My Locked Journal

I bought Goddess a present, a riding crop

Goddess seems to have been really enjoying flogging my bottom, we've had a flogger in our toy box for years but really not used it until now. My naughty mind thought "mmm... maybe she'd like another type of bottom punishment tool".

Goddess seemed very happy with her present, eyes lighting up. Later she ordered me to the bedroom to undress and ordered me to bend over the bed. She got to work, building up the force with her riding crop, until after after a particularly hard blow she started giggling, "I got a wobble!" she exclaimed. It seems she really enjoys bottom wobble inducing blows, eeek.

When she had finished practicing she told me to stand up and put the riding crop away, placing the crop between my teeth.

The crop is a different experience more targeted, a sharper localised pain rather then the overall sting of the the flogger... interesting.

 

Goddess has finished her period, yay!

Last night Goddess was in a very good mood. I basically spent the week doing whatever she wanted, chores, house renovations and had just finished setting up stylish furniture for her new home office / creative space (her new no testicles allowed room). After a long foot massage she allowed me to go down on her, I stayed locked, but still, its been two weeks since I last licked her there, I missed it so much.

 

Last night... Goddess let me go down on her again! This morning as we woke I begged her to let me worship her a third time, she took great delight in telling me "no", which I expected, but then added "maybe later if you're good"... what the??

Are we practicing pagan Easter and spending the holiday on Goddess worship instead of chocolate? Or have I stumbled upon that elusive mythical unicorn... post period horny female?

 

Later that day Goddess said she wanted me unlocked so she could play. I really had stumbled upon on the post period horny female!

We tousled in bed, Goddess stroking and squeezing me as we rubbed against each other. She rolled over pushing her bottom back against me, rolling her hips, grinding against my rock hard cock. Goddess announced "I'm tired, we're going to sleep now... and there is nothing you can do about it."

She loves being in charge. She loves letting me know she's in charge. It's so hot and so frustrating and it just makes me want her more. Why is it the things you can't have are more desirable?

I lay there next to her, unlocked, rock hard and not allowed to touch her. I'd swear I stayed hard all night. She's done this to me a few times. It's her own personal type of tease.

In the morning she locked me up again. After taking the key she kissed me passionately while one hand caressed my balls, then ordered "make the bed then bring me a coffee."

 

Goddess had a sleep over with a friend. I was left alone in bed with my thoughts and my locked cock.

It's been nearly two months now since she took total control of my orgasm and our relationship. There's no schedule, no negotiation, no nagging, if I'm allowed to cum has been entirely up to her, it brings a nervous uncertainty to everything we do, every time we're intimate... will it be this time, will it be days from now, will it be weeks, will it be months.

I've noticed my mood moves between being desperately horny to zen like calm and acceptance of my predicament. I can be so desperate I'd willingly do absolutly anything she wanted for the chance to cum. I can feel monk like, totally calm, caste of body and mind, not at all concerned with physical gratification.

Of course every time I achieve this zen like freedom from desire she walks past, kisses me, gropes me and walks away with a grin on her face. I'm right back to desperate and horny.

 

Thanks Subhub101, glad you are enjoying it.

Goddess keeps the keys hidden, sometimes she wears them.
Goddess once asked, "but what if something happens to me, how will you get out?"
I replied, "If anything happens to you there is no reason for me to ever be unlocked."

Wonderfully romantic... but in reality you can cut/saw your way out of just about any chastity device, just need to be careful. Of course that destroys the device, so she'll notice. So that she doesn't worry Goddess does know I could in theory get out by destroying the device.

Queue flashback music...

A long time ago in a galaxy far away we were very young, very in love, very attracted to one another and very vanilla.

As a couple we enjoyed discovering and playing with each other sexually. We read articles (women's magazines can be very explicit!) and bought books (dummies guide to the Kama Sutra) and just had fun finding out what we like.

We discovered she likes semi public places. She loves to tease and flirt, but I already knew that. We discovered that while she likes conventional sex she only comes from clitoris stimulation, we also discovered she's multi orgasmic, so we both practiced our oral skills and got into a habit of her coming first... second... third.

We read about and tried BDSM role play and discovered she likes being held down, but does not like pain and does not like being told what to do. We discovered I'm pretty flexible, if it's kinky role play I'll probably like it. We experimented with edging, taking it in turns to tie each other to the bed. While looking at an on-line adult toy site I came across a CB6000 and suggested we try that as an extension to edging. I sort of hated the CB6000, but enjoyed the chastity predicament, and so did she.

Over the years our relationship moved between intense and less intense phases. Sometimes we're intensely into each other but totally vanilla. Each time we feel distracted by life we dive back into a kinky lifestyle and reconnect both physically and emotionally.

 

I've finished some minor renovations, most of the debris is gone, but I still had at least one load to take take to the tip. On the weekend Goddess told me if I had everything cleaned up by the end of the day she would allow me to worship her. She's treating going down on her as a reward... which it totally is, she knows me so well. I joked "when I go down on you I think I like it more than you do" to which she replied with a laugh "not possible".

I worked extra hard getting everything cleaned up. At the end of the day I joined Goddess in the bedroom, giving her a long foot massage, followed by a scalp massage, hoping she had not changed her mind, she looked ready to fall asleep. Thankfully she opened her eyes and ordered me to go down on her. I gratefully sank between her thighs, passionately kissing and licking. She came so hard and so many times, it was glorious, we both lost track, lost in the moment.

Finally Goddess rolled me onto my back, caressing my cage, which feels so maddeningly good. Then she climbed over me, sitting astride my hips. I was confused about what she was doing, I was still locked, but then she worked her way up, thighs around my head and sat on my face. God I was in heaven. For a submissive who loves to give this is the sexiest possible position to be in. Goddess rode by face though another orgasm, then climbed off, telling me she wanted me unlocked. I was so happy, I wasn't expecting to be unlocked, it had been three weeks since she last let her cock out. She gave me the key, I washed and rushed back to the bed. As I climbed on, kneeling she took me into her mouth, caressing me with her lips so lightly she was barley touching my cock, I just knelt there moaning helplessly. Goddess pulled me between her legs and I entered her. I could only manage a couple of thrusts before having to pull out, afraid I'd cum too quickly. I alternated between a couple of thrusts and licking her to orgasm, then a couple of thrusts and licking her to orgasm, loosing track of time again. Finally with her permission I came inside her, I must have woken the entire neighbourhood, bellowing like a wounded animal.

In the morning I awoke happy, content, still unlocked and with of course a massive morning erection. As we snuggled Goddess began to stroke my cock, starting me moaning again. Then my sexy amazing wife went down on me, sucking and pumping her hand around the base. She didn't stop, she brought me all the way to orgasm, swallowing as my fists gripped the mattress and I cried out. Then she skipped off to the bathroom to get ready for the day, leaving me amazed and exhausted on the bed.

Goddess left me unlocked for the rest of the day and that night, not that I needed locking I was totally spent. This morning my Goddess told me "you need to be locked back up so you understand your place". So I'm locked again and she's taken the key. Fuck I love her so much.

 

It turns out when Goddess said “you need to be locked back up so you understand your place" she wasn’t kidding. We’ve been discussing my behaviour.

Goddess let me cum twice on the weekend and then left me unlocked. After the amazing sex I sort of zoned out. I wasn’t being attentive and wasn’t focused on serving her. I didn’t really notice at the time, after being locked back up a couple of days I realised she was frustrated with me. On reflection I had sort of stopped worshiping, I wasn’t treating her as my Goddess.

I had read that being allowed to cum can sometimes change hormone levels, desire and negatively impact behaviour relative to behaviour while locked. I thought I was immune to that, so far my desire and need remained constant after she let me have an orgasm. Maybe being allowed to cum twice left me too sated, too content and just sort of inward focused. Maybe it’s a bit like that classic thing of a guy pursuing a woman, until she has sex with him, then he loses interest. I don’t think I’ve ever behaved like that.

I’m now totally back in that desperate worship mindset. I don’t want to lose the desire, the addiction to her, I like feeling this way and I want to please her. Not letting me cum to maintain this emotional state is not an ideal plan from my perspective. We talked about it and agreed cuming twice is not going to happen again for me. Next time Goddess decides to let me cum we’re going experiment with edging and denial afterward to try and ensure that state of desire is maintained. I’m going to try and be more self aware of my behaviour and how I want to act.

 

Goddess was at work, leaving me home alone. As I worked through my chore list I started thinking about what else, apart from my chores, I could do to please her. She still seemed a little disappointed in my behaviour lapse on the weekend. She normally engages with a happy, mischievous, playful mood. She seemed a bit subdued. I had asked what is her favourite part of me being locked and she told me "the attention", so my lack of attention on the weekend took away the part of this she really likes.

I remembered that when I was doing a lot of bike training she really liked that I shaved my legs. It's a bike thing, I don't get it either. I stopped shaving them when I stopped training on the bike because it takes a really loooooong time to shave legs. She never brought it up, but I know she hates body hair. So... I popped into the shower and shaved my legs... it took a really really long time! When I was half way through I seriously considered if one leg was enough.

That night I slipped under the sheets next to her and said I have a surprise for you. She gave me that withering I know you have a cock look. I grabbed her hand and put it on my legs, she grinned and pulled the sheets back, then made me get out of bed and walk up and down so she could watch my legs, happily commenting that she loves the definition. I've always been a runner, so my legs are pretty good even though I say so myself. I hopped back into bed and she spent a long time stoking my legs and rubbing her legs into mine. Goddess seemed happy and turned on.

I asked "may I worship you?"

To which she replied "no it's time for sleep."

"But, but I have pretty legs" I stammered confused.

Goddess laughed and said "you're such a man", rolled over and went to sleep.

 

Last night in bed as we snuggled and rubbed smooth legs together we both started getting excited, slow kissing, sensuous rubbing, moaning, then Goddess pushed my head down. I kissed her tummy, her thighs, kissing her through her panties before peeling them off. Goddess was so turned on as I kissed and licked her, I could feel her getting wetter almost in waves as I worshiped, so incredible. After licking her through orgasms she pulled me up and I used my finger in gentle circles around her clit to slowly bring her to climax again and again, until she pushed me back down to worship her with my tongue.

Finally she said "enough" and pulled me up along side her. She unlocked me and we lay snuggling, me on my back, her resting her head on my shoulder, leg wrapped around me. As I massaged her shoulder her fingers curled around my rock hard cock and she held me like that as I massaged, not moving her hand, just holding me as she slowly drifted off to sleep. Such sensuous torture, it would only have taken a few seconds of pumping her fist and I would have cum, but her fingers never moved, just held me close to the edge.

This morning, after our normal foot kissing ritual, I was locked back up. God I want her so much.

 

Thank you Chaz, I really enjoy writing it. My Goddess likes reading it too

 

One embarrassing side effect of being locked up is I start to leak. This starts to happed after between one and two weeks of being locked, teased and denied. I guess I get a backlog of fluid and it needs to come out.

Sometimes I don't really notice, I just find wet sticky spots in my underwear. Sometimes I feel a random gush between my legs and quite a lot of fluid comes out, leaving me feeling damp and quite embarrassed.

The other day I felt a gush, then another gush, then another gush. I went to the bathroom and pulled down my underwear, it looked like I'd cum in my pants, there was so much. But there was no feeling of orgasm or pleasure, just uncontrollable gushing sensations and embarrassment. Luckily I was at home so I could change my underwear.

My Goddess finds it very amusing.

 

Last night we had a wonderful dinner at a restaurant, a really chatty fun evening. It's starting to get cold here so when we got home we both dived under the covers and held each other tightly to warm up the bed.

As we rubbed against each other I whispered "I could go down on you to warm you up"

"Lets give it a go" she replied with a grin, she's such an Ozzie.

I dived down to the bottom of the covers, leaving them over her so she didn't get cold, just a bump under the sheets working away between her thighs. It didn't take long to get hot under there and difficile to breath, smothered in sheets, thighs and pussy, breathing her in, such heaven.

After several orgasms she said "enough" and I surfaced, snuggling in behind her spooning.

"Thank you for owning" I whispered in her ear.

"My pleasure" she replied with enthusiastic emphasis on the word pleasure.

As I held her there in bed, still locked, still denied, I felt utterly content and happy.

Of course this morning I feel incredibly horny, desperate and full of desire. As we woke I optimistically asked if I could go down on her again.

"No" she replied with a smile.

 

We're approaching three weeks since Goddess last let me cum. She only lets me cum when she feels like it, no schedule, but on average she seems to let me have an orgasm once every two or three weeks. Maybe it will be soon, maybe it won't.

Goddess wasn't happy with my non submissive behaviour last time, maybe she's not inclined to let me cum again, maybe she wants to keep me chaste, attentive and submissive. Why do I want her to control me like this? Sometimes I don't understand my submissive side at all, and sometimes I just let it go and enjoy the emotions.

Goddess called me to check if I had finished my chores, which I had. We chatted on the phone and as usual I found myself professing my love, then my desire, then my desperation. She likes to know I want her, she smiles and laughs. I confessed that in the past, after nearly three weeks of no orgasms, I would have been masturbating while she was out. She laughed at that too. Goddess seems to really enjoy controlling when I can cum... seems to really enjoy my desperate attention... and her enjoyment presses all sorts of submissive buttons.

Goddess told me if I'm a good boy that tonight after I massage her feet she might let me worship her. God I hope she lets me go down on her, for some reason her orgasms give me some relief.

 

I guess I was a good boy. After her foot massage Goddess ordered me to worship her and I gratefully sank between her thighs.

There's something really beautiful about a pussy. The smooth curve of her mound sinking into that flat neatness between her legs. That little line that hides her opening, sometimes labia peeking out, sometimes hiding. As I kiss and her legs drift apart I understand the flower analogy for women's anatomy. Pink red glistening petals opening. Using my lips, kissing along and in her, tongue starting to lick. Her legs keep moving further apart. It's so pretty, so wet and so hot. Hips tilting so I can push my tongue deep into her vagina, licking as deep as I can, moving out and up to her clit, her hips tilting the other way, working with me. Kissing and licking everywhere, but slowly increasing the focus on the special little spot, until its just her clit, tongue flicking up and down, faster and faster. It's the sudden pause that drives her wild. Suddenly no contact, then I dive back in, just as fast, maybe faster. It's so damn pretty.

It's funny. I'm obsessed with female anatomy. I'm obsessed with my Goddesses body. She on the other hand describes penises as "damn ugly". I must admit I do find it hard to relate to why women like men. If I were female I'm sure I'd be a lesbian. Thankfully Goddess does seem to like me, my chest (I'm not sure why), my legs (I can maybe relate to that), but my penis and balls are a horror show that can't be unseen. She does find everything down there more aesthetically pleasing when caged, hidden behind a neat smooth tube, almost pretty. I must remember to turn the lights off if my monster is ever going to be let loose

 

This morning as we lay in bed Goddess asked me how long it’s been. It’s exactly three weeks today since she last let me orgasm.

I immediately replied “three weeks since you last let me cum”, adding hopefully “you normally let me every two or three weeks”.

Goddess replied “I think we’re going to go for a new record… I’m not going to tell you how long… you won’t know when”.

She added “your behaviour wasn’t good last time, so I’m going to make you last longer, then when I let you I’m going to edge you afterward”. So conversational, so matter of fact, we could have been planning our schedules for the week ahead.

I snuggled into her side and confessed “part of me hates this, part of me wants it, I might be bipolar, it’s like I have two brains”. Goddess agreed, pointing out one of those brains is in my penis.

As I lay next to her I felt this need to submit and said “It’s your decision, you can keep me locked as long as you want.”

Goddess replied “I know”.

 

The fantasy is getting more and more real! It’s confusing, scary and hot.

I’ve always liked kinky things. The more I discovered I have a submissive side the more I worried maybe I’m broken in some way, that there is a part of me needs to be fixed or suppressed. That part of me, the often hidden submissive part, feels incredibly grateful toward my Goddess. I think grateful is the closest emotion, there’s lots of things mixed up in how I’m feeling.

It’s funny how in my mind me being submissive is a potential character flaw, but her being dominant is a positive thing. Alpha qualities in both females and males seem desirable. Conditioning I guess.

My submissive side wants to be controlled, owned, trained and to serve. The rest of me is having a “what the fuck are you doing” moment. I really like orgasms and I really like being inside her. Why would I want that less. This is sort of crazy.

The only sense I can make of this is… the emotions. So close, so in love, needing her so much. I know part of this is probably hormone manipulation, the denial. Part of it is the mental and emotional intimacy, the honesty. I like how I feel about us.

 

Yesterday was an exercise in self control.

Goddess had let me sleep unlocked. In the morning we went through our usual feet kissing routine and then rushed to get ready and out the house. It was a crazy busy day for both of us.

We were distracted and forgot to lock me back up! I'm now so used to the cage I forget sometimes I'm wearing it. I genuinely forgot I was unlocked until after we left.

In the afternoon I returned home and realised it was just my cock and I, alone together at last. I had a tiny panic, not wanting to disappoint my Goddess. I locked myself up, placed the key inside Goddesses key safe (she got bored with hiding the key) and spun the combination lock without looking at the numbers. Submissive me felt relieved.

Later that night we both collapsed into bed without really having a chance to talk before sleep took us both.

This morning I mentioned that we forgot to lock me and I'd been home alone. Goddess both assumed and expected that nothing had happened. She was amused and pleased to find I had locked myself up. I confessed that I didn't want to be distracted by the temptation.

I should be able to practice honour chastity, I'm getting used to not having an orgasm without her permission. But I'm not sure I trust myself yet, if I have the self control, It feels wrong to be unlocked and alone.

 

On Thursday Goddess was in the city for meetings. When she set off in the morning she looked so good, dress with a tailored jacket over the top, business outfit but still sort of cute. Before she left I begged her to please not get changed when she got home, but instead make my day by sitting on my face in that outfit. She said she would think about it.

When Goddess returned home she had to go straight into an on-line meeting. I tried not to be disappointed. But after the meeting she grabbed me and led me into the bedroom, after a quick kiss I laid on the bed, she hitched up her dress, pulled off her panties and straddled my face. I was in heaven. I know she was doing this for my benefit, she’s more comfortable laying down. After wonderful panting, gasping and thigh trembling she rolled onto her back pulling me between her legs to finish her off, once, twice, three times, before telling me enough. So damn sexy. I feel so lucky.

 

After waking, as we spooned in bed I begged my Goddess “please let me worship you”. She replied with the expected “no”, she loves telling me no. After a minute as we snuggled Goddess added “maybe” and I kissed down to her thighs and between her legs.

It took longer than usual to lick Goddess to her first orgasm. I guess she liked the idea even though she wasn’t completely in the mood. But I’m happy to keep kissing and licking her there all day long. After the first orgasm the flood gates opened and she rode through orgasm after orgasm before dragging me up and telling me “I want you”. I entered her at last. It’s been four weeks since Goddess last let me cum. I managed a few thrusts before pulling back, not wanting to end so soon, going down on her again, licking her through another orgasm as I tried to calm my cock. Then back inside, her ankles around my neck as I desperately tried to last.

When I cum hard, which is most of the time, I get stomach muscle spasms. With a little shove from her legs I fell off her and lay there twitching, like a fish out of water, helpless as my body jumped in post orgasm shock.

Now I’m sated, relaxed, locked back up… and having trouble feeling like I should do as I’m told. I’m trying to monitor my own behaviour, trying to respond appropriately to her orders. I just sort of don’t feel like it. It’s like inner submissive me has gone to sleep. Our plan was that Goddess was going take me through a series of edging sessions post orgasm to try and get me back in a desperate and pliable state as quickly as possible, but she’s been very busy, so I’ve been a little ignored. I guess eventually with enough denial I’ll end up back in that desperate to do anything for her state, but at the moment it’s sort of tough to understand why I’m doing this if I’m just ignored. I’m feeling a little sulky. Guess I’m an attention addict.