Chastity during an argument

You are playing it perfectly and appropriately. Hopefully it won't take long before you find that he doesn't need reminders.

 

Chastity is an aspect of sex, and it's probably natural when in an argument to want to withdraw from sexual activity, so there's a feeling of wanting the cage off and that's not abnormal. On the rare occasions we've had an argument (we've had very, very few, both before and after chastity), I've felt that momentary feeling too.

But like others have said, it's a commitment, so stick with it as long as the relationship exists (NB for JustJen, no she was not a smart woman, she was a manipulative bitch who violated trust. As soon as the relationship ended, the key gets handed back, no ifs, ands or buts). I think an important point about chastity is that it can do wonders increasing intimacy, and if you can get back into the headspace of wanting to be so thoroughly obsessed by your beautiful keyholder, that will help you remember to be kind and respectful resolving the argument.

Most big arguments, with hurt feelings and anger, couples get into are unnecessary. The thing they disagree about may be VERY necessary to discuss and resolve, but done with love and respect and reminding yourselves to seek the best solution for the two of you, not just the solution you want for yourself, will usually avoid the major drama.

Keeping the cage on when you're having a fight (or even locking it on after a fight has started) might be a good way to both remind yourself you're committed to the two of you, and of signaling that to your wife. "Even when I'm mad at you, I still love you and want you."

 

You do take off your wedding ring if the divorce papers come through. This sounds much more like divorce than argument. Can't tell from the one snippet how much role the guy had in destroying the marriage, but it sure sounds like the wife was not a good partner if she behaved vindictively like that.

 

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In my opinion its best to talk about these things. Helps clear the air and you both might do things differently in the future. Who knows the lock may have just tightened on that chastity cage.

A

 

I agree, in a FLR chastity has much more aspects than just a sexual thing. Not sure if it helps other new KH if they think that its mostly a sexual thing.
I think that a FLR is based on a decision and commitment and that a good sub will try to prepare for situations where he might not be as submissive as he should or could be.
And very likely arguments/fights mostly come when you're not submissive.
It's totally fine to have arguments but in the end ... it's about her (which doesn't mean that you can't have a discussion about it when the air has calmed down).
Therefore I think it's good and necessary to make strong commitments in a FLR which can be much more than just chastity.
She made me a tattoo and it has helped me a lot in case when we are fighting. Not in the exact moment of rage, but afterwards. Its not about being the perfect sub in any situation but making (evwn small) progress.

Feathers.sub

 

Of course you should tell her, (cheater)!
I am sure that the discussion why you put it off and then back on and you saying that you're sorry will even improve the bond between you too.

Feathers.sub

 

Throwing a discus is dangerous... Don't try this at home! Especially during an argument.

 

I think MC can definitely help nip things in the bud. Wearing the cage, you've agreed to give up sexual freedom (and a certain amount of convenience) in exchange for deeper intimacy with the one woman who is now your sole outlet for sexual satisfaction (yeah, yeah, no cage is completely inescapable, can still cum while locked, etc, but the concept is there and is powerful). If nothing else, the feeling of extreme want for her should at least temper your attitude, remind you to be respectful in the disagreement.

For her, I dunno, going to depend a lot on how she views MC or FLR to begin with. If she thinks of it as something she does for you because you enjoy the kink, it might not help her keep her attitude in check, but if she gets to the point where she recognized you really are willing to sacrifice for her happiness, that I think will help.

 

Staying caged means dealing with the problem face on and not resorting to masturbation to feel good. Which just kicks the can down the road. I'm thankful after It's calmed down that I got through it without the comforter. I'm developing emotional maturity in the process, however painful and tough at the time. We grow when we stay good.

 

It may not even be true, but instead some guys wank fantasy.

 

Try not to let it be. She'll come round. Patience.

 

We are using constructive communications patterns, in our relationship and in business as well. So the dynamic of behaving stupid because the other did, does not happen. Or we communicate following feedback rules.
Sometimes German efficency might be boring.
Italians start their day with a cappuccino and an argument. Might be funny as well, it needs an argument to forgive.

 

One of my fears, locked & forgotten. Maybe some KHs might not know what it means for a man to wear a cage. That is nearly always present and a constant reminder.
Wearing a cage will bring the man much more intense feelings (ups & downs) than your KH but at least she should also understand the "gift".
I would have a strange feeling and question everything - that she is maybe not interested in it or not understanding what it means to you wearing your device and passing control to her.

Feathers.sub

 

Would love to hear more details about this. @feather and me are currently working on exactly this topic, what will help us both in case that one of us, very likely me, behave stupid again.

Feathers.sub

 

Kleine Hilfe:
https://www.studysmarter.de/schule/...ziplinen-der-psychologie/transaktionsanalyse/
https://organisationsberatung.net/feedbackregeln-feedback-geben/

 

It's interesting to see all the different ways in which people view being locked as part of their relationship. Mrs Edge and I have had some evolution over this ourselves over the 20 or 25 years we've been doing this. As it went from a sexy game to a more serious venture, removing my cage for an argument became less of an option for either of us. Right now, the both of us would see it the way some people might see taking off a wedding ring and throwing it at one's partner. My being locked has become such a fundamental part of our intimacy that neither of us really think about it anymore.

 

Removing cage for an argument, a whole new approach.

 

you clearly have a different idea of what the word 'consent' means. consent can be withdrawn, and must be respected.

 

as i mentioned - as it was told to me, this was a marriage breakdown, non-amicable. that's more than 'an argument'.
if he clearly stated he wanted out of the cage, and she refused, that's abuse. he stated he found the whole situation very stressful.

 

I've been through a "marriage breakdown" and came out the other side, with an amazing person.

Wasn't my choice but that's what was forced upon me. If I were locked I think I may have noticed that marriage was failing a LONG time before the oh dear moment .
A

 

Just one more voice, but I couldn't resist because I've written a few times about the strange dynamics of being locked in an argument. At first, for me, the cage loses its power. I act aggressive (and usually childish) as I always do when confronted with what I perceive as "a wrong". My Queen is equally Alpha so it can escalate quickly. A day or two later I cannot help but think about the cage I am wearing, and all the things it signifies. Sometimes I get desperate, other times I just get sense, but either way it encourages some better discussion about whatever we disagreed on. We have discussed (not during a fight) about how the best thing for her is to be confident knowing the control she has. To wait me out. To use the cage the way it is meant to be, as a tease and a power balance, and not as a weapon.

She pushed for this lifestyle and, I think understands that this places great responsibility on her not to turn it into a weapon as that could spoil things. BUT, she thinks much like @JustJen, and has promised me that the cage will never come off due to an argument (she did that once, and won't forget the setback). It would be like throwing a wedding ring or worse. Indeed, she has said only half jokingly that it wont come off due to divorce or death either. If I ever wanted to rekindle the relationship I wouldn't even think about it, and if I was totally certain I didn't then I wouldn't ask her, I would consult my tool box.

 

ohhh, that's a perfect opportunity to say something like "Oh, my beautiful darling, I remember every time you've told me to lock up!"

Works for early stages, when she's lackadaisical about it.