The next Generation of FemDomme Women:

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Ladynsniffer, Feb 27, 2010.

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  1. Ladynsniffer
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    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

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    Participating in these message boards is valuable to me because it has meant that I am not alone. My submissive feelings and sexual fantasies are shared by many other couples. I often think about how I would develop if I were a teenager today and had all this technology available to me. Would I be better equipped to find the right partner for marriage? My wife and I finally found one another so it is all good for us. But, I can't help but think of how our marriage might have been if we were able to find each other in our teenage years.

    The next generation of FemDomme women is out there in high school and college right now. It would be impossible for them not to be exposed to alternative lifestyles. The vast majority of these women, to be sure, have typical marriage ideas in mind. But, every generation has its group of sadists, cuckoldresses, and/or very Domme women. They all can explore their sexuality much more openly. They can find out about alternative lifestyles. They can learn that just as there are gay males, there are also very submissive males. Cock size ranges from impossibly BIG to impossibly tiny. Some cum quick while others can't cum. Some men are great lovers while others are just wankers.

    We hear about cellphone "sexting" in the media. So the next generation is already using technology as part of their sexuality. I just wonder what all this technology is doing for the young woman with FemDomme feelings. The kind of girl who can effectively use her sexuality to make a submissive male her slave. Women have always been good at this intuitively. But, nowadays, I am convinced a young Domme woman could become devastating to a submissive male. There would be fewer inhibitions for sure.

    I just might have to write a story with this thought in mind. Of course, I could be wrong. Technology could have the opposite effect. Young women, knowing that there are weak men out there with strange "chastity" and "slave" fantasies might actually test for this when they date and reject a relationship with these submissive men. But, somehow I think that every generation does have genuinely sadistic or Domme females. To get started with this lifestyle at a much earlier age would certainly be interesting to me.

    What do you all think?

    marcus
     
  2. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Here's some ideas that I've been kicking about for a while.

    In my view, the biggest threat to FemDomme for the future is the prevailing popular culture for younger people. Instead of young women understanding that sex is power, the theme appears to be that sexual equality is all about making sex easy, meaningless and emotion free. Females aren't really equipped to run this way and men, given free access in this way become lazy, immature, selfish - hence the power of chastity to restore the age old balance. Now at the risk of sounding somewhat like my Grandma, women by the nature of the biological burden they carry (pregnancy) are the keepers of sexual power and need to exercise it with more wisdom for both their sakes and for society in general. Feminine power is greatly diminished by valueless sex and I think today's young women are poorer for the culture of open sexualisation they inhabit. Blame the marketeers, the popstars, RNB's "ho's" misogyny, lads mags such as Zoo (do you have an equivalent of these Godawful things stateside) - take your pick but I think our daughters need to be taught the responsibility of their gender and how to make society a better run place. I dont want to get all Emily Pankhurst here, I do believe that we in the West are probably living in the closest gender equal times now with not much further to go but attitudinally, female emancipation is less about boardroom earnings and more about understanding the gender differences and how best to co habit = not compete on an equal footing. How does all that equate to your point of dommes of the future? Well, it's difficult to place the everyday accessible on any kind of pedestal whatever the technology available. I hope the Mistresses in waiting out there grasp the power balance aspects quickly.
     
  3. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Great post Celtic Queen. Your Grandmother had this knowledge.Please pass on the knowledge of the power that women posess not only to your daughters but to all young women you have a chance too. Every woman has what every man wants and they should feel free to use the power that they and they alone hold. i have seen first hand that even in the most vanilla of relationships that those that are most happy are the ones where the woman leads and the male chases. It is after all the thrill of the chase that keeps men interested not the actual catch.

    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  4. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Thanks Rachel, I could be accused of being a little old fashioned in my views nowadays but I think girls of today are missing out something very old and powerful.
     
  5. sissy janice
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    sissy janice D/S and kids - possible?

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    me thinks the high-school and college girls still need to go through some years of... life to become secually aware and confident. 25 yrs old girl just can not be domme. period. one might have all the information and technolocial means at hand, but at the end of the day the successful domming etc needs some life-experience. and this does not come before 30+ years (ok, there might be some exceptions, but still).
     
  6. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    i tend to disagree with that school of thought. i think it is both that need to go through some years of life to become more sexually aware and confident. As young adolescents males just want to go from flower to flower pollinating as many as they can. If we can't pollinate the flower we are with we will just find one that will let us pollinate her. So you see a womans worst enemy is other women. If they all used the power that i spoke of above where would us males be then?

    i did this myself even though all i was really looking for was a dominate female. i myself actually didn't come to grips with my sexuality until i was in my 40's and married for 20 years to a vanilla wife. i just couldn't find a woman that was secure enough in herself to say it's mine and you will get it when I say so and that is that. Also just because you become a couple married or not is no reason for the chase to stop. If the woman gives herself to him everytime he makes an advance the chase is gone and as long as he gets what he wants why would he go the extra mile to do all the things he did before they were a couple. The woman still has the power they just need to learn to use it. Make him work for the pleasures you provide and the chase continues and all are happy.

    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  7. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    Celtic Queen,

    I was moved by what you wrote, and cannot agree more. I don't want women to give me sex freely. I love what no-device chastity (not Celibacy) does for my relationships with women. Chastity improves my Chivalry. Getting constant orgasms makes me lazy and ungrateful.

    Your short essay was akin to my own views.

    Respectfully,
    'Cindy' (I'm reallly a guy though.. lol.) :cat:
     
  8. Ladynsniffer
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    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

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    CQ, thank you for your very thoughtful post!

    You may be correct which would be sad. But, I still prefer to think that people are born with Domme or sub feelings. I've been sub towards women since my earliest memories. I only wish I had all this information and meeting like minded people on these message boards to help guide me through it.

    I will think a lot about what you said and will try to reply more fully after I have thought about it for a while.

    marcus
     
  9. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Morning all,

    Thanks for your compliments, it is a subject I do feel strongly about. I think Rachel and sissy janice make a valid observations. It takes years and a lot of life experience to really work out your own sexuality so I agree that would be Dommes in their 20s have a long way to go. I would say that women only reach any kind of comfort with their sexuality after 30. As a joker once said ironically " when I reached 30 my head got sorted but my body fell apart". I think men are settled into their sexuality much earlier and this goes back to my earlier point that perhaps this is due to the complexity of the female biological burden - this coming from someone whose country has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe. We need to teach our daughters self respect, restraint and responsibility both for themselves and so that men respect them also.
     
  10. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    Very interesting discussion and thank you for bringing it up!

    Coincidentally, I first realised my own Fem Domme male sub tendencies when I was at secondary / high school. I used to like flirting with a group of girls, especially one little cutie in particular. They would act dominantly and I would act submissively. They would flirt with me, act all flirtatious, touch me up and purposely turn me on. They would then point and laugh at my obvious sign of arousal, which was causing my trousers to tent outwards! Little did I realise at the time, but this was my unintended introduction to BDSM, Fem Domme male sub, erotic humiliation, and tease and denial. AND I LOVED IT!

    Around this same time, I was into the Goth scene (I still am, as a matter of fact) and rock music scene. I became interested in alternative fashions. In mail order catalogues, I would see lovely young ladies in gloss PVC, leather, rubber, etc. This was my introduction to fetish fashions.

    When working in a bookshop in my teens, I discovered erotic novels and especially loved reading Fem Domme ones.
     
  11. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    Not true, in many cases. I quickly realised my sexuality and my love of kink in my teenage years. And there are a lot of pre-25 dommes around. And some dommes became dommes in their early 20s.

    Please, no sweeping generalisations about male and female sexuality.

    And please, no sweeping generalisations as to what age one can become a domme!
     
  12. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    Nonsense! 25 year olds and younger can be dommes! My first Fem Domme male sub experiences were in my teenage years!

    I know of a very lovely early twenties domme called Princess Megan.

    No more sweeping generalisations!
     

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  13. tj246
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    tj246 Senior Member

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    it is the job of us parents who are in chastity an how are femdom to teach our children about it now as they are groing up
    everyone here has good points some not so but if you take all that you have put it all together i dont feel that femdom will die off then rather become much more wealthy in the coming years.

    let it have shows on tv about male chastity put shows on about femdom relationships
    spread the word about it they should have adds in the papers about buying chastity devices if you have them in your town or your state get them to post in papers.it should not be aganist any goverment rules tho the goverment will try to stop it

    The biggest thing that we can do is dont hide your chasttiy to your children rahter let them see it first hand let them know that there dad is lock up by mom talk to them about it an as to why mom holds the key.

    so many people here are afraid to let there kids know omg what will they think things like that but if you want to preserve the femdom the chasttiy you must start now as they are young

    tj
     
  14. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    Teach them about sex and relationsips and menstration, etc, in their teens, yes. But I don't think it would be right or sensible to try and teach them about kink. Why force our kinks on our children? Let them find their own sexuality and let them find out for themselves what turns them on, rather than forcing our kinks upon our children.

    Give them a sound sex and relationships education and then let them find out their own sexuality and fetishes. Let them be individuals rather than extensions of ourselves. Don't force your kink on them.
     
  15. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    I doubt governments will ever STOP adverts for enforced male chastity. In fact, they might positively encourage it! Look at the abstainance education and debate that is raging in the USA!
     
  16. sissy janice
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    sissy janice D/S and kids - possible?

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    chaste777, are you talking about pro-dommes, like the lovely girl on the photo? thats probably a whole different story and different approach. i will not take a a stand here, since i have never visited a pro-domme and probably will not in the future (well maybe if we do a couple session ;) )

    tj246, do you have kids and do you explain them all this chastity-related issues? how old are they? i'm just curious here.

    janice
     
  17. chaste777
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    chaste777 chaste777

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    I am talking both. One can be a lifestyle and/or a pro domme pre 25. I hate sweeping generalisations.

    Indeed, my own earliest Fem Domme male sub experiences were in my teens (now in my 30s).

    And a lot of pro dommes are also lifestyle dommes as well.
     
  18. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Princess Megan needs a sissy as it looks like there is a basket of laundry behind her that needs to be done. lol

    rachel
     
  19. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Chaste777, you may not like sweeping generalisations but they do serve a purpose when discussing - as we are - society in its entirety, social norms and prevailing attitudes. Specific experiences only serve to underline the unusualness of some experiences - the fact that they are worthy of note re enforces the point.

    Kink is a relative term anyway. To some, chastity is a kink as they don't practice it, don't understand the drivers for it and it is outside their realm of experience but, like heresy, it can just be a matter of dates. I doubt anyone accused husbands in medieval times of being kinky when they locked their wives up when they went away.

    More contentiously, I think that we are where we are with female sexuality due to a legacy of organised religion dictating that women submit in marriage, their reward being able to secure a man's resources in a world where women held much less power. We just aren't in that world anymore - as evidenced by the huge rows going on within the Anglican church about female bishops and homosexuality. (Apologies to our US folks here - it's a long and frankly ridiculous row demonstrating how out of touch our supposedly dominant religion is.). With the current recession, more and more women are breadwinning hence the interesting use of the term "Mancession". The jobs being eroded by the recession are traditionally male blue collar manufacturing jobs with part time work becoming more prevalent, something which is traditionally the domain of women. This is bringing out some massive societal changes - a generalisation if you will but statistically relevant to my point.

    In my view, this new world will drive a fundemental shift in female sexual behaviour. Where previously women could only weild power through men, women now buy their own dinner, houses, cars etc. I just dont believe that our sexual behaviour has caught up yet and young girls are subjected to a barrage of male idealised sexual behaviour that they yet lack the capacity to reject in favour of their own ideas of what they want, need and deserve. Men's sexuality can be neatly summed up - again in my view - as per the quote by Dustin Hoffman (of all people). He said that reaching middle age was a relief because the sexual temptations were not so overwhelming as they used to be; he said it used to be like "waking up chained to a maniac". Men are slaves to their sex drives - a point that is relevant whether the manifestation is submission to women or serial adultery.
    That's how I understand male sexuality to work in that men believe they need sex in the abstract like a biological urge. Women can be happily celibate provided that their own self esteem and self security issues are met - infact, I myself have spent more of my adult life as celibate than in sexual relationships in the absence of a loving partner. In contrast, my male friends have lurched from one unhappy relationship to another just to keep their sex drives under control. I imagine the liberation from this is what chaste males seek.

    Coming back to the central point - as we progress, perhaps Dommes won't even be worthy of note as women understand their own sexual powers and use them appropriately. Women don't need to use sex to please / keep / amuse men and financial and educational emancipation drives this - a fact that certain fundemental groups grasp completely.
     
  20. richard
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    richard Just me

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    Celtic Queen, you have some very interesting points.

    I think the way young females react to the onslaught of their sexualisation by the media varies by class/education. Middle Class/Better educated girls are generally far more likely to be in control of their sexuality than the working classes. Again a massive generalisation. I think the growth of femdom relationships will mailny come from there. Also the numbers of females in this bracket are growing.

    However there is a catch-up period. It will be a 10 or more years before the males running the media are replaced by females who can slow down/reverse this sexualisation.

    Generally - great thread!
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    10:19 PM
    I'd like to side step this for a moment...

    chaste777, everywhere else around the net you've been slagging off Pro-Dommes. Now suddenly they're ok?!

    So PLEASE stop telling everyone to not make sweeping judgements when you've been doing that quite publicly for the past few weeks!
     
  22. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Here's an interesting tangent - I confess that I am coming at this from relative ignorance and I bet you seasoned chaps have already got this clear in your heads anyway.

    If a submissive man uses a Pro-Domme, would you really class it as submissive behaviour because the guy with the wallet is the one with the control. If a woman is dominating a man because she is paid to do so, then is she really in ultimate control?

    Is a Pro-Domme actually a genuine Domme anyway (rather than a shrewd business woman who is exploiting a need) and is a paying submissive man really a Sub in its truest sense.

    Due the professional nature of the transaction, surely the control element is entirely illusionary which may take Pro Dommes out of this thread in their professional capacity because the ultimate driver is not control of a sub but financial gain. (not meant as a judgemental statement)
     
  23. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Richard, good point well made -

    There is statistical data to evidence that the growth of teenage mums afflicts the benefit classes as a "way out" of the poverty trap in the UK. Better education improves the chances of girls making their own way in the world, accruing self esteem on the way and understanding that they have value in their own right not as sexualised puppets. Making your own money, building your own life etc gives women the freedom and confidence to assess the world around them and themselves and make informed choices. Sexualisation undermines this by driving an ideal that is counter to real female sexuality. I do hope the catch up period you mention happens -as most people on this forum understand, it is immensely freeing to be yourself - not as society rigidly dictates. I really do feel for the girls growing up behind me, under pressure to be "up for it", willing and having to conform to the shaven, size 0 with huge knockers ideal that they are constantly bombarded with. If the celebrity culture triumphs and form always trumps form over substance and intellect then all that will happen is that the prejudice and bias will evolve too.
     
  24. Ladynsniffer
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    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

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    CQ, I think I understand where you are coming from with these comments. In all the years I have been involved in this lifestyle, there is a desire to make it "pure." For example, Dommes should not allow men to "top from the bottom" or control a Domme through money. The struggle for control of a relationship is exactly that - a struggle. The male may indeed use his earning power to resist a woman trying to make him submit. One of them will win or the relationship will fail. A fuller explanation of the "value" each partner gets from a relationship deserves its own thread.

    To your point about ProDommes. It's simple. They provide a service. It allows a man who has submissive or masochistic feelings to explore those feelings without all the emotional baggage of a relationship. In an ideal FemDomme world, he would not have to do this. There would be plenty of opportunities to date Domme women and discover his true self. And, maybe in the future - which is why I started this thread - this will be the case. But, in my life, I have hired ProDommes to help me understand myself. I was so submissive towards women right from the start. These feelings only grew stronger. This caused me a lot of anxiety as I saw myself as completely different from other males. I needed to know if maybe I was a masochist. I hired, a couple of times, a ProDomme who described herself as a Sadist.

    WOW! I was not prepared for this aspect of submission and I learned that I was NOT a pain slut. The first Domme did whip me and use CBT. And I learned that discipline could be a very effective training tool for me. BUT - the last ProDomme was certainly a Sadist in every respect. Her sexuality was undeniable. I could feel great lust for her right from the moment we met. This provided that sweet sexual tension. I was nude and my tiny penis and testicles were embarrassingly on display. I could feel within myself sexual desire for her but I also had that certain knowledge that I was not the kind of man she would want sex with. No way. As I was soon to learn, the only pleasure she would get from me was to hurt me terribly.

    Thankfully, she did provide me with a "safe" word. The session began softly. I was tied to a rack in the center of her playroom. She used whips, nipple clamps, CBT, and maybe because I had a pierced penis, out came the needles. My testicles became a pin cushion. The pain was very intense, way above anything I ever experienced. I could see in her arousal from this every time she snapped open a needle from its sterile packaging. To this day I can remember that sound and the aroused look on her face. She genuinely enjoyed inflicting pain. I wanted to please her with my pain. But, ultimately I was to disappoint her as I finally exceeded my limits and used the safe word. I struggled so hard not to use it.

    Within a very short period of time, this ProDomme woman pushed out of both our minds anything to do with it being a financial transaction. This was as raw. She was dressed seductively and I was nude. But, sex did not follow. Instead I was brought down an entirely different path with her, submissive, weak, not worthy of sex, an object, and the only way she could achieve pleasure from me was to hurt me. I do not regret the experience. I learned that I can take pain from a woman but for me it is better suited and more effective when used for discipline. From that point forward, I always steered clear of any woman who described herself as a sadist. Did my use of a safe word give me ultimate control? I suppose. But, I have never ever thought of using that safe word as a way of controlling her.

    marcus
     
  25. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    As I said, I am coming at it from a newbie position. Perhaps it's all just semantics anyway. If the play is as it should be ie safe, sane and consenual then ultimate control is with the sub anyway - that's what the safeword is for.

    You make an excellent point in that the nature of a relationship - any relationship - is that of consensus following a power struggle. We started out exploring FLR as a conflict resolution mechanism and have evolved in lots of ways that perhaps men without Dommes explore via a paid service - at least a professional Domme knows (hopefully) what she is doing in terms of safety. I've had to really self study and with hubbie's feedback - adjust accordingly. It's going to take me a long time to consider myself as competent.
     
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