I thought I'd write a journal so others can share my excitement/pain. It won't involve any whips or chains, no cuckholding or wifeswapping, no pegging or sissification, no best friends measuring my D or humiliation. I think it will be boring by comparison to other people’s sex lives. 80 days ago I had an orgasm, the previous one was 91 days before that. I don’t recall that one, and the memory of the one 80 days ago has faded. I’m very horny, and when I mention it she tells me that being horny is my new normal. I’m okay with that as I like being horny. She loves denying me, and I love her denying me too. She also loves being denied so it’s about 60 days since she had an orgasm. We’re like teenagers again, can’t stop looking at each other and touching. She only orgasms with me, since I have magic fingers, the right touch, and the right hip movements. We have tried toys but they are rubbish and lack intimacy. This morning, as we do most mornings, I made us a coffee with our his-and-her mocka pots and fresh ground coffee. After coffee and news, we snuggled. She grabbed my balls while I gently massaged her puss with my magic fingers, both of us getting energised by the other. We talk about hot and cold arousal, and how neither of us can handle much hot arousal since we are both so damn horny for the other. She says she doesn’t want me to have another orgasm ever, I say the next orgasm she will have will be when we’re making love and I also cum. She giggles at that idea, but the longer she goes without an orgasm the more chance of me having one. It’s a bit of a paradox. I don't really want to orgasm again, and I do want her to, but she loves being horny and love teasing her to the point that she gets grumpy, and I can tell her that her horny level right now is nothing. Before we get out of bed to start our day she holds my balls and caged cock, and reminds me how much she loves it, and how she is not going to let me out until next year. I jump out of bed, say that’s enough fun times, and I start getting dressed. She laughs and says how much she enjoys my reactions. Day 80. Very horny.
100 days since I last had an orgasm, or an ejaculation. No ruins or milkings, there is no need. My GF is very strict about it. Zero orgasms or ejaculations. I’m totally fine with it, even though I am off the charts horny. Going from something like 5-10 orgasms a week, down to zero, is very difficult, but as others have said, it’s worth it. The constant buzz of arousal is both maddening and delicous. She sends me memes most days, and we fool around every morning and every evening, unless something gets in the way of course, and often we are like teenagers, constantly touching one another, a quick grope here and there. It’s also been 54 days since she used the key. She says she wants to do six months, which no unlocks until November. Six months without a release, six months without an erection. I think I can handle it. She did want to do a full year, and she might yet change her mind, but at the moment it’s six months. I suspect she will change her mind, and I also kind of hope she does, and hope she doesn’t - I’m sure many here can understand that. I am mindbendingly horny and hugely distracted by it, but I am slowly seeing my productivity increase. I have to do something to distract myself otherwise I’ll spend the entire time scrolling through tumblr. She is constantly on my mind and sometimes it’s all I can do to have a few minutes peace. Her short and floaty summer dresses don’t help. I feel like a growing desire to build things. Sometime in the autumn we’ll start work on an outside kitchen area, a composting toilet, a shower, and general land tidying up, as well as building some large compost heap areas to build compost for the Spring, so I’ll have plenty to keep me occupied, but at the moment there is little to do aside weeding, harvesting, and processing, but they don’t occupy me enough. My GF also hasn’t had an orgasm in a long time, despite us fooling around and me taking her to the edge practically daily. She says she is experiencing new feelings when I expertly take her to the edge. I’m not denying her an orgasm, I am helping her to experience intense horniness. Sometimes it makes her grumpy but mostly she is exploring sexual energy as I am. It’s a test of self control and inner strength. Being so horny and being teased so much, and yet still needing to do work and survive as adult humans often requires zen like focus. I could cum in the cage, but I when I have done in the past I hated it, with a capital H. Plus, I don’t want to ruin things. I complain about being horny whilst not-so-secretly hoping she doesn’t give in. I don’t think she will. She says that when the long lock is done she is going to restrain me to our bed, take the cage off and tease me until my mind melts out of my ears, and she says she is going to do it every day she can. She says she is going to do her best to never let me cum. I can’t see how that will work since I think if she took the cage off and breathed on me I’d cum in a heartbeat. But that is some time away yet, around 4 months until November, assuming she will think I am “ready” by then. I wish I had discovered chastity in my 20s. Day 100 Very horny.
Technically she isn't being denied, she is choosing not to orgasm. We both believe that there is something far better than orgasm, and that orgasm is the barrier to finding out what it is. So that's what we are doing. Anyone that doesn't orgasm for a while, who would normally and isn't just being celibate, will apreciate the lasting and constant feeling of horniness, or the tingles and shudders of pure pleasure that suddenly arise too. Think more Taoist or Karezza, where orgasm is not an option any more. We chatted yesterday morning about whether either of us wanted an orgasm and we both agreed that we didn't, since the feeling we had was yummy and that we had come to far to quit now.
kudos to you both - an exciting & intimate experiment. it's not for us, but I'm enjoying reading & thanks for sharing.
Specifically she tells me to be careful. But that is rare since I know her well and can tell from her breathing, tensing, little noises, movements, etc. that she is getting close. The only time she tells me to be careful is if I am careless or also getting lost in the moment. The aim is to stay in the cool side of arousal, rather than racing towards the hot side.
What are your thoughts about playing on the "hot side"? I do enjoy that, too. Not so far over to go over the edge, but bouncing right against it. Two paths: cool side - good breathing rhythm, relax pelvic and stomach muscles. My wife knows when I am in this zone or leave it towards hot side. She leans towards this as it's more meditative and relaxing. When I relax into it, I can go almost indefinitely and build up full body energy. This is likely the path to full body orgasms, but I haven't fully figured it out yet (or maybe I have). hot side - clenching muscles, hold or tensing breath...usual steps towards orgasm. But balance it with getting close, then relaxing muscles and breathing deeper. I'm on day 114, last orgasm was March 6th. My wife keeps pushing the possibility back (no specific date or expectation set) and I am totally fine with it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose it and explode. Or intensely frustrated and need stimulation. Then sometimes get it...which feels great but makes the desperation stronger (note I say stronger, not bad). Being intensely horny is a wonderful place to be for long durations. Craving orgasm but not getting it is incredible fun. I've been working on mastering and controlling my sexual energy for several years now and have learned many of the levers to play in the space. Bring my energy up, cool, warm or hot, then relax back through it. My wife on the other hand is working on relaxing into pleasure, learning her body and how to not clench into orgasm. And instead let it flow. I wonder once she achieves the level of letting go that she wants, whether she will want more or fewer orgasms. We're also exploring where to take and use that sexual energy. Combined with meditation, manifesting, other mindset and lifestyle changes, what the potential is for remaking our lives. It's fun to find new things around corners. There's a mix of playing with erotic energy, sensuality, sex and kink. We're exploring our desires, their origins, how to fulfill them and evolve. Fun path to be on!
We're just not doing that ATM. We did, last year. She enjoys restraining me and edging me, and she is something of an expert at it, but at the moment she wants a long time without me ejaculating. She also doesn't want to stray too close herself, as she is really enjoying the sensations right now. So for now, it's all slow, gentle and cool, with lots of relaxing into it - it's definitely closer to meditation than it is to good hard fucking In a couple of months everything could be very different.
The cage has been off for three days, and it’s now 126 days since I last had an orgasm. Last Thursday evening, we chatted about how I had been feeling, and the result was that the cage came off. It had been 77 days since the key was last used, and even then, it had only been used to swap to a new cage and to let me have an erection, and that was after around 45 days of continuously locked. I had lost enthusiasm for everything. I was miserable. Nothing tasted good, nothing felt good, nothing I was doing seemed like it had any value or purpose. I was in a bad way. Not feeling sorry for myself, just feeling extremely apathetic. We’re in the process of buying something big, and there has been a lull in activity after months of excitedly searching for what we wanted. For a couple of weeks, we’d chalked my feelings up to the fact that nothing appeared to be moving forward, even though they were and that lawyers were actively doing their lawyer things. But I was experiencing something new. Beer was in the fridge instead of me, cakes she made didn’t get eaten despite them being my favourite, and all of the colour and flavour of the universe seemed like it had just disappeared. She had told me the cage would stay on until I accepted her control, and I was okay with that. I wanted her control and accepting it made sense to me, despite my internal battles. However, Thursday morning, I joked that I might order a new lock, break the old one, and insert the new one and when she did come to use the key, it wouldn’t work “because the lock must have corroded” and all would be good. But I wasn’t really joking, and I was seriously considering it. I was definitely feeling something odd. On top of the above, I felt stressed and anxious, almost depressed. I didn’t feel depressive symptoms, but I couldn’t really put a finger on what exactly I was feeling. I didn’t even feel like I wanted the cage off, either. I felt empty. I didn’t care. We chatted after dinner about how I was feeling, and I said was feeling very out of sync and that I felt unhealthy and stressed, we discussed it for 30 mins or so, very sensibly, and she asked if I thought the cage was causing or adding to the feeling. I thought about it carefully, and I said yes. She decided the cage had to come off, and within a minute, it was. No safe words, no teasing me, just a very sensible adult conversation, and it was done. It was the right decision. I barely slept. My heart was pounding in my chest and in my ears. I suspect the addition of chastity on top of my other life stresses and the impending and exciting big purchase was just grinding me down and making me feel very unhealthy. The last few days have been very different. I have been motivated and feel alive. I still haven’t had an orgasm or ejaculation, but we haven’t really fooled around either since my D is very “achy” when I get hard. I had the same when I was previously continuously locked for months. I guess, after such a long time continuously locked, it’s one of the burning questions we all have. Yes, my D is totally fine. I’ve lost 2cm but from past experience of being locked for 4 months and then free-range it comes back. The next morning we snuggled, and my D got so hard it ached. I am too sensitive to play with yet but since she is all over me like a teenager, I don’t think she will be able to wait much longer. I still don’t want to orgasm, and I have no desire to masturbate. Of course, it’s early days, but I really do want to continue without having an orgasm, and with my beautiful and sexy GF around, why would I want to masturbate? Our chastity journey isn’t over. She still wants to do a long lock, of at least 6 months, and I think I do too. When we complete this large purchase, that seems to be dragging on and on, then we’ll be busy with new things such that chastity will likely fit right in and will add to our fun. She loves knowing I can’t get hard for anyone else and loves denying me access to my D, but she is patient, and we have a lot of time ahead, so there is no rush (I hope, haha). This morning, whilst getting ready for the day, she said she liked seeing me without the cage on. I said something like, “Maybe we should put it on ebay”, she looked at me sternly and said we aren’t done with it, that we still need it to do a proper long lock. Day 126 Very horny.
I forgot to mention...When I previously did 4 months without release the first few times I masturbated or was played with, I got edema on my D. This time is no different. I suspect it's just a result of lack of use and then suddenly getting lots of attention, or the sudden release of pressure, but you'd need to ask your medical professional for more info Many years ago I broke some bones and I expereinced similar when the cast came off (it wasn't on my dick though haha)
Thanks for your open words. I did not understand all about your big purchase. Currently you are off cage and on honor system. Did you already experience some changes in your mood?
We are in the process of buying something big, something that for most people is a big life event...but I don't wish to discuss it here. I mention it because it is also a big cause of stress for us both, and it is one of the things that was a factor in the cage coming off. Yes, the next day I felt lighter somehow and my mood changed for the better.