The Let Down

It's not just the click of a lock and the fun begins. Your dealing with people's feelings ,emotions,etc. good Luck

 

It is a realization that is sad to learn after having a key in hand. The pleasures of key holding are for both. It is good that you now realize the great responsibility it is to hold a key. Many wishes toward regaining the trust necessary to be given another chance.

 

Very often those who enter here like a supernova, end up burnt out very quickly. There are some that read about chastity on websites that are there to attract site visitors and not a real picture of what chastity is. Guys buy a cage and think they can just put it on and start wearing it 24/7. As I did, they follow the so called rules of chastity and think they must feel like the websites say they should feel. That usually ends in disaster as it did for me the first two times. The third time it stuck so there is hope yet.

I have being into BDSM for 47 years and the prime ingredient is trust in the women who is whipping you raw. You must have trust and trust has to be earned and not given simply beause she calls herself a Mistress or Key Holder. I learned the hard way laying down on a gurney waiting to be operated on. You cannot have 100% trust in anyone until they prove that they are worth 100% of your trust. It hurts to be wrong.

So many guys are desperate for a key holder and think they want what they masturbate to online. Being a key holder is work. It demands that first and foremost the KH keeps the well being of her chastity man above all else, even chastity. There are two main reasons why most people who enter chastity exit just as quickly. The first is the they guy realizes that in his fantasy he is not feeling anything but arousal. In real life he has to deal with his brain screaming for an orgasm. The second reason is pain. As I said above, many are under the impression that they can snap a cage on and keep it there. They are more into being locked up that chastity. Slow and easy does win the race in chastity.

OK so you are taking a break. We have done so a few times. Once to let my skin heal when I was impatient and tried to wear my cage 24/7 after a week of getting it. The second time we wanted to decide if we wanted to continue with chastity. My wife was still having guilt feelings about denying me and I was not sure that I wanted to go from daily orgasms to just a few a year. Ultimately we both missed chastity and we started up again. This time we know what we both want out of chastity so it is a lot more easier going forward.

You did not say what you did to lose his trust. One thing I think is essential is to make sure he has an emergency key handy at all times so he does not feel like he will suffer damage if you are not around or if he really wants out and you say no. I used to get anxiety attacks when I did not have an emergency key and that key did come in real handy a few times, once involving emergency surgery.

On last thing that I have done for a few decades and is a must for BDSM play. Establish a safe word. It is a word that he will use if he is being serious. I like to beg to be unlocked and made to orgasm but unless I say my safe word, my wife can ignore my pleas knowing that if I was seriously in trouble, I would use my safe word. Sometimes I am too manly to cry uncle and that is when my wife will use her best judgement, always erring on the side of caution to determine if I am in mental or physical distress. Once you lose trust it takes a long time to regain and is rarely as it used to be. Good luck.

 

So sorry to hear of your recent troubles.

One thing I have learned, and it was one of the first hurdles in chastity...what to do when the lockee is upset. Request key? Halt d/s lifestyle? Let it go because I'm submissive?

When it came down to it, the fact I was caged had nothing to do with our spats and really was no reason to unlock except to play with something I had promised was hers from now on.

I made an effort to separate relationship issues from the fact that I was in chastity. We are all people and even mistresses make mistakes. It took some rough patches, even a few times she asked me if I wanted the keys back. It's a learning experience.

Hope you two find your way through.

 

I'm glad I could help a lil.

One thing that we did, is after the spat was over and calmed down, we had a talk. I was the one who actually initiated it, I couldn't have our lifestyle (which we were both serious about), to be held hostage by either of us.

So, chastity was something we agreed is there to stay. It wasn't a bargaining chip for either of us, and wasn't something that was negotiable. We then agreed that even though I might feel that I am wronged, slighted, or what have you, it is my decision to defer to her will. Not that I don't matter, but there can only be one in charge, and me holding a grudge or insisting I'm right, negates her authority. And finally the last rule of thumb...because I said so.

Yes, because I said so. This coupled with discipline has actually nipped some arguments right in the bud before they became fights. We had earlier incorporated discipline, but was mostly play, now it's mostly lessons and a way to quickly and erotically end conflict.

I still have a say, and she knows which issues are off limits, the rest I will argue but defer. When we had our first problems, we were only a few months into chastity, and hadn't really known our roles or expectations.

Best wishes

 

Hi and welcome @Chesty LaRue Thanks for sharing.
for me personally chastity was always a no option to discuss for me when I was upset with my wife. It crossed my mind to take of the cage but thankfully I never did it.

The underlying problem has to be discussed in a calm way once the emotions are under control. And after this topic is out of the way Chastity can be discussed once again. I wish you good luck and looking forward to some nice insight

 

Just spit-balling here but is it possible he is using this as an excuse to quit chastity? Maybe he wasn't liking being locked up or a number of things and this was an excuse to stop. Obviously being dishonest wasn't the best idea but was it really that big of a lie? I know a lot of guys who get into chastity and realize things aren't as fun when the wife really has the control and look for ways to end it, but thats just my take.

 

This probably won't help, but I've been thinking about the posts. Over the past we have both, being polite, extended the truth, or as its called now, issued fake news. We got over it and are still together. Step back, take a breath, and start anew.

Love, J xx

 

Ah well then you are correct. It was just a thought, obviously. Either way I hope you two are able to mend things.