Usually i got a strong kink for orgasm denial and femdom. But i just jerk off and 2 seconds later, all my passion and fantasies are gone, and i just switch to another activity until i might get aroused again 1 or 2 days later. This works good, but it results in me prefering to be alone and just relax (whats not a bad thing) But if i just edge but do not cum, its like its starting a process. Just one day of denial is enough, and its like my orgasm denial kink isnt just fantasy, but takes over my mind. I fall deep into subspace, i get really active on communities, chats and talk to kinky friends. I want to get in touch with others and dive deeper into the denial. And veery fast, my desires get so strong, that i dream of permanent prgasm denial (my favourit kink). At that point, i fear to cum again and "change back". I just stop instantly to be active online, i just break up contacts and its like i dont care for these people anymore. It doesnt matter if i cum after 1 week or 6 month, the result is totally catastrophic. I tried to lower this effect, but it didnt work. Once i cum, my mind changes. So i am basicly bouncing between these 2 extremes: jerking off every day or edge myself for month without cumming. But both stages are kind of bad. In my "jerking" phase, i just ignore all my kinky friends and communities, and i just ignore my fwb but when i am in "i never want to cum again" mode, i get obsessed by online communities, sharing experiances, talking and eating my fwb pussy. She loves this kind of obsession, but it really turns into an unhealthy obsession. So i just cum when i get too obsessed, and its like i instantly sm on the other side of the extreme. But i cant find a good compromise. Just cumming a few times doesnt work, that judt totally mess up my mind. Does anyone know this unhealthy bouncing between chastity extremes? If i could choose, i would like to be my chaste-me, but my obsessions get sooo strong. I am open for any advice, or just tell me you got the same problem
Does your fwb know about your chastity kink? What helped me in that situation is taking it more seriously with my partner (at the time, now we are married ). I mean, once we stopped switching between vanilla sex and occasional chastity play, and dived into it together, I really no longer feel that kink/desire bouncing. We do take pause sometimes, but chastity and denial mode feels kinda our norm now (and not the other way round as it was before). Another thing that I learned as she was taking control in her hands, is that release and orgasms are a part of the dynamic, just as the chastity and denial itself. I mean, you might really not want it sometimes, but you have to submit and cum when your keyholder says so. We now have kinda a regular schedule with a release once a week or two, and almost every time I hope she would say "no, one more week", but more often than not she wants me to cum after just one week. But since I started to see this as a part of her control over me, I feel like it greatly helped me to stay in submissive mode afterwards. I mean, I do feel very submissive if I remind myself why I just came - because she decided so, not me, which implies her total control over my orgasms. So even though I had an orgasm, I'm still submissive and still under her control. tldr: maybe try to use some kind of orgasm schedule to get used to cumming and getting back into submissive mood, and look at the orgasms as a part of the dynamic, not as a complete reset into vanilla. I would do this as a gradual training for your permanent denial in future. And also, partner might greatly help with all of that
I find that, at first, I am so horny that I want to write about it and talk about it. But as things have progressed I am less obsessed and start to be more deiven to be productive. I believe that edging alone is bad, since it triggers all of the responses for "about to mate" but none of that happens, and that is bound to mess everyone up. It's double bad if it's edging alone to porn. But if it's during intimate sexy fun times with a loving partner then I think that is good, because it helps to reinforce the loving bond. Perhaps you should stop edging and ask your fwb to help you, tell them everything and perhaps even give them the keys to your cage (I'd suggest agreeing a release schedule ahead of time)...if you are close enough for that of course. Perhaps also, try to give up porn, and try to be less obsessed with sex.
I think most men feel similarly. My wife loves "obsessed" me and thus full orgasms have been off the table. But we both have found if I get too over the top that a "semi-orgasm" helps a lot. By this I mean a caged or ruined orgasm or prostate milking. For me it takes the edge off for at least a few days without full reversal. I agree with others, if your FWB likes that version of you, then maybe they will play along? Hold the key and give you ruined ones as often as you two agree? Of course that is quite a transfer of power for both of you. It works great in a committed relationship but not sure in a fwb situation.