Validation

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Disciplined Boyfriend, Mar 18, 2022.

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  1. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Disciplined Boyfriend discbf

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    #1 Disciplined Boyfriend, Mar 18, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2022
    Its strange but I've now been involved with three discussions with a Dominant woman / Mistress / whatever all about the same thing. They need assurance that what they are doing is acceptable, and that others are doing the same.

    One of them, in particular, I would say is way more dominant that my Mistress and wife, however there was still the question - are be doing this right? What are others doing.

    Just in case there's any doubts - yes there's lots doing TTWD (This Thing We Do) and it doesn't need a name or be categorised.

    And the most important question was around punishments. And from my position, I've made it clear what my expectations are - basically Mistress can punish me as much as she wants, I may not like it at the time, but it will be given and will improve our relationship.

    So if you need validation, take this post as your doing the right thing.

    A
     
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    #2 Guest 6019, Mar 18, 2022
    We all imagine ourselves on a journey from A to C. Some reach their destination quickly and some slowly. Some get waylaid and never get past B, and some end up at D. It really depends on how far your Dominant is comfortable traveling.

    Just enjoy the ride, and wave as you pass others or they pass you.
     
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  3. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    #3 Disciplined Boyfriend, Mar 18, 2022
    Exactly - better and remember to expect the unexpected.
     
  4. madams-sissysub
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    #4 madams-sissysub, Mar 20, 2022
    very well said!
     
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  5. sandman9355
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    sandman9355 Junior Member

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    #5 sandman9355, Mar 20, 2022
    Thing is... A new partner might *not* be okay what a previous one loved, even long-time partner's preferences or moods might change, a seeminly clear signal might be read wrong anyway...

    Once we step out of the realm of fantasies and into a realm of real people, and especially if we enter the realm of long-term relationships, we can't read our partner's thoughts. It is very easy to doubt oneself when we're expected to do something to our partner that they told us they enjoy but when that something is a thing we wouldn't enjoy being on the receiving end of. For example, if a mistress doesn't enjoy being on the receiving end of anal sex, it is no surprise she might be worried about how intense she can be even after being told her partner loves receiving it.

    To put it simply, we better talk to our partners, again and again and again.
     
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  6. Ed Babywood
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    #6 Ed Babywood, Mar 20, 2022
    In any Dom/Sub relationship. Regardless of who is Dominant. Communication and Consent are key. You should never get stuck on what others are doing. What you and your partner agree upon is all that counts.
     
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  7. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    #7 Xileh, Mar 23, 2022
    Next to, “How do I tell my wife/partner…”, validation and confidence seem to be the two most common topics on this forum.

    Talking with other women in the life seems to be the most effective. Second is positive reinforcement from their partner(s). You really do need to let them grow at their own pace and support rather than rush them.

    You seem to have a great attitude and are very thoughtful about how your actions affect her strength. You are a good role model!
     
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  8. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    #8 Disciplined Boyfriend, Mar 23, 2022
    Thanks for the kind words.

    We're actually at a bit of a transition just now where she's ramping up the taking charge and dishing out punishments. Normally I'm bratty and would try and resist, but exactly as you have said, I have to be supportive of her and allow her to take this on board until she's comfortable at this new level.

    If amazing what you can do with conversation.

    A
     
  9. Tarknassus
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    Tarknassus Wordy chastity nerdery.

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    #9 Tarknassus, Mar 23, 2022
    Totally this. Times I've tried to push forwards are the times we have made the least progress. Times I've let her grow, think things over, adapt her own ideas have been the most productive. Right now she's in a place where she's moving forward on her own steam, with her own dominant streak in ways I never anticipated - she has asked for ideas and suggestions, knowing that I have read a lot of stuff on FLR's now. She takes things, sometimes straight up, sometimes adapting or using the ideas as a base for something quite different and unexpected.

    The only thing I am really pushing on is that she is doing things right. So often, we get round to a point of "I don't want to be cruel or hurt you" in our review discussions. I bring it back to the agreed consent we have between each other, that even these discussions should indicate that you are doing things for the right reasons, and if I wasn't a willing partner in this endeavour, she would recognise that by my tone, behaviour, willingness to submit (or not). I ask her for her own observations in this - does she sense any genuine reluctance to continue doing things in the way we've been developing? The answer from her is usually "No".

    Her need for reassurance during a time of change is valuable - especially when it's taking both partners out of established comfort zones into new territories.
     
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  10. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    #10 Disciplined Boyfriend, Mar 23, 2022
    We've had the conservation about really hurting me a lot. Most recently we've discussed the need for that punishment that will be remembered and I'll be scared of it. So we talked about conditions. She doesn't want to injure me so we talked about padding for those areas that may be damaged.

    Some of my conditions were beforehand it's starts with "I love you, but...", Never too be done in anger but with resolve, and end with comfort for us both.

    A
     
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    #11 Xileh, Mar 23, 2022
    During a long lockup, I start getting a bit nuttso. For me, a spanking is a release and does a lot to help me re-center. In the beginning, she didn’t want to hurt me.

    For some reason, even though she is an avid reader, she isn’t into books on the topic. But, I found a couple of YouTube videos by Ms Elle X. She liked those and decided it was not so unusual, learned how to do it safely, and that it can be therapeutic.

    I have gone through the collection and found selected videos to watch that she has enjoyed.
     
  12. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    #12 maid julie, Mar 23, 2022
    If you do not mind maybe listing them could be of help to others
     
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