you only feel sexuak arousal but not so much in real life. Make a distinction between fetish time and real life. Also keep in mind that as much as you may have a chastity contract that reads like if I do this you must punish me like that, it places a burden on your wife to be in the mood to do things you expect her to do.

I am very zen about chastity. I am locked all the time. My wife supervises my showers as it only takes a minute or two to unlock, clean and lock again. Outside of the bedroom she does not order me around and I am still in charge of our marriage even though I am locked and denied orgasms.

FYI, after a man ejaculates hormones are released for the next 10 days or so urging him to have sex again. This is how we are designed so that our genes can be passed on to as many new people as possible. Once you get past two weeks you do calm down, or at least I do. I feel sexually satisfied just holding my wife as she orgasms. In bed she will dominate me and sexually torture me. She is in charge of our sex life only, not our real life and so we are married 50 years despite a fetish lifestyle and sharing women in bed since my wife is bi. She shares, I help but not allowed to orgasm.

 

I think it depends on the individuals and the couple. Our 'fetish' is necessarily in the bedroom, but we also go on trips out of town and play with others a good bit. And we very much do live a FLR 24/7 in kind of a 50's style way. My Wife sits at the head of the table, I tend not to speak unless spoken to, she handles discipline within the home, everything. So no you can't run around naked all the time but you can definitely live a reversed role marriage right into the open if you want. Turns out most observers/friends to your family just don't care.

 

An argument - what's that? Would not dare! Still, like Tom Allen said, I do feel a bit silly wearing a chastity belt when we are, how shall I put it, not fully in agreement.