Year Three.

This is going to be my third journal since discovering the Chastity Mansion back in November 2015, just a few days after putting my Holy Trainer on for the first time. My first Journal, “Complicated Start” details the early days of my journey into chastity and covers many brain farts and frantic issues. My second journal, Love and Denial, https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/love-and-denial-year-2.20876/ covered the settling in period, where my Wife, Elle, truly took over as my keyholder and Mistress, and we started thinking about our relationship in terms of an FLR.

I don’t know what this journal will cover. Things are certainly more settled than they were that first year, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still have issues and problems. Currently those problems are more to do with transitioning to an FLR than anything to do with chastity. This year I have had four full orgasms, the year before five. I know what it feels like to go months at a time between having an orgasm and would honestly not choose to give up those feelings. Accepting all of the expectations that come with an FLR however, that is another matter.

Things this journal probably won’t cover are various fantasies that seem to accompany some people’s ideas of chastity. It is highly unlikely that there will be any edging over the next year, nor any talk of sissification or cuckolding. Elle likes me wearing panties, but not all the time and she hasn’t thrown away all my male underwear. She has no interest in having sex with anyone else thank you very much, and pegging isn’t something that does much for her at the moment.

The amount I write about the sex we do have has reduced from my early posts, mostly due to how repetitive the posts seem to me. I am still giving Elle Yoni massages, she had one earlier this evening and enjoyed it very much. It was different to earlier Yoni massages in that she no longer asks if I want to give her one, she tells me that I will. I am also much better at them, having had a good amount of practice. But a Yoni massage is a Yoni massage. I might go into detail to let anyone interested know how bloody amazing an experience they are, but then again I might not.

The thing is I am still very much a beginner in all this chastity stuff. I love what it has done for Elle and me. I wish we had started much, much sooner but realise we probably wouldn’t have got to where we are now if we had not had the same life experiences or issues that helped us get to this point.

I do think I have to make one thing absolutely clear about why I wear a chastity device. As far as I am aware I am pretty unique, I would love to be proven wrong and find someone else who started for the same reason as we did, but so far I haven’t heard of anyone like me. Skip the next few paragraphs if you are easily made to feel queasy...

Back in September 2015, with Elle’s permission, I modified my penis. I split my glans almost completely in two, vertically. It would be impossible for me to have a PA piercing as there is nothing for it to go through. I had intended getting an ampallang piercing but before that happened Elle saw what I had done and freaked. The reality of what it looked like was very different to what she had expected. For three days I honestly thought I had lost her, that she would demand a divorce. At this point we had been married for 25 years. She is my best friend and I would never do anything to hurt her.

I had seen chastity devices on Tumblr femdom blogs and offered to wear one as a way of covering up the split glans. Elle agreed and, to the surprise of both of us, the chastity lifestyle we now live developed. We didn’t start this because Chastity was a fantasy either of us had, in fact the idea of going a week without an orgasm, let alone five months, wasn’t something I had really thought about. I still remember how excited I got that first time she locked me into a device. I still don’t understand why I got excited, in the same way I don’t understand why I get excited when she says no, you can’t cum, or no, you can’t masturbate. All I know is I get excited and my response to her control turns Elle on.

All I know is I am excited to see what year three brings.

 

An interesting thought, one I hadn’t previously considered.

I know for a fact chastity themed porn prior to wearing a device was not my thing, it still isn’t, and the idea of being locked and controlled was not a fetish of mine. I did however know that the idea of my Wife taking more control was appealing at the time I offered her the idea of a chastity device as a way of controlling my desires for genital modification. She had always been the lead in our relationship and this felt like a natural progression to me.

I think the fact that I got so aroused when she locked me for the first time is a fresh enough memory to confidently say that no, I hadn’t been interested previously. I was surprised at how it felt, how that click of the padlock affected me. I also spent much of the first year in chastity with my head in a spin trying to work out what all this control meant and how I truly felt about it.

I asked Elle recently how she felt back then at the start and she said it made her feel a bit odd, she couldn’t get her head around what it was all about, but she was willing to give it a try. It took her months to really get a full understanding of the benefits and now she wouldn’t go back. To put her development into perspective that first year, 2015, I started with an orgasm every two weeks. In 2016 I had five full orgasms, this year it was four. It basically took her each denial period to double the length of the previous, and she loves the affect it has on me. My average is one every two to three months.

I saw chastity devices on Tumblr and the idea of using one was a moment of mad inspiration. I certainly didn’t sign up for this huge reduction in orgasms, but I too wouldn’t want to stop. If anything I wish I had discovered this amazing kink before I modified my penis.

 

I have been having a break from the Mansion. Not from chastity, or from the FLR Elle and I are still developing, purely from the Mansion. It was prompted when I logged in to find the new terms and conditions statement blocking my entrance, demanding my agreement before letting me to continue. What the hell? I thought. Do I really agree to this? My initial response was no, so I logged out, put my iPad down and got on with other Christmas and New Year related stuff.

I still wouldn’t say I am completely happy with the new TaC, but nobody else seemed to be shouting about it, so why should I be any different.

It did give me an insight into one possible reason to why the Mansion loses older, long term members. If I had been more established in my chastity based lifestyle I doubt I would have bothered returning. I enjoy keeping a journal, but do I really need to any more? What more can I add?

At the same time all this was going on I severed ties with another forum I was a member of. It was the one that was based around male genital modifications, and was the forum I had discovered that led me to do my own modifications and, as I have written, this ultimately led to my wearing a chastity device.

The problem is my desires to continue the modifications were/are high, and fueled by regular visits to the forum. I was growing more and more conflicted though, torn between the desire to complete the mod and the knowledge that this was not what Elle wanted.

Then, for some unknown reason, I logged in on my phone rather than my iPad. I was given an option I had never seen before. Delete your account. I thought about it, my finger hovering over the delete button. The account had hours of video showing how I had carried out the mod, pictures detailing the process.

Without any regret I hit the delete account button, went past the usual warnings, and did it. It is gone. I don’t want that. This thing that Elle and I have is better than anything I could have ever dreamed of, so why would I put it at risk?

Elle doesn’t know but this is the reason I wish she would get me to have an ampallang piercing then get a custom device made that used it to lock the device on me. This isn’t to stop me masturbating, to gain control over my orgasms. It is to finally lock down my penis in such a way as to make any further modifications utterly impossible. The desire to do this far outweighs my desire to have an orgasm on a scale I think she would be shocked by.

(I do however realise the ridiculous element of that wish. To stop me modifying my penis, Elle has to modify my penis!)

 

December was a pretty dry month as far as sex, FLR, chastity and intimacy was concerned, for both Elle and myself. Not only did we travel to the UK, fit in all the fun and games of Christmas and New Year, a brilliant ski holiday in Austria with family members (withthe most snow we have ever seen in over a decade of trips to Austria) but Elle also managed to have have the worst cold she has had in years and also really hurt her back. It’s difficult to be an effective Domme when you can hardly bend over!

There was however one event of note. December 28. Christmas was out of the way and the next night we were going away for New Year, staying with family in southern Germany. At this point I have had four full orgasms, one less than the year before. Elle had a very sore back, I was still wearing my device. When we stay with our family down south we are in a shared room and there would be no chance whatsoever of adding a fifth orgasm to my tally, and with Elles back her tally of orgasms was set for the year.

Elle had been teasing me for weeks, commenting that maybe I could have one more orgasm, to make my tally the same as the previous year, but she would make her mind up later. I just accepted this wasn’t going to happen, especially when we went to bed that evening and I was still in my device.

Elle started teasing me, getting me really worked up. It hadn’t been my usual two months since my previous orgasm, but it had been close to that average. She was working on my nipples, really making me groan, when I started to whimper she said something I wasn’t expecting.

“Go on. Say it.”

“What?” I asked.

“Say it, say what you want.”

“I want to cum” I said, very quietly.

Despite the issues with her back I swear she arched, stretching like a cat. It was incredible, a flush came over her face.

“Kneel by my side of the bed and masturbate. I want to see you cum.”

To say I didn’t wait would be an understatement. I was out of my side of the bed as fast as I could, she unlocked me and I rushed into her bathroom to wash. I grabbed a towel to kneel on, got some lube and started to masturbate.

I couldn’t believe how hard I got. I also couldn’t believe how out of practice I was, or how sensitive. The sensations were incredible but I could tell this wasn’t going to be over quickly, despite how turned on and sensitive I was.

Elle lay watching me, encouraging me, telling me to cum. The build up to my orgasm was long and slow and, when it hit, shattering. I had been kneeling with my legs as far apart as I could get them and remain comfortable. I couldn’t stay like this during and after the orgasm and collapsed on the floor in front of her.

Then she said something else I wasn’t expecting.

“I am so turned on right now!”

Wow. How many men get to masturbate in front of their wife, and how many wives get turned on by watching their husband masturbate? This was all done with the lights in the room fully on, me completely naked and Elle covered by her quilt. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was doing. Masturbating was something I had grown up doing in private, not on display, not being watched closely.

It was an incredible way to finish the year. 10 orgasms in two years. Prior to chastity I would have had something more like 240 in the same time. Elle laughed when I told her that.

“I was thinking something around 200” she said, “so I wasn’t far off. Well, not any more.”

I love the way she giggles when she says stuff like that. It makes my knees weak.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I don’t talk about my modifications too much as it isn’t really relevant to my journal, but it is at the core of what Elle and I are doing.

It’s an obsession, Mistress. It can be overwhelming at times. I think the adrenaline rush I had during the process was addictive, and the visual aspect of the modification is so outrageous let alone the way it feels that I can find myself lost in dreams of carrying on the process. My penis really doesn’t look like the way the vast majority of men’s do.

The thing that stops me is the knowledge of how the mod makes Elle feel. It is however a very finely balanced control. If she was ever not part of my life, for whatever reason, I very much doubt I would be able to control myself any more.

We do talk about it occasionally but I do not think she fully realizes how much this is still in my head. I am waiting for the right time to talk to her about this, I need to be fully honest with her. She knows I have had dreams where she has instigated all sorts of weird modifications on my body, but I haven't told her all of them. I don’t know where this all stems from and I realise that it isn’t showing any signs of stopping, so I need help to get it into perspective and into a place where it becomes part of the control she has over me.

 

I just had a mad weekend, spending three days in my car, three different countries, two ferries and the least healthy diet possible. It was so good to get home Sunday evening and to find Elle happy to see me. As it was still light we took our dog for a walk so he could have a run around and I could stretch my legs. I also took the opportunity to ask for permission to talk to Elle about some issues which she granted.

I started by apologising for an off the cuff flippant remark I had made before my travels. We were in Elle's bathroom getting ready for bed when she bent over and cleaned the drain in her shower. Elle's back has been causing her a lot of pain so I was a bit surprised she didn't ask me to do it, and anyway that sort of job should be mine anyway. The thing is Elle has always been a get on with it woman. If a job needs doing she will do it. So, without thinking, I just remarked that she wasn't very good at this dominant thing.

I regretted my comment immediately but didn't get an opportunity to apologise. I had made a comment like this a good while back and she had got quite upset with me. We haven't been doing this long and I don't want to undermine her growing confidence. I did say to her that I would have expected her to tell me to clean something like that, even more so given her back problems.

The second thing we discussed was my genital modification obsession. She was pleased that I had brought this to her attention but disappointed that it was still part of my thoughts. I was correct in my assumption that if I was to do anything about the obsession she would get very upset, so much so that it could definitely destroy this growing closeness my chastity has helped nurture.

Elle asked me how she could help. I said that just listing was a good start, especially as she hadn't got upset with me. I assured her that if I was desire smuggling it was more towards her exerting more control than it would have been to allow me to make any modifications. By giving her the information I had effectively started a process much akin to alcoholics anonymous. I have a problem, I have admitted it. I also told her I had taken another step towards controlling my feelings by removing the temptation and deleting my account on the forum I was part of. The next thing to do is to unfollow any of the Tumblr's that do the same thing.

It was good to be able to talk. It is my experience that without honesty and communication this lifestyle is pretty much impossible.

 

I read many posts from members of the mansion who describe how they are expected to worship their partners by providing them with multiple orgasms a day, how they are pegged regularly, how they are edged constantly and others of a similar type. This is not my experience.

Elle is a woman who has definite sexual needs, she just doesn't need them every day. Her usual pattern is a few intimate sessions a week leading to one, maybe two orgasms. These are more regularly at the weekend when she doesn't have work the next day. Occasionally she will get into the mood for something sexual during the week, but this is rare.

If we are travelling, visiting friends and family, even if we are on holiday, she can almost be guaranteed not to be interested in anything sexual happening at all. We had a weeks ski holiday in December, a trip to visit family in the UK, a bad cold she caught at the start of the month and her back pain that started over Christmas, plus all the usual Christmas organising. This led to a surprising thing happening. I had more orgasms than she did. I had one, she didn't have any.

Last year was not a good year for her sexually, at least not in terms of what she wants to happen. A highly stressful period that lasted throughout the year until it was resolved at the end of August had a huge impact on us. We had started picking ourselves up and getting back into a flow when her illness and everything else hit. So when she told me to masturbate in front of her and allowed me to have an orgasm, that was my one of the month to her none.

It was so nice for this barren period to be brought to an end last night. At last, at long last, I was allowed to wash her in the shower, massage her then help her have an orgasm with my oral skills. A slow, gentle build up to a strong, much needed release for both of us. Her orgasms are after all also my orgasms.

 

Elle dropped a bombshell on me last night. I had been unlocked from my Holy Trainer for a few days to give some sores I had developed over Christmas and new year a chance to heal, an occasional side effect of the enclosing nature of the HTv2 device. She inspected my penis, decided that everything had cleared up nicely and it was time for me to lock up again. I had quite enjoyed my freedom but I now wear the device because she wants me to, rather than because I want me to, so I did as I was told, applied some Vaseline to help with getting it on, and slid the ring into place. The only problem was the demonstration of her dominance had its usual effect and I couldn't slide the tube over my penis, so she told me to read to her while I waited for it all to settle down.

After I had managed to encase myself properly she inserted the lock and turned the key then she announced, completely out of the blue, that I was going to be locked up for a very long time. The look on my face must have been quite a picture as she assured me that I would be allowed out to clean myself, but that I would be locked up again straight away.

It is very unusual for Elle to say things like this. Her usual approach is for her to know and for me to wonder how long I am to be denied. I still like to ask even though I know what the answer is usually going to be, so it was a surprise when she said that she was thinking about my Birthday being when I might next be allowed an orgasm. That is over five months away.

I don't know why this sort of thing turns her on so much, but she quickly developed her arousal flush, and then sent me to my bed.

 

Its the weekend! Weekends are fun. Weekends are when Elle lets herself relax and have fun, far more regularly than during the week. This weekend has been no different, and it isn't over yet.

It started Friday night with her usual 'request' for a mix of starting the night just spending some time together, going on to doing something intimate but non sexual and finishing off with a really nice massage taken all the way to an orgasm.

I suppose the issue with a journal kept as long as I have is the issue of repeating yourself. Nothing that happened Friday night hasn't already happened before, but that didn't detract from our experience of it.

It started downstairs, watching a few episodes of Netflix's Dirk Gently Holistic Detective Agency. I have seen series 1 before but Elle hadn't, so we are watching that before moving on the series 2. I love it, it really suits my sense of humour. It is also far more brutal than the old attempt to make it into a TV program. Douglas Adams is one of my favourite authors and while this is based on his characters rather than direct attempts to do versions of the books, it is brilliant.

Moving upstairs I got Elle to wash her feet and she lay on the bed while I removed the nail varnish from her toenails. Experience has taught me to remove the varnish one evening, give Elle a pedicure the next, along with an application of undercoat, followed by a reapplication of the varnish and a top coat on the third night. It spreads the intimacy across three nights and makes other things possible as well, otherwise it takes ages and Elle gets bored!

Then I was told we were going to have a shower with the now normal for us process of Elle going in first, me following her once she has washed so I can wash her back and bottom, she tells me to turn around so I can have my back and bottom washed followed by whatever stimulation she deems fun until I am on the verge of collapse. I get my first submissive hit from the fact that I have to ask permission to wash her bottom, she just gives me an indication to swivel so my back is to her and does what she likes for as long as she likes. She also likes to press her body against me when she allows me to turn back to face her, to feel how my device is being pushed away from my body.

After this we move to her bed where with her direction I gave her a full body massage. I was instructed that I wasn't going to lick her bottom but I was to use massage oil instead. She thoroughly enjoys the sensations both activities give but this time I wasn't allowed to lick or to insert anything either. It had the same effect though, once she was fully aroused she turned onto her front and instructed me to lick her pussy. I took my time and enjoyed this opportunity fully, and she had her second orgasm of the year.

When she had calmed down I felt a bit bold and asked her if she would do something for me. I am keen to demonstrate to her some of the things she can do to make me aroused, tease me and have fun with my submissiveness. I asked her if she would coat her fingers in some of her pussy juices and push her fingers into my mouth, make me lick and suck them. She smiled and immediately did it. The thing is Elle thoroughly enjoys doing that sort of thing but it rarely occurs to her that it is an idea. I was careful to word my request as exactly that, a request, not a demand.

I would probably feel a lot more submissive if she just did it on the spur of the moment, but I still loved that she agreed and did it, and obviously enjoyed herself doing it.

 

Living with Elle is a busy existence. Saturday saw all sorts of admin getting done, a trip into town, application for a new passport, tidying up, cooking, all the usual sort of stuff you need to get done to be able to have a successful life. The thing is Elle will not relax unless the work is done, so there is absolutely no point in procrastinating. Also there is a very good chance that if I get on with all of my tasks and find some extra jobs she hasn't told me to as well, that she will become strangely aroused by all of this and much more likely to indulge herself and me in some funtime. I will always remember the times we have come in from the garden having done some heavy duty work tidying the garden and Elle has had a glint in her eye and informed me that as we are so dirty we obviously need a shower, hint, hint.

During our fun on Friday evening Elle had announced that I was going to be given the task of deciding what we would do sexually (or intimately) Saturday night, with the obvious provision that I wasn't to have an orgasm. It is strange how fast I came up with a plan, it took me longer to work out where the plan came from than to work out what I wanted to do.

Recent experiences, conversations, books and podcasts have helped me realise that Elle always has more fun when she is in the mood for whatever activity it is we get up to. This doesn't mean she doesn't have fun when I take over, it just isn't quite as good, and when she is constantly providing me with top ten sexual experiences of my life, ever, it does put the pressure on for me to reciprocate.

The best example of this was last time she allowed me to choose what we did I gave her a Yoni massage. This is her favourite way to have an orgasm, but I learnt that it is very important that she is completely in the mood to have one. Although she enjoyed the massage it wasn't as intense an experience for her as when she chooses to have one, and as a result not as intense for me.

So, as Elle's toenail varnish undercoat dried, I laid out my plan. I wanted her to choose what to do. No, hang on, this isn't a cop out, let me explain. I am going to masturbate but you are not going to let me cum. I am going to get myself as close as I can and then stop. If you think I am getting too close, then you must tell me to stop, otherwise I have to make sure I do not go too far. While I am doing this you decide what you are going to do with any of these selection of items from our sex toy kit.

I had laid out for her the wand massager, some condoms, nipple clamps, lube, a paddle and a flogger, butt plugs and an anal massager. I explained that rather than me tell her which to use it was completely up to her, as I wanted her to use the ones that turned her on the most. This would help me understand more about her through her choices. This seemed to go down very well because she immediately took over and demanded I lay on my front on her bed. She gave me a back, leg and bottom massage where she used her skills developed in the shower to get me really aroused.

I was then surprised to hear the wand massager being turned on, then thrilled to feel it being pressed first against my bottom, then she pressed it against my testicles. While this wasn't going to get me to an orgasm it was an experience I would love to have again. It was really nice when she ran the massager up my back and down along my sides. She followed this with a sudden change to the flogger, the change

Elle then stood above me and commanded me to turn over and masturbate while I lay on the bed. She handed me the lube and smiled as I started. It must have been about 30 seconds before I realised I already had to stop. Elle got onto the bed and sat next to me, caressing my chest while I calmed, before allowing me to start masturbating a second time. I had put on penis rings and they had really done the trick, my penis was ridiculously hard.

After the third time of bringing myself close to orgasm, Elle applied the nipple clamps to me. That was so intense I very nearly came from the brief stab of pain as they were tightened, followed by several seconds of deep breathing to calm myself down while the ache they induced equalised. During my fourth attempt to get close to orgasm Elle kissed me, ramming her tongue deep inside my mouth. I think she was enjoying herself!

The only thing I wish she had done would have been to tell me how fast to go and when to stop, which had been part of my description of my idea. But, as usual, Elle had taken one of my ideas and added her own twist to it, and made it way, way better. Another example of it is good to have a fantasy, but way better to live it.

 

After we finished playing on Saturday night Elle decided that she was going to let me stay unlocked, a mark of how much she trusts me. After cuddling and talking about our evening she sent me to bed and apparently had an excellent nights sleep. It took me a while to go to sleep. I cannot imagine why!

After another busy day on Sunday I asked Elle if we could go upstairs so I could finish her toenails. I still needed to apply the varnish and then the topcoat and wanted to have plenty of time to let them dry. When we got upstairs Elle got herself ready and laid on her back diagonally across her bed, completely nude. I quickly removed my clothes and knelt at her feet. I was applying the varnish when I realised we were both being very quiet, so I asked her if she wanted her iPad. She thought for a moment and then agreed that yes, spending some time on social media while I was busy would be a good thing.

After I completed her varnish and topcoat something strange happened, something that reinforces the depths of the feelings I have for what we are doing, After I finished my work Elle was still reading her iPad. I knelt by the side of her bed with her feet right in front of me. Time passed. Elle carried on reading. More time passed. I could see her right breast, pressed against her side with her arm raised as she accessed new posts. More time passed. I could see her legs. More time passed.

Suddenly I realised what had happened. Elle had left me kneeling by her feet. at least ten minutes had gone by before she looked at me, then she went back to her iPad. That was it, my arousal levels surged. My uncaged penis became engorged and I had a strong, almost uncomfortable, erection. Elle demonstrates her dominance in very subtle ways but the fact that she does really affects me.

This was another one of those moments which really make me think about what we are doing. Just like the time she paddled my penis for being naughty and I got an erection, being made to kneel at my Wife's feet shouldn't make me aroused, should it? But it did. When she finally motioned for me to join her on the bed for a cuddle I could barely talk. She giggled when she saw what had happened to me, and gave me a big kiss and told me I was a very good boy.

Talking of which, she said, time to get locked up again. Off you go, get your device and put it back on.

Yes Miss.

 

I read to Elle almost every night. The book I read doesn't particularly matter, it is almost insignificant in comparison to the closeness this activity brings us. When we were looking for things to increase our intimacy in ways other than the sexual, reading to her quickly became one of Elle's favourites.

The book I am currently reading is a romantic novel that I wouldn't normally have read in a million years. I find the premise preposterous and the characters annoying. I am really enjoying reading it to Elle. The chapter I read last night was one of the best sex scenes I have ever read and the fact that I read it with Elle lying naked next to me, caressing my back, sides and neck increased the arousal I was feeling exponentially.

When we finished the chapter I was a quivering wreck. Elle took me in her arms and held me close while I lay, desperate to let her know how much I wanted her but also knowing that is against her rules. I actually admitted to her that the hardest thing I have given up is the right to be able to suggest we do something together. This is far harder than giving up orgasms.

I asked her how was she able to just lie there, not be so aroused that she needed to do something about it? Because I can, she said. How can that chapter not have aroused you, I asked? Oh, I wouldn't say that. In fact I am thinking of letting you out at the weekend so we can have sex!

Stunned silence.

But you said I was going to be locked up for a long time. Yes, she agreed, but I am in charge so I can change my mind when I want to.

Elle asked me if I had ordered the delay spray as our last can had run out. Unfortunately due to how busy we have been recently I hadn't been able to. so we went onto Lovehoney and ordered a new one. Hopefully it will reach us before next weekend, there is no chance of having any this week.

 

This has been a very good weekend. Elle has been very playful, enjoying my company and indulging herself in some quality intimate times with me. As always though this relationship is more than just the times we spend together in intimate embraces, it is all about the whole, the time spent out walking together, going into the local town to get the weekly shopping, tidying up the kitchen, eating and everything else we do as a couple.

Friday evening Elle had a shower with me and afterwards lay on her bed and let me massage her, then I was allowed to worship her orally to a delightful orgasm. Oh god, I worship her ass and pussy so much now! I enjoyed giving her oral attention before but now it has become an absolute treat.

I read a thread recently about how a Domme/mistress should control her sub's access to female nudity, including her own at all times. Elle doesn't do this. She is very happy to let me see her naked, not least because she enjoys the effect this has on me. She also doesn't control my access to pornography, but in truth she doesn't have to. Since we have become an FLR based around my chastity I have no real use for porn. I watched some after reading the thread about nudity control and it literally had no effect on me. I watched, bemused, wondering why I had ever found such fake sex interesting or arousing.

Within our FLR there are different levels of requirements. Some of them Elle has demanded I follow, such as calling my penis a penis, not a cock, or dick, or anything like that, and the Saturday rule, where I am only allowed to discuss this stuff with heron a Saturday. Some of the requirements though I set myself, and these were to do with me showing respect and obedience to Elle. They come from the same place which led me to tell her why I needed her to truly be in charge of our relationship, that ultimately led her to taking that control and taking us down the FLR route of her choosing. Essentially if she has the right to deny my orgasm, then she has the right to do a whole lot more. She has to be truly in charge, not just of my orgasms, but of me.

These signs of showing respect are simple things but she has told me that she likes them, a lot. They include not getting into her bed without her direct permission, not getting into the shower cubicle when we are going to have a shower together until she lets me, asking permission to clean her bottom and never, ever touching her pussy without her absolute permission. Even if I am giving her a Yoni massage, where she has told me that is what she wants, when I get to the point of introducing my finger into her smooth interior I will inform her of what I am about to do and ask permission to continue.

And that is exactly what I did Saturday evening. First I ran a bath for her, dropping in some scented rose petals. During her bath we talked about our relationship and what she was enjoying about this lifestyle. She talked about how she is starting to think more often about telling me to do things where before her default was if something needed doing she just got on with it. Just as I have been through transitions this is hers. I have no doubt that if I am still writing ina few years time that by then she will no longer have to think about it, it will have become normal.

After her bath we moved to her bedroom where I had the absolute honor of giving her a Yoni Massage. I got to witness the incredible build up to her orgasm, to see her body arch, her breasts to swell, her love flush to cross her neck and the best thing, to feel her Yoni clamp around my finger and feel the pulses of muscle ripples during the crescendo.

What could be better than that? There is nothing more incredible in a sexual relationship than a truly amazing orgasm for a partner is given without any thought in either participants mind about the need for reciprocation.

 

Elle touched my penis last night. More than that, she made me lie in my back, wouldn’t let me cover it up, wouldn’t let me hide the modification that has drastically changed the way it looks. Then she massaged my chest and played with my nipples before, for the first time in over two years, she massaged my penis, rubbed lube all over it before climbing on top of me and sliding me inside her.

We have made love in those two years, but she has hardly touched my penis in that time and hasn’t ever done something so definite as rubbing it all over. In fact I never expected her to touch it ever again and it blows my mind that she did.

I have jumped ahead of myself with this update, but that momentous event was foremost in my mind when I woke up this morning. I need to back up a bit though and talk about another thing that happened this week first.

 

Several weeks ago I ran out of numbing spray and, due to traveling and Christmas and New Year and all that stuff, didn’t get around to ordering any replacement. Whenever Elle and I make love we use the spray. If she wants to thoroughly deny me then I have to cover my penis with a very good spray, if she wants to let me have a chance then I cut back in the amount of sprays and if she wants me to cum then only a few sprays lets me last long enough to let her enjoy herself too.

Unfortunately Amazon has no suppliers who currently have the spray we used, Stud100. I had always been skeptical of the abilities of these numbing sprays so when this particular one proved to be fast acting and capable of completely numbing my penis I really wanted to get it again. We decided to try a spray from Lovehoney instead, Tauro extra strong delay spray for men.

It arrived midweek, along with some new penis rings. As I am not going to be able to feel anything it is important to wear penis rings to keep myself erect, but the rings I had were too tight, so a stretchy set were ordered. I asked Elle if I could try the spray out, just on my penis, not in action (I’m not allowed to ask for that) and she agreed.

My first impressions are Stud100 is better for us, though Tauro does work. It takes longer to have an effect, 30 minutes as opposed to 10, and you have to wash it off. It is difficult to explain what is different but the numbing doesn’t feel the same. Stud100 can completely numb the penis, Tauro on the other hand makes it less sensitive. It is still there, I can feel it being touched and feel it moving.

That said it lasts longer, but we aren’t the sort who make love multiple times for hours. Also Tauro costs at least double the amount Stud100 does so i am going to look for an alternative online source and buy some more.

At one point I was kneeling in front of Elle and she pressed my glans to see if I could feel her touch. I was so shocked that she touched it that I really didn’t know, so I just mumbled not really. She touched my penis!

 

What a week. I don't know what has got into Elle but... well, she has changed.

She has started touching my penis. A lot. Last weekend it was just a few times, purposefully, not by accident, and she was showing that she was enjoying my reaction. This weekend it was a lot, and again she was really enjoying the reaction. At one point she even ran her thumb over my split in my glans which utterly shocked me. This is a substantial change in attitude as for two years after I did my modification she would hardly look at it, let alone touch it.

Saturday night last week she told me to numb my penis and make love to her. The spray worked ok but having to wait half an hour for it to work wasn't easy. I used my new penis rings to help keep me erect and it was as always an amazing experience. She even told me that if I was able to I could cum, but I had been quite liberal with the spray and didn't really get close.

And then, this Saturday, she repeated the demand that I numb and make love! I honestly cannot remember the last time we made love in consecutive weeks. In fact in the two years we have been establishing my chastity we probably only made love a handful of times, so to do it twice on consecutive Saturday nights was incredible.

This time I had an idea and sprayed myself before getting in the shower. Yes, the spray would be washed off but maybe some of the numbing effect would take hold and get me to the point of being able to do her bidding easier. Then, after the shower, I also slipped a condom on over my penis after I had sprayed my glans a few times on top and underneath, and my shaft once on each side. I wore it partially to see if it made any difference to the numbing effect (it did, a big difference, I will always do this from now on) but also to stop me getting any of the spray on her while I gave her a massage.

After I gave her a good back massage I started to lick her bottom as she had instructed me to. I then took the condom off when she had had enough of the attention and spread some lube onto my penis. I could feel my penis in my fingers, but my penis couldn't feel my fingers. It was a very strange feeling. Elle had to let me know that I had managed to slide in as I couldn't tell.

Elle again told me that if I was able I could cum and, oh my, I got so close. If she hadn't pushed me out with the force of her orgasm I am pretty sure that I would have managed to have an orgasm. It would have probably been a strange almost ruined one, I have had a numbed penis orgasm before and it was a very strange experience.

 

Another week passes. Another orgasm for Elle with none for me, not even a chance of one so far this weekend. What I have received is some very intense, but short, teasing. I have been unlocked since Wednesday after developing problems with my Chinese metal cage, the ring is just too tight and I need to order the next ring size up. Elle had put me in that device after I had several weeks of problems with my Holy Trainer causing sore itchy patches on my penis. The first day I wore the metal device was absolutely fone. The second it started to get uncomfortable. On the third day I just couldn't concentrate on anything as the level of uncomfortableness was so bad. Elle had given me permission to remove the device if I needed to but I still Skyped her and let her know what I had done.

Thursday night Elle had me in the shower and had got me really worked up with her usual stroking of my bottom and my balls while she washed me. She had then rubbed her wet soapy body up and down my erect penis while grinning at me. When she stopped and made to get out of the shower cubicle I whimpered and said that I couldn't touch my penis to wash it, as I was so close to cumming. What, she said, like this? She grabbed my penis and gave it several strokes, taking me right up to the edge, laughing at the shocked expression on my face.

When I managed to finish the job of washing myself and got out of the shower Elle grabbed hold of my penis, still erect, and started to dry it with a towel. Well, that as what she was saying she was doing, as she stroked it up and down again, looking directly into my eyes as she did it.

Elle let me give her a massage, paying special attention to her bottom but with no request for or permission to give her an orgasm. I honestly don't know how she does it, how she can get so aroused but not want to go to the logical conclusion.

On Friday evening we had washed and got ready for bed when she instructed me to sit on the bed next to her. Don't look so scared, she said, Im not going to bite!

I sat down as instructed and Elle inspected my penis. She asked how I was after the removal of my Chinese device and as she did so fondled my balls. Taking a big gulp of air I told her that there was a patch of dry skin on my penis and my balls were still a little tender but otherwise I was fine. Elle reached over to the bedside cabinet and picked up a bottle of body lotion. She told me that as she needed to look after her penis she should give it a massage to make sure the skin was healthy!

I was so surprised that I couldn't relax. I am sitting, my back against the head board of the bed, my legs straight in front of me. My penis is in Elle's hands and is rapidly stiffening. I look down and she starts to stroke me, something she hasn't done out of the shower in over two years. My modified glans is clearly separating each time she strokes downwards and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it or hide it. But the only emotion Elle shows is pleasure, one hand stroking my penis while the other massages my balls.

When she finished she again laughed at me and told me that she thought I had enjoyed the attention. She giggled when I said that I didn't know what had given her that idea!

And that was it, that is her method of keeping me going. A bit here, a bit there. Hardly a day goes past without something, a tweak of my nipples, a stroke of my bottom and these days a growing trend of my penis being touched some way.

 

7 orgasms for Elle this year so far. An average of exactly one per week. Not many, you might think, surely a woman should have an orgasm every day, or at least several a week, as often as she wants. The point is those seven orgasms are exactly the amount that Elle wants. At no point this year has she ever wanted an orgasm and not had one. The fact that she has had one every weekend is a definite development. Obviously I wish she would want more but I cannot and would not complain about what she does want, demand and receive.

I am pretty sure that I have written about even this low amount of orgasms in comparison to many Mansion stories I read is still a huge increase in what she ever had before. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that she has had years in our marriage with that many orgasms, if not less.

What was interesting last night is that she talked about how now she is having more regular orgasms she is better able to differentiate between them, able to tell what was a good, strong orgasm and how to achieve them. She certainly takes more control of the situation when I give her an orgasm orally like I did last night.

What was also very noticeable last night was she very, so very nearly had an orgasm from me licking her bottom alone. This is a first, usually this isn't enough stimulation for anything more than extreme arousal. The difference last night was I placed a pillow under her tummy, raising her bottom up and giving me a better level of access. That is something to remember for future use, it was amazing how close I got her.

 

Things have been tough recently. My life was turned upside down just over two years ago with a matter out of my control, one that I have alluded to several times in my Journal. Although I have what I would consider an amazing life I have been feeling really detached, almost zombie like, for a very long time. Money truly cannot bring you happiness. I live in a great house, drive a ridiculously good car, don't have to work unless I want to and have a very simple, easy life. So why do I feel so bad?

The one thing keeping me going has been the deepening relationship with my Wife and her use of chastity, plus our exploration of our FLR. It is strange to admit it but Chastity has given me something to focus on, pleasing her being the goal that influences and informs everything I do.

We had an absolutely huge argument Friday night. I had been telling her how I felt throughout the week and despite my assurances that it had nothing to do with her she had taken it personally. It boiled down to the fact that she was in a bad mood because I was so unhappy, which made me even more unhappy. In the end I snapped and just started yelling at her. My issue had been I had asked her for advice, she had told me to do something, I had done it and then she had got upset with me for doing it. When it happened it was like a huge weight had landed on me, crushing me into the ground. It took me a few days to work out what the problem was. I had lost trust in her.

The thing that is different now to how things were before was in the speed with which we got over the argument and managed to bring me back up out of my angry, depressed state. Once Elle understood what my problem was she apologised and has made sure that she is very clear with her instructions since. She also explained that she had been in a bad mood because I had been snapping at her all week. Once I had explained my issues it al became clear what the issue was and we were able to move on.

Before it would have taken days for us to get over it, with me sulking and Elle not willing to make the first move towards peace. Almost immediately after I had got my problems aired I also apologised for the shouting and explained that I had not been able to control myself.

On Sunday evening the difference was made evident when Elle thanked me for a fantastic day. We had spent the entire day just being together, doing things, nothing to do with chastity or the FLR, just as a Husband and Wife. She rewarded me with a teasing shower, the opportunity to give her a massage followed by some oral worship.

I have agreed to try to sort out some counselling for my issues. I am not sure if that would help but I am willing to try. I do not want to take anything for depression, I do not want what we are doing to be affected by chemical influences. I think I would have to be a lot worse before I agreed to being prescribed anti-depressants.