I am writing this post as an encouragement to all the people I see on CM who talk about struggling to bring their partner to a deeper level of involvement in chastity play. My hope is that my experience might help someone to navigate their own negotiation and evolution of play with their partner. It has been almost two years since my wife began locking me up. After many years of me making love to her while I whispered fantasies about chastity play, she secretly decided to take control. Without telling me in advance, she went to a local sex shop (itself a very unusual outing for her) and bought a chastity cage. She gave it to me on my birthday. I will fast forward over the next three months, during which we tried several inexpensive, easily available cages in plastic, metal and other materials. By August, we had found Mature Metal and got a Jailbird. After one round trip return to make some adjustments, I had my cage, or should i say, my wife had her cage - to use on me. There followed several months of experimentation, learning how long i could easily wear it, what was required to clean it, to run in it. We considered how frequently i might "need" to ejaculate to keep all of the plumbing in working order. My wife read a book for new keyholders. At the same time, she began spanking me more regularly. I will always remember how, at one of those early spankings, she said "I don't think i'll be able to hit you hard enough." Looking back, that was a very funny thing for her to have said. We had weeks and months of leaving the cage off, with me on "the honor system," followed by various returns to the cage. we learned that I could wear it for over a week with no ill effects. And my wife began learning about, and practicing, how to deliver a ruined orgasm. She wanted to know I was functional, but she also did not like how i behaved after a full orgasm. throughout this process, I tried not to "ask" her to do things. And in fact, over time, she learned the phrase "topping from below," and soon used the term any time there was a hint of my trying to suggest something when she hadn't asked for my opinion. But at the same time, any time that I saw her doing something new, or something old but more intensely than before, I was always careful to tell her how it made me feel, which was usually that I felt loved, horny, excited, and extremely grateful. I would often wait a few hours after a play session, then I would come to her, kneel at her feet where she sat, and poured out gratitude. when she saw how much this all meant to me, and how positively it affected my attitude and my affection for her, she naturally chose on her own to explore further, as she saw fit. And I reaped rewards. I have worked hard to do all of my newly assigned chores around the house. At this point, I do all the laundry and dishes, and most of the cleaning, though my wife insists on "fixing" my cleaning efforts when they are not up to her standards. She has increasingly learned to punish me for failings, like the time she informed me that she had intended to let me out of my cage for some playtime, but that since I had left a small piece of lettuce in the sink basket, I would not be getting out at all. More recently, she punishes me not only for MY failings, but also for anything that SHE has done wrong, on her new theory that I am responsible for EVERYTHING that fails to make her fully happy. She has come to really enjoy beating me, and has gradually increased the intensity. I now squirm and cry out regularly during daily maintenance beatings, and she often takes a break, making me think we're done, only to say "you're not done yet." After seeing how it affects me, and how grateful I am to her for doing it, she now enjoys squeezing and slapping my balls any time I pass by her, or while we are cuddling. She sees that the more she denies me any direct sexual gratification, the more I live for any contact I get from her, how I yearn even for the feeling of her fingers crushing me, since that is the most intimate touch I get on many days. this past weekend we reached a new milestone. Usually weekends are our time to play, and my biggest hope to be let out is on a saturday or sunday. But this Saturday, she simply wanted me to service her orally, which obviously did not require removing the cage; and she felt, quite rightly, that this was more than enough of a "treat" for me. But then, saturday evening at dinner, she mentioned, "By the way, you are not getting out tomorrow at all. Just thought you should know." This was the first time she foreclosed my hopes in advance, and it had a surprisingly powerful effect on me, keeping me awake much of Saturday night. Sunday came and true to her word, she didn't even bring her key with her when she came to me. Instead, we spend time "experimenting" and "testing" various implements we've accumulated. She wanted to see exactly which paddles and whips hurt the most, and what kind of sensation they delivered, so she used all different ones on me for quite a while. When I told her that one or another was especially painful, she would concentrate on that one for a while. All of this really seemed to fuel her enjoyment when she allowed me to watch (and only watch) her bring herself off with the Hitachi. When she spoke about what a hugely shattering series of orgasms she'd just had, I asked her whether the act of beating me had put her in a mindset to have such a big orgasm. She did not disagree. I have now been wearing the cage since Valentine's day, with fewer than a handful of outings for any purpose. Exactly once she let me inside her -- for about two minutes -- after which I was locked up again. In all that time, she's given me two ruined orgasms, which while demonstrating my continued functionality do nothing to ease my situation. she has said, more than once, that it will be a year before I can hope for a full orgasm. I would never have believed this possible when we started, but given how far we've come, I do not doubt her at all. Needless to say, for both of us, it's been quite an evolution -- and a lot of fun -- over the nearly two years since she bought that first cage. We've been married over 30 years, and we both agree that our intimate life has never been more intense and rewarding. I wish the same to every couple.
Congratulations, few of us get to live the dream and have wives/KH/Domme who are as into the lifestyle. The key part is you are doing it together and she is more imaginative than you ever expected.
Is it normal that reading this scares the shit out of me? I'm all for the "pleasing her" parts, but the long time doing without an orgasm ... and just ruined orgasms ... oh man. Can I re-negotiate? Imagining the conversation ... me: "Um, you know that control you have over me?" her: "Yes." me: "Um, maybe we could put some limits on it? And that thing about you deciding when and how we have sex, maybe we could put some guaranteed minimums on that?" her: "I like things the way they are. But you asking this has kind of ruined the mood. Now I am going to always wonder in the back of my mind if you really want to be at my feet." Yeah, that didn't go well. On second thought, I can deal with whatever it takes, as long as she's happy.
@true42 well i think you can ask and not get in trouble but you migt not be let out. thas if the one who has got your key has not sayed never ever ask me again. and then i wudnt ask if i was you.
I think I was half joking, but I'm not entirely sure. Regardless, she is wonderful, kind, and loving, and not abusive, and I do not fear her in the slightest. It's probably my own weakness in her hands that is the scary part.
your chastity life sounds great your a very lucky man to have such a great wife im a strong beliver that a sub should get no orgasms of any kind but best of luck long may it continue for you
Great advice, quite similar to us, we’re four years in and it’s still evolving, but the common element is taking our time to work out what’s we like, her comfort level with taking control and holding the key. 2021 has stepped up a notch for us, just completed a six week lockup and straight back in.