TC's Roller Coaster

As some of you may realize I have been blogging on my own blog, but I don't get much feedback on there,...So I've decided to start copying my blog entries here for some feedback.

I'll start by copying all my blogs since the beginning of 2009. If you want to read my earlier, please feel free to go to my blog site....

All comments, support and feedback appreciated....

Oh, and why a roller coaster......well, you'll soon work that out from reading my blogs.....



Monday, January 5, 2009
40th Birthday Present
Happy New Year All

January 2nd was my 40th birthday, but we spent the holiday with family and didn't celebrate in our own way until yesterday (5th). As we were with family I was not in chastity for the holiday period although I had been good and not orgasmed since December 19th. But on Christmas Day my Wife started to tease me every morning and every night and made me promise not to masturbate until we got home and She could lock me back up. I was very good in this respect.

So, yesterday (Sunday) comes and my Wife and I wake up at 6.30am and the teasing begins in bed. After about 30 minutes we get up and have breakfast outside watching the sunrise while I am kept naked. After breakfast my Wife locks me to our reclining sofa, arms behind my back and legs apart. A full day of on and off teasing starts. My Wife tells me She is going to tease me all days and will tease me for the next 40 days without allowing me to cum and my 40th birthday present.

The only significant time off from teasing was when my Wife went shopping for an hour or so, and She unbound me but had me put my spiked leather locking cock and ball sack while She was out (spikes on the inside. When She returned I was again bound to the sofa and the teasing continued.

We had previously talked about my getting 40 spanks from my Wife's whip for my birthday, but I know my Wife has never really shown any enthusiasm for spanking me hard. So in the evening I set up some pillows in the center of the bed and lay across them spreadeagled while my Wife bound my wrists and ankles to the bed. On with the blind fold and gag and my Wife started to give me my 40 spankings. After 10, She stopped to stroke my cock that was pointing down between my thighs bringing me to edge before giving me my next 10 spankings. This continued to 40 when She removed my gag and asked how I was. Being honest I told Her that she was holding back and that She was not spanking me very hard.

I knew hard spanking was new to my Wife and I knew She was unsure about this, but to Her credit She grabbed Her whip and started whipping me as hard as She could, occasionally pausing to stroke me cock to the edge before commencing the whipping. She left my gag out and I was pleading with Her to stop but She continued with Her new experience. Finally She stopped and uncuffed my. My ass was was on fire, bright red with several welts. My Wife had learned a new way to keep me in order.

So we had dinner and then it was back to the sofa and a couple more hours of teasing. In all I was teased from 6.30am until 11.00pm by which time my cock was struggling to hold an erection but that didn't stop the relentless stroking and edging,

my CB6000 went back on for bed, but it was off again this morning for another 45 minutes of teasing before being replaced ready for work.

So here I am with balls that feel like oversized lead weights ready to explode and a cock that if aching and throbbing and still at least another 37 days to go. I say at lease since my Wife has made it clear that She may keep me denied for even longer. The present is 40 days of teasing with no orgasm. There is nothing in the present about coming after the 40 days....GULP.

I wonder if this will become an annual birthday gift?


Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Didn't make it
I know this post is a little late but I was away on business last week, and have had the flu. Well, I was going away on business last Wednesday so my Wife was working up to making me suffer with blue balls while away. After an hour or more of teasing we went to bed, and we teased some more, which was a mistake. We were both tired and my Wife had had a drink or 2 and unfortunately the teasing was one stroke to many.

So I didn't have blue balls while away on business although I was still locked up. I guess the 40 day target has gone, especially since I've been sick recently. no teasing since last week, but no orgasms either.

I've decided that I've topped from the bottom too much so I am gonna sit back and see what my Wife does next without any prompting from me.


Thursday, January 15, 2009
Back on track?
So now I am on day 9 since our accidental orgasm, and have been locked ever since, with yesterday as my first day of release for some serious catch up teasing. A couple of hours bound to the sofa while my Wife enjoyed our favorite shows on TV, while casually keeping me on edge the whole time.

I am aching just as much as ever right now. February 11th was the target date, That would have to be moved back to February 17th to make 40 days without orgasm. My Wife hasn't said when She will let me cum and in my new approach I am not asking,....although I did beg to cum last night (to no avail). I am waiting patiently to see what my Wife intends to do.

I am away all next week on business and my Wife is making sure I ache to the maximum before I leave, so that I ache with full blue balls the whole time I am away, securely locked of course!

Hopefully we'll have no accidents this time. You may think I would wish for an accident, and of course I could bite my lip while being teased and hope my Wife strokes once too far again without realizing how close I am, but of course we have a contract that says She can stroke me through orgasm and deliver post orgasm torture for as long as She desires, and I am more frightened of being tortured for an unauthorized orgasm and having to go 40 days without an orgasm. If you don't believe me, try stroking yourself for 5 minutes after orgasm one day!!!!


Monday, January 26, 2009
Day 20 and counting
I thought I would give a brief update. Last week I was away on business (Monday to Friday) and locked in my CB6000 the whole time, which was very frustrating. One thing you learn from being locked 24/7 in a CB with no removal for cleaning is not matter how you wash in the shower or bath, you cannot prevent microbial reaction to sweating and the subsequent odor. To this end I have bought some Neosporan antibacterial cream which I will apply each time I replace my CB to see if that helps keep the odor at bay.

So this weekend was a rather intense teasing weekend and I can say that I have never been so desperate to cum in all my days of tease and denial. The worst part is I am only half way through the 40 days as my Wife keeps reminding me as I beg for release. I even beg Her to stop teasing me if I cannot have release, as my cock and balls ache incredibly for an orgasm.

What I do not know yet is how I might be allowed to cum, or even if I will be able to cum on day 40, or wait even longer. My Wife has shown a keen interest in post orgasm torture, and I am frightened that She will deem this an appropriate way to finally allow my climax. Although I get extremely turned on my the idea, I also know the reality is excruciatingly painful and I would rather just be allowed to cum with post orgasm teasing. But that is not my decision.

So it is 20 days down and 20 to go......


Tuesday, January 27, 2009
And so it continues
Well, this is just a quick update as nothing new has happened. More teasing yesterday and yes, I am even more frustrated and aching then I have ever ached before. It's obvious that my Wife is not going to relent until the 40 days is up.

After our tease yesterday I washed, shaved and applied neosporan before being locked back up. Tonight, assuming the teasing will continue then, will be the test to see if this has combated the odor issue from being confined in a solid plastic cage. I will of course update my blog with the results.

We are going away together next week and my Wife has already told me that we are using the plastic security locks to keep me locked while we travel, and the padlock so that the teasing can continue while we are away.....February 15th seems a very long way away right now.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Neosporan works....
well, so far. I was released for some serious teasing last night and having applied Neospran before previously putting on my CB I found not even the slightest hint of an odor. The real test will be when I have to go more than 24 hours between tease sessions, but I'm not sure when that will be. My Wife seems intent on maximum teasing right up to day 40. She is getting way too good at this. Last night's tease lasted 2 hours and I was virtually crying at the end. I was so desperate either to cum, or for Her to stop....I didn't mind which at that point, either was better than the intense teasing. Alas, still no orgasm and a completely frustrated and aching cock.


Thursday, January 29, 2009
The test....
Well, unexpectedly (by me anyway) my Wife didn't let me out yesterday for a tease session. She asked how I was today as She gave me a break yesterday. I explained that it's like a one way ladder - up only. Every tease takes the frustration and ache to the next step up, but going a day with no release or teasing does not allow you to go down a step. The frustration can only ever increase.

But what it does mean is that I am locked up for at least 48 hours with no release and it will be a better test of the Neosporan theory. Hopefully I will get a release tonight and I can see if the Neosporan works for multiple days without release. I can reapply the gel to my head with a q-tip, but it's difficult to reapply to the shaft while locked. I also reapply daily to my balls and any exposed areas that my cb allows. I'll let you know tomorrow.


Friday, January 30, 2009
Venting.....
ok....I need a little vent time so please bear with me....

Firstly, there was again no teasing yesterday, so I am on day 3 of lock up with no release or teasing whatsoever. This is increasing the test for the Neosporan theory. That's the good part. The bad part is I'm getting a little testy which may just be down the the fact that I am on day 24 of denial.

As I have mentioned before I have completely stopped topping from the bottom but am now finding that we are playing less. This is also adding to my testiness. My Wife seems to enjoy our tease and denial but I always knew She enjoyed it because it made me happy. I had always hoped that She would start to explore, read books that I bought Her, research on the web, and become more creative in our play.

So far my Wife has not shown any creativity. Anything new we try is because I mention it. The whipping only happened because I laid out all the restraints and Her whip on the bed, and asked Her to whip me. She seemed to enjoy it, and talked about whipping me again, but like most new activities, it hasn't happened again.

I feel like telling Her that we should stop role playing. If She is only doing this to make me happy, then I am not happy. I know I have frequently pushed Her beyond Her comfort zone and She has pushed back at times, not wanting to cross that line, and that I accept. But She is not pushing Her boundaries at all and it's becoming stale for me. We'll see what the weekend brings.

Maybe if I confront Her with this and say that I feel She is only doing this to please me, and therefore I don't want to play anymore, She may decide to kick it up a notch,...otherwise the role play may be over, but right now I'm not sure if that is a bad thing....we'll see.

 

Thank you Dollyanne. Yes I bought my Wife the book "Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders". She read most of it, but I don't think She ever finished. I also bought Her "The Mistress Manual" but she hardly started that one.

She is curious when I put stuff to Her but not curious enough to go explore by Herself.

I was released last nigh for teasing after 72 hours of constant CB wear and I can confirm that there was no hint of any odor. So now that is part of my hygiene regime, applying Neosporan daily.

I can't post much now, but will post more next week.

 

Thank you Miss D for your words of encouragement.

My Wife is giving me 40 days of denial because I asked Her to and She is giving me what I want. I believe it is to make me happy. It was not Her idea. My comments were around that She does not initiate new teases, punishments, etc, and She does not use chastity to Her advantage by allowing me to serve Her appropriately. She believes to be a good Wife She should serve me, despite my saying She should take advantage of my lockup and denial.

I have bought Her several books and talked with Her about this but She is a good KH but doesn't take initiative.

 

Tuesday, February 3, 2009
New Contract....and day 40+ orgasm plans

Day 28....after my venting from last week we actually had a good weekend. Some teasing on Friday night,...nothing on Saturday, but lots of teasing on Sunday. Some intense teasing in the afternoon prior to going out to a superbowl party, just to keep my pent up with frustration.

On the way to the party we stop for dinner at a Japanese restaurant and the conversation came around to my orgasm denial. My Wife asked me how difficult it would be for Her to make me orgasm every day. Duh! I said no problem, since I masturbate daily when not locked anyway. I said, being made to have multiple orgasms daily could be difficult, depending on how many times each day. She said it may be fun to try. I later suggested that if She drained my balls with multiple orgasms everyday for a period of time, then my body may increase its fluid production rate to match my orgasms. A period of orgasm denial after that would be more intense as my body continues to produce fluids at a high rate....not sure how true this is, but I'd like to find out.

So my Wife then said, maybe daily orgasms for a week with post orgasm torture after each orgasm where She would continue to stroke my sensitive cock head post orgasm for as long as She desires. Somewhat foolishly I suggested that what would be more torturous is multiple orgasms followed by post orgasm torture in a single day. She quickly latched on to that one and said, let's try it.

So, through our various discussions we agreed that on a day that She chooses after my 40 days of denial are complete, the following fantasy will be carried out:

Firstly I will be cuffed face down on the bed with my inflatable gag and my Wife will whip and spank my ass until it is red and burns with every stroke. Then She will turn me over, cuff me again and use our toys to give me some serious cock and ball torture. She will whip my cock and balls, use Her vampire gloves, sharp needle fingers, clips, pegs, and anything else She can find. She does like hot wax.

Once my Wife has finished torturing my cock and balls She will turn Her attention to slowly teasing and stroking my cock keeping me on edge and constantly telling me that I am not allowed to cum. Of course She will keep stroking knowing that I cannot hold back; stroking until I cum when She will remind me that I was not allowed to cum and that She is not ready to stop stroking yet. She will then continue to stroke and rub my oversensitive head for an extended period of post orgasm torture. She promised a longer period than ever before.....

....then when ready, She will stop and clean me up, but leave me cuffed while She goes and relaxes for a while (30 mins to an hour). This will also give me time to recover. When my Wife returns She will say that I ruined Her stroking by cumming too soon and that She will have to stroke me again, but that I must not cum and ruin it again. Once She has tightened my cuffs and gag, She will tease and stroke me hard pushing me to the edge again. Once again I do not have permission to orgasm, but She will continue to stroke right through yet another unauthorized orgasm, which will ultimately be followed by more post orgasm torture. She said She may stop at 2, but if She is in the mood, She may keep me there for more than 2 stroke throughs.

Given how this conversation went I spent yesterday drawing up a new contract. We have had several contracts in the past, but I decided to put down in a contract Her absolute right to use my cock and balls however She wants. She can deny me from orgasm for however long, or make me cum frequently. She can also torture me whenever She wants, including post orgasm torture. The contract also has clauses directing me to serve her in any way She desires, and gives Her the power to dress or undress me how She feels.

We are ironing out the creases in the contract but I will post it once it is agreed and signed.

 

Will do Mike....I warned my Wife that I will be begging for mercy, and that once I am let out, I will probably never agree to the same fantasy again. But of course, She just said that we have a contract and that She will do whatever She wants and whenever She wants.

There is a clause in the contract that states that I am not allowed to plea for mercy or a cessation of a punishment or torture. If I do, then my Wife will increase the length of the punishment or torture and may subject me to further punishment for a violation of the contract. Therefore, I need to try to endure the session without pleading, which is gonna be very difficult.

 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Day 35.....

Wow,....5 weeks and no orgasm....I'm in uncharted territory.

We were away last week, but that didn't stop my Wife from teasing me for at least 2 hours every day - usually 30 minutes in the morning and an hour or so in the evening. Last night was a marathon of agony. My Wife teased me for over 3 hours. At the end I came so close that I started to dribble cum, but my Wife stopped, and a dribble was all I could manage. 5 more days to a full orgasm.

We are still on plan for Sunday when my Wife will stroke me through orgasm and continue to stroke my over sensitive cock head for a marathon post orgasm torture session. Allowing time to recover between orgasms my Wife will bring me to orgasm and stroke through several times through the evening until I am totally drained, each orgasm followed by post orgasm torture.

For Valentine's Day I bought my Wife a Liberator Esse with the Black label conversion kit which turns it into a bondage piece of furniture (see pic). This is where I will spend most of Sunday.



My Wife also told me that She would allow me a request for Valentine's Day, since I am just finishing my birthday request of 40 days of denial. I am planning to ask Her to make me wear lingerie during my orgasm torture session and then to make me wear panties 24/7 for at least the next 30 days. I know She was receptive to my previous requests, but I did really push the whole sissy thing before. I'm going to approach this as more a private humiliation to remind me of my servitude as Her slave. I'm hoping this will get Her used to the idea going forward. We shall see.

 

I bought the Esse with with a chocolate swirl cover which makes it match our bedroom furniture. The standard covers do not have the attachments for the cuffs, etc. It does look good at the foot of our bed. The black bondage cover comes out for special sessions ;-)

 

LOL....the zipper runs across the bottom and slightly up the ends. The cover is microfiber and washable. there is also some type of plastic inner liner that is waterproof and can be wiped down. I'll post a full review once it gets a full workout ;-)

 

Thursday, February 12, 2009
Mixed thoughts

well I am only 3 days from being allowed an orgasm, and as I have detailed here the way in which it was agreed between my Wife and I that it was going to happen. Suffice it to say that it involved multiple orgasms, each followed by post orgasm torture.

Well I am now having second thoughts. I get very horny when denied for a long time and my fantasies run wild, and maybe the reality now that it is getting so close is not so enticing? I am also struggling with the fact that my Wife is really only doing this to please me, and I'm getting myself confused as to whether I want to do this under that basis. I would love Her to be Dominant and dictate my fate, be more creative in our sessions. But that is not happening.

There is no escaping that my Wife is not naturally Domme and despite Her efforts She never will be. I want Her to let me wear panties under my clothes as a symbol of my submissiveness but that seems to gross Her out. I try to get Her to let me do domestic chores around the house, like make the bed, wash dishes, laundry, etc, but She insists that She wants to do those things for me. She does not want to embrace my servitude. The only service She is interested in is getting a massage, but even then if I say I am tired She will not push it.

Last night She told me to get my cuffs for a tease, but it was late and I needed to get up early this morning. I said this and She agreed. She will not insist on anything, and will not punish me if I don't do as I am told.

Her latest idea is that for punishment She will stop all chastity and teasing, and just ignore my fantasies. If I want Her to be the Domme I have to abide by the rules. The problem with that is that I sometime want a break, and I really want Her to enforce my servitude and chastity during that time. But under these rules, I just stop playing, and so will She. So, really I am now considering just taking a break from it all, and stop pushing anything.

As I said,....mixed thoughts and utter confusion.....

 

Mike - you are 100% correct. The contracts were me pushing my Wife to be more Dominant. I was trying to show Her that my boundaries are way beyond Hers and that She had complete freedom to explore and try anything new. But She is not naturally Domme and does not know where to explore. Basically, She is guided by me, wanting to please me, but only to the edge of Her know boundaries.

I really want Her to take the lead and initiate new things, explore my boundaries, but it just isn't in Her nature. So now I am pushing back the other way, wanting to be vanilla again.

 

Friday, February 13, 2009
Day 38, and......

and....I don't know.

I am having a melt down on the whole chastity play thing. As I said before, I don't want to be in the position of playing with chastity just because my Wife is doing it just to please me. So now I am finding myself pushing back on the whole thing.

I was getting uncomfortable in my cage last night and said I wanted to take it off, and my Wife said 'sure'. Earlier in the day I had said that I was over these fantasies and no longer wanted to be in the 'all about me' play scenario. So that was it,...I was free, the cage didn't go back on, and nothing else was said all evening.

At bed time my Wife said that I am not to play with myself in the shower in the morning (being unlocked). As it happened I didn't, just because I really didn't feel like it even though it's been 38 days since I last had an orgasm.

So this morning I get ready for work as usual but no cage. At breakfast my Wife said I had to put the cage back on but I resisted. She said that it wasn't an option. That's when I threw back at Her that She said my punishment for not following the rules would be that She will no longer play - so I said I'm not following the rules, my punishment is that you won't play, so there. She ignored that and insisted that I be caged.

So I am caged again, but have lost all enthusiasm and really not sure where this goes. I suggested yesterday that we fore go the tease and torture session on Sunday that we agreed to and just have some 1 on 1 time together. Her reply was 'ok'. That really killed my enthusiasm since that was a bit of a test on my side to see if She would bite and insist on the session that we had previously agreed to. But no - She is just doing what I want to do, to make me happy.

Confused and depressed......