The phrase ‘topping from the bottom’ just shouldn’t be banded around. Is it topping? Or is it a discussion into your sexual desires and deviances and allowing her to enact them for you. If your partner didn’t want to do it I'm sure the responsibility is on you to a situation where she could say no. I’ve seen it on here way too many times, “I’m locked up and now I’m waiting to see what happens.” Well let’s be real, wait all you want but you’ve asked is to be locked up and she’s given that to you. She isn’t going to suddenly become some cruel sadist that dominates you as a result… she’s given you what you’ve asked for, expecting anything other is just confusing. Without these discussions. Without exposing the good, the bad, the ugly. Well what? What should we expect? Lock up and make it fun for both of you. In time, with communication, she’ll know what you enjoy, she’ll know what aspects she enjoys and only in that will you find the right balance. Only then can you sit back and say “over to you. You’re in control” The balance of power shifts gradually. Almost unnoticed. You move from leading your sex life to having very little say - the difference is dramatic… but spread over the time it’s taken, you can’t remember another way. Over time, the change and development form you into something different. Not only do our wives become less ‘guilty’ about restricting our orgasms, but ourselves, we become more attune to savouring them at the right time. We worry less about directing our partners, we move towards containing their desires, to push towards a balance in our own favour. The expectations? They change. The mindset? It changes. You no longer have your old married life. Little breaks from the cage show you otherwise. Typical acts between a man and his wife seem sordid, pushed, unnatural. They drive you further from each other rather than bringing you together. The previously standard sexual encounters leave a sour taste when you can no longer determine if they were for you, for her or if it was mutual. You need the to relinquish the control, yet you can only do that by explaining, controlling and directing. A confusing concept if ever there was one. Chastity embeds. It deepens itself into your relationship until you can no longer change it, you can no longer live without it. So express your desires, express your emotions, fuck the consensus tell her what gets you going and give it time. Happy chastity guys
I’ll be honest with you. You fucking nailed it! We were both into a little bdsm early on in marriage but it never quite felt right because we had our roles backwards. 2-3 years ago when she approached me about me being her sub it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was what we both truly wanted but neglected to communicate. The last 3 years of our sex life has been better than ever and we’ve been married 18 years. Everything fell into place after. I’m lucky enough that my Queen is dominant and brings it to the bedroom. It did take some time and communication to reap all the benefits and possibilities. Heck it wasn’t till just over 6 months she locked me up. We enjoy it so much it quickly became 24/7. Now she’s conditioning me for longer lock ups. My Queen states that if I can have prostate orgasms from pegging then why do I need out unless it’s for PIV. I’m like play dough in her hands now. It’s definitely a permanent addition.
I know I definitely need to communicate what's in my head better but I really struggle with " the conversation "
Case and point, yesterday I shared your post with my wife and told her how hot I thought that was. Then last night, after teasing me for a good long while, she unlocked me and slowly teased me into a frenzy. Slowly, more slowly than she ever has, closer and closer to the edge than she ever has. A slight ruin, then another, then the slowest, most tortuously delicious orgasm I've ever had. It was mind blowing, life changing. And she loved it as well, saying we're doing more of that! The finale wasn't a ruined orgasm, but I also didn't get the drop from it. It was so slow, subtle and...maybe meditative. Not a tension-induced stress orgasm, way slower, more intimate, not rushed, not the "stroke it till you break it" that is often assumed that men need or want. Thank you @IB-Chaste !
Women aren't mind readers as in everything honest conversation is needed. There's a huge difference in you must do a,b,c to me this exact way and I think I might enjoy this. If we try and you don't we don't have to again.
I've said the same so many times on here, but with less words. If you head over to mums net you'll see women saying "tell him what you want, babes, he ain't no mind reader". Most humans are fucking retarded when it comes to communicating, which is why marketing works so well on them.
We know when you are super horny; You spend time writesturbating. If you could get past the difficult bit, where lack of dopamine meets the tarmac, you'll stop being such a craving monkey mind.
I can't speak from much experience here, but it seems to me if the choice is between a communicative or none communicative sub, I would think the communicative sub is the way to go.